Chapter 9

NINE

AMBER

T he next week passes in a blur of activity, and it's Sunday before I know it.

Maddy is in the pool with Teddy while I'm sitting on a lounge chair in the shade and strumming on my guitar. Teddy and I haven't really talked since he met Nolan, and I think it might be by design. He left almost as soon as I came outside last week and he's hardly said anything at all today, but he's acting odd, darting glances in my direction and then hardly responding when I try to make conversation. Since he isn't one for subtlety, I think he'd tell me outright if he didn't like Nolan. Although his behavior at the moment does suggest otherwise.

After about an hour, Maddy starts fussing and Teddy dashes out of the pool like he spotted a shark.

He gets even more anxious than I do when she's unhappy, so he heads directly toward me. Like magic, Nolan appears on the pool deck, a beach towel in his hands. He glances at me and asks, "Should I get her ready for bed?"

When I nod, Nolan smoothly transfers Maddy into his arms.

I scoot to the edge of the lounger so I can follow them into the house, but Teddy snags my attention before I stand up. "Could you…uh…keep me company for a bit? I feel like I've hardly seen you." His eyes droop pitifully and his bottom lip quivers. "Just for a few minutes."

It's hard to say no when he looks so pathetic, and I'm curious about what is going on with him so with a fleeting glance at Nolan and Maddy, I settle back onto the lounger.

I expect Teddy to drop onto the one next to me, but instead, he stays on his feet and runs his hand through his wet hair. He slowly trails his fingers down his chest. It's an action that looks suspiciously like the one he used in the cologne ad he filmed last summer. I narrow my eyes. Is he trying to entice me? It wouldn't be the first time. Fortunately, I'm mostly immune to his attractiveness, so I raise my brow and wait.

With a frown, he grabs a towel and wraps it around his waist.

I carefully keep my expression blank when he flops down next to me and steals the guitar I set aside. He doesn't say anything as he starts playing one of his oldest songs. He doesn't sing, just lazily plays while I lean back and listen. I wish all our interactions were this peaceful.

"You written anything new?" he asks suddenly as he surges into an unfamiliar tune.

"Nope." He knows that I toy with ideas for months, letting them formulate in my brain, and then when I get into the studio, they burst out in a flurry. The only songs I ever wrote on the fly were the ones I wrote with him.

"I think I'm going to open my tour with a new song. Wanna hear it?"

"Sure."

He keeps playing, only this time, he sings the lyrics, too. His voice is deep and soulful, and the song is about lost love. I don't ask him if it's about me because I don't really want to know. When he's finished, I clap and say, "It's brilliant. I love it, but?—"

"Tell me," he demands.

"It's a sad song, but the melody is a bit too upbeat."

He purses his lips, and then nods slowly. "I think you're right."

He's a brilliant lyricist, but it takes some tinkering to get a song to sound exactly right, so we mess with it a bit. When we're done, he tries to convince me to sing one of our duets. He's playful and almost joking, but I refuse, just like he knows I will.

It isn't that I don't adore the songs we wrote together, but I never sing them anymore. I'm aware that he—and the rest of the world—think I don't sing them because they make me wish we were still together, but the truth is more complicated.

While I wasn't the one who cheated, over time I've realized I never considered him my long-term future. People want to believe Teddy is the love of my life. They worry that I'll never love again because I can't forgive him, but also because I can't forget him. The truth is murkier. It's easier to let them believe that I'm stuck between forgiving and forgetting than to confess that while I did love Teddy, I wasn't in love with him. It's a hard thing to admit even to myself.

"Just one song," he pleads playfully.

I shake my head.

"Fine." He rolls his eyes and hands me back my guitar. "I was thinking…maybe I could tag along with you for the first couple weeks of your tour? I think we've got everything ready for my show, and I wouldn't mind spending extra time with Maddy."

Absolutely not.

He can't come on tour with me. He can't even be seen in public with me. The rumors that we're reconciling would be insurmountable if we were spotted together. Not to mention the fact that if he went on tour with us, he'd drive me crazy. "You can't. You need to rehearse and if you were there, people would think we were getting back together."

"Would it really be so bad if people thought that?"

He generally takes it well when I turn him down, but I can't seem to get him to stop asking. "We already talked about this. We are not getting back together, and I don't want to start rumors that we are."

"Who cares what people say?"

"Everyone cares. You. Me. Our label."

He shrugs and I want to pull out my hair. I can't keep having this conversation with him, but I don't know what else to do. I'm starting to think the only way to convince him that we're over would be to start dating someone else.

Who would I date though? Eden Carmichael? A random fan I meet backstage? My social life isn't exactly bursting with possibilities. Except for Nolan, I haven't met anyone new since before Maddy was born.

"I don't care," he says stubbornly.

"Teddy Lance," I admonish, deciding to focus on what it'll mean for him if rumors about us dating gain traction. "You're trying to rehab your image, and you're trying to rebuild your fan base. You won't manage either if you're caught toying with me."

"I wouldn't be toying." He bites his lip and transfers his attention to the ground. "They'd forgive me for everything if you took me back," he mumbles.

"That isn't true, and you know it." Getting back together would be the kiss of death for his career because when things went wrong, as they inevitably would, he'd take all the blame. "You can't show up unexpectedly at one of my shows either. You know the press will go insane if they see you there, and you agreed we wouldn't give them any ammunition to start rumors. We'll meet up like we've planned so you can see Maddy and that's it."

He sticks out his bottom lip and blinks rapidly. I should be immune to his pout. And to the tears that are gathering in his eyes.

"Don't you dare let those tears fall."

"It's just—I'm going to miss seeing you and Maddy every week." He sniffles, and I barely manage to stop myself from giving in. Why does he still have this power over me?

"Teddy," I warn.

His shoulders slump. "I know I hurt you before, but if you give us another chance, I think we could make it work. We could be a real family."

I swallow thickly and say the only thing I can think of that'll halt him in his tracks, "I'm seeing someone."