Chapter 21

TWENTY-ONE

AMBER

N olan kisses me with an edge of desperation that wasn't there before. We ought to be floating in a state of bliss, but I can feel the tension building in his frame. It doesn't make any sense.

Everything between us has changed.

We shared more than a single kiss. We can't ignore it. Or pretend it was fake. It's hard to imagine he wants to, but he must have a reason for kissing me like he's panicking. I break away and his eyes immediately start searching my face.

"Actions have consequences," I whisper into the space between us. It's an awful way to start and I realize it even before his eyes slide closed.

"I'm not going to fire you," bursts out of me.

His eyes pop open. "You aren't?"

"Of course not. I didn't mean—I'm sorry if it sounded that way. I meant what I said—this isn't casual for me." Is it too soon to call him my boyfriend? We've only slept together once, but at the same time, I think we both need to define what we are.

Especially since I know what I want.

"It's—what did you mean?" he asks softly.

There are a million reasons I should be cautious. I never date or sleep around. Nolan works for me. My ex-boyfriend thinks we're going to get married. And there is already too much speculation about my love life. But the truth is, I've felt a connection to Nolan from the very beginning even if I didn't realize it at first and now that we're naked in my bed, I'm feeling a bit reckless.

"I've wanted to kiss you again since the first time. Even when I told you we couldn't and myself that we wouldn't, I wanted to. You're patient and kind and spending time with you is remarkably comfortable. I enjoy talking to you and watching you with Maddy." I swallow. "The consequences of our actions are—I want to do this again. I want to date you. For real this time."

My words are met by a blank stare. And then his mouth turns up and the dimple appears. "You want to be my girlfriend?"

It's such an easy question to answer. "Yes."

A full smile appears. "I want that too. The last couple of weeks…plus tonight…have been remarkable." He hesitates. "We should probably be careful though. We don't want?—"

"People talking about us?" I finish.

He nods and I can't help but agree. I have no desire to invite a media storm in the middle of my tour. Nor do I want to subject him to the kind of scrutiny I receive. "We'll keep everything else the same between us except for when we're alone. Will that work for you?"

"It will." He pulls me against him and holds me tight.

I sigh and snuggle into him, glad that we're on the same page.

The next morning, I wake to an empty bed. The pillow that Nolan used is cold, but the slight indent from his head reminds me that he spent the night.

Giddiness surges.

He likes me.

I can't help wishing he were still here, but if he's following his normal routine, he got up as soon as he heard Maddy. I swing my legs over the side and check the monitor to confirm she isn't in her bed. Then I slip into the ensuite bathroom and brush my teeth. When I leave the bedroom., I find Nolan and Maddy sitting on the floor in front of the windows. I should probably restrain myself, but after last night, I'm so damn happy that I can't stop myself from asking, "Want to go on a date?"

"What? When?" Nolan's eyes widen. "And what about keeping this to ourselves?"

I'm probably jumping in too quickly, but I want to prove to him and to myself that this thing between us is serious. "Tonight." I sink onto the rug next to them. Maddy glances at me briefly and goes back to chewing on a wide ring, completely unimpressed by my presence. "Did you know there wasn't a single photo of me taken by the paparazzi for over four months after Maddy was born? Not one."

"You stayed home for four months straight?"

Maddy hands me the ring she was chewing on and then takes it back. "Nope. I know how to move about undetected when I need to."

"Like a spy?" He sounds skeptical.

I chuckle. "Not exactly. More like a woman with an unlimited budget and a staff that can work miracles."

"And you think we can leave here without anyone seeing us and then go somewhere without anyone recognizing you?"

"Yep. You only have to say yes, and I'll make it happen."

He frowns slightly, but still says, "Yes."

I squeal. "I'm going to wow you. Just wait and see."

"What about Maddy?" he asks.

"Don't worry about Maddy. I'll handle everything." I might be overselling my ability to plan a wow-worthy date. It isn't as if I've ever even tried before, and the options certainly aren't endless, but I'm reasonably sure that we can enjoy a private dinner out of the hotel.

Almost like a regular couple.

I stretch out on the floor and dial Mina.

"Hello, favorite assistant," I say when she answers.

"I'm oddly terrified by that greeting. What do you need?"

"Nolan and I want to go on a date."

"Shut the front door," she shouts so loudly I have to pull the phone away from my ear. "Did he finally make a move? Or was it you? Wait a second ."

She hangs up and about thirty seconds later the outer door of the suite flies open. Her silky shorts and blue crop top are clearly sleepwear but that doesn't stop her from charging across the room and giving me a high five. She turns and gives Nolan one, too.

"It's about time." Her eyes dance. "It was the cookie, wasn't it?"

"Absolutely not," I tell her even though I might have used the cookie as an excuse to lure Nolan out of his room.

She settles on a chair. "One night together and we're already planning a date night. How exciting." She rubs her palms together. "Let's get down to business."

She pulls out her phone and starts tapping away. I do the same, but I haven't ever done anything in Phoenix other than perform and hide in hotels so I have no idea which restaurants could even accommodate us. After a few minutes, she purses her lips and calls Brian.

It takes all three of us, along with some input from Nolan, to finalize an acceptable date night.

The rest of the day passes much like any other except for my constant awareness of Nolan and my anticipation of our date. A couple minutes after seven, we slip through the alley entrance of an Italian bistro where we're greeted by a bald man wearing all black.

"Right this way," he says in a crisp voice, leading us down a short hallway and into a small room with six empty tables. The dim lighting is augmented by a trio of candles flickering in the center of each table. The walls are exposed brick and the tables are tiny. The ambiance is even better than I'd hoped.

He leads us to a small booth against the wall. It's a private and intimate spot, and even if the other tables were full, it would still feel like we're alone. I slide into the bench across from Nolan and it hits me.

I'm on a date.

For the first time in years.

My heart races in my chest as the full magnitude of the night hits me. I have a boyfriend.

The waiter sets menus down, tells us he will return, and then disappears. Nolan smiles at me from across the table and my pulse jumps.

"Wow," he says. "This place is…romantic." I put my hand on the table, and he reaches out and blankets it with his. "I imagined us having plenty of nights like last night, but never anything like this."

He needs a better imagination. I can't offer private dates all the time, but I don't want him to think the only thing we can do together is hang out with Maddy and share a bed.

I've never felt this way before. Never had the urge to impress someone other than with my music. Never wanted to make someone else feel special. Is it crazy that I feel this way now?

"This is the first time I've ever planned a date."

"You did good." His hand tightens in mine. "You surprised me."

"How?"

"The first thing you did today was plan a date for us. I'm not sure I've ever witnessed you do anything that wasn't either for your career or your daughter."

"Work-life balance is not something I excel at," I admit. "For a long time, being Amber Hope was my entire focus. When I had Maddy that changed, and now I've realized that I want more from you. My world keeps expanding and with that I keep finding pieces of myself I didn't know existed." I bite my lip. "I don't know how to prioritize a relationship along with everything else that requires my time and attention, but I want to learn."

I'm getting too deep.

Moving too fast.

We're supposed to be enjoying a meal together, not overanalyzing my motives. Or worrying about our future. It's just—I never said these things to Teddy and look how that turned out. Nolan is nothing like Teddy, but the voice inside my head is pushing me to communicate. I refuse to assume we want the same thing only to find out I'm wrong sometime in the future.

"I want this too. You and me. You don't have to convince me that you want to be with me."

"I know I'm being silly." I pick up the menu with my free hand and pretend to study it.

"Not at all," he assures me. "It's only been a day. We have time to figure out how we work. We'll do it together. It isn't just on you."

Our waiter appears out of nowhere. "Have you decided what you'd like?"

"Oh…um…no?" I respond. I might be holding my menu but I've barely looked at it.

"Take your time." He glides away.

"I'm sorry. I thought we'd feed each other bites of pasta and get sloppy on champagne. I didn't intend to get into the intricacies of dating. Nor did I plan to share my inexperience."

"I've never had a long-term girlfriend. I was more or less married to my job until I got fired. I understand your uncertainty but any pressure that either of us are feeling, we're manifesting ourselves. Let's take each day as it comes, and for now, let's enjoy our date."

A grin engulfs my face. "I can do that."

"Excellent. How do you feel about gnocchi?"

"Extremely favorable." We start debating what to get and the rest of our date is lighthearted and fun.