Chapter 12

TWELVE

NOLAN

T he next morning, I hesitantly open the front door after checking my messages for the four hundredth time. I expected some sort of follow up conversation after our startlingly passionate kiss, but she didn't contact me.

I didn't contact her either.

Instead, my night consisted of rehashing every moment from when she emerged from the house. No matter how closely I examine it, I can't figure out exactly what happened between us.

Faking is supposed to feel fake, but that kiss felt real.

I clutch the coffee in my hand a little tighter and slip into the house. Nothing but stillness greets me in the entry. Normally, I'd go find Maddy and Amber, but this morning I linger.

"Why are you just standing there?" Mina asks and I nearly jump out of my skin.

I spin around to face her. "No reason. Just thinking. How'd you know I was here?"

She looks at me like I'm nuts. "Security system."

"Oh, right."

"You just going to keep standing there?"

"Nope." I toe off my shoes. Mina is acting normal which calms me a bit. "Are Maddy and Amber still upstairs?" I ask just before Amber charges into the entry.

"I'm late," she says, thrusting Maddy into my arms without making eye contact.

We all watch as she slips out of the house at the exact same time that a black SUV comes to a smooth stop in the driveway. A man emerges from the front seat and opens the rear door. She hops in, and the vehicle pulls away.

"She's in a mood," Mina says as we watch the car disappear and Maddy squirms in my arms. "Something must have happened last night with Teddy." She pauses. "Did she mention anything to you when you left?"

"Nope," I say a bit louder than necessary. Did something happen after I left? Or is she stressed because of what happened while I was still here? I hope it isn't the latter.

Maddy starts blowing bubbles with her slobber. It's unnecessarily cute but doesn't offer much insight into why Amber is out of sorts.

"Hopefully a day of rehearsals will restore order. I have a bunch of errands to do. I'll be back later." Mina grabs her bag off a hook on the wall, waves at Maddy, and then she's gone too.

Friday morning is the same. Amber barely speaks to me as she deposits Maddy in my arms.

Last night I didn't even see her because she texted that Mina was going to watch Maddy until she got home so I could leave whenever I wanted. I was tempted to wait for her, but I'm reluctant to force her to have a conversation she clearly doesn't want to have.

Midafternoon, Maddy and I load into an SUV with tinted windows and two bodyguards to be escorted to the arena for the first show. We get snarled in traffic, and Maddy dozes in her car seat. With nothing to do but stare out the window, I can't help but notice the eager crowds as we get closer to the arena. A lot of Amber's fans are wearing sparkles from head to toe, and some of them are singing loudly enough for me to hear them. Our vehicle is ignored as we turn into the underground parking garage. Once we're parked, we're whisked through the bowels of the arena and brought to Amber's dressing room.

Amber doesn't make eye contact with me when we arrive, but she does abruptly stop her conversation and fly across the room. Her hair and makeup is already completed, and she looks radiant. Her skin shimmers like a spotlight is already tracking her movements. It doesn't seem possible that she kissed me and is now trying to ignore me. She reaches us and I hand Maddy to her with a tight smile. She doesn't seem to notice as she presses a kiss to Maddy's forehead. This time, I don't make the mistake of thinking she'll give me one too. She flits away, talking and gesturing animatedly with everyone who enters while I attempt to fade into the background.

I sort of zone out—my two sleep deprived nights are catching up with me—so it takes a moment for me to realize the room has mostly emptied and Mina is now holding Maddy. I've taken one step toward them when Amber whips off the robe she was wearing to reveal her bare back, and her almost naked backside. The only thing covering her is a nude-colored thong and it reveals a lot more than it hides. She seems nonplussed by her nudity, but I am decidedly not.

My body heats as I register all her smooth flesh.

She's ridiculously gorgeous. I've actively been disallowing myself to imagine her like this, but holy crap, I can't unsee all that skin. I catalog every inch in a single blink before wrenching my gaze away. I'm not sure how to distract myself, so I dig around in Maddy's bag like I can't find something while I breathe through my nose and think about unsexy things. Gaping wounds. Toenail fungus. Dirty diapers.

By the time I have myself under control, Amber is sparkling in a short silver one piece jumpsuit and speaking rapidly to the people who crowd back into the room. I take Maddy from Mina and she snuggles into my chest and starts sucking on her fingers as we settle on a sofa off to the side. After a couple of minutes, the group disperses, leaving just Amber, Mina, Maddy, and me.

The tension is thick, and Mina looks from me to Amber and back again.

"It looks like you're all set for the show," I say as brightly as I can.

Amber stiffens but turns her head and smiles. "Yep." She doesn't elaborate, and instead directs the conversation to her daughter as she sinks onto the sofa next to us. "Umm…Maddy seems good today. Less fussy?"

"She's been great. I think she likes being here."

"Really?" she asks.

"Doesn't it seem like it to you?" Maddy has been nothing but happy since we arrived.

"I guess." She lets out a relieved breath. "I hope so." She laughs a little and leans closer so she can rub Maddy's back. Her forearm brushes against my sleeve, and I get a whiff of hair product. It isn't a sexy smell, but somehow that doesn't matter. Since we kissed, my body is responding to her proximity like it's starving.

"I wanted to—" I'm cut off when Brian charges into the room.

"Heads up," he says, snapping me out of a lusty haze. "We've got VIPs on the move. They'll be here any second."

Amber rises to her feet, a frown on her face. "We aren't supposed to have VIPs this weekend."

He nods apologetically. "I know. I'm sorry. I couldn't say no to this one."

Before he can explain further, my father and oldest brother waltz into the room.

I freeze while every conversation I've had and haven't had with my father over the past few weeks flashes through my brain. I shouldn't have been vague when I told him I took a childcare position that required travel. I should've known he'd take the lack of details as a challenge. And I should have anticipated he'd show up unexpectedly once he discovered who I was working for.

He's never been able to resist meddling.

Mina claps and bounces on her toes. Brian puts his hands together and bows like my father is royalty while Amber extends her hands and moves across the room.

"Russell Gage, what a pleasure," she says when she reaches him.

He smoothly grasps her hands, and they swap air kisses. He smirks at me as he turns his head and I barely manage to withhold an eye roll. Why is he so ridiculous?

"The pleasure is mine," he says in his actor voice, which is deeper and raspier than his normal voice. "Allow me to introduce my son, Wyatt."

Amber smiles and shakes my brother's hand.

"Thanks for letting us sneak backstage," Wyatt says. He hasn't looked in my direction so I don't think he's spotted me. "My dad is a huge fan."

This time I do roll my eyes. There's only one reason my father is here. And it isn't because he's a pop aficionado.

"I didn't realize you were a fan," she says. Fortunately, she doesn't appear annoyed that he talked his way backstage. I'm not sure if it's because she's a fan of his or because she's a professional.

My father doesn't acknowledge me and I'm fairly certain he won't unless I acknowledge him first. Unfortunately, it'll be awkward as hell if I don't confess my parentage while he's here and then sometime in the future it's unveiled. It's not like it's a secret that he's my father. It's simply that he has too many children for anyone to keep track of all of them.

Resigned to my fate, I rise to my feet, shift Maddy into the crook of my arm, and shuffle across the room as he says, "It's impossible to hear an Amber Hope song and not become a fan."

"You're laying it on a little thick, Dad," I say, halting a few feet away.

He grins at me like I just made his day while Amber, Mina, and Brian gawk at me like I've grown another head. They aren't subtle in their surprise, and I can't exactly blame them. I'm sure it's a shock to discover that I'm related to an insanely successful and notorious actor.

"You should have let me know you were coming," I add as I reach out and pat my brother on the shoulder. "Wyatt." He smiles weakly. We aren't particularly close—not because we don't get along—but because he's so much older than I am.

My father spreads his arms wide. "You haven't had much to say about your new job, so how was I to know you'd be here? I'm just a man with a free evening who enjoys live music."

He wraps his arms around me, and I return the hug because even though he makes me crazy, he cares. He smells like he always does, a mixture of expensive soap and even more expensive cologne, and I hate that the familiarity is comforting even when I'm annoyed.

"You should have told me," he whispers so only I can hear.

I sigh because he's right. I've never been able to keep secrets from him. Why do I even try?

He releases me and starts to pull away, but Maddy grabs ahold of his shirt, so he stops and smiles at her. "And who is this darling girl?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Amber stiffen.

We haven't talked about how to restrict access to Maddy when we're backstage. Obviously, most people won't be allowed into the dressing room, but we still need to have a plan. "This is Maddy," I say hesitantly.

"Ahhh, yes, the famous love child with Teddy Lance."

"Dad." I'm horrified by his playful tone. And his words.

He chuckles. "Relax. I've had more than a few love children myself."

"You can't say things like that," I hiss. I'm hesitant to even glance at Amber. What if she's offended? What could I possibly say to make his joking less horrible?

He reaches out and ruffles Maddy's hair.

Maddy takes his touch as an invitation and leans forward. He swipes her from me with a charming smile. My heart thuds in my chest, he's harmless and good with kids, but Amber doesn't know that. "I've always had a way with the ladies, no?"

My goodness. Could he be more inappropriate? "Dad," I groan. "Stop."

I turn to Amber to reassure her that while he doesn't employ discretion when it comes to himself, he is able to when it comes to children. She pats my arm and laughs softly. It's a sound I've never heard her make before. Is it possible that she isn't as horrified as I am?

"I've heard that about you," she says dryly.

Some of my embarrassment fades. Not all, but some.

"My reputation proceeds me. Although, none of my kids have achieved quite the same level of notoriety as Maddy," he says with a pout.

And the embarrassment comes roaring back. Why doesn't he have a filter?

"Perhaps your exes aren't famous enough," she quips with a completely straight face.

"It's hard to be more famous than me," he responds.

"Is it?" she asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Touché," He barks out a laugh. "I like you."

"I guess you're alright, too," she deadpans.

"My ego." He shakes his head, still chuckling. "But seriously, don't worry if my next girlfriend is properly famous. I got snipped a couple of years ago, so there's no chance I'll have a baby who can topple Maddy's place at the top of the list of famous celebrity children."

I rub my temples and share a pained grimace with my brother.

"Boundaries," he says to our father.

Amber huffs a laugh. "The prospect that you might have a more famous child was keeping me up at night."

Thankfully, Brian interrupts before my father can say anything else embarrassing. "I'm sorry, Mr. Gage, but Amber needs to get on stage. I'll send someone to escort you to your seats."

In a flurry, Amber thanks my father for his support, kisses Maddy, and departs with Brian and Mina.

My father watches her go and then turns and grins at me with a twinkle in his eye as he passes Maddy back to me. "That was fun."

"I'm sorry," my brother interjects. "He didn't give me a heads up of why he wanted to come to the show, but I should have suspected something when he practically demanded I join him."

"It's fine. Although"—I pin my father with a narrow glare—"if Amber wasn't such a good sport, that would have been awkward. You can't say stuff like that out loud."

He waves his hand in the air. "Everyone knows Amber Hope is nice. She handles everything with grace. It's one of the things she's famous for."

He isn't wrong. Although her music is what made her famous, her kindness and graciousness has become legendary. I can't help but wonder what it costs her to smile and joke regardless of the circumstances. I mean—my father is harmless, but not everyone is. How does she always keep a smile on her face?

Even during our first encounter, when she wasn't sure what to do, she was mostly rational and controlled. Since I started working for her, I've noticed how she goes out of her way to make sure everyone in her sphere is happy.

Who makes sure she's happy?

The obvious answer is everyone.

But what if that isn't the case? What if Amber Hope is lonely? It seems impossible, and yet I can't help but think she must be.

Someone I don't know appears to escort my father, and after another hug, he and my brother follow her out of the backstage area.

Mina returns a couple of minutes after my father leaves. She puts her hands on her hips and raises her brow. "Your father is Russell Gage."

"My father is Russell Gage," I confirm.

"Why didn't you tell us?" She purses her lips. "Wait. Let me guess."

"It isn't that hard to figure out," I respond dryly.

"You're worried you won't be taken seriously?" She tips her head to the side. "Or you're worried you'll be taken too seriously?"

I can't help laughing. "Both, I guess. I don't tell people who my father is because of who he is. You don't go around telling people you work for Amber Hope, do you?"

"I most certainly do."

I shoot her a look.

"Fine. You're right." She pauses. "I mean, I guess I get it. But Russell Gage is a legend and…" She trails off like she doesn't know how to finish the sentence. "I'm never going to think of you the same way again."

I grind the heel of my hand into my forehead. That is the reason I don't tell people.

"Oh," she says with a wince. "Shit. That sucks. I didn't mean…I…uhh…don't worry, I won't treat you any differently now that I know."

"It's fine." I turn and rifle through Maddy's bag for a vegetable pouch. I twist off the top and hand it to her.

Mina watches me but instead of asking me a question or making another comment about my father, she sighs. "We should head backstage so we can watch the opening number. There's nothing like the reaction of the crowd in those first few seconds and you'll want to see it."

I grab Maddy's headphones—we don't want to damage her hearing before she's even talking—and follow Mina out of the room.

We only make it a few steps when Mina stops and lays her hand on my arm.

"I'm sorry," she says softly. "That was shitty of me. I know everyone probably reacts like I did when they find out, but I should know better."

"It's okay," I tell her.

And it is. Because even though I wouldn't have told them on my own, I'm glad they know. I'm not ashamed of my father, even if I wish he were less embarrassing.

Mina leads us to a spot that is so dark I can barely see enough to check that Maddy's headphones are secure over her ears. Either the darkness or the headphones are irritating her because she starts fussing. I shift her in my grasp so she's facing the stage, hoping that as soon as the show starts she will settle.

The band starts playing and it's so loud that even with the headphones Maddy stiffens. Amber's voice pierces the air at the same time the lights turn on and holy hell, she's stunning. I thought she shimmered when she was backstage, but she's positively sparkling now. She tosses her head and starts dancing and I want nothing more than to watch her all night.

Two male dancers approach, grab her by the thighs and propel her up over their heads. They hold her steady and she raises her arms up as she hovers in the air. I've never seen anything like it and neither has the crowd. They go absolutely wild.

Maddy goes wild too, but not in the same way. She's crying in earnest now. I try to calm her down by swaying much slower than the music, but she just cries harder. I tap Mina on the shoulder, and gesture at the way we came before retracing our steps.

Maddy isn't much happier once we're backstage, but at least she doesn't have to keep the headphones on. I use the bottle warmer to heat up some formula and after she's fed, she's less crabby for about five minutes. After that, she keeps rubbing her eyes but resists falling asleep no matter what I do. When I've tried everything I can think of, I pack her stuff up and catch a ride back to the house.