16. Conflicted Heart

CHAPTER 16

Conflicted Heart

CALEB

W atching Liam walk away from the vet clinic made my heart feel like it had been sucker-punched. The mix of emotions swirling inside me was enough to make my head spin - confusion, longing, regret, and a healthy dose of self-loathing for good measure.

I mean, what the hell had I been thinking, trying to talk to him like that? Like we were old pals catching up, like nothing happened.

I was an idiot. A grade-A, certified moron.

"Looks like someone got his ass handed to him."

I turned to see Gemma, the receptionist, leaning against the counter with a smirk on her face. I glared at her, but she just laughed, completely unfazed.

"Shut up, Gemma," I grumbled, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"Aw, don't be like that, sugar," she drawled, batting her eyelashes at me. "I'm just calling it like I see it. That boy looked like he'd rather be anywhere else than talking to you."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. She was right, of course. Liam had made it pretty damn clear that he wasn't interested in rehashing the past, in dredging up all the old wounds and trying to make sense of the mess I'd made.

And who could blame him? I'd hurt him, badly. I'd broken his trust, shattered his faith in me and in us.

I didn't deserve his forgiveness, didn't deserve a second chance.

"You know him?" Gemma asked, her voice cutting through my thoughts. "The guy with the kitten?"

I hesitated, not sure how much I wanted to share. My history with Liam was complicated, to say the least. It wasn't something I talked about, not even with my closest friends. But Gemma was looking at me with those big, curious eyes, and I knew she wouldn't let it go until I gave her something.

"Yeah," I said finally, my voice rough. "I know him. Or I did, a long time ago."

She raised an eyebrow, clearly expecting more. But before she could press the issue, the doctor's voice called out from the exam room.

"Caleb? We're ready for you."

I felt a rush of relief, grateful for the escape. "Thanks, doc. I'll be right there."

I turned back to Gemma, giving her a tight smile. "Duty calls. I'll catch you later, okay?"

She huffed, clearly disappointed. But she waved me off, turning back to her computer with a shrug.

I followed Dr. Martinez into the exam room, my mind still reeling from the encounter with Liam. As soon as the door closed behind us, the doc's professional demeanor melted into a familiar grin.

"So, Caleb, was Gemma trying to dig up the town gossip again?" he asked, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "You know Gemma. She thinks she's the Woodward and Bernstein of Oakwood Grove."

Dr. Martinez laughed, shaking his head. "That woman could make a career out of her nosiness. So, what' s got her all fired up this time? Must be something good if you're using me as an escape route."

I hesitated, not sure how much I wanted to share. "Oh, you know. Just… an old friend back in town. Nothing exciting."

The doc raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. "Uh-huh. And I'm the Queen of England. Come on, Caleb. I've known you since high school, even if we didn't run in the same circles back then. Spill."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "It's Liam," I admitted. "He's back."

Dr. Martinez's eyes widened. "Liam? As in, the Liam? Well, I'll be damned. No wonder Gemma's on the warpath. That's the juiciest piece of gossip to hit this town since old man Johnson's prize pig won the state fair."

I couldn't help but laugh at the comparison. "Yeah, well, let's try to keep it under wraps for now, okay? I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself."

The doc nodded, his expression softening. "Of course, Caleb. Your secret's safe with me." He paused, a thoughtful look crossing his face. "You know, I think I might have just seen him. Guy with a kitten? Didn't recognize him at the time."

I nodded, feeling a mix of emotions at the mention of Liam and the kitten. "Yeah, that was him."

There was a moment of silence between us, the air heavy with unspoken history. Dr. Martinez and I had our own past, a series of hook-ups that never quite developed into anything more. We'd both known why - my heart had always belonged to Liam, even when I tried to convince myself otherwise.

As if reading my thoughts, the doc cleared his throat. "You okay, Caleb? I know seeing him must be… complicated."

I appreciated his concern. Despite our history, or maybe because of it, we'd managed to forge a solid friendship. "I'm… managing," I said honestly. "It's a lot to process."

He nodded understandingly. "Well, you know I'm here if you need to talk. Or, you know, if you need a distraction," he added with a wink, his tone light and teasing.

I chuckled, grateful for his attempt to lighten the mood. "Thanks, but I think we both know that ship has sailed. We're better as friends, remember?"

"True enough," he agreed with a grin. "Now, what do you say we talk about something less dramatic? Like, oh I don't know, parasitic infections in cattle?"

I grinned, grateful for the change of subject. "Music to my ears, doc. Actually, that's kind of why I'm here. I was hoping you could come out to the ranch next week for our routine livestock check. We've got some new calves I'd like you to take a look at."

We spent the next few minutes discussing the details of the visit, the conversation peppered with the doc's usual mix of bad jokes and genuine enthusiasm for his work. It was a welcome distraction from the emotional whirlwind of the past hour.

As we wrapped up, Dr. Martinez fixed me with a serious look. "You know, Caleb, whatever happens with this Liam situation… you've got people in your corner. Don't forget that, okay?"

I felt a lump form in my throat, touched by his concern. "Thanks, doc. I appreciate that."

He clapped me on the shoulder. "Anytime, kid. Now, go on and face the music. And by music, I mean Gemma's interrogation. Good luck with that!"

As I stepped back into the waiting room, I saw Gemma's eyes light up with mischief. She opened her mouth, no doubt ready to unleash another barrage of questions and teasing remarks.

I held up a hand, cutting her off before she could start. "Not now, Gemma. I've got to run. But I promise, next time I'm in, I'll let you grill me to your heart's content."

She pouted for a moment, then grinned. "I'm holding you to that, Caleb Winchester. You can't escape me forever!"

I chuckled, heading for the door. "Wouldn't dream of it, Gemma. See you around."

As I stepped out into the sunlight, I took a deep breath. The conversation with Dr. Martinez had helped center me, reminding me that I had a support system here in Oakwood Grove. Whatever came next with Liam, I wasn't facing it alone.

With that thought buoying me, I headed back to my truck. It was time to get back to the ranch and face whatever the rest of the day had in store.

I climbed into my truck, slamming the door behind me. For a long moment, I just sat there, staring out the windshield at the empty parking lot.

Then, with a sigh, I pulled out my phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hey, Mark," I said when he picked up, my voice sounding strange and hollow to my own ears. "You busy tonight?"

There was a pause, a moment of static-filled silence. And then Mark's voice, warm and concerned.

"Not particularly. Why, what's up? You sound weird."

I hesitated, not sure how to put into words the chaos that was swirling through my mind and my heart. But Mark was my best friend, the one person who had always been there for me, no matter how much of a mess I was. And right now, I needed that. Needed him, and Sarah, and the comfort of their easy, uncomplicated friendship.

"I just need to talk to you guys. Something happened, and I don't know what to do."

Mark's voice sharpened, taking on a note of alarm. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "I'm fine. I mean, physically, I'm fine. But emotionally that's a whole different story."

"Okay," Mark said slowly, clearly trying to piece together what I was saying. "Do you want to meet up, talk it out?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Yeah. Yeah, that would be good. Can you and Sarah meet me at The Oak tonight? Say, around eight?"

"Sure thing, man. We'll be there. "

I felt a rush of gratitude, a sudden, overwhelming surge of affection for my friends and their unwavering support.

"Thanks, Mark. I really appreciate it."

"Of course, Caleb. You know we've always got your back."

I swallowed hard, feeling a lump rise in my throat. Because he was right, of course. They did have my back, had always had my back.

Even when I didn't deserve it, even when I pushed them away and tried to handle everything on my own.

I pulled up to The Oak, feeling a sense of relief wash over me as I took in the familiar sight. The bar had been a staple in Oakwood for as long as I could remember, a place where everyone knew your name and your business.

But lately, under new management, it had started to change. To evolve into something more inclusive, more welcoming. It had become a safe space, for everyone.

I walked inside, the exhaustion of the day hitting me like a ton of bricks. I felt like I'd been run over by a truck, like I'd been through the wringer and then some. But as I looked around, taking in the warm glow of the lights and the low hum of conversation, I felt some of the tension start to drain away.

"Well, look who it is."

I turned to see Jane, my favorite bartender and resident smartass, grinning at me from behind the bar.

"Hey, Jane," I said, mustering up a smile. "How's tricks?"

She raised an eyebrow, giving me a once-over. "Better than you, apparently. You look like hell, Caleb."

I sighed, running a hand over my face. "Feel like it too. It's been a day."

She nodded, already reaching for a beer glass. "I can tell. This one's on me, honey. You look like you need it."

"Thanks, Jane. You're a lifesaver. "

She winked, sliding the beer across the bar. "Don't I know it."

I felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions at once. Part of me wanted to run, to hide. To pretend that he'd never come back, that the past was just that - the past, dead and buried and gone for good. But another part of me, a deeper, truer part. That part wanted answers, wanted closure. Wanted to look him in the eye and ask him why, why he'd given up on us so easily.

Why he'd left me behind, without a word or a backward glance.

I was so lost in my thoughts, so caught up in the whirlwind of my own emotions, that I almost didn't notice the figure eyeing me from across the bar. Then I heard a familiar voice, a warm, teasing laugh that made my heart skip a beat in my chest.

"Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence."

I turned, a grin spreading across my face as I saw Sarah and Mark making their way towards me. They looked good, looked happy. Like they'd finally found their place in the world, their purpose and their peace.

And as they slid into the seats beside me, as they wrapped me up in hugs and laughter and the easy, uncomplicated warmth of their friendship.

"So," Mark said, signaling to Jane for a round of drinks. "You gonna tell us what's got you looking like you just saw a ghost? Or do we have to start guessing?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I didn't want to burden them with my problems, didn't want to drag them into the tangled mess of my past.

But I also knew that I couldn't do this alone, couldn't face the demons that had haunted me for so long without their help, their support.

"It's Liam," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "He's back. He bought their old house."

There was a long, heavy silence. I could feel their eyes on me, could sense the shock and the concern and the endless, aching compassion .

"I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you, seeing him again after all this time." Sarah said finally, her voice soft and gentle.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted, my voice cracking with emotion. "I don't know how to feel, or what to think. I just… I need answers, Sarah. I need to know why he left, why he gave up on us so easily. But I'm so scared, so fucking terrified of what I might find out."

She reached out, taking my hand in hers. Her skin was warm and soft, her touch a gentle reminder that I wasn't alone, that I had people who loved me, who believed in me.

"I know, honey. I know. But you know what? You're stronger than this. Stronger than the fear, stronger than the pain. And you're not alone, okay? You have us, and we're not going anywhere."

They were the ones who had picked me up when I fell, who had held me together when I thought I might shatter into a million pieces.

But then Sarah cleared her throat, her expression turning serious. "Listen, Caleb. There's something you should know."

I felt my stomach drop, a sudden sense of unease washing over me. "What is it?"

Sarah hesitated, biting her lip. "Liam, he came into the diner the other day. But he asked me not to tell anyone he was back in town, said he needed some time to adjust and figure things out."

He'd talked to Sarah, confided in her. And she hadn't told me.

"Wait, hold up," I said, my voice rough with emotion. "You're telling me that Liam, the guy who broke my heart and left me in the dust, waltzes back into town and has a cozy little chat with you and you didn't think to mention it to me?"

Sarah flinched, her eyes filling with guilt. "Caleb, you gotta understand. Liam didn't want anyone to know he was here, especially not you. He made me promise not to say anything."

I shook my head, feeling a surge of anger and hurt.

Mark put a hand on my shoulder, his expression sympathetic. " Come on, man. Don't be like that. Sarah was just trying to respect Liam's wishes, to give him the space he needed."

I sighed, running a hand over my face. I knew they were right, knew that I was being unfair. But goddamn, it hurt.

"I'm sorry," I said finally, my voice low and rough. "I know you were just doing what you thought was right. It's just… it's a lot to process, you know?"

Sarah nodded, her eyes soft with understanding. "I know, Caleb. And I'm sorry too, for not telling you sooner. I just didn't want to make things harder for you, didn't want to stir up old feelings and memories."

I let out a humorless laugh. "Too late for that, I'm afraid. The moment he opened the door of his house, it was like a dam broke inside me. All those old feelings, all that pain and anger and longing it all came rushing back, like no time had passed at all."

Sarah smiled, reaching out to squeeze my hand. "We know so, Caleb. You and Liam you had something special, something real. And even if things didn't work out the way you hoped, even if he made the biggest mistake of his life by letting you go that doesn't change the fact that what you had was beautiful, and meaningful, and true."

"Thanks, guys," I managed to say, my voice rough and thick. "I don't know what I'd do without you, honestly."

Mark grinned, clapping me on the shoulder. "Probably drink yourself into a stupor and write a bunch of sappy love songs, if I had to guess."

I laughed, shoving him playfully. "Shut up, asshole. Like you're one to talk, Mr. ‘I Wear My Heart on My Sleeve and Cry at Rom-coms.'"

He put a hand to his chest, mock-offended. "Hey, I'll have you know that ‘there are some cinematic masterpieces out there, thank you very much."

Sarah rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "Alright, alright, enough bickering, you two. Let's focus on the matter at hand, shall we? "

I sobered, my mind drifting back to Liam, to the impossible tangle of my own emotions. "Right. So what do I do? How do I even begin to untangle this mess?"

Sarah thought for a moment, her expression contemplative. "Well, I think the first step is to figure out what you want, Caleb. What you really, truly want, deep down in your heart."

I swallowed hard, my pulse quickening. "I want answers," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "I want to know why he left, why he gave up on us so easily. And I want I want to see if there's still a chance for us, if there's still a way to fix what's broken between us."

Mark nodded, his eyes serious. "Okay. So how do you go about getting those answers? How do you approach Liam after all this time, without spooking him or pushing him away?"

I ran a hand through my hair, feeling a headache start to throb behind my eyes. "Fuck if I know, man. I mean, it's not like I can just show up at his door with a bouquet of roses and a boombox, you know?"

Sarah snorted, shaking her head. "Yeah, I don't think that would go over too well. But maybe you could start with something small, something low-pressure. Like a text, or an email, just to break the ice and let him know that you're open to talking, if he is."

We talked for a while longer, the conversation shifting to lighter topics and easy, familiar banter. But even as I laughed and joked and let myself get lost in the warmth of their company.

My mind kept drifting back to Liam, to the impossible tangle of my own emotions. And I knew that I couldn't put it off forever, couldn't keep running from the truth of my own heart. I had to face him, had to confront the past and all the mistakes and regrets that had haunted me for so long.