Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

“ C allie…”

Lock! Oh God. It was just Lock.

The air rushed from her chest, and she swallowed the scream.

“What in the ever-loving hell are you doing?” she gasped, covering her eyes with her hands. “You scared the crap out of me!”

A light thump sounded, and she moved her arm to see Lock lowering to the grass beside her. “Sorry.”

She frowned at him when he lay down. “What are you doing?”

“Joining you.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s dark and you’re alone out here.” He turned his head, his gaze piercing hers. “And because I want to.”

She swallowed and looked back at the sky. She told herself it was because the stars were beautiful, but the truth was, lying on her back, looking at him, felt far too intimate. The sky was safer. “Did you know he was going to propose?”

“I did.” His smooth voice slid over her skin like velvet. “I know you don’t want to talk to me, but at least tell me you’ve been good these last couple years.”

Good? Had she been good? There had been moments of goodness. Smiles that hadn’t felt forced. Laughs that, for a moment, let her forget about the life she’d left in Misty Peak.

“I taught at yoga retreats. They were exactly what I needed.” It wasn’t really an answer to his question, but at least it was true.

“You always wanted to do that.”

“I did.” She’d actually planned to earlier, but then she’d met Lock and the dream had been put on hold.

“Did you ever think about us?”

She could have laughed. He had to know the answer to that. “Sometimes I’d picture this other life where we got it right.”

There was a brief pause. “What does the life look like?”

Gosh, she could picture it so clearly. “We wake up together, you earlier than me because you always had a habit of doing that. Then we head to our separate jobs. On the way home, I text you that I’m picking up dinner, and we argue about whether to get Chinese or burgers. You want burgers, but usually I win and we get Chinese.” She turned, expecting to see a smile, only there wasn’t one. He looked pained.

“What else?”

She almost didn’t want to say, but the words started flowing of their own accord. “Most days, you insist that I wait for you to pick me up from work when I finish late. This starts an argument, and I tell you I’m not waiting, but I do. I always wait.”

He frowned but remained silent.

“Dad and I go to your family Christmases and Thanksgivings. Your brothers start to feel like my family, and my dad starts to feel like yours.”

“I like that world.”

She dragged her gaze back to the moon. It was so bright against the dark night sky. “It doesn’t exist.”

“It could.”

Could it? After everything? “In another life, maybe we could have gotten it right. But we live in this one. And in this one, love wasn’t enough.”

“It wasn’t that love wasn’t enough, Callie. It was that I loved you too much . I needed you to live .”

Her belly contracted. Then it rolled and twisted, making her feel so unsettled that she quickly pushed to her feet. “I should get back inside.”

She’d only taken one step before he grabbed her arm.

She didn’t want to look up at him; each time it was too hard to look away…but she did.

“You gave up on us and ran,” he whispered.

“ I gave up on us? I felt like I was drowning . It hurt to breathe! Then I realized I had to let go or get dragged under. So I let you go, Lock. I let you go because I had to.”

Instead of releasing her, he inched closer, his fingers slipping up her arm. “I don’t think either of us let go. Not really. Regardless of where we were in the world, we’ve always been tethered to each other. I’m here now. We’re both here. And we care about each other. That has to mean something.”

The truth of those words felt like a kick to the belly. “I’ll always care about you, Lock.”

He lowered his head, and for a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her again. He didn’t. His cheek grazed hers, the warmth of his skin slipping inside her, before he whispered, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait as long as you need.”

Tell him now. Tell him what happened.

She opened her mouth, begging the truth to set itself free. Begging those words he deserved to hear to finally come out.

“Yo, is Jake out here?”

Lock cursed and stepped back. He turned and yelled something back to the guy, but Callie was already retreating.

What was she thinking? Had she really been about to break the news to Lock of the worst night of her life at his brother’s engagement party? When there was music and drinking and dancing just a few feet away?

Jesus.

She jogged back to the house and stepped inside so quickly she ran straight into Hamish. The cup of beer in his hand spilled all over her chest.

She gasped and stumbled back, the cool liquid seeping through the material of her top, onto her skin.

Hamish’s jaw dropped. “Callie! I-I’m sorry. I didn’t s-see you.”

“It’s my fault.” She weaved around him and down the hall.

Aspen’s eyes widened when she passed her. “Callie?”

She kept moving, needing to be away from the crowd and the noise. She didn’t get a chance to close the bathroom door before Aspen slipped in after her.

“What happened?” her friend asked, the second the lock clicked.

“I walked into Hamish and—”

“No, not the beer. What happened outside? I saw Lock follow you out there, and now you’ve lost all the color in your face.” Aspen stepped forward, voice quieting. “Talk to me, Cal.”

Her heart thudded. “I still love him.” The words were barely a whisper.

“Oh, honey, of course you do. He was your whole world for an entire year.”

“I’m scared. I am so freaking scared. That morning when he told me it was over, my entire future just disappeared, and I was lost. So lost. And I know why he did it. I understand the reason, but it doesn’t change how I felt or how vulnerable I was. And it doesn’t change what happened next.”

“Callie—”

“I lost our baby , Aspen!” Her chest moved so fast, the air barely got in or out. “I was scared and alone and hurting, and he wasn’t there, and I don’t know how to move past that. I want to, but I can’t! I…I need to go.”

“Wait—”

She opened the door—and froze.

Lock. He was standing right there, shock clear in his features.

Ice slid through Callie’s veins.

She wasn’t sure how loud she’d been speaking, but by the look on his face…he’d heard.

Now the cold took hold of her limbs, and she had no idea how to chase it away.

She pushed past him and ran, not caring that she was shoving people aside or that everyone was looking at her. She just needed to get out. Get away. Hide.

Callie had been pregnant ?

She shoved past him, and finally he pulled himself out of his shock and forced his feet to move. He could have caught up and grabbed her, but he waited until they were outside and away from the large crowd of people to take hold of her arm and tug her to a stop.

“Callie! Tell me what’s going on.”

“Let go of me.” She looked anywhere but at him, and the tears in her eyes…fuck, they gutted him.

“ Please . I need to know! Were you pregnant with our baby?” Even though he said them out loud, the words still didn’t sound real.

The look on her face told him they were.

And it hurt. Shit, did it hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

For the first time since stepping outside, she looked up at him— really looked at him—shock and something else burning through her eyes. Disbelief.

“Why didn’t I tell you? Did you really just ask me that?”

“You could have gotten in contact with me.”

“I tried! I called you every day for three weeks and you didn’t answer a single call. You didn’t even reply to a text!”

“You know why. I had to cut contact with you for a short period of time—”

“That was all it took.”

“All what took?”

Grief like he’d never seen before darkened her eyes. Then he remembered her words in the bathroom. “You lost the baby in those weeks.”

“Not the baby. Our baby.” Her gaze held his. “I was fourteen weeks pregnant when I miscarried him.”

“Him?”

Tears freely ran down her cheeks. “It was a boy. I tried to call you when I started bleeding. Then when I was sitting in the hospital, wondering how I was possibly going to find the strength to live another day. You didn’t answer. You never answered.”

Pain. It was everywhere. In his skin. His blood.

“I needed you,” she whispered. “I have never needed another person like I needed you that night. And you weren’t there. It hurt to breathe …and you weren’t there . Because you wouldn’t answer your phone.”

He stumbled back, his knees so weak he almost couldn’t hold himself.

Footsteps sounded behind him, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Callie. She’d lost their baby, been through the absolute worst devastation, and he’d ignored her. He’d barely read her texts or listened to her voice messages because it had been too painful. Stupid .

Aspen moved past him, her arm going around Callie’s shoulders. “I’m going to take you home.”

Callie’s eyes were red-rimmed, another tear spilling over her cheek as she nodded.

“No.” He had no idea where the growl came from, but he didn’t want her to leave. He wanted her close. He had to fix this, dammit. “We need to talk about this.”

He needed to make this right, even though he had no fucking idea how. He needed her to forgive him. He needed to erase the hurt and the anger and the grief even though a part of him knew that wasn’t possible.

Aspen’s voice firmed. “I’m taking her home, Lock.”

She turned Callie away, but he grabbed her again. “I said no.” He was losing his fucking mind, and he had no idea how to regain it.

He stepped closer, but suddenly fingers wrapped around his elbow. Nylah’s fingers. Then his sister’s soft voice. “Let her go, Lock.”

He turned his head to see all four of his brothers and Liam behind him.

Jace stepped forward, giving a solemn nod. “There’ll be other days to talk.”

Lock didn’t want to let her go. He didn’t even feel capable. But bit by bit, he forced his muscles to ease. For his fingers to unwrap from her arm. Then he had to watch her walk away from him. The woman he loved. The woman he ached for. The woman he’d left to suffer alone.