43 - Melissa

43

Melissa

His words didn’t make any sense to me.

“I’m already in Crested Butte,” I said. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t really want to go back to hiking the Colorado Trail,” he said. “Your heart’s not in it. Stay with us in Crested Butte instead.”

The gravity of what he was asking slowly sank in.

“Stay in Crested Butte? Like… move here?”

“I wasn’t planning on saying that. It just came out. But now that I’ve said it, doesn’t it make a lot of sense?” he said. “You quit your job in Toledo. You’ve told me several times that you hate it there, that it’s boring. Your parents live in Florida. Your brother goes to college in California. There’s nothing tying you down to Ohio.”

Move here . The enormity of the idea overwhelmed me.

“I don’t have a job here,” I protested. “Or a place to live. I barely have enough money in my bank account to finish this trip!”

Jack stepped forward, brushing against a cat that arched its back and hissed, but he didn’t notice. He was laser-focused on me with an intensity I’d never seen before. “You could stay with Noah. Or better yet, the Indigo Cabin. That way you’d have your own space without feeling like you’re moving in with someone.”

“I… I don’t know…”

“What’s stopping you?” he asked, taking my hand and squeezing it. “Yeah, it’s a leap. But you love it here. I know you do, because you’ve said so pretty much every day I’ve talked to you. Give me a reason why it’s a bad idea.”

He was right: I had no connections to Ohio anymore. No job, no boyfriend. My apartment lease was up in two months. I had a few friends, but we weren’t particularly close. The book club I was in had gotten boring; the other women in it only talked about their kids.

Jack was smiling down at me, warm and hopeful. It was the first time I’d seen him this way. I could feel the tug of him wanting me to say yes, the vulnerability it had taken to even ask.

I let the idea roll around in my mind for a few heartbeats. Move to Colorado. Start fresh somewhere new. There was something so appealing about it, leaving everything behind and beginning anew. A way to truly erase all the bad memories about my ex.

My ex .

I had changed a lot about myself when I was with him. My hobbies, my routines, even the shows I watched. Part of the reason I’d come to Colorado was to remind myself of who I truly was, to figure out who I was. To be free to settle into the best version of myself, whatever that may be.

But Jack’s proposition would cause the opposite to happen: I would immediately fall into the grooves of a different personality without having a chance to discover what I wanted. Moving here wasn’t freedom—it was the chains of responsibility, just in a different town. Moving in with Noah was insane . That was the kind of step couples took after months of dating and trust and love.

Staying in the Indigo Cabin was worse. I would be permanently indebted to Jack. If we ever had a fight, that imbalance in our relationship would be too glaring to ignore. And if we broke up, I would be homeless.

Break up . That wasn’t even the right phrase, because I didn’t even know if we were dating! Jack and I had spent exactly one day in bed together, but aside from that we hardly knew each other.

How could he ask me to move here?

I gazed around the campsite. He was trying to push me into the same box that Sam had occupied. I felt panic rising within me as I imagined this becoming my daily routine, my life. A life that wasn’t really mine.

Colorado was supposed to give me freedom. I could now feel that freedom slipping away, gathering speed, like pebbles tumbling down a mountain. I still wasn’t sure who I was as a person, but I was certain of one thing: I couldn’t figure it out if I quit my hike and stayed in Crested Butte.

“No,” I breathed.

Jack quickly waved a hand. “I know this is a lot. That’s okay. You don’t have to make a decision right now. Just think about—”

“ No ,” I said more forcefully. “It’s too soon, Jack. It’s way too big of an ask.”

“Aren’t you happy here?” he asked softly. “Aren’t you happy with us?”

I was. For now. Everything seemed perfect until you got close. And even though imperfections were part of a person, I hadn’t even known these men long enough to discover what their flaws were.

“I… have to go,” I said.

“Okay.” He stood up a little straighter and composed himself. “I understand. Sorry for pushing you.” He forced a smile. “Forget I said anything. The future’s not guaranteed, right? In the meantime, we have the next week, maybe two…”

“No.” I shook my head. “I mean I have to go . I have to leave Crested Butte. Today.”

Once the word left my tongue, I was certain.

Jack reacted like he’d been struck. “ Today?”

“I’ve stayed too long. I have to get back on the trail. I have to finish it, Jack, to prove to myself I can do it. All of this has been fun, you and Noah and Ash, but I can’t…”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t let myself be distracted anymore.”

“Melissa…” Jack said as I hurried down the steps. “Melissa!”

I ran across the campsite, the pain in my ankle totally gone.