39. Thrax

39

THRAX

" O kay, so before we start, how about you tell me exactly what you've been dreaming?" Andi asked, raising an eyebrow.

Thrax shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"Pretty much that kind of thing," he said, nodding at his dream journal—he really should have hidden it and not just left it lying around. "How much did you read?"

"Enough to know that most of your dreams seem to include me." Andi's cheeks were turning pink, the way they did when she got embarrassed.

"Yeah, they do." Thrax cleared his throat. "Sorry if that's fucking awkward for you. I don't know why this is happening."

"I do," she said in a low voice. "I'm just not sure how much I can tell you without…without causing a problem."

"What kind of problem?" Thrax demanded. "Andi, please—I feel like I'm going crazy! Just fucking tell me."

"Okay, but first give me your blaster." She held out her hand expectantly.

Thoroughly confused now, Thrax gave it to her. Andi checked it and then put it in the nightstand drawer and locked it. She tucked the key into the pocket of her jeans and then turned to face him again.

"All right, listen. Our last mission was to Salacious Delta and there really was swamp gas there they called ‘the Fume'—that part is true. We went there to rescue Commander Kier, who had been kidnapped and taken to a ‘milking farm' where they were harvesting his seed. But the mission itself triggered some bad memories for you and you were really upset."

"Like how upset?" Thrax asked skeptically.

"So upset I was afraid you'd hurt yourself," Andi said and the worry in her big brown eyes made his heart fist in his chest.

"Okay…so that's why we did the Cleansing Ceremony?" he asked.

She nodded.

"The priestess said that you needed a ‘Deep Healing—she said someone who loves and cares about you had to go into your mind and alter some of your memories to help heal your trauma."

"So you went into my mind and altered my memories?" Thrax demanded.

Andi nodded again.

"That about sums it up. Look, I know it sounds crazy, but it was the only way to heal you. I'm sorry if it makes you feel violated—I promise I didn't look at all your memories—just the ones that needed to be changed to help you heal."

Thrax shook his head. He was still trying to process what she'd told him. The idea of his partner going into his mind and changing his memories was so strange . Andi normally wouldn't do something like that—she believed strongly that everyone deserved their personal space and never pushed or pried at him when he wanted to keep something to himself.

"I must have been really fucked up for you to go into my head," he said at last.

"Like I said, I was afraid you would hurt yourself." Andi looked at him earnestly.

"Is that why you insisted on locking up my blaster?" He gestured at the locked drawer and she nodded.

"Yes—exactly."

"Okay…" Thrax took a deep breath. "So our last mission triggered me—though I guess I'm not supposed to ask how—and when we got back you took me to the priestesses to do the Cleansing Ceremony where you changed my memories."

Andi nodded.

"Yes, that's what happened."

"That all makes sense—in a fucked-up kind of way," Thrax said. "But when you were changing my memories, why did you give me such hot images of yourself? I mean, I know you and I are just friends and partners but I keep having these dreams and thoughts that are so fucking sexual…" He shook his head, half embarrassed/half defiant. "I know I shouldn't think this way about you, but I can't seem to help myself!"

"Well…that's probably my fault." Andi nibbled her lower lip. "See, the priestess told me to heal you in any way you needed to be healed. Emotionally, physically, or, uh, sexually."

Thrax's eyebrows shot up.

"You thought I needed sexual healing?"

"You did —I swear I wasn't just taking advantage of you!" Andi was starting to look really upset. "I only gave you what I thought you needed. And it seemed to work. I mean, you're back to normal now. You're happy—well, as happy as you ever get—and I don't have to worry about your hurting yourself."

Thrax frowned.

"Okay. I'm still having trouble figuring out what's a dream and what's a memory though. Because I seem to have some fuzzy memories of our mission where we're doing the same kinds of things that we are in my dreams. What's that all about? Was the sex we had all in my mind or was some of it for real, too?"

"Oh, well…" Andi's cheeks went bright pink again and she looked down at her hands.

Thrax put a finger under her chin and lifted it until their eyes met.

"Hey…just tell me," he said softly. "I promise I won't get mad. I didn't get angry about you messing with my memories, did I?"

"I guess not…" Andi cleared her throat. "Okay, so we did get kind of intimate during our last mission—but only because the mission called for it."

Thrax's eyebrows shot up again.

"The mission called for it? How?"

"Well…like they have a tradition on Salacious Delta where the woman's male-wife puts golden nipple jewelry on her when she attends a formal event," Andi explained rapidly. "But first he has to suck her nipples, so…"

"What? You made me forget that I got to suck your nipples?" Thrax exclaimed. "Damn it, Andi—why couldn't you leave that memory alone?"

She shrugged helplessly.

"I just did what the priestess told me. She said your recollection of the mission would be kind of faded—like a story someone told you about someone else a long time ago."

"But then how can I know what we did and didn't do?" Thrax complained. "Did I really get to taste your pussy, or is that an altered memory too?"

Andi bit her lip again but the pinkness in her cheeks gave Thrax the answer he needed.

"I did, didn't I? Damn…" He sighed. "I wish there was some way to bring back the good parts of the mission, at least."

"Maybe…maybe there's a way," Andi said. "I mean, if you want to try."

"Try what?" Thrax was instantly interested.

"Well, it occurs to me that we could act out some of your memories—that might help bring back the good parts without stirring up the bad parts," she offered.

Thrax narrowed his eyes in disbelief.

"Are you sure about that? All the memories I have left are of doing things with you— sexual things, Andi. Are you really willing to ‘act out' those things with me?"

"Well…" She shifted on the bed. "I mean, I feel bad. I went into your head and helped erase and alter your bad memories—it seems like the least I can do is help you regain the good ones." She gave him a stern look. "But you have to promise me if you start having bad or disturbing thoughts or memories you'll tell me right away so we can take you back to the Sacred Grove."

Thrax nodded eagerly.

"I promise, baby. Now how do we start?"

"Well…" Andi frowned. "I think first we should get more comfortable…"