Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Rastin walked into the cabin the next afternoon. He fixed himself a drink before settling on the couch and kicking his feet up on the table before even saying a word to me.

This was going to be one of his talks. It was hard to determine the subject because it could be anything with Rastin. He was the poster boy of ADHD, and I never knew where he’d land or if it would stop there.

He took a deep breath, his typical opening salvo before launching into his subject. “You know how me and Kicks have this kind of love/hate thing going on?” He sipped his drink while he waited for me to acknowledge him.

“ Love ?” I took a seat on the nearby chair. Love was not a word I’d ever use to connect those two. They were loyal to each other because they were now pack. Rastin showed due deference because Kicks was alpha, and Kicks would kill for anyone in his pack.

But love ?

Death appeared, standing not far from Rastin. She’d developed a habit of showing up for these chats. She perched awkwardly on the arm of the couch, staring at him.

I find him very amusing, she said. Almost feral in his needs. It’s refreshing.

He shrugged. “Okay, like-ish/hate?” Rastin continued, oblivious to the newcomer. I wish I were so lucky.

Death giggled, or that was what I interpreted the squealing sound that hurt my ears to be.

“I’m not going to split hairs. Get to the point.” I needed him to spit it out so that I could get this torture over with. I was wondering if I should’ve poured myself a drink before I sat down with him—and now her. A very large drink.

“You’re killing the guy. He’s strung so tight I’m afraid he’s going to crack or his dick is going to break off. Like, either throw him a bone or set him loose already. It’s getting hard to watch.”

He’s right, Death said. I don’t know why you are so intent on making everything difficult. You should just conjugate with Kicks already.

“I’m not trying to mess with him.” Maybe if I had taken a drink, I could blame the alcohol for the flush of my skin.

“You’re telling me he looks wound that tight for no reason? Really, Piper, I—”

“Maybe unintentionally,” I said. I wasn’t getting into all the nitty-gritty details with him, and I didn’t need him to continue speculating either.

“Well, you need to stop.”

“It’s not that simple. You don’t know what’s going on, and you need to stay out of it.”

“Oh, I know. You’re acting all Dark Piper now. Stay away from scary Dark Piper.” He made spooky ghost noises while giving me jazz fingers.

When I finally started to feel like part of a pack, part of the family, I’d been so elated. It wouldn’t ever be the same as if I were a shifter, but still, it was the most I’d ever felt like part of a large family. And now I understood why people wanted to kill their brothers.

“Look, you might not want to accept it, but I’m not the same.” Rastin was nuts. He’d seen me kill with a wave of my hand. Although he didn’t know where the power came from, no one in their right mind would underplay that.

“Who the hell is anymore?” He waved his glass, already half empty, in the air. “Ever since Death Day, everyone is different. We’re all doing shit we never would’ve imagined, and never thought we would. That’s not exclusive to you. You don’t get exclusivity on dark. The whole fucking world has gone dark.”

Death nodded from her perch. He does make a valid argument .

She needed to butt out. How many people had Death literally stalking them? Had a piece of Death literally growing inside of them as she used them for her retribution? I had an edge on dark, whether he knew it or she’d admit it.

“I appreciate the chat, but I have stuff to do.” I got up and walked over to the kitchen.

He leaned his head back as he tried to visually keep tabs on me. “Is this you telling me to fuck off?” he asked, not sounding too surprised.

“Yes. And don’t forget the part where I glare so you know it’s not your business to discuss with anyone.”

He let out a sigh and then a soft laugh. “Yeah, you missed that boat.” He got up and walked to the door, nodding and then smirking toward me before he left. We both knew he’d be back soon enough with another discussion he felt needed to be had. I wasn’t even going to think of the other discussions he’d been having.

Rastin had left, but the one I really wanted gone was still here.

“How much longer do I have here? When will I be leaving?” I asked. I’d been asking on and off for a month and already knew what she was going to say.

Soon, she said.

Yep, as predictable as ever.

I wasn’t sure if she was screwing with me or if she didn’t view time the same way I did. If you’d existed forever, what was a few months? A few years or even a few centuries? Soon might be my next lifetime.

“Can you at least tell me where I’m going?”

She smiled and disappeared. It was okay. That was what I wanted most: her gone and to be alone.

I’d barely closed my eyes when I felt Death’s presence standing over me, looming at the foot of my bed. I didn’t want to look, knowing what she was here for.

The time had come. Soon hadn’t even been a day.

She could’ve at least let me sleep through the night. Why she had to decide while I was sleeping was probably just another one of her quirky yet annoying traits.

She wasn’t going to leave, so I opened my eyes, sitting up in bed. Somehow seeing her in the dark was even creepier than in the daylight, not that it really made a difference.

“It’s time?” I asked, a part of me refusing to accept that I’d have to leave this place and go on a killing mission. I’d known this was coming, but every day that had gone by had given me a glimmer of delusion that maybe she’d change her mind, move on, stop caring.

Yes, she said.

“Where am I going?”

Scotland.

It seemed random until I remembered that Zetti had called Scotland “the old country.” Was that where this all started? A group of shifters over there who hated humans? Hated them so much that they’d been willing to drive the human race to near extinction, even with the loss of huge numbers of their own?

I sat up, knowing sleep wouldn’t be coming again tonight, or maybe tomorrow either.

“How long will I be gone for?”

Undetermined.

“Who am I killing?”

You will know when the time comes, she said.

So I was going to Scotland for an unknown amount of time to kill an unknown person, or several people.

I guessed the details didn’t matter so much anyway. She wanted to be mysterious with the names? What did I care? I’d come to terms with doling out justice to the people behind Death Day. What did a name matter if they killed ninety percent of humans in the blink of an eye?

“How will I get there?” It wasn’t as if I could go online and book a flight out tomorrow.

I don’t think your human husk would survive the trip if I brought you. You’ll have to figure out a way on your own.

“You realize the state of transportation these days, right?” A trip to Scotland alone might be enough to kill me. I couldn’t fly a plane. I didn’t have one to fly anyway. Nor did I have a boat or know how to sail.

You’ll find a way, she said, clearly not concerned with the details.

“You realize I have to cross an ocean, right?” She was Death. Maybe she didn’t fathom what geography meant to humans.

She didn’t respond, but she was trying to raise a brow. It was a recent addition to her facial expressions and as unpleasant as the rest of them. Her attempts at human mannerisms never failed to make my skin crawl. The more she attempted to appear human, the more other she proved she was.

“I’ll do what I can do. If you wanted it quick, you should’ve outsourced it to someone on the same continent.” She wasn’t going to like that little reminder that I was all she had. I averted my eyes, just in case she tried to emote some other human nuance. I’d take it on a hunch I was correct.

Just get it done.

Get it done? I had no name, or even a town of residence. I didn’t bother pressing for more information. It made no difference to me. Whoever had done this most likely deserved death, no matter who they were. I didn’t particularly feel like going there and doling out the death, but I guessed someone had to.

She was gone again, along with any chance of sleep. I looked at the clock. It was only ten, but Charlie was usually asleep by nine and me shortly after. I used to like the night, but that was before I realized all the monsters were real. Now I was early to bed.

Since there’d be no more sleep tonight, I might as well get up and spread the good news. As much as I’d dreaded Death giving me my marching orders, I dreaded telling Kicks even more.

At least he’d probably be alone at this time. Or I hoped he would be.

I slipped a robe over my pajamas and donned a pair of boots and then crept through the house. Charlie was sound asleep. Even if he woke, he wouldn’t be worried. He ran around the pack territory like the entire place was his backyard. He’d never looked so at home anywhere, not even back in New York, where he’d been born.

I walked through the pack, seeing people still out and about but winding down for the night. A spring breeze was blowing through the trees. I’d miss the smell of this place and the constant sound of the river in the background. The sound of the crickets chirping. How the moon looked over the tree line. There wasn’t a thing about this place I didn’t love, and I was leaving it.

I was at the mill too fast, hesitating right inside the door. I couldn’t stand still for too long, knowing he’d already have heard me. I shook off the nerves, heading toward the room in the back, where Kicks now slept.

The door opened steps before I reached it. Kicks appeared in the opening, sweats hanging so low on his hips that I could see the V of his lower abdomen. He rested an arm on the doorframe, over his head. Sometimes when he watched me like this, it was as if he were holding back from pouncing on me, taking me down to the ground and covering me with his body.

The darkness in me pulsed in response, one of the only things keeping me from giving in to my own base desires. I wanted him so badly sometimes it was hard to keep my thoughts straight or care where this might lead.

His gaze locked to mine. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t have to be a good read of people to know I was upset about something. One, it was an hour past my bedtime. Two, and more importantly, I didn’t come here unless there was a problem. I was afraid to come here at night and be alone with him, and not because of what he might do. There was a safety in having an audience that would keep me from doing something I’d regret.

“We need to talk.” I glanced back toward the door, afraid someone would come walking in. Or hoping someone would.

“Come in.” He tilted his head toward the interior of his room, the one he’d taken after I made it clear I wasn’t comfortable living with him. He could’ve taken up a nicer residence, but I had a feeling he liked this old building made out of stone.

I passed him, walking so close that my robe brushed his chest and his woodsy, warm scent filled my senses.

The room was small, the bed taking up nearly half the space. He shut the door and it felt even smaller. I didn’t want to sit on the bed, but standing in the only floor area left put me too close to him.

“I wanted to let you know the time’s come. Death’s finally called in her debt. I have to go.” The only benefit to our current proximity was that it made it easier to spit out my situation.

“Then it’s time to go,” he said calmly. He leaned against the dresser, crossing his arms.

It wasn’t what I’d expected of him. Not even in the same ballpark of the reaction I’d anticipated. I’d imagined this moment so many times in my head, and it had never played out like this.

I hadn’t wanted to fight with him over my leaving, but part of me had wanted him to fight a little over my leaving. It felt like some of the humanity I was trying so hard to hang on to was getting shredded at his nonchalance. It was better, but…

No buts . It was better. I knew it was.

“Yeah, so I need to make arrangements to leave.”

“Where are we going?” he asked.

We ? The word jarred me out of my thoughts. So that’s why he was so calm? He was planning on coming, whether Death wanted him there or not.

“It’s not a ‘we’ situation. You’re needed here,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, even though I felt anything but. It was hard enough to walk away from him and Charlie without having to fight him to do it.

His eyes narrowed, heat flaring. “This place can run with or without me. Evangeline and Crackers can take up the helm here, and have done it before. I’m needed with you .”

The last time he’d come with me, he barely made it out alive. He should be dead. Being with me, especially for this, was a danger I wasn’t exposing him to again.

“What about the intruders the other day? What if they come back?” I asked, grabbing the easiest excuse I could think of.

He scoffed. “After what you did? They won’t be back for a long time. And even if you hadn’t done that, Crackers and Evangeline would’ve taken care of them fast enough.”

“What about Charlie? You want us both to leave him?”

His expression softened. “He has the entirety of this pack watching out for him. He looks at Rastin and Buddie like they’re his uncles. Charlie doesn’t need me when he has hundreds of people here watching after him. You need me. I won’t let you go alone.”

He was right—part of me knew that—but I couldn’t drag him into the nightmare that awaited.

“She doesn’t want you to come,” I said, trying to lie better than I’d ever been able to in my life, because his life might depend upon it. I’d come to terms with the fact that I may never return, that I’d die doing her bidding. I’d never be able to accept that fate for Kicks. Not him. Even the thought made me cold inside.

“I doubt that,” he said. “It’ll go smoother with me along, and I’m sure she knows it too.” The way he said it, with such certainty, made my stomach drop. There was no convincing him otherwise. I realized then that he wasn’t just being stubborn—he truly believed he could make a difference, could protect me from whatever lay ahead. But how could he protect me from the darkness that was already inside me?

I want him to come. Don’t make it difficult, said Death, who had appeared in the farthest corner.

She was staring at Kicks, her eyes fixated on him with an intensity that made my skin crawl. I hadn’t seen a look like that since Tiffany, my high school best friend, had a crush on Mr. Billings. He was the hot science teacher every girl swooned over. Tiffany used to sit and go nearly speechless for the entire class. Seeing that look on Death’s face? Unsettling didn’t even begin to describe it.

“Fine. Come if you must,” I said.

“So where are we going?” Kicks asked.

“Scotland,” I said.

“Do you know where in Scotland? I have family there.”

“No. She didn’t tell me yet.” I glared at her. This better not be anywhere near his family.

“She’s here now,” Kicks said, his voice low as he turned to look at the spot where I’d just glared.

“Yes.” For some reason, I’d never wanted him to know when she was around, how close she hovered. But was there really a point in hiding it now?

“I’m going,” he said, speaking toward the spot she stood.

Death purred as she looked at him.

Kicks turned back to me. “Does she have a plan on how we’re going to get there?” he asked.

“No. It’s my problem,” I said.

“ Our problem. I’ll start making calls tomorrow.”

I wanted Kicks there more than I’d ever admit. But a part of me, the part that had already seen too much darkness, knew better. This wasn’t going to be easy. It wasn’t going to be smooth. And no matter how much he wanted to, Kicks couldn’t protect me from what was coming.

“Okay,” I said softly, knowing I was turning on my own beliefs by not fighting this more. But I also feared what she’d do if I tried to stop him.

As I glanced at Death, who was watching us with an unreadable expression, I couldn’t shake the feeling that things were about to get worse.