Chapter 4

Chapter Four

I sat up waiting in the living room, knowing Kicks would be coming soon. He’d asked me for one thing before he left: don’t do anything stupid or rash while he was gone. In my opinion, I hadn’t done either of those things. That wasn’t how he’d view scaring off those people with only Buddie and Rastin at my back. As soon as he arrived, he’d hear, and then there would be no stopping him from coming here.

I’d maneuvered it so Charlie was having a sleepover at his friend’s house. My childhood had been filled with uncertainty, and now so had his. I wasn’t going to add any more unease or fighting if I could help it. And it was going to be another fight. As soon as Kicks started, I’d be jumping into the ring with both feet. This change in me, it wasn’t just affecting my movements and sharpening my senses—it was making me more volatile. Where once I could keep my calm, now I seemed to have a hair trigger, and Kicks was one of the people who made my trigger finger the jumpiest.

I heard the bike first and then spotted him through the window, talking to Evangeline across the way. He turned his gaze toward the cabin, as if he were looking right at me, our eyes locking in a battle of wills. The distance did nothing to dim the flame.

He walked through the door minutes later. His movements were stiff, barely restrained power as he shut the door almost too quietly. Every movement was tightly leashed as he walked across the room and leaned an arm on the mantel. It was like he had to force air into his chest before letting out a slow breath.

The more other I became, the more I saw things about him that I hadn’t noticed when I’d been simply human. He wasn’t just your run-of-the-mill shifter. There was something more there. There was a sharpness to his movements that I hadn’t seen before, because my own vision hadn’t been adept enough to notice the differences. Was he just a superior shifter, born to be special, or was there more to it? Was that why he led so easily? Did everyone sense it on some level?

“Evangeline told me what happened,” he said.

I nodded, not moving my gaze off him. I’d never feared Kicks, but I’d always been slightly in awe of him. Now, seeing him with these new senses, I could barely smother the excitement I felt in his presence. Whatever was changing in me thrilled to be near him. His presence alone charged the air.

Had it been the recent killing that was pushing me over the edge? Being so close to death that made me thrill to life more? Was it the darkness in me clawing to be free? Or that I hadn’t stopped thinking of touching him again since the last time we’d touched?

“Why didn’t you reach out for me when you knew there was a problem?” he asked.

“You were away. Didn’t seem like the right thing,” I said, trying to keep my emotions under wraps.

“Bullshit. You could’ve called me on the satellite phone. I would’ve been back, or at least on my way.” His shoulders were rising and falling as he seemed to be fighting his own struggle.

“Fine. I didn’t bother because I didn’t need you.” So much for remaining calm and not throwing the first punch.

“You’re not as tough as you think,” he said.

“I’m sure that Evangeline called you. If you wanted to rush back, you could’ve.” He’d probably been filled in the second it had happened.

“At that point, I thought it best to take my time returning.”

I must’ve really pissed him off. I laughed, taunting him, pushing his buttons.

“You’re strong, but not as tough as you think.” The cords in his neck were taut, every muscle straining.

He might not see it, but I did. I sat on the couch, eyeing him up across the room, giving him a look that said as much.

“I’ll let you know when I need you.” I verbally poked him again, knowing he was already on the edge. It wasn’t the time to pick a fight, and yet I couldn’t stop myself from testing his limits, seeing how hard I could push him.

He was on me before I’d barely registered him moving, his body flush on top of mine, pressing me into the couch.

I could feel the darkness purring inside me, wanting to arch into him. He wasn’t holding back his weight or giving me an inch. If he had, I would’ve closed the gap myself.

“You’re so tough—now what?” he asked, his stare dropping to my lips.

“If you were anyone else, you’d be dead,” I said. But this was Kicks, and I wanted him in my space, wanted to feel his hard body on top of me, his legs in between mine.

“I asked for one thing: don’t do anything foolish while I was gone.” His mouth hovered just above mine.

“I was never in danger. I’m not the same girl you met months ago.” I didn’t know who I was anymore. Sometimes, like now, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back to that girl. One thing was painfully clear, though: I wanted him. I shouldn’t, and yet I couldn’t stop myself.

I lifted my head, closing the inches between us and taking his lower lip into my mouth and then nipping at him, just enough to sting, pushing him again.

He covered my mouth, holding nothing back. He pushed his hips forward, mimicking the act of fucking. His erection pressed right against my core, and I swore I could’ve orgasmed there if I let myself.

The darkness pulsed to life inside of me, threatening to wipe away everything that was left. The killing had pushed me closer to the edge, and now it was embracing this primal moment with him. It was like I’d let something wild out to run free after it had been penned in for weeks.

And then I felt Death and stiffened, fear returning at the reminder of how close to the edge I was, especially after the killing yesterday. Kicks sensed the change in me, leaning up and locking eyes with me.

I couldn’t see her, but I could feel her near. I wanted to ignore her but couldn’t. As long as she wanted him this badly, I didn’t dare have him.

“I don’t know what you want,” he said. I could feel the strain in his voice, the tightly wound control he was waging a war over. “One minute you’re looking at me, come fuck me written all over your face, your smell, and then you stiffen as if you’re terrified.”

As I shoved away the darkness, the pulsating want, I stared at him with some of the girl I’d been still clinging to what was left of me.

I shook my head, not knowing what to say. It was all true, and I didn’t know how to stop it. I felt like two different people, or maybe just one, in the process of becoming something I never thought I would be.

He moved off me, standing. “I can’t play this game with you anymore, where one minute you want me and then you go frigid.”

“I’m not trying to screw with you. I don’t want to hurt you,” I said.

“I’m not a child who needs their feelings sheltered. I can handle whatever you’ve got to throw at me. Stop holding back. Own it. You want me, then step up and follow through. Otherwise, stop dangling the carrot.”

He was gone a second later, and it felt like an arctic wind filled the air in his absence.