Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Kicks was already awake when I got up the next morning. He hadn’t touched me once while we slept. This relationship was on life support, if not completely dead. He hated me. Was that really a surprise after what happened? Whether it was for him or not, I’d killed his father. How could I come back from that? I couldn’t.

“I brought you up some food,” he said, pointing to the nightstand beside me.

“Thanks.” I grabbed a patty of something and nibbled on it. Given the lack of food the last day or so, my appetite was lousy.

At least he wasn’t running out of the room to get away from me. Did it matter, though? Who was I kidding? We were done. There was no coming back from this. I’d tried to keep him at arm’s length for so long to protect him that I should’ve felt relief.

I didn’t.

He paused, cocking his head toward the door, listening to the sound of men’s footsteps heading this way.

“Get dressed,” Kicks said, clearly expecting trouble. I’d already been reaching for a pair of jeans before he spoke.

They knocked just as I threw a sweater over my t-shirt.

Kicks opened the door to two of Varic’s men. They always seemed to come in pairs.

“What?” he asked in the same tone he’d use to tell someone to go screw.

“Varic wants to speak to you,” Dicon said, trying to glance over Kicks’ shoulder to look at me. Kicks, both wider and taller, shifted to block his view.

“Then why are you here?” he asked.

“He wants you to meet him in his study. He says he’s looking to offer you a compromise.”

Kicks didn’t speak for a moment and then glanced back at me. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Don’t open the door for anyone.”

I nodded. Anything that would give us a leg up was worth pursuing at this point.

I locked the door behind him, knowing he’d be listening for the click of metal sliding home. He might be upset with me, but he at least still cared what happened to me. That was something.

It didn’t take him long to return.

“Well?” I asked when he wasn’t forthcoming the second the door shut.

“He doesn’t touch you or interfere in your life until we can figure out what happened to our father. Of course I told him again that it wasn’t you. In the meantime, you aren’t to leave this building. You can go about of your own free will inside as long as you don’t approach anyone, unless they ask you to. You’re to keep your distance for the safety of the pack otherwise.”

“That doesn’t sound bad.” I could slip out easily enough under those conditions if Varic didn’t put someone at every door. Would he do that? Probably. Kicks had said the place was essentially on lockdown.

“It’s not as bad as trying to break out of a cell below,” I said.

Kicks tilted his head, as if he wasn’t quite sure he agreed. “The only reason he is willing to do this is because I can counter his claim to the pack. To keep up that pretense, I’ll have to step up to a degree. I’ll be expected to do certain duties and help out.”

He leaned against the bureau, his arms crossed. None of this sounded bad, and yet here he was looking as if this was all bad.

“This sounds workable,” I said.

He nodded, but it felt like a weird, noncommittal gesture. Part of me didn’t want to press him. At least we were speaking. But if there was a problem, I needed to know. If he was going to hate me, questioning him now wasn’t going to change that.

“What’s the issue?” I finally asked.

“I think he’s doing it to get me out of here. You’ll be alone quite a bit.”

“I might not be at my full capabilities, but you know I’m far from an easy target at this point. Death might let me break a leg, but she’s not going to let anyone kill me.” I spoke like I had assurances, but I was beginning to doubt the situation myself. How long would she have left me rotting in that cell? If she could find someone else, I would be useless to her. I just had to hope that wasn’t the case until we got out of here.

“Why isn’t she helping you, then? Why is she upset if she got what she wanted?” he said, staring at me as if I were as unreliable as Varic.

“She’s not happy, but she won’t let me die. She wanted a scene of your father’s death but has no replacement for me.”

It wasn’t clear if he believed me. It was as if months of trust had been destroyed with that one horrible moment that could never be made right.

He pushed off the bureau. “Well, Varic isn’t wasting any time. He asked if I could go to a neighboring village they trade with. I won’t be back until tonight.”

He was waiting for me to say something, and I didn’t know what. Did he want me to ask him not to go? That would never happen.

“I’ll be fine,” I said.

“I don’t think he’ll do anything crazy today, but just be cautious.”

“I’m not afraid to be alone. I can handle this. Watch out for yourself. You’re going to be out with people who are more likely to stab you in the back if you trip than give you a hand up.”

“I know.” He grabbed his jacket and left.

I didn’t move for a few minutes, digesting the coldness that had seemed to settle in between us. At least he was talking to me. I wasn’t sitting in a cell, and the darkness that had been clawing at me was now barely perceptible. The situation was bad, but it wasn’t the worst.

There was a knock at the door. “Piper, it’s Aunt Elara.”

I opened it, smiling, not sure what kind of visit to expect. If anyone did have reason to throw me in there, it would be her. It had been her brother I’d killed.

She walked in with her arms overflowing with clothing and placed the items on the bed.

“I’m glad you are here,” I said. “I wanted to tell you I don’t know what happened with your brother, but I’m sorry for your loss.”

She looked at me as if she weren’t buying my ignorance for a second, and yet she was still smiling at me. “I’m sure it wasn’t your fault,” she said. “Anyway, that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to bring you some more items to wear, since you might be here for a while longer.”

I looked at the pile of dresses on the bed. There didn’t seem to be a pair of pants in the pile. It was a far cry from the jeans and sweaters I typically wore. Still, it was better than nothing for now. Plus, I might not be able to leave, but Kicks was out every day. He could surely grab me a few things while he was out.

“Thank you. I appreciate the items.”

“I took the liberty of selecting what I thought might look good on you and also what might be more appropriate for this place. It’s probably different from what you’re used to.”

“Appropriate?”

“The men here prefer women to appear a certain way. Things will go easier if you go along with what’s expected.”

I’d noticed that I hadn’t seen a pair of pants in the place, but I hadn’t realized it was because of some set standard.

“Let me know if you need anything,” she said as she headed to the door.

I nodded.

You need to go out and about. They need to know you’re not afraid of them, Widow Herbert said as she sat on the bed. If they think you’re afraid, they’ll begin to wonder if you have any capabilities left and then press their hand.

“I don’t care what they think. I just want out of this godforsaken place.” I leaned my head on the window sash, letting the sun shine on my face as I looked below. There were more men down and around the perimeter than I’d realized when we approached. Or maybe Varic had ordered them there recently? Didn’t really matter, since they were there now.

Having them see you will start to make them get used to seeing you. The more they see you, the more relaxed they’ll become.

“I know you’re right.” Still, I hated this place so much that I didn’t want to see any of them. Not yet.

You’re strong. You will get through this, she said.

“Or die. Maybe both of us.” Although if they touched Kicks, I was going scorched earth. I wasn’t leaving this place until it was a pile of rubble, their bodies all burned beneath—well, except for Didi and Aunt Elara. They seemed like decent sorts. I couldn’t bury them.

Death won’t let that happen while she still has some control of you.

“I can’t count on her for anything. Talking about unreliable, do you know what happened to Jaysa? Where did she go off to?”

I’m afraid her situation might’ve been demoted , if you know what I mean.

That was a tough break. Surprising? No.

I could hear steps heading this way. “Someone’s coming,” I said.

I’ll see you soon. Go handle your company.

There was the softest of knocks. “Piper, it’s Didi.”

“I’m coming,” I said, knowing how timid the girl was. She was probably more afraid that I would answer the door.

“Hey, what’s going on?” I asked as I opened the door, finding her standing there alone. No guard accompaniment? I guessed Didi was expendable. Maybe they wanted me to kill her? Easiest way to turn me into more of a villain for anyone who doubted I’d killed their father.

“Athena wanted to see you. She’s waiting for you in the kitchen.” She inched back when I leaned forward.

I hadn’t been able to put my finger on whether Athena was a problem or not yet. She clearly didn’t like me, if her glares meant anything. Getting summoned wasn’t sitting so well either. Still, was she going to be a real problem or an inconvenience? I had a feeling I was going to find out soon.

“Okay. Let’s go.” Widow Herbert did tell me to show my face, so there was that upside.

Didi walked twice as fast as me. Every time I threatened to close the gap, she walked even faster. I began walking extra slow so she wouldn’t be winded by the time we got downstairs. If I didn’t, everyone would assume I was chasing her.

Athena was in the kitchen, talking to some other younger girls, when we walked in.

The second she saw me, her movements grew jittery. She swallowed hard and her chest rose and fell rapidly as she walked over. Whatever she was about, it wasn’t good, and it was iffy as to whether she could pull it off. She certainly didn’t look eager to see me, even though it was at her request.

“Hello,” I said, trying to at least keep things polite on the surface.

There was a tremble in her hands before she crossed her arms in front of her. Her eyes narrowed. “Varic said you would probably want to make yourself helpful around here, since you’ll be here for a while.” She spoke as if I were mildew that she couldn’t get off her grout.

“I’d love to help out around here. What did you need done?” What was Varic up to now? A little bit of torture for me? Pushing my buttons? Testing me? Either way, I’d take the bait if only out of curiosity.

“We have some bathrooms on the first floor that need tidying up.” She smirked. It wasn’t a good look.

Bathrooms? She wanted me to clean up after them? If I had my powers, I’d be more likely to roll over and do whatever they asked. Problem was that I didn’t, so I had to portray strength. I was pretty sure some very smart, historical tactical guy who’d won a bunch of shit said that. I didn’t remember who, but it seemed like sound advice.

“No. That’s not going to work, but I do want to help, since I’m staying here. What else do you have?”

Someone might’ve thought there was a gun held to her head with the way her eyes bulged, as if the idea of pushback from me was startling.

“Um, I guess…” She wrung her hands and glanced around. I guessed Varic hadn’t instructed her on what to do if I declined.

“Why don’t I dust some of the paintings I saw in the halls?” I said. What a better way of getting to know every nook and cranny of this place to plot my escape? It would be like a free pass to snoop and get the lay of the land.

“Um…” She bit her lip, looking at the other girls, who shrugged.

I didn’t plan on letting her figure something else out. “Where’s your duster? I’ll get started.”

“Uh… I don’t know…” She went into full-on fidget mode.

“Where is it?” I started looking around the room.

One of the girls’ eyes darted to a closet, then her lips parted on a silent gasp as she saw I’d been watching her.

“In there?” I walked over to the closet and found a duster and some rags. I grabbed some stuff, not really caring what I had. I wasn’t planning on doing anything anyway. “Great. I’ll start today. See you at dinner.”

They were all staring at each other as I walked out, no one wanting to take a chance of what would happen if they stopped me.

I dusted a piece of trim in the hallway, following it along and using it as an excuse to get the layout of the place. So far I’d passed three doors, and every single one had an armed guard eyeing me as I came near. Question was, could they get a shot off before I got to them? Most likely yes.

The other problem was that I wouldn’t leave here without Kicks. He’d risked his life for me, and I wouldn’t repay him by escaping and leaving him to hold the bag.

I was just turning another corner when I heard men heading my way. Dicon was in the lead, and they had guns in their hands. They stopped on either side of me, and then Dicon poked me in the rib with the butt of his gun. This poking business was getting old. If anything was capable of breaking through to my powers, the poking would do it.

“Varic wants to see you. Move.” He gestured upstairs, where the bedchambers were.

“Why?” I asked, not moving at all.

“Doesn’t matter why. Now move.” He poked me again.

“Before you poke me with that fucking thing again, I’d think about what you’re willing to lose.”

He paused. I caught a quick glance toward his companion.

“Move.” His tone was harsher, but as he waved his gun in the direction of the stairs, it didn’t so much as graze me.

I moved, deciding to take my win because I wasn’t sure if I had the goods to back up my threats. Damn the unappeasable Death. Her target was dead, but that wasn’t good enough for her. He had to get tortured first to make that witch happy.

I made it upstairs, almost wishing the dick would poke me again. I had a reason to lunge for him, and it would be nice to know if I had some powers left. Could I kill him by touch, or was that gone? Maybe Varic would do me the favor and get out of hand to let me test out my powers.

I didn’t think that was going to happen, though. Varic wasn’t going to try to rape me. His guys wouldn’t even touch me, and Varic wasn’t suicidal. A psychopath? Yes. But not one with a death wish. He wasn’t just scared of me. I’d seen the fear in his eyes when he thought he’d have to fight Kicks for the alpha role. He might do it, but he’d rather get rid of us in an easier way.

The more I got to know this pack, the more it was painfully clear why Kicks hadn’t talked about his family much. No one would want to talk about this crew.

I paused on the landing, unsure of which room. Luckily, I had a dick behind me to point his rifle in the right direction.When it almost touched my arm, I made a tsking noise at him and waved my finger.

He followed a few steps back after that, even if he did glower a little more.

We stopped in front of a door. When none of my entourage stepped forward, I took it upon myself to knock.

“Come in,” Varic called.

I did the honors of opening the door myself, too.

Varic was sitting at a table on the side of the large room that looked to be used solely as an office. He glanced over my shoulder to where his guys were standing behind me. “Leave us.”

Had I written off rape too soon? No. There was interest in Varic’s eyes, but I didn’t think that was where this was going. Not yet. One thing was for certain—he was getting Kicks out of here during the day for a reason.

He leaned back in his chair, tapping his pen against the table like a teenager with no sense of rhythm. I wanted to leap over the table and rip the thing out of his hands. Instead I said, “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, I did.” He rested his elbow on the chair’s arm and brought his fist to his chin as he stared at me. I’d never seen such a contrived pose in my life. It was hard to not wonder if he’d practiced with a mirror. I held back from saying, Can you get on with it already? Self-important people had always run my patience thin.

I let out a very loud sigh and then glanced around the room, looking for something of interest. The room was as sparse and as uninteresting as him.

“The way I see it, you’ve got two choices and two very different outcomes,” he said, finally getting on with it. “The first choice is you continue on the way you are, lying about killing my father. You can see how long you can drag it out, but that choice is going to lead to your death. Or two, you tell me how you did it and you can be of use to me.”

I had to hold back my laughter. He hadn’t liked his father. I hadn’t liked mine either, but I wouldn’t have tried to work with his killer mere days after the crime. Man, was this group dysfunctional.

And good luck killing me. Death might not be saving me from the fate of being stuck here, but she wouldn’t let someone else kill me. If she got to a point she didn’t need me, she’d probably do it herself first.

He was watching me closely, almost absurdly so. Laughing wouldn’t be good unless I wanted to show my hand. It was better off letting him think he was pulling off this whole show for a while. Faking tears was way beyond me. I wondered if I could make my lip tremble.

“Well? What will it be?” He squinted, his nostrils flaring as if he were wondering why he couldn’t pick up the scent of fear.

He was testing the waters. He wasn’t sure enough of anything to press his hand. All I needed to do was stall. Leave it vague. Don’t deny blame or accept it.

“It might take me a while to think through this situation,” I said.

His eyes narrowed, as if he were trying to contemplate his next move after I didn’t give him a real response. Had he thought I’d crumble in front of him? Beg? Tell him everything? Had he not paid attention to who I was? Or was he so convinced about who he was? The delusion he’d built up?

“I’ll give you a few days. That’s it,” he said, trying to sound tough. “Go.”

I walked out, wondering how much time I had. My guess was that the guy wasn’t long on patience.