Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

I was walking through a forest at night, the wolf keeping pace with me twenty or so feet away.

I stopped walking and so did it. When I began again, so did it. I stopped, turning to look at it.

“What if I wanted you to go away. Would you?”

It stared at me, unmoving. It seemed I had my answer.

“I don’t want to accept you. I want you gone.”

Its head dropped a hair, as if this creature understood what I was saying and I’d somehow hurt its feelings. It shouldn’t have made me feel so bad, but it did.

“You’re too dangerous. You have to go.”

Its head lowered a little more, and then it looked back in the direction we’d come from but still didn’t leave.

I began to walk again, and again, it followed.

“If I allow you closer, will you behave?”

It whimpered slightly. I knew it could rip my throat out in a second, devour me, and yet something sad and vulnerable about the creature called to me.

“You can walk beside me, but only if you do as you’re told.”

It took a tentative step forward, as if afraid of me.

“Come. I said it was okay.”

It walked the rest of the way toward me and then sat on its haunches beside me. I wasn’t lulled into the belief it was tame. It was a wolf.

“Now remember, you can travel alongside me on my journey as long as you behave.”

It cocked its head to the side, as if agreeing.

“Okay then,” I said, and began to walk. “Let’s walk.”

We’d only gotten a few steps when the wolf stiffened, looked off in the distance, and began to growl.

I woke in the pitch-black cell, footsteps heading toward me. It sounded like a few people. The door swung open. The one they called Dicon, with rust-colored hair and a chipped front tooth, stood in the door with a rifle pointed at me.

“Get up. You’re wanted in the great hall.”

I stood, following his orders.

He didn’t let the gun drop for a second, as if he expected trouble. If he thought he was going to get a fight, he was wrong. I’d take any opportunity to get out of this hellhole. As long as I was down here, I was trapped. Out of here, there was a chance for escape.

They might think they were walking me to my death, but Death herself wasn’t done using me yet. A moment like that might force her hand and help me get out of here.

I was directed upstairs, and Dicon kept shoving the muzzle of a gun in my back. By the third poke, I was at my limit.

“Are you trying to compensate for something?” I asked.

“Shut up.” The gun stabbed me in the back hard enough that it might’ve cracked a rib.

Okay, that might’ve been a bad call, but even with the pain, I wanted to laugh. Maybe I was getting delirious? My stomach was growling almost as loud as a pissed-off shifter.

As soon as we got upstairs, the roar of people arguing filled the building. So many were yelling over each other, it was hard to make out what was being said.

“In there,” Dicon said, poking me in the side and urging me into the great hall, where the voices were coming from.

Kicks was standing toe to toe with Varic in the middle of the room, at least half the pack surrounding them. He was utterly outnumbered. At any point this could get ugly, and I didn’t know if I could get to him and help.

“You don’t automatically become alpha of this pack just because he’s dead,” Kicks said. He was the only one I hadn’t heard yelling. He didn’t need to. His voice was calm but deadly.

“Are you challenging me?” Varic said. “Because if you are, you’ll have to renounce your Arkansas pack. You can’t be the alpha of two different packs, and I know how you love your backward gang.”

He was talking a tough game, but there were tiny movements—the quickest quiver of his lip, a tremor in his hand. They were so fast and subtle, I wasn’t sure most would pick up on them. He was afraid of Kicks.

“You want to dictate what happens to my mate?” Kicks said. “Then yes. Let’s go. Now.”

The room went utterly silent. Go? Did he mean to fight? They were near the same size, and it wasn’t clear who would win. My brain couldn’t accept anyone getting the upper hand on Kicks, but my heart feared even the slightest chance of him getting hurt. Plus, Varic was vicious. If there was a dirty way to fight, he’d use it.

Aunt Elara stepped forward, putting a palm on each of their chests. “I think a compromise could be brokered. There’s no reason this needs to come to bloodshed yet. Perhaps, Varic, you give some leniency where Piper is concerned until we know what actually happened. Kicks, you don’t challenge Varic’s claim while things are unsettled?”

“I can’t let her just run loose through the castle when we don’t know what she’s capable of,” Varic said, but his tone had calmed a bit, as if he were satisfied taking a compromise, maybe even preferred it to fighting Kicks.

“She’s my mate,” Kicks said. “Even if she does end up being a traitor, she falls under my domain. I won’t have anyone else interrogating her.”

“I’ll give you space, for now,” Varic said, continuing to back down.

Kicks marched over, nearly bulldozing through the guards as he walked up to me, grabbing my arm.

“She’s mine to question or dispose of as I see fit,” he said. “No one else touches her.” I was pulled out of the room with him.

If Varic had any objection, he wasn’t saying it as we walked out of the room.

Kicks pulled me past all the shifters trying to get a view of us until we were in our bedroom and he slammed the door. He immediately let go of my arm then turned, giving me his back as if he were trying to compose himself.

I wasn’t sure whether to sit or stand, pace or run. Kicks’ agitation was palpable, and I was at a loss. I’d seen him upset, but this situation was beyond anything either of us could’ve expected. I’d killed his father. This was new territory and definitely not a place I’d ever thought was possible. If there had been any other choice…

He finally said, “When did you know my father was the target?”

“Not until seconds before I killed him.”

He turned and stared at me.

I held his stare. It was the truth. If he didn’t believe me, there was nothing I could do. I wouldn’t beg. I didn’t regret my choice and never would, even if it meant he’d hate me from here on out.

“You didn’t know until that morning, right as he walked in?” His voice was sharp. I couldn’t tell if there was doubt. But it didn’t matter how many ways he asked, or how many times—the truth wouldn’t change.

“I didn’t know until that moment. You can choose to believe me, trust what I’m saying or not, but that’s what happened.”

Kicks’ jaw locked, the muscles of his forearms tensing. He broke eye contact, moving toward the window and staring out at the night sky. The silence between us stretched on, so heavy it was getting hard to breathe. My nerves were fraying, my mind racing. Did he believe me? Or was he calculating his next move, deciding whether to walk out, walk away from me, or throw me back to his brother’s whims?

The silence was akin to torture, yet I was afraid to press him for answers. The thought that terrified me the most? That he hated me.

“Why didn’t you say something to me? Why just act? Why knock me out?” His voice was rough, as if even uttering those words was painful.

I’d already replayed it in my mind so many times, trying to dissect my thoughts through the overwhelming panic of that moment. When Death had appeared, and I knew what she wanted from me, there was a surge of adrenaline and utter fear that she’d harm Kicks. It was hard to remember that moment and not feel sick. I hadn’t been thinking logically at all. I’d known in my gut what needed to be done, and I’d acted.

“We were sitting there, and your father came in,” I said. “Death appeared immediately afterward, standing right beside you. She said it was you or him. She hovered over you and said she was going to kill you if I refused. To me, it was as if she were holding a gun to your head. I didn’t think. I just did what she wanted.”

He closed the distance between us, stopping just inches away. “But why would you knock me out?”

“I didn’t. That was her.” There was a brief flicker in his eyes that might’ve been relief, but I refused to give him half-truths at this point. “I would’ve done it myself if she hadn’t. I wasn’t going to let you stop me. I wasn’t going to let her kill you.”

“Why would you want to do that? It took away any choice I had to control the situation.”

“You couldn’t have stopped me.” I wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.

“They said you ran for the door. Were you planning on coming back?” His voice was raw. The last time I’d seen him like this, blood had been spilled.

“I had to leave.” I turned to put some space between us.

Kicks grabbed my shoulders, spinning me back to face him. “Would you have just disappeared? After everything we’ve been through, you didn’t trust me enough to at least help you get out of here?”

“It wasn’t about you ,” I said, the weight of everything that had happened in the last day sapping the last of my strength. “I wasn’t thinking at all.”

I had nothing to say in my defense. I’d acted on instinct, on fear, and now I was facing the person I’d been ready to abandon. I hadn’t imagined there’d be a way he’d ever speak to me again.

His grip loosened, and his hands dropped from my shoulders. “We’re in this together. If we’re getting out of here, you need to trust me going forward, if you’re capable of that,” he said.

I couldn’t tell if he was trying to hurt me or just being honest. Either way, maybe he was right. Maybe I was incapable of trust.

“You should leave here while you can,” I said. I’d get out of this myself, one way or another.

“No. It’s not that simple. I claimed you, vouched for you. I’m not doing that and just walking away, especially since you’ve clearly lost some of your powers.”

I nodded. “How did you know?”

“Because you’re still here.”

It felt like my stomach just bottomed out while he turned and walked back to the window.

He’d said he wouldn’t leave me, and yet he looked like he wanted to jump out of that window to get away from me. I couldn’t even blame him, considering what I’d just admitted to.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t want to kill him. She said he was the one behind Death Day. If there was another way, I would’ve taken it.”

Did he believe me? Did he believe his father was the one? Kicks wasn’t talking, just looking out the window.

“Do you…” No. I wasn’t begging him to believe me, and that was where this would lead.

He looked back at me, and I couldn’t read him. He glanced at my filthy clothing.

“Go shower while there’s still hot water,” he said, and then turned back to the window.

When I was in the dungeon, I’d only wanted to see him, to make sure he was all right. Now I went into the bathroom, happy to be alone.

I stripped off my clothes and then stood under the flow of water. Grime ran down my flesh. I didn’t get out of the shower until the water had gone cold, and even then I hesitated.

When I got out, the bedroom was empty. I changed into the shirt I’d slept in on my first night here and climbed into bed, wondering how I was going to get out of this mess. Death wouldn’t be any help. She might’ve been angrier than anyone else. I was on my own, without even Kicks as an ally.

It was more than an hour later when he walked back into the room. I’d begun to think he wasn’t going to return at all. I listened as he undressed, not sure if I should speak. I was afraid to even utter a word to him. How far we’d fallen.

I kept my eyes closed as I felt the bed sink behind me.

As much as I was scared to talk, it had been days since I’d checked in with Charlie.

“Can I use the phone? I don’t want Charlie to get worried.”

“I don’t have the satellite phone anymore. While I was still knocked out, after they took you, they raided our belongings. The phone is gone. When I demanded it back, they pled ignorance.” His tone was chilly.

Thankfully, I’d told Charlie there could be problems. I’d said we might be places we wouldn’t be able to charge it, afraid things might get messy. I’d never promised to call at a specific time for this exact reason, although I hadn’t expected things to devolve quite this quickly.

“I’m sorry the phone was lost,” I said. “I’d be upset with me too, but I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I just want to make sure you know that.”

“I don’t think you tried to hurt me,” he said. “You just make your choices about what’s right for me, and then I have to live with them.”

“What else could I have done?”

“Told me before you did it. Even if you were set on doing it, we might not be stuck here now. I might’ve been able to get us out. You don’t understand the fortifications he’s set up around this place.”

“Kicks, I—”

“Piper, I can’t speak about this right now. I wouldn’t even be in this bed if I wasn’t concerned someone else would come in here if I slept somewhere else.”

He couldn’t stand being near me, yet he was still protecting me.