49. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

The war that will come is inevitable. It is what happens after that is unknown.

~Calyr the Gold, A History of Magic and Dragons

I stand on the cliff outside the cave that Cole and I fell asleep in. Dawn is coming. A hint of light spreading across the world. The wind this high up the mountain whips at my hair as I stand on the rocks completely naked. Vulnerable and terrified that I'm going to make a mistake. The way I'd felt with him this evening had been so perfect. It only drives home the reality that my decision today decides everything that happens afterward.

The plans are set. My future is squarely in my hands. Unlike ever before in my life, every moment from this point on is entirely my choice. I could walk away. I'm strong enough to protect myself anywhere in the world except maybe Draenyth now. I could abandon my promise to Hazel and run away to some far-off corner of the world. But that would mean that she would die. First because I hurt her and then because I abandoned her this close to the end.

I could take Cole up on his offer. To run away with him. To let him fly us so far away that no one could find us. We could live every night like it was last night. Just the two of us in an otherwise empty world. Our magic and our bond could be as real as it was last night. Hazel would die. Cole would have to abandon his goals. And the world would never heal.

That's what it all comes down to, doesn't it? Hazel and the world. Do we choose to honor our responsibilities? Do we fix the things we have broken? Or do we choose to ignore them and run away together?

I feel him, that light brushing against my vulnerability. The bond that only grew last night. "What are you doing out here?" Cole asks softly.

"Thinking. Dawn's almost here," I say, my eyes going to where the sun is peeking over the bits of cloud just below us.

"Reconsidering my offer?" he asks as he moves to stand next to me.

I nod without looking at him. "I don't want to walk away from you, Cole. I don't want to leave."

There's a pain that flows through the bond, a confusing emotion that makes me want to chase it down to where it came from. To understand why there'd be pain.

He doesn't hesitate for long. "Do you want to help me fix the world, Maeve? Do you want to live here? To fight my father and Gethin and maybe, just maybe, make a difference?"

There are so many questions, and all the answers are different. Do I want to live in Draenyth? Absolutely not. To fight his father and Gethin, though? I don't know. To fix the world?

I turn to him and take his hand in mine. Those eyes of his are still orange, still so filled with fire that I can't believe that he's the same person who rescued me from the harpies in Blackgrove all those weeks ago.

"I don't know, Cole. You say I can help you, but I don't know if I can. I don't think that I'm strong enough. Maybe I could help some, but there's no way that I could become the Queen of Shadows. And I have to help Hazel first. Sia talked to me, and after being inside everyone's heads for thousands of years, she doesn't think I'm strong enough. Realistically, do you?"

Cole looks at me, the fire in his eyes flaring at the same time that the glimmer of an orange glow fills the darkness beside me. "Are you strong enough to help? Yes. Are you strong enough to be the Queen of Shadows? I don't know. You weren't strong enough to survive Draenyth when I met you, but now you are. You're strange, Wyrdling. I don't know what's possible from you anymore."

I shake my head and stare at the sun as the first true rays cross the horizon. "I'm not, Cole. I… I saved those humans that first day in Draenyth, and I'd do it again. I couldn't do that and survive this war. I may be strong enough to fight, but I'm not strong enough to lead. It'll break me."

He nods to me. He grits his teeth and grips his wrist, his fingers digging into his skin. "Then please walk away now, Maeve. Please, run away, and don't let anyone convince you to come back. Forget about this place. Forget about me. Forget about everything. Let your cousin die and go live peacefully somewhere else."

He says the words so quickly that it's only at the end, when he's done, that I notice the pain in his face. "What's wrong?" I whisper.

He closes his eyes and grits his teeth. "Use your powers to get out of here, Maeve. Leave me here and run away. Shadow walk somewhere else."

That's when I see it. The twin strands of darkness running from the mark on his wrist around his arm. Moving just like the marks that I left on Hazel. They're moving just as quickly up his arm, and I feel like this is a repeat of the worst day of my life except that this isn't my fault. My eyes open wide. "No. No! Don't you break that oath, Cole. Don't you dare die. I'm not leaving!" The lines blur, rising out of his skin. His nails dig in, and crimson blood runs down his arm before dripping onto the stones below us.

I slip my ring off my finger, and I will those shadows back. Cole screams, but the shadows stop moving. I focus on the way his skin feels under my fingers. So similar to last night, and the drumbeat that was so loud last night is a mere fraction of what it'd been.

But it's enough. I can't push them all the way back, but I can stop them from growing. I can stop them from destroying him. Just long enough for him to fix whatever oath he broke.

He screams again, and I do my best to wedge myself into his mind through our bond. Please. Don't break your oath. Whatever it is. I can't let you die, Cole. I need you more than anything.

I repeat it, over and over, as I focus on those shadows that just keep getting stronger. I won't be able to hold them still for very much longer as Cole writhes on the ground, his eyes closing, a war being waged over his body. Me against the Shade. Me against the most dangerous person in the world. At least that's what I'd thought the day that I met him. The day that he saved Hazel and put me in his debt.

And I'm not losing. I grit my teeth and think of how Cole touched me last night. I imagined how he'd shown me what desire was. His tongue had teased and tormented me. I let the thought of him inside me give me strength.

The shadows on Cole's arm move back the smallest amount. They leave… emptiness. A void. Empty channels where his arm had been. It's going to be fine . It has to be fine. I watched him heal from wounds from his father that would have killed any other person. This is nothing.

Blood pools in that tiny missing section of his arm, and I try to push my way into his mind again. Please, Cole. Let me stay. You telling me to run is why this is happening. So let me stay. Let me stay!

His eyes open wide, and there are shadows in them warring with the flames. He screams again, and I can't help the tears that roll down my cheeks. Then I hear the softest words in my mind. Fine. Stay.

And his body collapses to the ground. My eyes go directly to the twin lines of shadow that were threatening to kill him, and those terrible shadows disappear in front of my eyes. The thin sliver under his wrist is all that's left. And where those terrible lines were growing, there's nothing. Deep grooves in his arms that are pouring blood onto the ground.

We're on the top of a mountain at dawn, and there's no way to get down. Cole's hurt. Badly. I can't leave the city or that could break his oath.

There are no more choices to make. No more options. I have to get him to his room where the rest of that silver medicine is. I have to get us all the way there without wings.

I consider trying to make wings out of shadows like I'd made the dress, but I don't think I could lift Cole for the entire flight even if I could fly.

No, there's only one answer that makes sense. I have to shadow walk and not let Cole be dragged into the darkness.

I take a deep breath, and my shadows swirl around us. They cling to us and form into clothes. Simple and made of midnight, they're far less beautiful than the dress I made when the Shade taught me to shadow walk.

I don't think Cole's going to die or even be scarred, but his breathing is haggard, and that worries me. He needs the medicine. The bleeding has clotted, and his Immortal body is already healing the worst wounds. But something about those shadows did more than just make his flesh go away. It was a magical attack inside him, too, because he's not waking up.

I slide the Forgotten Ring over Cole's finger for safekeeping since I don't have any pockets, and I strain to lift him. My body doesn't believe that it can lift a man as large as Cole. I don't know why.

It's no different from the times that I carried two hundred pound boar home on my shoulders. I close my eyes and imagine myself standing in front of a dead boar instead of Cole. I feel the trees around me. Peace weaves itself through me, and I reach down to wrap my arms under him. When I go to pick him up this time, it's like my body shouldn't have ever had a problem carrying him. Like he weighs almost nothing.

I take a moment to center myself, to focus on what I'm going to do. Shadow walking is a dangerous business, and even though I know I need to do it, I can't go into it unprepared. Almost like facing the Nothing on the road that day with Cole.

Having a plan is important.

I know exactly where I'm going. The bed in Cole's room. The shadows that are opposite of the windows. Just like last time. Those shadows are always there.

I know what I'm doing. Deep down, I think I've always known. Just like how I hurt Hazel and how it was easy to create things from shadows.

I take a deep breath and let the shadows flow from my feet, creating a pool of darkness. I imagine the look of pain on Cole's face. The terrible black lines that traced his arm. And the one who caused Cole pain. The Shade. Everything inside me is sickened at the thought that he touched me. That he saw me, that I ever considered him an ally. That he's the one who taught me of desire.

I take that revulsion and channel it into the shadows at my feet. I can feel them change, can feel the destruction that those swirling black mists hold.

For a moment, everything's silent, as if the world is holding its breath. I hold on tight to Cole, remembering just how much he means to me. I focus on how bound together we are. I won't let anything hurt him. This time, it's me that's going to save him.

I take a step forward and fall through the world.