43. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

The magic that we sing to the steel is failing. A hundred Nightforged steel blades have broken this year. None broke a hundred years ago. Our magic is fading, and if nothing is done, our House will fall. Without our Steel, we are nothing.

~King Gethin, personal journals

I whirl around to see the Shade standing only a foot away, staring down at my naked body. This is not the first time he's seen me in a bath. Definitely not the first time he's seen my most intimate parts. I still cover up. It feels like it's been a lifetime since I saw him last.

Immediately, I question whether I should be worried about him calling in a debt. Why else would he be here?

"Shade," I say slowly, my arms tight against my breasts. "What do you want?"

Shadows run along the floor from his cloak to my arms, covering every part of me above the water in the inky blackness, a sensation I've become extremely familiar with. They solidify and move, lifting me out of the water and carrying me to the cold and slick marble floor of Cole's bathing room.

As soon as my feet are touching the ground, the shadows release me. I stand before the Shade completely naked, and I stare at him. His eyes may be covered by the shadows under his hood, but I know that I'm staring at him, eye-to-eye.

"What do you want, Shade?" I ask, my voice going low, almost dangerous. If it comes to a battle of shadows, I think we both know that I'd win. But the debts on my wrist mean he doesn't have to fight. He just has to call in a debt.

"You've become comfortable, and that's led you to making mistakes. If you had continued thinking as you were, there is a good chance that your scent would be unmistakably House of Shadows, and far stronger than necessary to alert any servants walking the halls outside these chambers."

I blink. "So you've pulled me out of the bath to tell me that? Are you trying to call in a debt to see me without my clothes on, Shade? Because if another male were to do this, I would kill them."

My stare's grown razor sharp. The reality of it all has become crystal clear. I couldn't do anything against the Shade's magic before, but now we both know that his shadows mean nothing to me.

"Fine. I'll leave you, Maeve. I'll let you go without training you in shadow walking. I'm sure you'll never need that. As to why I interrupted your bath, yes, I think you needed something to snap you out of your daydreams. Or I guess you could have had a House of Flames guard do that."

He turns away from me, and I see the shadows pooling at his feet.

"Wait," I say. "I want to learn to shadow walk."

The Shade turns to me, and I can feel the fury rippling off him. "Then stop trying to act like I've ever taken advantage of you. I have done everything for you. I've been there when no one else was. I've manipulated your body to teach you, and yes, that meant doing things that proper ladies from Blackgrove would have been disgusted by, but you're not a proper lady from Blackgrove, are you? You're the Princess of Shadows, and the Princess of Shadows does not wear clothes."

He raises his hand, and a tidal wave of shadows flow toward me. I brace myself, expecting them to knock me down. To hurt me. Instead, they climb my body, pressing against every bit of me, and then they stop moving. Not becoming solid. No…

I look down and see a black dress made entirely of shadows. It's no different from any other dress except that it's darker than dark. Darker than I would even believe that Cole's dressmakers could do with magic thread.

It's almost like the shadows draw the light in and make it go away.

I look from the dress to the Shade with eyes wide open. "This is what the Princess of Shadows would wear, Maeve. Hard enough to protect against teeth and claws. Light enough that you don't even know you're wearing it. And capable of revulsion at any time."

And beautiful beyond anything that could ever be spun with thread.

He doesn't say it, but we both know it. "Stop being afraid of being who you are, Maeve. You're not some prudish woman in Blackgrove. You're royalty. You're powerful. You aren't beholden to the way people from forgotten villages would act. Do fauns or harpies wear pants? Are they ashamed of their naked bodies being on display?"

I don't respond, but when the Shade's shadows disappear, leaving my body bare again, I don't cover up. "Stop acting like I've ever hurt you, Maeve," he finishes. "I have only ever helped you, so stop fighting me."

He's right. He's made me nervous and scared and uncomfortable, and he even caused me a little pain when I repaid that debt, but he's never really hurt me. "What do you want from me today, Shade?" I say quietly, not agreeing with him, but not arguing either.

"It's time that you learned the hardest and most dangerous lesson for wielding shadows. It's time to learn to shadow walk. Will I need to help your shadows to come alive today?" he asks, and this time, when his shadows race toward me, I know what they're going to do.

Streams of inky darkness slide over my bare skin, leaving it damp and sensitive. Like being caressed by a cloud or fog. So soft, yet still there. "No, I have no problems producing shadows anymore," I say. "At least not when I can take off my mother's ring."

He nods. "Then we'll go somewhere that you can do that." His shadows leave my body and swirl between us, a writhing pool of darkness on top of the gold-flecked crimson marble.

"Shouldn't I get some clothes?" I ask. "It won't take long for me to get dressed."

The Shade looks at me, cocking his head, and I know the answer. "Are you going to stop me from getting dressed?" I ask, my voice becoming steel.

"No, we both know that would require me to command a debt, but I would be disappointed in you. If you'd like clothing so badly, then make it yourself. Become the person you were born to be."

A growl rises in my throat. The Shade never lets me do anything simply. I was supposed to be relaxing today. "Fine," I say. "Except that I can't make enough shadows here."

"Then let's be on our way." His voice is almost cheerful. A first.

His hands are wreathed in shadows when he takes my hand in his. "Don't do anything. Do not, under any circumstances, try to control anything. Once again, you need to trust me or terrible things will happen. So I'm asking you one more time. Do you trust me?"

It's a question that has plagued my mind so many times about both the Shade and Cole. The Shade has never done anything to hurt me. Yet, every memory of him ends up with him getting closer and closer to me. It has him controlling my body.

I almost gave myself to him. I almost begged him to do all the things that I'd fantasized about. He was pushing me to do just that. Do I trust him? No.

"I won't control anything," I say.

He nods, and then he steps into the shadows that I know are revulsion shadows. He's going to make us both go away.

My heart's racing as he pulls me into nothingness. A pitch-black void that is so oppressive I feel like it's going to crush me. Nothingness is the only way to describe it. Empty and void of any life, it soaks into my skin, pushing into my very soul, and begs me to just let go. To stop wanting anything. To give up.

The darkness that surrounds me only wants me to become a part of it.

And as I begin to give into it, I feel the Shade's hand grip mine tighter, to keep it from slipping. Then I'm flying, moving so fast that for that split second, I wonder if I'm going to survive the speed. And then I'm being forced out of the ground into a wooded glen. A soft pool has formed around a spring in the ground.

Deer drink from it, completely unaware of us only a few feet behind them. Sunlight streams down through the trees like rays of glorious life.

Because this is not that oppressive darkness that calls to me. It is not the terrible, terrible place behind the shadows.

My stomach twists in knots and I fall to the ground. I was so close to being dead and gone. Lost to that darkness forever. My body shakes, and I'm nearly sick.

"It happens to everyone the first time," the Shade says. The deer hear him and immediately take off in leaping sprints deeper into the forest. A squirrel screams at him, and I can do nothing except try to calm my stomach.

"That is the void between worlds where shadows come from. The House of Shadows is the connection to that void. It is the place for sleep. For secrets. For death."

I finally feel like I've got control over my body again, and I slowly stand on shaky legs. "I could have died," I say.

"It's good that you didn't try to control anything, isn't it?" The way he says it is almost like he's taunting me. He knows I don't trust him, and he's showing me just how badly it'd have gone if I had ignored his warning.

I slip off my mother's ring, ignoring his comment, and I let the shadows flow out of my fingertips. They slip and slide over my body, clinging to me just as they did the very first time I used them.

And when they settle into place, I'm wearing a midnight black dress. Thin and nearly sheer, it only just hides my skin. Not nearly as clumsy as the Shade's. I'm covered, yet not. The breeze that flows through the glen tickles my skin, and a leaf falls from a branch overhead. It tickles my back as it falls through my shadows.

The Shade nods his head slowly. "It's beautiful," he murmurs.

I step toward the pool in the center of the glen to look at myself in the reflection. The black dress clings to me in a way that not even a corset can. Solid, yet flowing. It's so light and airy that spider silk couldn't compare. Midnight black that even the sunlight can't pierce.

A dress like none that could be made. Then I see the Shade standing behind me. Shadows swirl around me, and they settle on my forehead, becoming a midnight crown. The Shade stands behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist.

Yet his hands don't touch me. He stands so close that I'd swear his cloak should touch my skin, yet it doesn't. "You could be the Queen of Shadows, Maeve. You could take your mother's place, and I could help you."

Shadows swirl from the ground to my arm, holding it tight and moving my wrist into our view. "You are not the only one who owes debts. I've spent nearly thirty years collecting more debts than you can count for this moment. I've given everything I am to put you on the Throne. All you would have to do is say yes, and I would stand next to you. No one could defy us. We could bring the House of Shadows back to life."

His words sweep over me so much more seductively than his shadows can anymore. He's offering me complete power. Even Rhion and Cole owe debts to the Shade. I could be the Queen that rights all the wrongs.

I turn around and stare into those shadows under his hood, just as I have so many times in the past. "Who are you?" I whisper. "You ask me to trust you. To take a Throne and have you stand beside me. Yet I owe you debts and I don't know who you are. That is not the way you stand beside someone."

He shakes his head. "Not yet. Not until you decide. Then, and only then, will I be able to be free of this cloak."

"I can't do that, Shade. I can't choose you without knowing who you are. Without knowing what you've done or why you hold these debts over me. Are you going to force me to take the Throne? Is that what they're for?"

He takes a step back, his gaze moving to the ground in front of me. "I've done what had to be done. Everything I've done has been because it was necessary."

"Including forcing me to take a Throne?" I ask again.

"No," the whisper comes out hard, almost like it's painful. But then the Shade looks up. "I will not force you to take the Shadowed Throne. I promise this. As humans promise."

I blink and a grin crosses my lips. "As humans promise… Interesting. If only humans could make that promise instead of earning debts," I say as I raise my wrist.

And he shrugs. I'd swear he's smiling under that hood. "I do not make the rules, Princess."

Princess . "If I decide to take the Throne, what do I do?" I ask.

"The same thing you've always done. Call my name in your mind." So simple. So impossibly simple.

I shake my head and turn back to the water, back to where I'm wearing a dress made of shadows. A dress made for the Princess of Shadows. A shiver runs through me. That could be me.

But it's not. I'm still just a Wyrdling with some shadow magic. Sia knew. Deep down, I know, too.

"How is it that no one can smell your shadows, Shade? Everyone warns me about mine, but you don't need to wear a ring. You don't need to keep your scent hidden."

"My cloak is pure shadow magic. No one can smell it."

I chuckle and shake my head. Then why does it always smell like salt and cedar? "Well, are you going to explain how you shadow walked? I know you showed me, but it'd be nice to do it myself."

He nods. "You create revulsion shadows and step into them. That's how you get to the void between worlds. Then you create shadows where you want to go. Use them to pull yourself out of the void. Never stay long enough for the void to pull at your resolve. Even a momentary slip is enough to leave you stuck there until you give into the darkness."

And then I'll die.

"That's all? And I can go anywhere in the world?" I ask. That I could have crossed the world in an instant like that is crazy. I could have skipped the entire walk to Draenyth. Weeks of blisters and sore feet.

"The longer the distance, the more power it takes, but yes, you could go from Draenyth anywhere in a moment if you had enough power. Remember that if you take someone else with you, you could lose them to the darkness. The longer you're there, the more likely it is to happen."

I nod my head. That makes sense. "What happens if I walk away from everything, Shade? What happens if I don't take part in the wars that are coming? What if I pretend like I'm just a human and go live in Blackgrove with my family again?"

The Shade is quiet for a few moments. "I don't know. Maybe nothing. Then again, maybe war isn't coming. Maybe in fifty years when your family is dead, and you're still young, you'll come back to Draenyth. Maybe fifty years of hiding your magic will have you desperate to come back, to find your place here."

He's quiet for a few more moments. "Or maybe we all die because of it. I don't know, and I don't think anyone does. But you are the daughter of the last Queen of Shadows. You have a place in all of this. There is a reason that I was listening for your voice. All these years, I've waited."

Can I walk away? Should I believe the Shade that I'm that important? I stare into the darkness under his hood. Is it that I can't walk away from the Shade and my place in the Immortal world… or is it that I can't walk away from Cole?

I say, "I guess we might as well try this whole shadow walking thing," and I send out revulsion shadows onto the ground. The Shade steps toward the circle of darkness and reaches his hand out, coated in shadows just as before. I put one hand in his, and the other is wrapped tightly around my mother's ring.

And I step forward, pulling him into the darkness with me.

Just like every other time that I've had to do something with shadows for the first time, nothing is as easy as it sounds. The darkness is more oppressive than anything I've ever experienced before. Complete and unending nothingness.

I reach out to the one place I know. The one place I can imagine perfectly. Cole's bed. I reach out with my mind, and… I can feel them. The shadows under that bed. Put there by the sunlight that streams from the windows of his room.

I make them mine just as easily as I'd made the Shade's shadows mine in the ecstatic spring.

The Shade becomes nervous, and I understand why. The oppressiveness is getting stronger, but a part of me feels like I belong here. It's like this is home to me, like I can breathe in the silence.

I need to leave. I need to bring the Shade to the real world. Cole will be back soon. How long has it been? Maybe I'll be able to touch him.

I yank on those shadows, and like pulling myself out of a hole in the ground, I draw us from the darkness into the light of the room. And we're standing next to each other beside the bed, our feet still in those shadows that I pulled us through.

"You've just done something only a handful of people in the world can still do. Even at the height of the House of Shadows, very few of them could shadow walk more than a mile or two. And you just moved almost fifty miles. Congratulations." He takes a step away from me.

I feel out of breath, almost like I'd just gotten done running. It's like the air's been sucked out of me. When I look up at the Shade, I can see him assessing me. He says nothing, but I watch as his shadows coalesce at his feet, and he steps into them.

I'm all alone. That's when I realize I need to put my ring on again. I take gasping breaths, and slowly I feel like I can breathe again. What would have happened if he'd taken me further? And why isn't he exhausted?

I close my eyes and let out another breath. This was not the day I'd been expecting. But maybe it's exactly what I needed. A moment away from Cole to think about everything. To put everything into perspective. To learn the last and most difficult bit of shadow magic.

I raise my hand, and for the first time in a very long time, there are no shadows rolling from my fingertips.

"Now I really need to take a bath," I mutter as I open my eyes. I glance down and see the midnight black dress. "Well, that's the last thing anyone needs to see me in," I say, and let it disappear completely, leaving me naked in Cole's chambers.

It's been a long day, but it's been a good one. When I slip inside the bathing room, I'm happy that the water is still steaming hot. But when I sit down in that water, I know I need to make some very important decisions.

Do I let the Shade win? Do I ask him to put me on a Throne?

And the one that I can't stop thinking about. What do I do after I talk to Calyr? Because I don't think I can still be with Cole if I talk to Calyr. I'll be hunted, and he has an unforgettable scent.

Or do I choose selfishness? Do I ignore the fact that Hazel is dying because of me?

Impossible questions that have to be answered, and they need to be answered very soon.