24. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Gethin's losing it. The bastard is going to attack someone even though he's older than the rest of us. He knows the consequences. His troops are too strong, and no one has the strength to win against him. Brenna's numbers are too small and I'm weak to him. Maybe if we all worked together, but no. That coward Roderic refuses to speak with any of us. I don't know what to do at this point…

~King Casimir, personal journals

Cole is standing on the edge of a stream when I find him. He's staring down at it and doesn't make any motion to let me know he heard me approaching, but when I move to stand next to him, he doesn't seem surprised.

"We have a ritual to do tonight," I say softly. The sun is slowly advancing toward the horizon, and already the shadows of the trees are long, laying like black logs over the stream. The scent of rain is on the wind, and by tomorrow, there will be a storm covering the countryside in a torrential downpour.

We'll be in Draenyth by tomorrow. Warm and dry in Cole's home.

"Yes, we do," he whispers back. I can't help but feel like I need to comfort him. I don't understand the process enough to be afraid or even very nervous. "Once the moon is in the sky, we can do it. It's still several hours from now. Did Darian explain it to you?"

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Not the actual ritual. Just the purpose. And why you're not exactly excited."

"We have to," he pauses, his shoulders slumping, "bind our souls. Loosely. Physically, we'll say words, let our magic touch, and kiss, and that's all. Nothing scary or dangerous. Even for you. But…" He lets the thought linger in the air, and I don't respond.

Yes, this is the right decision. He wouldn't feel like this if he was trying to take advantage of me. If he was trying to trick me into doing something I wouldn't want to do, he wouldn't be like this. He's more nervous than I am, and that's not something he could fake.

"I'm going to be different around you, Maeve," he finally says.

I turn away from the stream to look at him. "You called me Maeve."

He nods, not looking at me. "You won't be Wyrdling to me after we do this. You'll be important to me in ways that I can't describe. I don't know if you'll feel the same way since you're not fully Immortal." He turns to look at me. "I won't be able to let anything bad happen to you. You've been afraid that I was lying to you this entire time."

I try to interrupt him, but he raises a hand and ignores me. "You should have been wary of being with me. You should be wary of everyone, Maeve. Everyone. Damn us all, you should still be wary of me because this is temporary. But I know myself. I won't be able to let you be hurt. You'll be very important."

The intensity of those words. The heaviness. This is the most heartfelt and serious conversation we've had. Everything else has either been annoyance or banter or training. This is something else entirely. This is the man who carries all the weight on his shoulders. The one who might be cracking.

I know nothing about him or that weight, but somehow, I know the weight he carries won't be only his for long.

For the first time, I stop and recognize what he's doing for me. Until now, I've just been following him while he walked back home, but this is more than that. He's sacrificing something more than a bit of time to train me or to explain this new world. He's… He's making himself vulnerable for me, and after the past two months, I know that's not easy for him.

All to protect me. Maybe it's because he's trying to protect someone with my bloodline or maybe it's something else entirely. It doesn't matter.

I do something that surprises even me. Putting my hand on his arm, I feel the physical strength and the emotional weakness. "I believe you, Cole. Thank you for everything you've done so far. I know I haven't been exactly appreciative, and I should have been."

He nods, and then he does something that surprises me even more. He puts his palm against my cheek and looks into my eyes, surprisingly soft. "You've been a pain in the ass, Maeve, but it's been interesting at least."

I can't help but smile, and when he pulls his hand away from my cheek, he turns back to the stream. I can't decide whether this feels more like an ending or a beginning with the tension in the air.

More than anything, I can't figure out why it feels so bittersweet.

The moon is high in the sky when we stand alone by the river. Darian and Lee are far away, leaving us to a ritual that's more personal than I had expected. When humans are betrothed, half the time, the future bride and groom aren't even in the same room together.

There's nothing human about this, though. "Repeat after me," he says.

We stand facing each other wearing the same things that we've worn for weeks. Messy hair and filthy bodies that definitely could use a bath. The moon is nowhere near full, but it seems to bathe the world in light tonight. Like the very air is glowing with anticipation.

We hold each other's hands, palm to palm, and I have the strangest feelings running through me. So many feelings rush through me I'm almost frozen in place. Cole's hands are warm while the air brushes over us with a bit of the chill from the mountaintops, leaving goosebumps over my skin.

Cole's body is radiating so much heat that it comes off him in waves, distorting the surrounding air, and I wonder what it'd be like if I weren't wearing my mother's ring. Still, I recognize the faint bits of shadow beginning to swirl around me. I can't control how my emotions rage inside me, either. When I look at Cole, I understand more of what the Shade was talking about desire. Because I want Cole in ways I've never truly wanted anyone else. Not even when the Shade taught me to use magic compares to the throbbing inside me right now. Not even that night in Aerwyn, when the Shade held me in place and teased me.

Cole's not doing anything except holding my hand, but part of me is drawn to him, like my shadows want to touch him, to wash away the struggles that he feels. Like the darkness inside me is the only thing that could heal the pains he feels.

More than that, though, I feel a sense of peace. It's almost like I'm running through the woods, tracking a deer. Everything inside me, even the desire, feels so unimportant compared to that peace.

Cole's grin is unquestionable. A smile so wide it looks strange on him. Underneath that, there's a sense of pure confidence that pulls at me, making me want him even more. Flames flicker to life around us, mixing with the tiny shadows that have been swirling around me already. A dance of dark and light.

"I offer myself to you," he says, his voice low and rough, like he's having to struggle to maintain the calmness in it.

"I offer myself to you," I repeat. When I say the words, I immediately understand what he's struggling with. The words come out strong, harsh, and smokey. Almost a hiss as the emotions that boil inside me beg to be let loose. As those words flow from my lips, I can sense the magic in them. Vibrations that are indescribable float around us, and the flames roar to life. The liquid shadows expand, growing in power and size as they become more than I should ever be able to create with my mother's ring on. The very air surrounding us seems to vibrate with power, separating us from the rest of the world.

His fingers curl into my palm, and his nails press against my flesh. I can feel the tips becoming talons, but they don't bite into me. My hands move instinctively, following along with his, my nails pressing against his palms, and they feel stronger, too. Almost as though they were turning into talons as well.

Every emotion that's building inside me explodes in intensity, and it flows through my fingertips into him. "I will protect you," he breathes, his eyes never leaving mine.

I don't know how I know what I'm supposed to say, but it's certainly not "I will protect you". Instead of the normal ice blue of his eyes, they're molten, like liquid fire. Glowing red and orange with specks of white.

"I will help you carry the weight," I say with more confidence than I should feel. Cole's eyes open wide, and the flames around us both flare, encasing us even further and blotting out the rest of the world. I don't know how, but my words fit into a strange song. A dance of words as much as the flames and shadows that are roiling around us.

"I will help you become strong. I will show you your own strength." The cadence of his words changes, making it more staccato. More imperative. More… powerful.

My heart sings back to those words. I know that there is absolute truth in them. Honesty in a way that I've never experienced with Cole. They're the only truths I've ever wanted. Powerful and protected.

"I will help you find peace. I will show you what it is to breathe easily." The reverberations of our words blend into the dance of our powers, and nothing outside of our bubble matters. Nothing else exists. A world of shadow and flame and words of truth.

I feel a new sensation flowing into my palms. Excitement. A need to move. And… something else.

Cole's smile shifts ever so slightly. The grin turns seductive, and when the next words come out of his mouth, they're heady and lusty. "I will make you mine." And an unsaid word. Soon . It lingers on the blazing wind that roars around us.

My heart is racing. Pure and unadulterated excitement flowing through me like a drug. Overwhelming everything else. My body thrums with a brand new source of power. A brand new rhythm that isn't a jar of angry lightning or that deep drum from my core. No, this is in my chest, and it's begging me to move.

"I will make you mine," I repeat. Just like Cole, I don't say, "Soon", but it's there. For a half second, the words whisper together as we stare into each other's eyes. All this power inside me aches for what comes next. I know I could pull back right now, and Cole is giving me time to recognize that, stretching out the ritual and letting the power stretch for just a little longer. I could turn away from the betrothal. As long as the last step doesn't occur, it will all be meaningless.

But I want it. I want him.

When he cranes his neck down toward me, I don't hesitate to move toward him. When his lips press against mine, a surge of power flows through me. Even when I've taken my mother's ring off, I've never felt anything like this. It's so much I could get lost in it.

Then I see Cole. Right now, I could have shut my eyes and known exactly what he looks like. Every hair on his head. Every finger. The way his lips press against mine.

And the way he wants more than a kiss.

In this moment, we are a single person. His hair is mine. His fingers. His lips. That power that flows through his veins. All of him is mine, and I am his as well. A melding together of our realities. Of our very beings.

I'd thought that truth had circled us when we'd said those words. The only moments that we've been completely honest since we met. Now, I know that there can't be lies. Not when we're connected like this. Two people sharing one soul cannot lie to each other.

When I close my eyes, I see something strange in my mind. A foreign image of a terrible landscape. Winds so hot they burn anything alive blow past me. They're so hot they've turned the desert sand into glass. Shattered glass edges rise everywhere, some waist high and others taller than a cottage. Twisted, broken things that create a series of pathways through that deserted landscape.

In the very center, a circular tower rises so high into the air that I wonder if it ever ends. Made of a black stone so dark that it looks to be hidden in shadows. That fiery wind whips around it, tearing at it, but the tower stands tall, unbroken and unwavering. I can't stop looking at that tower in my mind's eye. It's so familiar. Like I know it from somewhere.

My heart shudders suddenly as an emotion reverberates through me. Fear. Undeniable terror. It rips through me like I'm watching my death.

My eyes flash open, and I'm looking at Cole, the image of that mental landscape is forgotten as reality floods me with confusion. Cole… changes. Starting with his lips, his face becomes rough stone, and in an instant, he pulls back. He takes a full step away from me, breaking the connection.

The flames and shadows around us disappear as I look at Cole and see the stone that covers his face and neck. I know what it feels like to have that stone instead of skin . That's when I realize what happened.

That was his fear. Not mine.

Fear makes his Steel magic work. Just like revulsion would make my shadows work. He's panting, and I can't stop feeling that terror race through me. It overwhelms every other emotion.

"What was that?" I whisper.

His breath is coming out ragged, and slowly, the stone turns back into flesh as he gets control over himself. The painful expression on his face fades back into the cold look he's given me so often since we first met. "It was… startling." The words are shaky, and they don't ring with honesty like I'd expect from a male that had just gone through that with me.

"You were startled?" I ask incredulously. "You're starting this betrothal with lies?"

He gives me that smile that only tells me he's annoyed. "The entire betrothal is a lie… Maeve. I don't know why you'd expect me to trust you suddenly. Have you paid those debts yet?"

I'd felt him. All of him. No, that's not true. In that single kiss, we were a single person. Not like how people talked about weddings or even lovemaking in Blackgrove. No, this was something very different. Even now, when I look into those eyes that still hold glimmers of the molten fire that had been there moments ago, I feel like I should be able to reach out and touch his soul with mine.

Why had he pulled away from that? There was nothing terrifying about it.

That's when it all clicks into place. The secrets. He'd thought that I would find out the things that he's kept hidden from everyone. Especially me. He'd been terrified that I'd find out whatever he's hiding, and that's why he pulled away.

"Fine. Keep your secrets." I smile at him and take the two steps toward him, crossing the gap between us. I don't know what's pushing me to move like this, but I put my hand on the center of his chest. He moves as fast as lightning, almost like he was in a fight, and his fingers wrap around my wrist.

He doesn't hurt me. As soon as his flesh touches mine, there's a shadow of that moment we shared. Not completely one person, but when I look into his eyes, I can feel the weight on his shoulders. There's no doubt that he wants peace from the things that haunt his dreams. I said the right thing. Just like I need power and protection, he needs someone to help carry the weight on his shoulders.

His heart beats faster, but he doesn't pull my hand away. "Don't, Maeve." The way he says it, it's more of a plea than an order.

My nails dig into his chest, not hard enough to hurt him, but enough that some emotions that are desperate to find a way out of me escape my fingertips. Inky shadows twist down my fingers and onto his chest. They crawl upward toward his head, slowly spinning and whirling as they climb his neck, as they caress his skin.

Something about this ritual is letting me use magic even though the ring on my finger should prevent it. Not as much as I would like. Not as much as I would have if I took it off. It's enough that I realize there's no anger inside me even after the lies.

I watch my shadows cling to his skin. I know what they feel like. Feather-light. Damp like the morning mists. Sticky and clingy with no weight at all.

"I don't know what this ritual is supposed to be like," I say with a sly smile. "Cole, if you felt what I felt, you know your words had power. We may not be married, but we're not separate anymore."

I move my hand up higher, and he lets me. When my fingertips move through the shadows and press against his throat, he whispers, "No, we're not."

My nails caress his skin, my shadows following me and hiding my hands. I move in a way that I've never moved before, yet it feels so natural. It feeds the drumming in my core. The ache that I've felt every time I needed to tease shadows from my fingertips.

I can hear Cole's heartbeat racing while mine feels calm. Even the quiet wild of the woods wouldn't let me feel this serenity. Right now, I'm in control. Cole is the strongest person in the world, and right now, I'm in control. Then I see his eyes. Instead of the molten fire that had been there during our ritual or the ice blue that is normally there, his eyes feel dull. Darkness seems to coat the ice blue, and I don't know what it means.

He leans down as if to kiss me again, and I suddenly understand. That darkness is desire in them. It's desperate lust. My shadows are controlling him, and he's doing what I wish he'd do.

It's wrong. I may have the power to control him, but I refuse to do it. I take a step back, the shadows that had poured from my fingertips fading away into nothing, and I say, "Not now. You have your secrets, and I have my debts." I turn around and leave him there, but not before saying, "Get some sleep, Cole."

Then I walk into the trees, and he doesn't follow.