Chapter 36

Noah

“Where’s your head at?”

Rhys, my personal trainer stood over me as I strained under the weight of a fifty kilo barbell, performing one more back squat. I blinked, the room, the gym, the blaring music, and his expression coming back to me suddenly. As if to prove his point, my legs quivered, ready to fail the movement. Rhys darted in, taking the barbell from me, allowing me to stagger free.

“Not here, that’s for sure.” He set the barbell back on the rack, then turned back my way. “What’s up with you tonight, Noah? You always come in and give shit one hundred percent effort.”

“Is there any way someone telling you ‘we need to talk’ is a good thing?”

His brows disappeared under his shaggy fringe.

“A girl said she wants to talk, or was it a guy? I’ve never seen you show even the slightest bit of interest in anyone before and was half expecting you to come out of the closet when you felt brave enough. Luke gave me his number to give to you if you did.”

“What?” There was too damn much in that conversation. I shook my head, as if that would clear it, but instead sent sweat streaming into my eyes. I grabbed my towel and bottle of water, mopping my face before drinking down several swallows. “I’m not into dudes, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Luke…?” Rhys’ co-owner was out and proud, but I didn’t think I was his type. “I’m not into girls either.”

“Ohh, so you’re ace or whatever it's called.”

“No.” How the hell was I blushing like a dumb kid after knowing Rhys for this long? I tore off my gloves and threw them into my bag, because he was right. My head was not in the session and lifting heavy like we did, that was dangerous.

Because you never should’ve come here , my mind supplied helpfully. You should’ve run over to Millie’s place, met her whenever and wherever she wanted. You should’ve ? —

“I’m just into Millie.” Rhys didn’t look any less confused. “She was this girl from school and…”

What, I was going to tell him about school and her brothers and how I pussied out? Even I knew that was social suicide. The gym had become a haven for me late in high school. I’d walked in wanting to change everything about my body, and instead, I’d found… strength. I stared into his eyes and waited for the judgement to come, but you didn’t build a relationship with a coach for ten years and see that. I didn’t at least. He just nodded, made it clear he was listening as I continued.

“And she’s the only one I’ve ever wanted. For one night, I had her…”

Not all of her, though. In some ways it made it easier. With the rest of my team in the room kissing Millie, pleasing her, I could mask my own spiralling fear. That I had no idea what to do, how to make her feel good, other than the shit I’d read about. All theory, no practise, that was me.

“And then she was gone.” I forced myself to smile. “Gone for good, I thought, but she rang me today and said?—”

“She wants to talk.” Rhys nodded. “Could be good, could be bad. Fuck.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Maybe she’s pregnant.”

I snorted, smiling for real this time as I shook my head.

“She’s on the pill. We, I mean, I checked.”

“We, huh…” He nodded slowly. “Well, did she ask you to come over tonight and get ‘the talk’ over with?”

“No.”

“Not anything urgent then.” He reached out and clapped his hand on my shoulder. “It’s probably nothing big. Did you use protection?”

“I…”

I felt like a fucking noob right then, remembering the stern conversation the gruff PE teacher had with us boys when discussing sex ed. No glove, no love, that was his cringey motto, and while we’d repeated it in the hallways, cackling to hide our embarrassment, it turned out I hadn’t internalised the message at all. At the wet kiss of her cunt on my cock, I’d been ready to explode. Thoughts of STIs didn’t even occur to me as I drove myself deeper and deeper inside her, never getting as far as I needed.

“Jesus, kid.” Rhys shook his head, sounding like he was twenty years older than me rather than the actual five year gap. He’d been just starting out in his PT career when we met. “She might be about to have a really uncomfortable conversation. How about you finish up for the day and see if you can catch her tonight, see…”

He was always free with the advice, and because he’d helped me through some of the toughest phases in my life, I trusted his judgement, but his mouth went slack right now. I half wondered if he’d had an aneurysm when I heard a feminine voice.

“Hey, Noah.”

Katie, Dave’s now ex, walked past, her towel slung over one shoulder. I waved back.

“Hey, Katie. Hitting the treadmill hard tonight?”

“You got it.”

With that, she walked over to one of the machines and set herself up.

“You… know her?” I smirked at his expression. Mr. Big, Tough PT Guy was pretty much salivating. It took me stepping forward and miming mopping drool off his chin to get him snapping out of it. I was shoved away, but he quickly moved closer. “Who the hell is that girl? I’ve seen her here a few times, but?—”

“That’s Katie.”

I was deliberately holding back on the details just to fuck with him.

“Katie who?” I didn’t get a chance to answer because more questions came out in a steady barrage. “What’s she doing here? Does she have a boyfriend? What’s her star sign? What’s her favourite food, and if I can learn how to make it adequately, will she let me hand feed her morsels of it as my head rests on those amazingly thick thighs?”

I sucked in a breath, ready to answer some of them when I remembered what we were talking about. Had Millie had a STI panel done? Had she caught something from us? Charlie, I decided on the spot, because Knox was usually too damn grumpy to let women close. Had he…?

“You’ll have to ask her,” I said, slapping Rhys on the back before heading to the showers.

And I needed to follow my own advice.

I got cleaned up and changed before walking out into the cool night air towards my bike.

Brent freaking hated that I had a motorcycle, and for good reason. We’d seen enough road fatalities involving riders for most firies to swear off them. Not me. I’d bought a bike in year 12 because they were cheap, then because it seemed to give me a kind of cachet with the girls. Not Millie though. After I screwed up and rejected her in front of the whole school, she never spared me a second look. Then my motorcycle was a lifeline, getting me out onto the road, outrunning my own thoughts, just like I was doing now.

Except it didn’t work.

It hadn’t since that night. It felt like Millie was right there with me, her body plastered against my back as I slid onto the seat, her arms around my waist as I turned the engine on, holding tightly as I surged forward. Her hair brushing against my face, her breath on the back of my neck, teasing the small hairs that poked out from under my helmet. She was everywhere all at once.

And nowhere near me.

I parked out the front of my duplex, killing the engine, my phone weighing far more in my pocket than my bag full of gear. I waited until I had shoved my gym wear into the washing machine, setting it to run, before I unlocked it. I was standing there just in my undies as I stared at the screen. Eight P.M. the clock said. Not too late, I reasoned. I could call Millie and see if we could still meet up. There was that late night ice cream place near Piccolino’s. I could buy her a triple choc sundae and she could…

What? Tell me I had a STI?

What the hell else could it be? I began to pace back and forth when another message came through. Training day tomorrow , Knox said into the group chat we all used. I knew Charlie would be groaning at that news, but me…? There was one way to rule out if Millie was going to present me with her test results. I switched over to another group chat the three of us were in. Henry got annoyed being pinged whenever we organised to have a few beers. The bloke was happiest at home and with his family, rarely wanting to come out. My fingers moved before I could think too much about it, not wanting to let myself get psyched out.

Anyone heard from Millie?

I stared at the screen, willing Knox or Charlie to respond. Sure enough, a couple of dots appeared as someone started typing.

Spoke to her this arvo , Charlie replied, my heart simultaneously feeling like it dropped through the floor as it began to beat faster. Why? I wanted to snap, but he continued. Found her by the side of the road. Flat tyre.

You fix it?

Knox jumped in at that, ignoring my question, which was just typical. Always on task was Knox.

Nah, mate , came Charlie’s retort. Left her to hitchhike home.

Dots appeared, disappeared and then appeared again, as I imagined Knox choked back his initial response and rethought it. Charlie got in first.

Changed the tyre, dried her tears ? —

Millie was crying? My grip on the phone grew tighter. What the hell did she need to tell me?

Had a nice moment before Astrid rang.

Charlie’s sister had it tough. Two little boys with special needs and a deadbeat ex that had skipped out on her. Charlie tried to step up for her whenever he could.

She rang me. I could barely believe I typed that out, but it appeared we were all sharing today. Wants to talk.

More dots, so many dots appeared, and I watched the screen avidly, waiting for Knox to say something similar.

Congrats, that’s what I got from Charlie. Maybe she’s looking for something long term. Another pause. This is what you’ve been waiting for.

It was, but I felt none of his confidence.

Tell us how it goes , that was Knox’s response. Night.

He shut down the conversation as quickly as it started, and it was only after I went to bed that I realised he hadn’t answered my question. I’d find out tomorrow, I thought, as I locked up the house, in more ways than one. I didn’t call Millie before I flaked out for the night, instead organising a table for two at Piccolino’s, making an online booking. One way or the other, I’d find out what was going on with Millie.