Chapter 35

Millie

“Did you tell them?”

I jammed my phone between my ear and my shoulder as I unlocked my front door.

“No, but?—”

“What?”

I winced at Jamie’s yelp, then at the pain in my knee. I was damn close to begging Charlie for a ride home when he got called away. Well, after I broke the news that he might be a father. Instead, a call from some girl had him scuttling away as if his arse was on fire.

Holy crap, did he have a girlfriend? What an arsehole. Finding out that he was as big an arse as Dave was somehow way more disappointing.

Speaking of arse, mine was still aching. I wanted some paracetamol and a heat pack, stat.

“Why?” Jamie continued. “I thought you said today was the day. C’mon, Millie?—”

“I went to work with a payload of truth bombs I was ready to drop,” I told her. “But then they were out on jobs, y’know saving the city from fires.”

“Oh.”

“And then I got sexually harassed by some dickhead at work.”

“Oh no.”

“Finished the day and the guys were still on the job. Got a flat tyre.”

“And you didn’t ring us? Brock?” I heard her pull away from the phone. “Did any calls come in to the shop from Millie today?”

But I knew the answer. I was too busy trying to prove I was a good student and failing miserably.

“No, because right as I was trying to break the nuts that you guys do up too damn tight, I slipped, fell?—”

“Nooo…”

“On my arse. Actually, before that I landed on my knee.” The details were coming out faster and faster, until they were a big jumble. I hissed as I looked down at the bloody scrape there. “And then Charlie pulled up to fix everything.”

“I’ve got it.”

I knew I’d play him saying those three words over and over again in my head tonight, but right now I focussed on dropping my shit on the couch and collapsing down beside it.

“He changed my tyre while I had a little sook in his car that smelled exactly like his aftershave, and then he got in beside me and saw I was crying and he didn’t even run away.”

I heard a small sound and knew my so-called best friend was trying hard not to laugh.

“The good ones don’t, Mills.”

“Well, I had my moment, didn’t I?” My breath came in noisy gulps. “We were away from work and on neutral territory with no one to overhear. I could’ve told him.”

“Mills…”

“I could’ve said something. I was just about to and then some girl rang.”

“Some girl?”

“I know, I know.” My hand scrubbed at my forehead. “I never would’ve gone near him with a ten foot pole if I knew he was in a relationship.” My eyes fell closed, but there was no relief to be found there. “Let’s hope he’s not the dad.”

“You’re still going to have to tell him.”

I knew that, but.... In the car, before the phone call, it felt like we were having a moment. Turned out drunk Millie and straight Millie had the exact same taste. That little twinkle in Charlie’s eyes, the way those full lips curved when he smiled, and that damn dimple. I wanted to know if it’d feel as good kissing him in full control of my faculties as it did when I was drunk.

But not if he belonged to someone else.

“God, what if he is the dad and he’s in a long term relationship? What if I was the other woman? What if?—?”

“We can’t worry about Charlie’s theoretical relationship status right now.” Jamie’s words were the eye at the centre of a storm. “Let’s focus on the most immediate issue. Obviously waiting around a busy fire station isn’t going to work, so maybe it's time to grab the bull by the horns?”

At that moment, I heard a tone from my phone so I switched it to speaker phone.

“Um… I kinda already did. I sent Noah a message that we needed to talk.”

“Tell me you did not use that exact phrasing,” Jamie groaned, but I didn’t really hear her. I was tapping on my message notification to open it instead.

Be glad to , Noah had written. When suits you?

I read the words over and over as I dimly heard Jamie say my name, looking at them closely, trying to imagine his voice saying them with different inflections. Was he really glad or was he ‘glad to’ the way I told my bosses I was happy to do something I didn’t really want to do. I jerked the phone away from me with a frown. I wasn’t this girl. I might go out with deadshits, but when they revealed themselves as not worth my time, I cut them off without thought. I didn’t sit up at night crying over them and I didn’t need to create a psychological profile of Noah’s texting style.

“He said he’s happy to catch up and asked me when suits me,” I told Jamie.

“Now.” Her sharp reply had me jerking forward, then flinching as my tailbone started to throb anew. “Right now. Get off the damn phone. Ring, don’t text. Ring him and then ring me right back afterwards. Now, Mills, or I swear to god, I’m?—”

“Going to take a goddamn Valium for whatever ails you?” I finished for her. “Or maybe see a priest about an exorcism, because who the fuck are you and where’s my mild-mannered friend?”

“It’s time to rip the bandage off, Mills. Delaying this shit isn’t going to change anything. The guys aren’t a bottle of wine you can keep in storage to mature. The longer you delay, the harder this will get. Ring him.”

And without even allowing me an opportunity for rebuttal, she hung up.

For a second I just stared at my screen, unable to believe what she’d done, but then her words started to filter through. Jamie was right, of course. Putting this off wouldn’t help anyone, least of all me, but in some ways that was easy for her to say. My brothers had secretly pined for her most of our lives and I… I was about to drop some really intense news that no guy wanted to hear.

My thumbs moved then pulled back from the screen, only to hover again. It was like I was fighting a thumb war with myself. Each one circled, circled, but wouldn’t make a move and I knew why. With my brother’s revelation, there were two Noah’s. The one I thought I knew, who blew me off in front of the whole school.

And the one that let my brothers scare him off.

Neither was particularly attractive right now, but unless I could get in a time machine and go back to that party and cock block myself, none of that mattered. The guy didn’t have to be a good partner, just a decent father if the child was his. It was then I committed a cardinal sin, not sending another text back, but tapping on the call button. I listened to the steady buzz and then he picked it up.

“Hey.”

God fucking dammit, Noah, why do you have to sound the same? His voice was one of the first things that attracted me to him. Mrs. Simons made us read the textbook chapter we were working on aloud before we could start work. She called on him to read one day, and while the other kids snickered, this rich, deep, masculine voice rolled over my skin, making me shiver. The fact that there was just a little amusement in his tone made it even better. That tiny little act of rebellion made the teacher frown and me swoon.

“Hey.” Good start , I thought furiously. Keep going! “Um… what’re you up to?”

“Me? I’m just about to walk out the door.” He was? Fuck. Fuck! “I’ve got a date…” My mind was racing, filling in that gap with a string of blonde, brunette, and redheaded beauties, each one panting over his muscular physique. He moved on so fast, I thought. “With my PT.”

“What?” What the hell was a…? Shit, he wasn’t going on a date, date. It was his?—

“Personal trainer,” he supplied helpfully. “The guy got me through the entrance exams for the fire service, so I see him every week to maintain my fitness levels.”

“Right.”

Oh yeah, I was on fire right now.

“But I’m pretty sure you didn’t ring up to talk sets or macros.” There was a little nudge to his tone that had me scrubbing my hand across my face. “You said we needed to talk? You know most blokes’ balls shrivel up into raisins when a woman says that.”

“Right.” I shut my eyes and placed my spare hand on my forehead, just focussing on my breathing. Why was this such a big deal? It didn’t need to be. He was either in or out and that was it. Waiting wasn’t helping my stress levels, or my best friend’s. “Look, I wanted to?—”

“Talk?” His voice dropped an octave, getting deeper, huskier, and right now I wanted to pull it around me like a warm blanket and luxuriate in it. “I thought we were, Millie.”

“Sorry for turning your testicles into dried fruit,” I replied, trying to laugh and failing. “I just wanted to see if you’d have time after work to have a quick chat. In person,” I added hastily.

“Sounds serious.” It is, I wanted to say, but didn’t, not when my throat was closing up by the second. The truth felt like a massive pill I couldn’t seem to swallow. “Do you want me to cancel the session with my PT?”

Yes, yes, I wanted that, more than anything. Worse, I wanted him to want that. I wanted him to be like pfft… dude who transformed my body, you’ll need to wait, because my teenage crush with the scary brothers says she needs me. I wanted to be wanted, wholly and solely, and for him to feel like responding to this request was his only option.

That I was his only option.

I wanted him, someone, to put me first, more than my next breath, but when I let out a long shuddering sigh, that’s not what I said.

Growing up with three brothers was cool in some ways and sucked in others. Crying, whining, complaining, they were all censured hard, making clear that if I wanted to play with them I needed to suck it up and fast. I internalised some kind of macho bullshit that sat badly on me like ill-fitting clothes. It wasn’t until I befriended Jamie back in primary school that I realised someone could care about you and your feelings. Trouble is, all that evaporated when dealing with guys. I either hid what I was feeling, waiting for them to somehow read my mind, or I blew them off before they even got the chance to work it out, saving myself the heartache.

But I couldn’t right now.

I smiled blindly, my eyes screwed closed in an expression that would’ve no doubt alarmed him, even as I kept my voice perfectly calm.

“No, of course not. Would tomorrow after work suit you?”

“Um… sure, but, Mills.” Don’t use that little pet name , I thought furiously. Don’t. “Do you wanna give me a hint as to what this is about?”

“There’s a cafe down at the beach.” I skated past his question and got to the point. “The one near the jetty.”

“Piccolino’s?”

“Yeah, that one. How about we meet there at say, six o’clock? I can book us a table.”

“I can do it.” There was a little iron in his voice that had me shivering. “Maybe we can have an early dinner. My shout. It’d be good to talk, Millie. There’s so much I want to tell you.”

“Right. Right.” I was sucking in oxygen like I’d run a mile now. “Well, have a good training session. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jamie better be happy with that. I’d organised a time, a place, outside of work hours where no one else was likely to overhear. My hand slid to my stomach, rubbing the flat surface. One way or the other, I’d make sure Noah knew what was happening. I nodded to myself, opening my eyes before ringing Jamie back.