Chapter 33

Millie

I slept well, too damn well, as became apparent when my alarm started to blare. My head jerked up off the pillow, and for a few seconds I just stared, unable to work out what the hell that noise was. Work, my brain supplied helpfully. I had work.

And I needed to get the fuck out of bed if I was going to make it on time.

I’d slept through the first alarm, the louder, blaring klaxon of my emergency alarm the only thing to wake me up. This had me stumbling into the bathroom and surveying the mess with growing concern. I’d slept on wet hair, so it was standing up on weird angles right now. I dragged a wet brush through it, opting for a light cover of make up because that’s all I had time for. A nice blouse, already ironed and hanging in my cupboard and a skirt were dragged on, my fingers pausing over the button.

Would they get too small soon? How would I hide that? All important questions, but right now I needed to get in the car if I was to have a hope of getting to work on time. My stomach rumbled in protest at that idea, but I promised it a sausage McMuffin if I made good time. My phone was shoved into my pocket, my bag slung over my shoulder as I ran for the lift. The doors were just about to close, the cranky Mrs Smith never liking company when she took her ferocious Pomeranian, Jonesy, out for a walk. I nodded, ignoring her scowl, before striding out of the carriage the minute we hit the basement.

The McMuffin was a mistake. The minute I took possession of the bag from the person serving me, I was hit by a stench. Was this what they always smelled like? I remembered them as a sort of spicy, porky, stodgy kind of stuff, but right now the smell was nauseating. I didn’t dare yeet it out of my car in peak hour traffic, so instead, I was forced to wind my window down, sucking in the scents of petrol and exhaust as I edged closer. I rolled up to work with a couple minutes to spare, which in Dad’s eyes was late, then locked up before running across the car park towards the station. That’s when I spied the appliance bays. A siren had me jumping out the way as a truck eased out onto the road and then sped off, followed quickly by another.

“There you are!”

I spun around, sure I was about to come face to face with someone else entirely, only to find Judy standing there. “You came back, which is ten times better than the other girl Brent hired to take over from me. Not sure what she was expecting, but obviously not this.” I blinked and then forced myself to nod. “So how was your night?”

“Um… good, you?”

“Exhausted. Blue’s mum is staying with me right now while he’s on a job. She’s lovely, but…”

She regaled me with tales of her mother-in-law’s infractions as we walked into the office and then started the working day.

The morning went by in a blur of admin, or maybe that’s because I resolutely focussed on my work. It wasn’t just to impress Judy, but because when I did that, it stopped me from having to think about what I needed to do. Talk to the guys, tell them about the situation, and then work out a way forward. Simple, easy, and bloodless inside my head. Problem is, the more I thought about it, the more I saw Knox’s steely gaze, heard his dispassionate words. Be professional, that was about all I could focus on right now, so that’s what I did until lunchtime came.

“Time for a break!” Judy announced. “Did you bring lunch?” Her hand went to her stomach. “There’s a lovely cafe across the road and my sons are feeling like a focaccia with all of the trimmings.”

“You’re having boys?” I asked, getting to my feet.

“Not sure. Blue wanted to wait, but I…” She rubbed her belly. “A mother knows.”

Should I know? I felt like a complete idiot as my consciousness quested outwards, reaching for… what? The baby was little more than a cluster of cells at this point.

“Well, I’m sure Blue would love two little boys to raise,” I replied, “but I’ve gotta take a rain check.” I hefted the lunchbox I’d grabbed out of the fridge in my hurry. “My brothers went overboard cooking last night and I’ve got leftovers for days.”

“I’ll see you back in the office in an hour then.”

But in what state? I wondered, my heart beating way too fast as I walked into the break room.

It was full of people, of men, just like the other day, but not the right ones. I scanned the tables, looking for Noah or Charlie, even Knox, but didn’t catch sight of them.

“Looking for a seat?” Ew, definitely not him. Dave stood up and offered me a chair at his table. I went to shake my head and brush past him, but his grin widened. “Or looking for someone, make that someones, else?”

I sat down abruptly, opening my lunchbox and staring at the pasta inside it as if all the secrets of the universe could be contained there.

“Leave her alone, Dave.”

The deep voice had me turning his way, and a man with dark brown hair and eyes the same colour shot me a sympathetic look.

“Gareth.”

When he held out his hand, I shook it.

“Millie.”

“I worked that out.” He nodded to Dave. “And you don’t need to take his shit.”

“Is this talking shit?” Dave looked me up and down slowly, and I barely contained my shudder. “You’re looking lovely today, Millie.”

“Amelia.”

I only gave people my full name when I had to, but right now I didn’t want him using my nickname at all.

“Amelia.” The idiot seemed to assume I’d granted him some special favour or something. “Your skin, your hair…” He waved his hand vaguely as Gareth snorted and turned back to his food. “You’re glowing.”

Those three words had my fork freezing halfway between my food and my mouth. When I stared at him, I saw the look of self-congratulation. He thought he had my attention and could push his advantage. Instead, I dropped the fork into my lunchbox.

“I think I’ve lost my appetite.”

Gareth shook his head with a smile, but Dave’s brows drew down.

“You don’t have to be a bitch…”

Anything he might have to say was cut off by the sound of a bell. Every man stopped what he was doing, dropping his food, setting down drinks, whatever was in hand to move.

Right as Noah and his crew were about to walk in.

I saw Noah’s expression, followed the shapes his lips made, cursing the bell, right before his eyes locked with mine. For just a second, the shrill sound was a soundtrack to what? What the hell was this? Charlie asked Noah the same thing, giving him a nudge, then steering him away.

“You can tidy this up, right, love?”

Dave’s use of that endearment felt wrong, but before I could protest, I was alone in an empty break room, mess scattered over every table. Chairs were left jerked out, the fridge door even hanging open. Judy hadn’t filled me in on this part of the job, but cleaning up after blokes who left a mess behind par for the course in a pub. I closed the fridge, then went to work. Stack the dishwasher with dirty cups and cutlery, push in chairs, wrap what was left of people’s meals and stow them in the fridge. I was about halfway through when Brent walked in.

“What are you doing?”

My head jerked up and I met his eyes.

“Um… cleaning up?”

“That’s not your job.”

“Oh, well, sorry.” I left the lunchbox on the desk. “Dave said?—”

“That idiot…” He shook his head slowly. “Do me a favour, Millie, and ignore pretty much everything that comes out of his mouth. He doesn’t know his arse from a hole in the ground.” That had me snorting involuntarily. Brent’s smile had me relaxing by increments as he steered me towards the office. “Now, how is Judy treating you? Getting your head around the job?”

We talked briefly about my first two days until the woman herself rejoined us.

“Oh, that was a mistake.” She waddled over to the couch in the admin office. “I could just close my eyes right now and drift off…”

“Have a rest.” There was something eminently fatherly about Brent. “Millie’s got this, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

That was the only answer I could give as I went to work.

So did you tell them yet?

I saw Jamie’s text as I walked out at the end of my day, or rather, I felt it. Her breath on the back of my neck, her fingers in my ribs, pushing me forward. I didn’t need any further coercion from my family because I was in the just-get-it-done phase now. I was sick of trying, failing, trying again, and so I marched out into the appliance bay…

To find it empty.

Stupid firefighters went out and did things like fight fires, I guess. The guys didn’t know there was an emergency here too. I looked down at my phone then tapped out a response to Noah’s text.

Sitting down to talk would be good. Let's make a time.

That little sound the phone made when it was delivered felt like a knife to my heart, but I got into my car and started it rather than dwelling. I could meet Noah tonight at my place. Nope, neutral ground. Men took women to restaurants, banking on the fact we didn’t like to make a scene, to deliver difficult news. Maybe I could do the same. I thought of some of the suitable places we could go to on the way home. Cars were hemmed in close, peak hour traffic all around me, when I heard the noise.

Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap.

“No…” I moaned, indicating abruptly, then waving as I cut into the far lane. I found a spot outside a strip of shops that wasn’t a park, but would become one right now, because I had a flat tyre. “No, no, no…”

I had been zoned out behind the wheel, thinking about walking into my bedroom and face planting on the bed. Nope, make that face planting for an hour or two, then seeing if Noah had replied before going out for the world’s most excruciating date to break the news to him. Maybe I’d be back in time to catch my favourite TV show and drown my sorrows in a bowl of ramen. This, this was not part of the plan. I walked around the back of the car and sure enough, my tyre was losing air fast.

You’ve got this , I thought.

But I didn’t want to got this. I felt like a whiny child as I walked over to the back of the car, popping the boot open and rummaging through way too much crap to find the tyre brace, then the heavy trolley jack my dad insisted I keep in the car. I felt the feminism leaving my body as I hoisted them and the spare tyre out because I was willing to become anyone’s trad wife if they’d just take this job on for me. Instead of a knight in shining armour, I was faced with this reality. I was my father’s daughter, my brothers’ sister, so all the boys had made sure I could change a tyre.

That was no consolation at all as clouds massed above me, grey and dark. They were a perfect reflection of my mood. My low curses were drowned out by the rumble of thunder as I put the brace socket against the first nut.

The cute tailored skirt I’d put on this morning made my arse look amazing, but right now, it was a total pain in the butt, constraining my every movement. A few raindrops splattered across my unprotected back, forcing the thin fabric to stick to my skin, and as I tensed every muscle, the rain lubricated the footpath just enough to send my heels skidding across it. My feet scrambled for purchase, my whole body strained against the brace, trying to break the hold the first tyre nut had on the wheel. But just because I knew what I had to do didn’t mean I could actually do it. My feet gave out on me, losing purchase, and right as I tried to regain it, my knee went slamming down onto the concrete.

For a moment there was only pain. Bright, hot, and cutting straight through me, past everything that happened today, yesterday, and beyond that, right down to the core. A small, shivering, miserable one apparently, because I pressed my head into the side panel of my car and recited under my breath every last swear word I knew until the pain turned from agony to just a dull, throbbing ache.

Who the hell was I kidding?

I liked to think I was a girlboss, able to tackle anything life threw at me, but look at me right now, brought to the point of tears by a bloody flat tyre. I jerked back, wincing when my knee dragged across the concrete, but in a series of limping movements, I got myself upright.

My hands were pressed against the side of my car, forced to use them to keep me up, and that’s when I stared into my back seat. It wasn’t hard to see it, a baby seat where there was just discarded gym gear, old coffee cups, and reusable shopping bags. A baby seat with a little person kicking within the confines, looking out at me, waiting for Mummy to sort the problem out. Trouble was, my mind didn’t stop there. Next to my baby was Charlie, smiling down at our child and babbling some nonsense to keep them smiling as the other two got out. Noah walked around the back, Knox, the front, and they said the words I wanted, needed to hear.

“We’ve got this.”

I didn’t need declarations nor flowery words of love, but that? That I needed like my next breath. Instead, I was forced to let a shuddering sigh out, because as I stared out at the road, watching cars whizzing by, people looked idly my way, momentary witnesses to my moment of weakness.

But not for long.

The trouble was Brock was the one that serviced my car and he and his team removed the wheels with a rattle gun, then rotated them before tightening them back up. I had no pneumatic tools in the mess of my back seat, but I did have this.

“Get the brace level and then stand on it, love,” Dad told me the day he taught me how to change a tyre. “You might get lucky and be able to break the nuts by hand, but usually you’ve gotta help them along.”

With shaky hands I’d slapped them on the roof of the car, just like I did now, using my bare feet to climb up onto the brace. The metal cross bar bit into my soles then and the same thing happened now, but with a crucial difference. Then Brock and Dad were there, cheering me on, talking me through what to do, and then I’d bounced a little on the brace, breaking the first nut.

No such luck today.

The skirt, my knee, the rain, this god awful day, they all conspired against me. I didn’t break the nut, instead letting out an ungodly shriek as I clawed at the roof, trying to stop myself from slipping backwards.

Of course, that was the moment when he drove past.

Charlie’s eyes were a curious shade of blue, I noticed that, his going as wide as mine for just a second before he abruptly veered sideways. I didn’t see why as I landed hard on my butt.

The baby!

It couldn’t be hurt, I knew that academically, but emotionally? My arms wrapped around my belly, forcing my tailbone to take the full brunt of my fall. If I thought my knee hurt, I was about to get an education on what real pain was. I sucked in a breath, then another, shuddering through the waves as I heard a door slam and boots clump against the concrete.

“Millie…?” I was trying to be the cool girl, the capable one, confident, but I felt none of that as I looked up, seeing a version of Charlie through a veil of unshed tears. “Jesus, love, what the hell were you doing?”

“Flat… tyre,” I ground out, my eyes screwed down to slits.

He looked at the car, taking in the jack, tyre and brace before glancing back at me.

“Don’t worry.” His hand gave my arm a squeeze. “I’ve got it.”