Chapter 31

Knox

“You wanted to talk.”

Nope, that’s not what I wanted. Feeling that ache in my chest and my cock stiffen just had me tossing what was left of my sandwich down onto the plastic I’d wrapped it in. I was past this, I insisted. Decision was made. Millie and I would talk this out, so I got to my feet and then nodded to the door, not looking to see if she followed me.

A public place that was secluded enough not to be heard, but not so much that anyone would get the wrong idea, Millie included. I found a small meeting room and stepped inside, ushering her in, though leaving the door open. I made sure to move away from the door, giving her a clear path out of the room, before parking my butt on the edge of a table. Crossing my arms gave off defensive vibes, but I couldn’t seem to unfold them as she stopped a small distance away.

“Knox—”

I knew that tremulous tone. It was one women used when they were about to hit you with bad news and they thought by softening their voices it’d be more palatable. I shook my head and cut in.

“I just wanted to clear the air.”

“Oh, OK.” Her hand fiddled with the hem of her shirt until she forced them into her skirt pockets. “Yeah, me too.”

“So we’re agreed then?” She looked at me in confusion, but I kept on going. “What happened…” All my control fractured right then, but you didn’t go rushing into burning buildings without being able to keep your damn head. “It was just a drunken night of fun. There’s no reason why we can’t be professional.”

“Professional.” She tried to smile, but it ended up being this weird twist of her lips. “Yeah, right, of course.” I watched her shake her head then force herself to meet my eyes. “Wouldn’t want to be unprofessional.”

“People do dumb shit at Christmas parties.” Who was I trying to convince, her or me? “At least you didn’t end up photocopying your bum or something.”

“No.” Whatever she was thinking, it was smoothed away now. The same cool gaze she walked in with this morning was back. “I wouldn’t want to do something stupid that could come back to bite me later.”

“No biting…”

Fuck, my voice was dropping lower, because I remembered her teeth digging themselves into my shoulder, right as she bore down. My cock was buried so deep inside her, it felt like I could feel the steady throb of her heart. She’d stared at me, just like she did now, but there was a crucial difference. Alcohol, the time of year, or the vibe in the room, I didn’t know, but she was so open, so vulnerable, I felt as though I could stare straight into her soul.

And her into mine.

Now, Millie’s walls were up, built sky high, and part of me wanted to scale each one, breaking them down and bringing her back to me, but… Consent, that’s what had been clear in our sexual harassment training and she didn’t want that, so I wouldn’t push.

“Anyway.” I thrust my hand out like when meeting any other new team member. “Welcome to the fire service.”

“Right.”

Her sigh, the way she gripped my hand momentarily before pulling away as if stung, they all had me wanting to ask questions, demand answers. Not my job, none of my concern, I nodded to myself and then pulled away, pausing in the doorway.

“If you have any issues with anyone here, don’t be afraid to come and talk to me. I’d be happy to help out.”

At that I walked out, satisfied that I’d behaved like a good bloke, but one little sound from her had me lingering in the hallway.

“Fuck…”

I played it over and over in my head later that night, listening to the nuances, reading way too much into it, but right now? I smiled, something unworthy of me, however for just a second it helped, to know she was struggling with this as well.

“What did she say?”

Noah was up and in my face the minute I walked into the main conference room. We were supposed to be paying attention to the latest bushfire forecast from head office.

“What did who say?”

One long look made clear I wasn’t fooling anyone, but I sat down and leaned back in my chair, watching Brent and the presenter fuss over the projector.

“Millie.” He sat down beside me. “You two went off and talked.”

“It went fine.”

“OK, enough of the fucking foreplay.” Charlie got up and moved behind me, nodding to Henry to indicate he needed to swap seats. “I’m not going to plait your hair and have a pillow fight to get the details out of you.”

I shot him a sidelong look, making clear how I felt. He didn’t say a damn thing to Millie, did he? The prick waited me out as people began to shuffle into the room.

“I just made it clear that we were going to keep things professional,” I replied. “That no one was going to let what happened interfere with our working relationship.”

“Just like that, huh?” Why the hell was the prick smiling like that, then shaking his head? “Jeez, you’re fucking cold.”

“What?” I said. Charlie crossed his arms and made a show of focussing on the screen. “What was I supposed to say?”

“Ask her what happened.” That was Noah, not Charlie, and I was forced to hiss at him to keep his voice down. “Why she blocked Charlie. Why she…” He swallowed hard as Brent called for quiet. “Why she never texted me back, because she didn’t block me.”

Charlie’s head whipped around, staring at the two of us, resulting in a frown from Brent.

“Focus, dipshits,” I said, and as quiet settled over the room, everyone faced forward.

Did their minds wander as the meteorologist discussed the risks this summer posed to the city? Did they hear descriptions of high pressure systems and dry lightning storms, but not really process it? The speaker’s words washed over me, making clear we had a long, tough season ahead of us and that autumn wouldn’t be bringing us the rain we hoped for, but when we walked out, it was my teammates words I remembered, not the contents of the briefing.

“Want a beer?” Henry asked once our shift was over. “I’ve got time for one before I need to pick the kids up.”

“I gotta get home,” I told him with a shake of my head. “I promised to take Buster for a run.”

“The bloody dog can wait,” someone called out, but I couldn’t. I just waved them away as I headed for the car. It felt like I took my first full breath when I got behind the wheel. For a moment, I held onto the steering wheel, focussing on the way the vinyl pressed into my fingers, before putting the key in the ignition. I was about to take off when I saw I wasn’t the only one beating a hasty exit.

I owed Noah an apology. I’d tap out a text as soon as I got home, I promised, because I watched Millie closely as she walked across the carpark towards her own vehicle. What was the freaking point of giving him a hard time, when I was just as moony over her? I watched her get into her car, telling myself it was because I wanted to make sure she was safe, but I knew it wasn’t that.

It was the same thing that had me looking at the job vacancies on the fire service’s website, looking for other stations who might need an experienced firefighter. While I loved working at this station, things had changed. No amount of professionalism was going to keep me from making a pest of myself around Millie, so if she was going to stick it out at this job, I needed to move on.

“Hey, buddy.” Buster rushed towards me, ball in mouth, tail wagging as soon as I got inside the door. “Wanna go for a run?” He made clear his intentions, spinning around and around in a circle before dropping the ball on the floor and barking. “Alright, mate, just lemme get changed.”

Stripping off my uniform never felt so good. It was heavy armour like a knight wore, laid aside. Free of that, I could be just me, just Knox, so I pulled on shorts and a t-shirt and then grabbed my dog’s lead, the two of us going outside before breaking into a run.

One day, I promised the setting sun. One day I’d have a family to bring with us when we went to the beach. A wife, kids, the whole nine yards, but right now, I needed to make amends.

Sorry for being such a dick , I texted Noah. Shouldn’t have come down so hard on you.

Three little dots appeared as he started to answer, then his message came through.

Be easier to accept if it didn’t keep happening , he replied. I snorted and shook my head at that, tossing the ball for Buster when he dropped it at my feet. I’m gonna talk to Millie. Suddenly the cool breeze took on a bit of a chill, drying the sweat on my skin. You might not need answers, but I do.

Well, fuck.

Noah was a good firefighter and I liked having him on my team. He was smart, sensible, efficient in what he did, but I thought I still had the edge on him. Not now. Turns out Noah was braver than any of us.