Chapter Twenty-Five

I slept in my office last night.

It’s been a strenuous few days, and after wandering to the lake, then seeing Darian… Well, needless to say, I couldn’t just go back to my cabin alone. I mean, I could have, but my brain was too busy, my thoughts too hectic.

It’s irritating. Mind-blowing orgasms are supposed to clear your head, not muss it up more.

So instead, I went to the lab and fucked around with my hybrids for a few hours until the sun was coming up. I actually don’t remember passing out on the couch, but that’s where I woke up just now.

And glancing across the room at my clock, I see that it’s after nine.

Jesus. I haven’t slept this late in years.

Getting up slowly, I stretch my arms out and rub my eyes. I use the en suite I have off my office, and when I’m freshened up, I open my office door slowly, peering out into the lab to see what’s going on. People are mulling about, working. Understandable, since it’s late. Even so, you can pretty much always find at least a few someones in here working, at all hours. We could be considered workaholics, though we don’t see it that way.

Our work is important. We create fuel, medicine, recreational and therapeutic psychedelics, which are exported in trade. We keep this place as self-sustained as possible and growing stronger every day.

My team is solid. Between the chemists and the Tribe, everyone knows how things work by now. We’re like our own little family within a family. I trust them not to spill our secrets or make comments on things they don’t need to be concerned with.

Like me coming in late, disheveled and dripping wet with mud all over my dress whites, then sleeping for hours in my office.

Stepping out of said office, I keep my head down as I make a beeline for the exit. I’d like to try to escape without anyone stopping me. Unfortunately, no such luck when I push open the door and almost crash right into Jeremy, one of my top patrolmen.

Disguising my shock and the insecure air I haven’t been able to shake since last night with Darian, I clear my throat. “What?”

“Sir, Head Priest sent me,” he starts, then pauses, his eyes shifting all over the place, as if he doesn’t know how to tell me what he needs to tell me.

It only serves to irritate me further. “And? Get on with it. What’s the problem?”

“There’s an Outsider on the Expanse,” he grunts.

“A breach?” My brows shoot up.

“Uh, not exactly…” His blinking becomes rapid, and my head shakes to showcase my confusion.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“She’s a… guest,” he fumbles. “Brought in by Abdiel Harmony.”

My limbs actually freeze. I can feel it, like someone pressed the spectral pause button. “What…? He brought her… from where??”

Jeremy does a little shrug, making it apparent that he only has the information he’s just given me, no more, no less. Scoffing, I rake my fingers through my hair, reaching for the walkie on his belt. But then I stop myself and brush past him, toward the exit. I need to get to Darian.

We need to talk about this face to face.

My pulse is increasing steadily with my bemused frustration as I stalk the long corridor, my mind a jumbled mass of queries.

Abdiel’s back? Relief floods my chest at that thought alone, though it’s stomped out quickly when I remember hebrought a stranger onto our land. Why on Earth would he do such a thing?

And Darian is allowing her to stay? That’s ridiculous. Typical Darian, putting us all in danger because of his giant heart overflowing with human compassion. Bleh.

He and Abdiel are so similar in some ways, it’s startling.

Still, there’s no way Darian is pleased with Abdiel encountering random strays and bringing them back to us, especially after all the shady things that have been occurring lately with trespassers.

There are no coincidences. This is happening for a reason.

But what is it?

Shoving myself through the large doors, I’m hit with late morning sun which blinds me momentarily. I rub my eyes hard, trying to push away the grogginess and the stress of my overall existence as I stomp to my ATV.

I’m about to jump on when I hear something… A familiar voice.

His thoughts ripple around his actual words, and I glance up to find the tall, slender yet immaculately defined form approaching, his dirty blonde curls shining beneath the sun. Full lips pulled into that permanent grin he wears, dimples resting comfortably at its corners like little signs that say, There’s no possible way I wouldn’t be modeling in the outside world.

I’m taken aback by how relieved I am to see him, back and safe. So much so that I almost completely miss the tiny red-haired thing at his side.

My eyes take her in before they spot me, dancing over her long hair, billowing in the breeze, not quite red, but more blonde-meets-coral or something, that blushed color combination emphasized by her pale complexion, similar to mine and Abdiel’s. The shape of her face, her nose and large eyes actually resemble Abdiel’s a bit, which has me wondering if maybe they’re related. Though I’m sure Darian would have mentioned that in his relayed message…

The girl is wearing jeans and a flowy top, loose enough to hide her figure. She seems mousy from afar, though she’s laughing and chatting with Abdiel, so clearly, they get along.

But where the hell did she come from?

I’m just kind of standing around, wondering if I should walk up to them and introduce myself, or wait for them to get to me. Or hop on the ATV and drive away, which is what I probably should do, though I must admit, I’m intrigued by the girl; by her presence. I need to know why she’s here, what her purpose is, and why Abdiel would bring her onto our land without consulting anyone.

That’s something that just does not happen on the Expanse. Ever.

Abdiel’s gaze finally breaks away from their conversation, and he notices me, his grin widening significantly as he offers me a small wave. I narrow my gaze at him, rooting my feet to the ground and conveying my immediate feelings so only he can hear.

Welcome back, little mouse. You’ve got some explaining to do.

His grin fades, teeth sinking into that plush lower lip of his. I hate when he does that. It makes me lose control of my thoughts, forcing me to blur them out to disguise my uncertainty.

They saunter up to where I’m standing and finally stop, the three of us just staring at each other for a solid three seconds before anyone speaks.

“Drake,” Abdiel says my name in a sort of sigh that tells me he’s glad to see me, which doesn’t placate me at all since I don’t know what to do with that bit of information. “Good morning.”

My brow cocks. Pleasantries, little mouse? Really?

His cheeks flush, and he breaks our eye contact, glancing at his shoes. “This is Rhiannon. Rhiannon, this is Drake. The Alchemist.”

When I remove my glare from the kid and slink it on over to the girl, I find her already staring at me. And I mean gawking. I know why, of course, so I make a point to give her a slow-blink, really showing off the eyes.

A word splashes from her thoughts in my direction, Wow… followed by, He is beautiful.

An itch travels up my spine from the way she’s thinking about me, so boldly. It causes me to shift in place, breaking my gaze with her glistening eyes, the color of deep waters. I’m already feeling off today, and having this stranger in here, assessing me, is just making me even more itchy.

“Great to meet you, Dra—”

“Where did she come from, and why is she here?” I address Abdiel, ignoring the girl, who doesn’t even seem put off by my interruption. She just goes back to staring at me.

Like I’m a goddamn sideshow act.

Abdiel stammers, “I met her on the mountain. She’s from Seattle.” His words pause and go quieter. “She needed to be here.”

The craziest thing is that I already know what he’s talking about, before he even elaborates. The mountain… They must have been to the clearing.

Abdiel hears my thoughts and does a brief nod, subtle enough, though when I glance at the girl, she’s watching our interaction with some curiosity in her eyes and lining her forehead.

“I need to speak with you,” I mumble to Abdiel, watching the girl with reticence. “Privately.”

“Sure.” He nods. “But first we’re supposed to give Rhiannon a tour of the lab.”

I scoff, “No. Absolutely not.” My head shakes firmly. “I don’t bring strangers into my operation, and I don’t make a habit of giving out the secrets of The Principality to every little spy who comes stumbling onto my land.”

I glare at the girl, and she shivers. I can see it, feel it from her thoughts. She’s fascinated by me; nervous yet so intrigued it’s radiating from her mind. I simply blink at her.

“But Darian said…” Abdiel’s voice trails, tugging me back to him.

“Darian said to have me show her the lab?” It isn’t hard to miss the disbelief in my tone.

He rubs the back of his neck with his hand. “Well, no… But he said to show her around, and she’s really interested in the business.”

“Of course she is,” I huff.

“I go to Business School,” the girl chirps.

I roll my eyes. “Of course you do. Look, I don’t have time for this. I need to speak to my brother.”

I turn away from them but feel a hand on my arm. I already recognize the firm yet tender grip.

“Drake,” Abdiel says my name in that voice again, and I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me that it creates a tiny flutter in my gut. He just has the sexiest damn voice… “Please? Just a quick tour. Nothing too involved. Even just your terrarium in your office would suffice.” His pouty lips pull into a tempting grin. “For me?”

Honestly, what is it about this kid that makes me want to push him onto his knees right here?

Taking a deep breath, I watch him carefully, his thoughts telling me about how he missed me, and how much he loved what we did in the woods before he left. It’s twisting me up, which is beyond frustrating, since I’m already twisted up. How much more can a person twist??

“Fine,” I growl.

Abdiel smiles before his tongue trails his lip, the sight of which is hardening me up good in my pants.

The girl’s thoughts are simmering beside me, distracting me with all her mischievous wonderings, about me, what I do, where I’m from… About me and Abdiel together.

There’s tension between us. I was hoping it wasn’t obvious, but if this stranger is picking up on it, maybe someone else could, too?

It’s not good, and now I’m even more irritable as I bark, “Five minutes inside the lab. That’s it. Stay by my side. If you wander off, I can’t promise my men won’t shoot you.”

Abdiel grins, likely believing that I’m kidding as I stomp in the direction I came, back up the steps to the lab. The girl’s head is ridden with angst at wondering if I’m serious.

Hopefully she doesn’t find out the hard way.

We go inside and walk the corridor, toward the lab. With the girl by my side, I hear her scattered thoughts while her face bounces back and forth, taking everything in.

“When did you get back?” I ask Abdiel.

“Earlier this morning. We’ve spent the last hour or so getting her settled in my trailer and taking a tour of the lake, housing, the farm…”

“She’s staying with you?” My shock is apparent. Darian would never…

“She’ll be using my trailer,” Abdiel corrects me. “I’m staying in the Den.”

My chest tightens. “Are you now…” My jaw does, too.

Abdiel gives me a side-eye. You can come stay with us… You know that, right?

My gaze narrows, chest tightening at the thought, for just a moment before I shake it off.

Pushing open the large double doors, I bring them inside the lab. There’s a platform with handrails where you stand to overlook everything happening below, in the actual lab, stairs leading down to where my chemists are bustling about. The three of us stand up on the platform, observing them hard at work, mixing, stirring, and boiling in beakers and flasks, using machines to create and measure.

“Wow,” the girl sighs. “This is incredible. This place is so different from everywhere else I’ve seen.”

“How so?” I ask, knowing what she means, but wanting to watch her as she explains her thoughts. I like that.

“Well, this entire place… the Expanse… there’s so much going on here. Little sections, almost like boroughs within your commune. And this place, this lab, is the only spot with technology, it seems.” She pauses to collect her thoughts. “I could be wrong. Obviously, I haven’t seen everything in only a couple of hours. But… I like it in here.”

I nod, accepting her compliment. And it is one, for me, since this lab is mine. I designed it, set it up. I run it.

It’s my haven within our haven.

The business side of it is something I have to do because I don’t trust anyone else with it. Darian helps, sure, but he focuses more on dealing with the political side. I have to run the exporting and trade, even though it’s not my favorite thing.

I just want to be with my plants. I want to be in the lab, creating things. Dealing in science. Business is just a means to an end for me.

I decide to take them down to see one part of what we’re doing. My chemists are cultivating spores that will be turned into penicillin for new antibiotics. Very important.

“I can’t believe you guys make your own medicine here,” Rhiannon says, observing everything closely. And I’m stuck observing her. Making sure she’s not some kind of spy, gathering intel for a bunch of assholes who will try to rob me.

I’m not paranoid. That dickhead I wasted the other night was trying to do exactly that. I’ve worked too hard to allow worthless scum from the outside to trickle in and steal from my family what I’ve been building for two decades.

She doesn’t seem like she’s one of them, but I can’t know that from interacting with her for five minutes. And you can never be too careful.

“What about long-term illness?” She asks, turning wide, teal eyes on me.

I shake my head. “Rare. But we have the means to treat lupus, multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, things of that nature.”

“I only saw the med trailer from outside,” she murmurs.

“There are four.” I nod for them to follow me as we ascend the stairs. “Three surgeons, two in training. Two obstetricians, a neurologist, optometrist, dentist, orthodontist, psychotherapist. You name it, we have it. Pretty much.”

Once up on the platform, I take them back through the double doors. When we’re outside again, Abdiel steps away to speak with a few of the guys on patrol.

“How have you done all of this?” Rhiannon’s voice is full of awe. Honestly, it feels good. I suppose having an Outsider around can be useful for ego stroking. “It’s just… it’s amazing. You’ve created an entire community, a society, apart from everything else. It’s baffling to me that you’re completely self-sustained.”

“Well, not completely.” I lean up against my ATV, folding my arms. “We trade for a reason. There are some things we can’t manufacture for ourselves just yet, like the four-wheelers, other vehicles, certain medical and farming equipment… Though we do have some pretty excellent blacksmiths, mechanics, and a training program.”

Her face is one of pure shock, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. I have to laugh a little.

“Rhiannon, where do you think things come from? Human beings make them, with supplies provided from the earth and created by other human beings. A person can learn to do just about anything. So that’s what we’ve done. We have talented individuals here, who were cast aside in the outside world. Outside, most of them were nothing, barely working to their full potential. Living paycheck to paycheck, scraping the bottom of unattainable success, or even just struggling to find their self-worth. In here, they’re leaders. Masters. They’ve taught others, and from there, we grew.

“The problem with the outside world, with America in particular, is that it rarely rewards the hard-working. It focuses a lot on the teaching, but not on the application and allocation of knowledge. Here, that’s exactly what we do. If you have a skill, it’s put to the test and celebrated.”

I pause for a moment, letting it sink in. Allowing her to grasp what I’m saying. “Nothing is perfect, shy of our Mother Earth. The Principality understands that. We cherish it, the imperfections of the world. The natural balance.”

She blinks a few times, her gaze going to Abdiel, as does mine, watching him as he laughs. The sound is infectious, and it almost makes me smile. I glance back at Rhiannon to find her giving him the same sort of look. Her eyes dart to mine, and we squint at each other.

“You’re in love with him.” I give her a smug smirk.

“How could I be in love with him?” She scoffs. “I barely know him. We just met two days ago.”

“Irrelevant. Love isn’t as definitive as you Outsiders like to make it seem. Love can fade, it can expand. Over long periods of time, or short ones.”

She grins, a snide little thing. “You sound like you’re speaking from experience.” I freeze, my spine stiffening, though I make a point not to react to her comment, ignoring it. And then she says, “Tell me about your brother.”

I turn a warning glare on her. “I’m not in the business of discussing my family with strangers.”

“Well, I’m a guest.” She twirls a lock of hair around her finger as she peers up at me. She’s so small, it feels like she’s half my height. “You could indulge me.”

“Anything you’d like to know about him you can find out for yourself,” I grumble. “He’s a pretty transparent person.”

“Yea, except for the secret affair, right?”

Her words grip my gut, my heart thumping quick behind my ribcage. Abdiel told her so much. Is he insane??

“Does it bother you?” I decide to twist her know-it-all attitude back on her. “Knowing you won’t have him? Because he’s in love with my brother…”

A wounded look flashes through her eyes, revealing that I was right. She definitely has feelings for Abdiel. I mean, who doesn’t at this point?

But then I hear something… a flicker of a thought I grab onto.

She’s remembering a kiss. A searing, scorching, forbidden kiss between her and Abdiel. I can practically see it from her memory…

The two of them in his tent, her fingers in his hair, his soft lips giving in to her desire.

Holy shit.

I’m taken aback. I didn’t expect that. I hadn’t even considered that Abdiel might have feelings for this girl in return, and now that I’m thinking about it, I’m not sure why. She’s beautiful… and they seem to have some friendly chemistry, which I suppose could turn into lustful wanting.

But Abdiel is head over heels in love with Darian. That much I know for a fact. He wears his love for my brother on his sleeve, out in the open for anyone with half a mind to see if they wanted to.

I gulp over my suddenly dry throat. What does any of this mean?

Darian won’t be pleased. I can understand the feelings, but jealousy is a form of pain, and pain usually turns me on. Watching Abdiel and Darian together hurts sometimes, sure. Okay, most of the time. But I also know that they want me, and that applies a small bandage to the gaping wound I let fester by standing on the sidelines of their budding relationship.

It’s all so fucked up. I’m not angry with Abdiel for kissing the girl. He’s young, and as I told Darian, he’ll need to explore all avenues of his sexual awakening before he decides what he likes. My brother is jealous, he always has been. And he doesn’t let it fuel him, like I do. Rather, he despises it.

Something jolts me out of my thoughts. It’s a fear I recognize, coming from the mind of the tiny girl next to me. She’s remembering something else now…

Something they saw up on the mountain. Something that almost took them…

“Excuse me,” I grunt, stumbling over to Abdiel, who’s still joking with Lorn and Jasper.

Taking him by the arm, I pull him away, and he gives me a peculiar look.

“What’s wrong?” He mumbles, glancing over to where Rhiannon is crouching down, looking at some flowers.

“What happened? On the mountain.” My tone is more frantic than I typically allow it to be in front of others.

Abdiel’s face goes ashen. His eyes dart around us, then he blinks slowly, remembering it. He remembers so I can see, from his thoughts.

The clearing. The black rock, like a piece of obsidian out of place, yet its existence is subjectively necessary in this one spot. It belongs there, when it’s there. But that doesn’t mean it’s good.

It’s not. It’s very very not good.

I see Abdiel and Rhiannon, sitting on it. And Abdiel is crying.

Tears flow from his eyes while he grips Rhiannon’s hand.

And then I see myself. I see myself as he saw me, a vision of that day… That terrible, awful day that changed so many things.

It had to happen; it was part of the plan.

But it still hurt.

Gasping, my eyes widen at Abdiel as he stares at me, and we speak without words.

Did that really happen? He asks me. Did you really cut yourself the day my parents died?

I blur my thoughts fast. I’m afraid if I think too much about this, he’ll hear something that will upset him. The kid isn’t stupid at all, because he catches on, stepping in closer to my face.

“Stop hiding it from me, Drake,” he rumbles, close enough that I feel it on my chest. “You can’t hide forever. You went to the clearing that day. Why? What do you know about my parents’ deaths?”

“Little mouse…” I breathe, shaking my head. There is so much you don’t know. If I were you, I’d keep it that way.

He seethes in my direction. I feel his frustration, coming off him in waves. “I’m not satisfied with that. Something happened to us up there. That spot… there’s some spooky, other-worldly shit living in it, and I think you know that. I think you’re…” He pauses and gulps visibly. “I think you’re feeding it.”

My jaw locks, and this time I inch closer to him, my face hovering over his. “Listen to me, kid, and listen close. I’ve been on that mountain for half my life, for years before you were even born. I appreciate that you went up there to learn. I think it was necessary for your Ecdysis. And whatever happened with you and the girl, it led you right here, right now. Don’t push it. Just because something exists, doesn’t mean it’s for you to know about.”

Abdiel looks like he wants to keep arguing, but it’s not in his nature. Eventually he sighs and runs his long fingers through the waves of his golden hair.

“You should come to dinner tonight.” His eyes settle on mine, and he’s not shy about unleashing his thoughts on me.

He wants to see me tonight. He wants more of me, him, and Darian together. I appreciate how bold the kid is. For a virgin, he’s pretty forward with what he wants.

I let out a small chuckle. “As much as I’d love to be present for the shitshow that will undoubtedly be tonight’s dinner, I think I’ll sit this one out, little mouse. I have work to do.”

He leans in to whisper by my ear, “All work and no play.” I shiver.

When he pulls back, he smirks, and I can’t stop staring at his mouth. Temptation, baby.

He blinks, Come over tonight, then.

I think you need some private time with my brother, I tell him, fully serious. And the jealousy I feel at knowing they’ll do all manners of dirty stuff together without me is a jab to my chest, one I use to drive me.

It makes me feel good to hurt.

Abdiel keeps up the direct gaze, though there’s a blush on his cheeks that I crave to watch spread all over his flesh. If I went with him tonight, I could probably get my wish…

But he doesn’t know what’s been going on with Darian and me. It’s strained, and it’s my fault. I need the pain of knowing they’re together without me. I need that dull ache in my chest, the unease in my stomach. It’s my burden.

“See you around then, Serpent,” he whispers, spinning to walk back to Rhiannon.

I watch after them as he takes her by the arm, asking her if she’d like to go meet his best friend, Jordan. She grins and nods, beaming for the kid. I can see it, plain as day. And again, I don’t blame her.

Abdiel is a light, for Darian, and myself, though I’m reluctant. Darian used to be my light, but I’ve tarnished his brightness over the years. And now I’m left with only animosity, resentment, and regret.

Deciding that I’m not in the right headspace for work, I think I’ll go up the mountain instead. I’ll go home, tend to my greenhouse, maybe relax. Get rid of some of this inner anguish I’m carrying around like a sack of bricks.

When I get there, I end up wandering around the woods for a while. These are my woods. There’s a reason I live up here, alone. And it’s not because I don’t crave human connection. I do. I’m not as much of a loner as I make myself out to be.

But I need to be up here. I need it to settle me.

Like the first time I used Empyrean, when I saw so many things I never expected to see. Ever since then, I’ve used it on occasion, to reach into the depths of my mind. But the trumpets do that, too.

I named my drug Empyrean because that’s the highest part of heaven. Where human will and the will of God become one. This is exactly what my Empyrean gives us.

It’s a power, and it’s sacred, which is why I don’t allow just anyone to use it. The trumpets are synthesized into psychedelics used by the Regnum, for rebirth. But the effects of Empyrean, the telekinesis… That’s just for us.

That’s what Darian doesn’t understand, though. Once the window of the mind is opened, empathy allows you to hear your fellow man. Maybe you could even hear other things…

And it doesn’t wear off. He doesn’t need a weekly injection. Neither does Abdiel.

That’s my fault, too. I keep them thinking that’s how it works, because I crave the connection, with Darian especially, and I just know it would fade if he knew the truth. My manipulation of my brother dives deep, like the depths of the lake we swim in. I never meant for it to come to this…

And now he’s growing to hate me.

It started when Lars died. They weren’t an official item, nothing like that. Lars was happily married to Jenny, and they were loving parents to Abdiel. But Lars was bisexual and purely smitten with my brother. He and Jenny had an understanding.

And Darian was craving things he couldn’t admit to himself out loud; things we were certain the family wouldn’t understand or approve of. Though I know that’s not entirely true either…

I left him when he needed me. I convinced him we could never be, and so he sought out someone else. It wasn’t either of their faults. It was entirely my problem.

But then Lars and Jenny died. They fell from the overlook, near the peak of the mountain. They fell from thousands of feet and landed in a ravine.

No one ever knew what really happened. But I do. I know in my heart…

The mountain made them jump, and I could have stopped it.

But I didn’t.

And so it goes, blood for blood.