Chapter Twenty-Three

I fully expected Rhiannon to be gone when I woke up.

Even outside of what I heard her thinking about when we first met, she just seems flighty. She’s jumpy and a little untrustworthy… Skeptical seems like a good word.

Yet she’s been trusting of me. And I’ve been trying not to intrude on her thoughts too much because it’s one thing with my family, but with a complete stranger… I don’t know, it just seems like a dick move. Certain things, however, I couldn’t stop myself from focusing on.

She’s broken. Inside, she feels damaged, and she’s searching for something to believe in. Something to give her faith in life again.

I think The Principality would be perfect for that. So last night, I decided that if she was still there when I woke up, I’d bring her back home and see what Darian thinks.

We haven’t accepted strays into the Regnum in as long as I can remember, but Rhiannon feels different. Whatever was going on with that black rock… in the clearing… I think it was affecting her.

I think maybe it affects others.

Rhiannon doesn’t want to kill herself, otherwise, she would have done it. I believe Mother brought me up the mountain for this reason. Rhiannon could be a part of my Ecdysis… She was lost, and now she’s been found.

As much as I think that rock might have something to do with what happened to my parents, I believe saving a life is more important than investigating right now.

So much to my own surprise, and relief, I roll over in my sleeping bag to find her blanket still beside me. She’s not in it, though.

I consider that she may have left it behind, since her backpack is gone, too. But when I emerge from the tent, I find her plopped on it next to the makeshift fire pit I created last night, trying her damndest to light a fire. I can’t help but grin to myself as I tug my hoodie onto my arms and zip it up. She’s such an interesting creature, this girl.

She’s small, and rather pretty, but with sarcasm practically oozing from her pores. I’m out of my comfort zone with her, being that I’ve never really interacted with Outsiders… like ever. She seems witty and strong-willed, but also sweet and caring. I heard her thoughts last night when I told her about my parents. Her empathy was palpable, and that’s the number one quality a human needs to fit in with our family.

I think she’ll love The Principality. My main concern would be introducing her to Darian and Drake…

“Are you just going to stand there staring at me, or are you going to help?” Rhiannon mumbles, while literally rubbing sticks together… as if that could ever start a fire anywhere other than in fiction.

“You could have woken me up,” I chuckle, stepping over to help her, minding my feet.

She glances down as I rearrange her kindling. “Are you barefoot? In the woods?”

My eyes dart to hers briefly. “Is that weird?”

“Uh yea,” she breathes. “Unless you’re a hippy, I guess, which it kind of seems like you are.”

“I was born and raised in the woods,” I tell her, making the perfect teepee of twigs before grabbing my matches out of my pocket, lighting one and sticking it inside. “The forest is my home. Do you always wear shoes in your home?”

I give her a pointed look, and she rolls her eyes. It makes me smile. I’m already picking up on her snarky attitude, and I think it’s sort of adorable. She reminds me of a cross between Gem and Lauris.

“Do you like tea?” I ask, in between blowing on the fire just enough to get it going. She does a little half-shrug and a nod. “I have some chai that’s great for breakfast. And I have sandwiches too, if you’re hungry.”

“I don’t usually eat breakfast.” She combs her fingers through her long, wispy locks of hair. It’s mostly blonde, but with these auburn natural highlights that give it an almost pinkish hue, especially when bathed in the light of early morning.

“Well, we have quite the journey ahead of us, so you’ll need sustenance.” I get up and go to the tent to grab my bag so I can boil us water for tea.

When I come back, she says, “Look, I stayed because I thought it would be rude to just disappear on you. You’ve been so kind to me, and I really appreciate it…” I pause with sandwiches in my hand and glance at her. “But I don’t think I can come with you. It’s not a good idea. You don’t know me, and I don’t know you.”

“Well, exactly,” I mumble. “We’d be getting to know each other. That’s the point.”

Her forehead lines and I can hear her thoughts trying to fight against her obvious desire for a change. I know she wants a new life. Of course she does. It’s better than ending your life altogether.

But she’s afraid. Most people are, and it’s fine. Still, I don’t think she should use that as an excuse to bolt.

“No, the point is that I think I’m best on my own for now,” she sighs.

“You see, the thing is, Rhiannon, I know you don’t believe that,” I tell her with certainty. I can hear her thoughts, after all. She doesn’t want to be alone. She actually hates it. But she’s been building a wall around herself based on something that happened to her… something she doesn’t like to think about, so I haven’t caught onto it yet.

“And how would you know?” She huffs, again with the attitude. It makes me want to smile, but I keep it under wraps.

“I just do. I know you think you deserve to be alone and unhappy… You’re not the only one. There’s someone I care a lot about who does the same thing.” My mind drifts to Drake, wondering what he’s doing right now… Slithering through the lab or the woods, or his cabin by himself because he doesn’t believe he’s worthy of the love Darian and I want to give him. “But it’s a mask, a crutch. It’s a Band-Aid, Rhiannon. Eventually you’ll have to face what’s bothering you and let people in, because—”

“All life is precious?” She cuts in with a smirk, and I laugh.

“Because you deserve to be happy, too,” I tell her, handing over a sandwich.

She gapes at it, taking it hesitantly, all the while wondering where I came from, and how it’s possible for me to be so sweet and kind. Her thoughts bring warmth to my stomach. I’d like to be her friend, and introduce her to all the amazing members of my big family. I’m still not even exactly sure why, but I feel a kinship with her.

There’s something about her that’s slinking into me. I found her up here, by such a terrible place rife with bad feelings. She’s like the good that came from the bad.

“I guess… I’ll think about it while we walk.” She unwraps the sandwich and takes a bite.

I release a smile. I just won’t mention that if she decides against entering The Principality, she won’t be welcome on the Expanse. I could potentially be fucking shit up here… But we won’t think about that right now.

“Holy crap!” She shrieks, and I flinch. “This sandwich is so good! You made this, too?”

I nod, chuckling. “It’s my famous bacon and egg sandwich with a secret ingredient. Honey.”

“Okay, that sounds completely disgusting in theory, but it’s freaking delicious,” she raves.

“Sweet always compliments savory.” I give her an unapologetic shrug. “Don’t knock any weird combos until you try them.”

“You’re preaching to the choir, kid. I love Hawaiian pizza.”

“Oh, I make the best Hawaiian pizza,” I tell her. “Bacon, not ham, of course.”

“It’s really the only way,” she agrees, giggling through her massive bites.

I like this girl a lot. She’s super cool, funny in her own aggressive Outsider way. Just very different, and I like that.

I make us some tea, and we drink it by the fire as the sun rises into the sky. I haven’t checked the time, but I’m sure it’s probably close to seven by the time we’re done with breakfast.

“The hike down will take all day,” I tell her, packing everything up after disassembling my tent. “But if we stay on track, we could be back by dinner.”

Rhiannon looks nervous, and her thoughts reflect the same. She’s afraid no one will like her, that she won’t like them. She also seems to be harboring some ideas of what The Principality is about… like mind games and manipulation. I can only assume it’s from something she’s seen on TV or in movies. She has a vivid imagination, that’s for sure.

But I want her to know, “The Principality will be different from how you’ve been living your life, sure. But I mean… you clearly haven’t been thrilled with how your life has been going up until this point, right?”

“Wow.” She folds her arms. “Someone’s been drinking the Kool-Aid.”

My brows zip together in confusion. “What Aid?”

She bursts out laughing and shakes her head. “Never mind. Keep going with the hard sell, dude. I’m into it.”

I grin and roll my eyes. “You’ll accept that our way is better, Rhi. I’ll even throw in a sweetener for you. Unless you’re chicken…”

Her gaze narrows. “Alright, I’ll play. But what could you offer me? I doubt you have money…”

“Money is unnecessary.”

“The entire world would disagree with you, but go on.”

“I have something much more interesting I could give you.” My eyes lock on hers, brow cocked. “If you stay with us.”

She visibly shivers and bites her lip, her thoughts going to an… unexpected place. She’s turned on…?

I pause for a moment, my gaze landing on her mouth, her pouty lips. Up until this second, I hadn’t really thought about it, but now I’m wondering if she would want to kiss me…

It’s entirely insane. I don’t know this girl at all, and I’m in love with someone else. Two someones, if we’re being technical. And they’re both men.

I’ve never been sexually attracted to a woman before… And this girl kind of feels more like a sister than anything.

And yet, she’s thinking about it. So now I’m thinking about it.

I blink myself out of the trance and clear my throat. “I can’t tell you what it is until we get there. But I promise, it’ll blow your mind.”

Why does everything I’m saying sound sexual now??

“Okay,” she rasps breathlessly. “And what if I don’t stay?”

“I don’t think that’ll be an option.” I wink.

Then I go on packing up my things and start putting out the fire. Rhiannon just stands there the whole time, wondering what the hell I’m talking about. But the intrigue is working in my favor.

More than anything, she’s anxious to meet Darian, since she seems to have this idea about him in her head, already formed. But I know she’ll change her mind the moment she meets him.

He’s our King for a reason.

“Hey… last night you said you came out here for some closure or something,” she starts, and I pause what I’m doing. “What did you mean by that?”

I contemplate making something up but decide against it. If she’s going to become a member of my family, I’ll need to trust her fully.

“The circumstances surrounding my parents’ deaths were suspicious.” I busy my hands by getting my tent secured in its bag. “They were found in a ravine halfway down the mountain, and it looked like they’d fallen, or jumped… or something like that.” I swallow hard. “The thing about this mountain is that people don’t come up here often, and there’s a reason for it. Strange things occur up here. Even our security patrols are warned from coming all the way up. But I’ve always wondered about what happened to them… I just,” I pause and shake my head, breathing out slowly, “I don’t think they would have willingly jumped. They wouldn’t leave me behind like that, not on purpose.

“I wanted to come up here and try to find answers. I think the not knowing has held me back from a lot of spiritual growth and acceptance. Based on the feelings I got from that clearing, I know there’s more to it.”

The quiet stretches for miles, and when I finally glance over at Rhiannon, she’s staring at her shoes, chewing vigorously on her lower lip. Hearing what she’s thinking about the clearing, she lied to me last night when she said she didn’t see that black rock. She did, and it showed her something that now has her clamming up.

“We should go back to it,” she finally speaks, straightening up as she turns to face me.

“What?” I’m sure my face and tone convey how baffled I am by this statement.

“I can’t let you forfeit your search for answers just for me,” she insists. “You’re right. There’s something going on up there in that clearing. We should at least go check it out one last time before we head back. So you’ll know for sure.”

I give her a studious look. I don’t think she’s manipulating me into taking her back there in some attempt to resume her suicidal plans. If she were, I’d hear it.

What I do hear is her considering that the clearing was trying to convince her to kill herself last night…

And maybe it did the same to my parents.

I already don’t feel right about this.

I agreed with Rhiannon’s plan to make a detour on our way down, and we trekked back to that clearing just to see.

See what, I’m not entirely sure, because last time I almost walked up to that rock, baby birds warned me not to do it. I mean, if that isn’t a sign from Mother, then I don’t know what is.

Yet I still chose to come back, because in the corners of my mind, I know these forces had something to do with my parents’ deaths. And even though she won’t say it outright, Rhiannon does, too.

As we come up to the clearing—it’s about twenty feet off in the distance—my heart rate increases to an almost unhealthy level. Sweat breaks out on my forehead, and my vision blurs.

I stop and close my eyes for a moment, swallowing over and over because I feel sick.

“Are you okay?” Rhiannon squeezes my arm in her small hand, her voice echoed.

“I feel like I’m going to pass out,” I breathe, swaying on my feet.

“Here, come rest.” She tries pulling me over to a tree, but I shake my head.

“No. I can keep going. I have to.”

It’s not lost on either of us that there’s no black rock in the middle of the clearing right now. But that doesn’t stop it from feeling like something is very wrong up here.

“Do you see it?” I ask her hesitantly, in case it’s something that only shows itself to one person at a time.

“Not yet,” she whispers, her voice shaking.

It’s then that I notice she’s still holding onto my arm; gripping it tightly, nails digging into me while her hand trembles.

“We’ve got this.” I move it into mine, entwining our fingers.

I feel her nod at my side, though she doesn’t respond, and I hear her thoughts swimming…

I can’t tell if what she’s thinking is based around what I told her about my parents’ deaths, or something she saw herself.

She’s remembering the gully… But it can’t be just from what I mentioned, because it’s the exact gully where my parents were found. And I didn’t describe it to her in really any detail. So how would she know what it looks like?

Unless she was down there, maybe before she came up here?

But even that explanation doesn’t settle my mind. In her thoughts, she’s remembering the ravine as it looked the exact day my parents were found, in late summer, almost fall.

While I’m mulling this over in my head, and we’re taking the tiniest, most hesitant steps ever, the wind ripples around us, and Rhiannon gasps.

The black rock. It’s there now.

It just appeared… popped out of thin air.

What the hell, man? This is weird shit.

“Please tell me you see that…” Rhiannon murmurs, and this time I nod, wordlessly.

When we get up to the edge of the clearing, ready to pass through the first trees and approach the rock, Rhiannon’s grip on my hand tightens. I feel her emotions, and I’m taken aback by the hurt radiating through her brain. I can’t hear what the source is, and I don’t want to ask. I don’t want to make her any more uncomfortable than we both currently are.

Still, something painful is ravaging her head. A monster she rarely lets out of its box.

“Don’t let go,” she whimpers as we move into the clearing, the rock only a few feet from us.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I tell her in the most confident tone I can muster.

We reach the rock. It’s just a rock, I guess, in theory, but there are so many things happening around it.

The only way to describe it would be a shift in the atmosphere. A sudden change in the air around us, like when there’s radiation nearby or something.

Everything just feels off all of a sudden.

Rhiannon is remembering how she touched it last time; she sat on it. She’s afraid to do so again… but she wants to. For me.

“You don’t have to…” I whisper. She looks up at me, her face radiating confusion, likely at the fact that I just read her mind.

“We’re doing it. Together.” She tugs me forward, and we both sit, side by side, on the black rock.

As soon as my ass hits it, I realize this is no rock, like what you’d find in nature. This is something else entirely. Something dark; a living, breathing creature.

I can feel a heartbeat in it, linking to my own.

It doesn’t even feel like a rock beneath me, but rather water and mud. I actually look down at my pants to see if they’re soaking through.

I don’t see anything.

Rhiannon’s thoughts are spiraling. Her breathing has picked up next to me, and she’s sucking in air fast, her chest heaving beneath her hoodie.

“Don’t let it take you, Rhi,” I mumble to her, though I’m not so sure I can keep this thing from sweeping me up.

“What do you see?” Her voice asks, and as soon as the last syllable leaves her lips, I’m in a different place entirely.

I’m in the ravine, on the day my parents were found. I can see myself, my twelve-year-old self, gaping at their dead bodies with anguish in his eyes. He throws up, and then Darian rushes over, scooping him up and carrying him away.

Darian looks younger too, obviously. He would be about twenty-one at the time. Our young leader. Yet he still looks the same as he does now, a little less wisdom around the eyes, a little thinner and slightly longer hair.

But he’s beautiful, and oh so sad as he carries a young me through the woods, shushing my cries. He brings me to a spot I recognize now as the overlook by Drake’s cabin. There’s a bench, and he plops us down on it, holding my younger self, comforting him.

But from this angle, I can see us both. And my focus is on Darian.

He looks distraught. I knew he was upset about the deaths of my parents. They were his family, and Darian feels a lot. It was a devastating hit for him; for all of us.

But the way he’s crying, quietly, likely so that the new orphan doesn’t hear him… He’s almost inconsolable.

It hurts my heart to see this. For my parents, yes, and for my young self, who was so very affected by the loss of his parents. But also, for Darian. For what he lost, which seems to be more than just two family members…

I feel tears seeping from my eyes, though I don’t even know where I am in this vision. It’s like I’m up in the sky, in the trees, looking down on the whole scene. And then movement nearby catches my vision.

Drake.

I catch him lingering a few feet away, watching Darian hold young me. He also looks upset, but in a different sort of way than Darian and me.

He doesn’t necessarily look surprised by what’s happening. He appears somber as he rakes his long fingers through his hair, keeping himself hidden from us. He slinks around a tree and leans his back against it, closing his eyes tight, his head shaking over and over again.

There’s something I can hear… It must be in his mind, because his lips aren’t moving.

I’m sorry.

That’s it. On repeat, in Drake’s voice. His deep tone of typically indifferent emotions.

Guilt-ridden and exhausted. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.

Confusion racks my mind. There’s no way he could be guilty of anything… It’s impossible. I refuse to believe Drake had anything to do with my parents plummeting from up here.

Yet he’s apologizing. He’s so very deeply sorry, I feel it in my bones.

He knows something about why they’re dead in this moment, but I just can’t get to it. And for some bewildering reason, he thinks it’s his fault.

But it’s not… It can’t be.

Drake straightens and stumbles off, staggering through the forest, up the mountain. He walks for a while, and I can see him the entire time, like I’m right there with him, chasing him. I can’t see Darian anymore, but I still hear him crying.

Eventually Drake gets to the clearing. He comes to right where me and Rhiannon are, right now, though we’re nowhere to be found.

He falls to his knees in the middle, and the black rock appears, in front of him.

Please stop this… His mind bellows as he removes something from his pocket.

It looks like… a razor blade??

“No!” I shout, but he can’t hear me.

He angles it to his wrist, pressing into his pale white skin. His fingers tremble, and he gasps. Make this stop!!

Blood, deep red, bubbles from the cut he just made. It flows, slowly, dripping from his arm onto the ground.

I try to run to him, desperately pulling through wherever the hell I am to get to him fast, as he lies down on the ground, blood seeping from his arm.

“Drake! Drake, no. Don’t do this. Please!” I sputter, fighting and fighting through thickness, like quicksand pulling me and holding me back.

I could have stopped it… He whispers sleepily, his eyes fluttering shut.

“No no no. Come back!” I shout, and suddenly, I feel something tugging on my arm.

Tugging my hand.

I blink hard and try to look around, a cool wind brushing my face.

“Fuck,” I growl, covering my eyes with my fingers, rubbing them hard. “Wake up!”

“Abdiel… don’t… let… go…”

It’s Rhiannon. That was her voice. Where is she??

Shaking myself over and over, desperate to awake from whatever this dreamland is that I’m lost in, I finally I pull myself out and look around.

I’m no longer in the clearing. I can’t see Drake anywhere.

I’m lying on the ground, and when I turn my heavy head, I see a rock ledge. It’s an overlook, like the one Drake lives on… only much, much higher up.

“Where the fuck am I…?” I murmur.

My head weighs a million pounds as I lift my neck. And when I take in my surroundings, my eyes widen, and my body launches upward.

Rhiannon is scooting toward the edge of the cliff. My right hand is still locked in her left one, but she’s trying to pull herself toward it.

She’s trying to jump.

“Rhiannon!” I shout, rolling onto my knees and yanking her back, as hard as I can.

She’s stronger than she looks, still fighting to get closer. I have to be careful here. If I move too hard in one direction, we could both go over.

We’re so damn close to the edge.

“Rhiannon, please,” I gasp, pulling her as hard as I can while simultaneously trying to roll away from the cliff. “Wake up!”

“Abdiel…” she cries, voice overflowing with fear and unease.

I can’t see her face as she attempts to crawl closer to the edge of the cliff I’m trying to get us away from, but I hear her tears. I hear her mind… It’s vague, but there’s a faint whisper of a voice, calling to me.

She doesn’t want to do this.

“You don’t want this, Rhiannon. I know you don’t,” I grunt, tugging her hard as I finally get some traction beneath my boots. “All life is precious, remember?”

“Wha—” she whimpers and then she screams. “Abdiel, don’t let go!”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, love. Hang onto me tight, okay?”

I see her nod as she finally turns her body toward me, her goddamn feet dangling off the edge. I tug her closer to me by her arm, hauling her weight until I have her wrapped in my arms. And then I roll us farther away, putting distance between us and the edge. I physically have to hold her to my chest while crawling us in the dirt and grass, my knees scraping on rocks as I do.

But eventually, I breathe easier, when I get us enough feet from the cliff that I know we’re safe.

“Fuck me…” I exhale, loosening my grip on Rhiannon. But she doesn’t let up.

She clings to me for dear life, crying hysterically into the crook of my neck.

What the fuck on Earth was that??

“Shh… it’s okay,” I whisper, hugging her tight. “I have you. I’m not letting go.”

“What the fuck happened…?” She sniffles, finally pulling back to look me in the eye.

I have a strong urge, one I don’t understand very well, to wipe away her tears. And so I do, brushing them with my knuckles, combing her hair behind her ear. She still looks worried, but now I can hear her thoughts again, more calmed, her mind eased because I’m here.

She trusts me, and it gives me peace, comfort.

“I don’t know,” I sigh. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

I help Rhiannon up, and we head back toward the clearing, though we walk around it this time.

Of course, the black rock is gone.

“How the hell did we go from sitting on the rock, in the middle of this clearing, to like more than thirty feet away on the cliff?” Rhiannon asks, disbelief lining her tone while we pick up our bags and head back in the direction we came from this morning. Down the damn mountain and back toward home.

I can’t wait to get back. This has been a strenuous trip, and even though I sort of expected it to be, I wasn’t prepared for the emotional toll all this shit would take on me. I’m exhausted, and the thought of hiking all damn day is daunting.

Plus, according to the watch I keep attached to my bag, we were in that bizarre trance for five hours. The sun will be setting in only a couple more, which means we’ll have to camp out tonight before we can make it home.

A bewildered sigh leaves my lips. “I really have no clue, but I’m even more disturbed at how much time passed. That was fucking crazy.”

Rhiannon huffs a small chuckle, and I peek at her. “Sorry, it’s just funny to hear you curse. You don’t do it often.”

“Oh, so you know me now, is that it?” I tease, grinning at her.

“I think I’m getting to,” she mumbles while we walk. “A little bit.” Her chin lifts in my direction. “You’re a good guy, Abdiel. You saved me back there…”

“That wasn’t you,” I say with confidence. “We both know it. It wasn’t you when we met yesterday either. You don’t want to die, Rhiannon. There’s something up here, and I think it plays on your fears… maybe. I don’t know.” I shake my head, exhaling hard. “It’s really messed up.”

She’s quiet for a moment before she asks, “Is that what you think happened to your parents?”

My pulse pounds for a moment while I consider this.

“I kind of do,” I answer, hesitantly. “I don’t know… I saw some shit while we were on that rock. Some things that are really strange, and I… I need to talk to someone when we get home.”

Drake. I need to ask him about the day my parents died.

I need to know if that was an actual flashback, or some weird dreamlike situation.

“Home,” Rhiannon scoffs, pulling me out of my thoughts. “It’s your home, not mine. I don’t have a home.”

“You will.” My tone is genuine, and I don’t care if she doesn’t believe me yet. She will when she meets everyone and sees what an amazing community we have.

If all she had before was a house of pain and neglect, then I think it’s time for her to experience what a real family is about. And what we can do for her. What we do for each other.

We’re quiet as we walk down the mountain. We eat on the go, our last sandwich, knowing that the farther we get tonight, the less we’ll have to travel in the morning. But we definitely have to spend one more night. That’s a given.

The sun will set in less than an hour at this point, so my goal is to find us a comfortable spot to settle in. We’ve made good time since we left the clearing. We’re close to Drake’s place, and his cabin isn’t that far from the bottom.

I find a spot I like, off the trail a ways, between a few tall trees. I have just enough daylight left to show Rhiannon how to properly start a fire, then get the tent set up, with her help. She’s taking to the camping stuff pretty quickly, which is surprising since according to her, she’s never spent time in the woods before.

She told me her family always had a yard and room for her and her friends to play outside, but her mother isn’t exactly a fan of being outdoors, unless it’s on a beach with a drink in her hand.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to your father?” I turn my face to Rhi while setting up some food for us over the fire. Vegetable and bean soup.

I don’t usually eat soup every damn day, but it’s the easiest thing to heat over a fire. Otherwise, it would’ve been sandwiches for every meal.

“I never knew him,” she tells me, fiddling with the remaining chipped polish on her fingernails. She does this a lot, like a nervous habit, so most of it is gone by now. “He left when I was a baby. My mom used to tell me he was a piece of shit… a deadbeat. But I don’t believe her. I think she kicked him out. She’s an asshole like that.”

“That sucks,” I reply, empathy fresh in my words. “Still, you don’t think he’d try to reach out to you over the years, even if she made him go?”

She shrugs. “He might’ve. Who knows.”

“She would keep it from you?”

“Hell yea. Like I said, she’s an asshole. Typical entitled rich bitch from a rich bitch family.”

I swallow hard. The way she speaks about her family is so foreign to me.

I’m not a na?ve idiot. We study the outside world a lot when we’re young, so we’re aware of the things that go on. And some of the Regnum who came in as strays tell us about their lives before The Principality. It’s rarely good.

Even so, I’ll never be able to commiserate with hating my parents or my family. I’m very blessed, and I realize that now more than ever. I will never take this life for granted.

“That’s sort of fascinating to me.” She gives me a look, to which I chuckle. “Not your mom being an asshole. The wealth. And the generations of wealth. I’ve never even held money before.”

“That’s insane,” she laughs, eyes lighting up with disbelief. “I can imagine that right there eliminates most problems from your society. Money is the root of all evils, as they say.”

“I’ve heard that one before!” I gasp, and she giggles.

We eat our dinner, chatting about this and that. Rhiannon tells me about her favorite things to learn, her favorite music, and she even gives me breakdowns of movies she loves that I’ve never even heard of. She has an interest in learning to cook, which I tell her I’m more than happy to help with, and she wants to learn more wilderness survival skills, which she’ll definitely get with The Principality.

She also wants to hear me sing, but I tell her she’ll have to wait until her first reflection for that. To which she does her little scowl, and it’s all too cute.

I think Rhiannon is cool. She’s the exact kind of girl who would have been my best friend if we’d grown up together. And who knows… Maybe I would have even had my first kiss with her.

Maybe I would have lost my virginity with her, experimenting, to see if I liked it.

I’m not questioning myself, or doubting what I’ve learned about my sexuality in the last few weeks with Darian and Drake. I know I like guys; love them, in fact. But I’m not repelled by the thought of kissing Rhiannon. It doesn’t gross me out or anything.

So what the hell does that mean?

We sit by the fire, talking until it practically burns out. And when my eyelids are drooping, Rhiannon suggests carrying my sleepy ass into the tent with a chuckle. She goes off a few feet to use the metaphorical bathroom and brush her teeth while I put out the fire, then do the same. When I come back, she’s already inside the tent, all huddled up under her little blanket.

“We can share the sleeping bag,” I suggest, taking off my pants and my hoodie. Rhiannon shifts her blanket enough to glare at me, and I laugh. “I don’t mean get into it together, zipped up. I mean I’ll unzip it, turn it into a big blanket, and we can both sleep underneath. It’ll be more comfortable.”

“That seems odd, new friend.” She blinks her wide green eyes at me. “It seems like you’re trying to make a move, and I would insist, for your Head Priest boyfriend’s sake, that we stay as far apart as possible.” I can’t help but snicker again. “I’m serious. You’re already stripping down in front of me!”

“I’m wearing boxers and a t-shirt,” I grumble, crawling over to my sleeping bag and climbing inside. “I’m not naked.”

She turns onto her side to face me. “What would Darian think?”

Even hearing his name twists my stomach up into a knot. “I miss him.”

She lifts her brow. “You’ve been away from him for two days.”

“I know. It’s crazy.” I pull the sleeping bag up to my chin as my eyes stay locked with my new friend’s. “I don’t want to keep us a secret anymore. I want… I want to love him out in the open.”

“Why can’t you?” She asks, curious.

“It’s very complicated.”

“Since he’s the leader?”

“Well, yea… And for other reasons.”

She blinks. “Like what?”

I already know she’ll be judgmental over what I’m about to say, but I need to talk to someone. I haven’t been able to tell any of my friends or family about my relationship with Darian, and it’s eating me alive inside. Regardless of what Rhiannon says, she’s impartial, and she’s a friend.

I need to get this off my chest.

“He’s… married,” I tell her, and immediately, her face contorts like she’s trying not to react.

Unfortunately, I can hear her thoughts, and they’re not very supportive.

Married?? Why am I not surprised…? This guy is certainly shoving himself into that typical, chauvinistic, narcissistic cult leader box, isn’t he? I really hope Abdiel smartens up and stands up for himself to this Head Priest.

“And let me guess, he thinks it’s okay to be with multiple people at once?” She mutters, her skepticism on full force.

“Well… not exactly.” I chew on my lip. “I mean… it’s—”

“Complicated. Yea, so you’ve said.” She rolls her eyes. “So he’s just going to stay married while he fucks you, and his husband, and everyone else he wants to fuck, should the mood strike?”

“No. No, that’s not it,” I reply, defensively. “He’s married to women, but he only did it to please the Regnum.” Her eyes glaze over. “Our family. He’s never been with them romantically. He… can’t.”

Some sympathy shines in her eyes. “Because he’s gay?” I nod, and I see her losing some of the know-it-all frustration as she nods along. “Well, I can understand that.”

“It’s a tough situation,” I go on. “I don’t want to push him. It’s not my place, but I really want him to be happy. And if it’s with me, that would be an added bonus.”

“Abdiel, it is your place to push, at least within reason.” She scoots in closer. “He involved you by sleeping with you. He put you in the middle, and now he has a responsibility to consider your feelings.”

“We haven’t slept together…” I mumble.

“What was that?” Her lashes flutter as if she didn’t hear me.

My cheeks flush, palpably. “We haven’t had sex yet. We’ve done other things, but… I’m still a… uh… a virgin.”

Rhiannon’s eyes go round, sparkling from the dim light of the flashlight I have on by my head. They’re very green, almost teal, like the lake in spring.

“Is he the only person you’ve been with?” She asks, her voice hushed, intimately wondering, as if she thinks someone might overhear, but she can’t not ask.

Images of Drake flit through my head, and I’m momentarily nervous until I remember she can’t hear my thoughts. But I can hear hers…

She’s turned on again, only this time it’s from thinking about me with Darian. She’s wondering what he looks like, thinking about if he’s rough or soft with me.

I can’t even pretend it’s not stiffening my dick in my sleeping bag, hearing someone else think about me and my Head Priest... together.

I want to lie, and I’m not sure why. I’m not a liar, and I don’t care what anyone thinks. But the addition of Drake into the equation of Darian plus Abdiel equals something none of us understand, not even a little.

Still, I answer, “No. There’s one other… person.”

“A guy?” Her tongue slides over her lower lip, drawing my attention to how pink it is. I nod slowly. “You’ve never been with a girl… ever?”

“No,” I whisper. And suddenly, I’m very aware that we’re closer than when I first laid down. We’re still separated by my sleeping bag, but her face is only a foot from mine.

“Have you always known?” She asks, nestling in even closer.

I can smell her, like fresh-cut lilies and wild lavender.

“Known…?” My voice trails, sounding raspier to my own ear than usual.

She tilts her head. “That you’re gay.”

“I’m not…” I start, then pause, considering my words. “I’m not sure that I am… gay.” She blinks. “I mean, I’ve never… tried. So I wouldn’t… know.”

Man, that was hard to get out.

Tension is enveloping us like a balloon filled with buzzing energy. I think I must be fucked up in the head, because I can’t stop wondering what it would feel like to kiss her… And this is someone I compared to a sister earlier in the day.

I’m clearly a little sick, but my curiosity is winning out as I move in closer.

“Abdiel, don’t try to kiss me,” she murmurs, even though my face is inching and inching, until our lips are hovering. “I mean it. Do not.”

“Why…?” My voice is a barely-there whisper.

“Because you’re in love with someone else.” Her words are telling me no, but she’s not moving away. And I hear her thoughts, fighting what’s coming from her own mouth. A mouth I’m sincerely interested in right now.

Two someones, but who’s counting? “I am.”

Her small body has crept so close to me, we’re practically melting together. Thank God these blankets are in the way… Acting as a buffer. Because as curious as I am, I know I really can’t let this happen.

I’m at war with myself, and it’s crazy confusing.

“I don’t want to be an experiment, Abdiel,” she says with conviction that stops me; freezes me in place.

“I would never want you to feel like that.” Our eyes hold one another’s gaze, waves of arousal fluctuating in the air between us.

“Then why would I let you kiss me?”

“You shouldn’t,” I hum, and she bites her lip. “But maybe you’ll kiss me…”

She shivers visibly. “And why would I do that?”

“Because you want to.” My pulse is rapping hard against my chest. “And I want you to…”

“But you love him,” she whimpers, sending a strange jolt to my erection.

“I do,” I say again over her plump, trembling lips. “And he loves someone else, too.”

“This sounds like a soap opera,” she mumbles, her slender fingers reaching out to touch my neck.

“I don’t know what that is.”

She giggles a breathy sound, hitting me in the junk once more, before muttering fuck it, and pressing her soft lips to mine.

It’s such a foreign feeling. It’s kissing, sure, which I’ve done multiple times now with Darian and Drake. Darian and I have spent hours kissing ourselves stupid, yet when this girl kisses me, I’ve completely forgotten what to do.

But apparently, Rhiannon doesn’t mind, and she parts her lips over my lower, sucking it gently, just enough for it to feel really damn good.

And I moan.

I fucking moan, from a small, simple kiss.

I don’t know where that noise came from, but she obviously likes it because she whines and slides her fingers up into my hair, gripping while she kisses me more.

It’s so different from kissing men… so so different. It’s almost impossible to explain, but the only thing I can register is how soft she is.

There’s no stubble bruising my face as it picks up force. I miss it, but not enough for me to want this to stop. Her lips are plush and eager as they come to devour me, while she keeps it slow and leisurely.

I’m brutally aware that she isn’t Darian, or Drake, but it still feels good. I like kissing her, although I can’t tell if it’s because I also like girls, or because I like Rhiannon.

Either way, I slide my tongue into her mouth, just to see, and she purrs, meeting mine with hers. She tastes sweet, and she smells very good, like a flower garden. I’m enjoying this, I can’t even pretend I’m not. Plus, my dick is hard. It’s definitely trying to fight its way out of my boxers, and my sleeping bag.

But I refuse to let it. Despite how good this feels, and how much Rhiannon is smooshing herself into me, I refuse to remove my hands from where they’re trapped by my sides. I can’t let this go further than a kiss. It feels far too disloyal to my King… and his brother. My Serpent.

Still, Rhiannon’s thoughts are driving me insane. She’s thinking about things she would let me do to her… and what she would do to me.

She wants me to pet her pussy, and she wants to touch my dick. She wants to know if it’s big…

She wants to know how I would react to her sitting on my face.

That thought, and the image it drums up in my brain causes a major throb in my balls and forces me to pull away. We’re both crazy breathless, the sounds of us sucking air into our lungs bouncing around the inside of the tent.

“I’m sorry…” she breathes. “I’m so sorry. That was too much.”

“No, no. It wasn’t.” My eyes reopen, and I look over her flushed face and dilated pupils. “Don’t apologize, that was…”

“You liked it?” She asks, inquisitively.

“Yes,” I mumble, then start chewing on my lip. Because yes, I did like it.

So what the hell does that mean??

“Will he be mad?” She asks, and her thoughts are rife with guilt. I hate hearing it.

I don’t want to make her feel bad. That wasn’t what I was going for at all.

“He would never be mad,” I tell her honestly. “But he might be hurt. And he’ll definitely be jealous.”

She sucks her lower lip between her teeth before muttering, “Then don’t tell him.”

“That’s not exactly an option when it comes to Darian,” I sigh.

I contemplate telling her about his ability to hear thoughts, or even about my own. But I can’t tell her about Empyrean now. That’s not my secret to share. I have to wait and speak to Darian and Drake first.

“I like you, Abdiel.” Her voice is timid, unsure.

“I like you, too,” I tell her honestly, because it’s true.

But…

“But,” she sighs, “I won’t get in the middle of a relationship. I won’t be a wedge between you and the man you love.”

“I know.” I give her a small grin, swiping my thumb over her lower lip. “Thanks for being my first straight kiss.”

She huffs an easy giggle. “Thanks for not deciding you’re fully gay mid-kiss and throwing up.”

I have to laugh at that. “I doubt that’s something that happens, but don’t worry. Vomit barely graced my mind.”

She shoves me in the chest while I chuckle teasingly. She rolls her eyes and spins around, nestling her back up against my front. “Goodnight, jerk. And if you rub your boner on me, I’ll beat you to death with my shoe.”

I swallow hard. “Then you might want to give me a minute…”

“Abdiel!”

“I’m sorry!” I huff, flipping my dick up into the waistband of my boxer briefs. “Okay okay. You’re fine.”

She exhales, and I reach over to the flashlight, switching it off. We’re both quiet for a few minutes, though I can tell she’s still awake from her thoughts running wild. Honestly, they’re sort of mirroring mine.

I hope Darian won’t be upset…

And what do we do about these new feelings?