Chapter Twenty-Two

This is the creepiest forest I’ve ever been in.

I still can’t remember if I came here intending on killing myself, because by the time I got up here, close to the peak of this mountain, I’d convinced myself to do it.

It’s better this way.

These woods are already a little shady, what with all the strange noises; the endless quiet sprinkled with forest sounds, so unlike the bustle of Seattle it’s not even funny.

But the forest has strange feelings, too. Like it knows you the moment you set foot on its ground. It knows what’s inside your head and your heart, and it’ll play on that. For what reason, I’m not sure. But even if I hadn’t been dead set on killing myself when I left home last night, by the time I got settled up here, I was filled with the certainty that I need to die.

It’s the only way.

As if all of this isn’t creepy enough on its own, a tall boy emerged from the trees, scaring the ever-loving shit out of me. I jumped so hard I might have peed a little. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but still. It was startling.

Peeking up at him from where he stands over me, I wipe my nose on the back of my hand. He doesn’t look scary at all, which is comforting. He’s actually… pretty damn beautiful.

Trying not to focus on that, I pull a scowl, looking away from him while I wipe under my eyes, attempting to rid the mascara smudges I just know are there. I don’t like how he’s just hovering over me while I sit on the ground. He’s like six feet, and while he doesn’t appear menacing, the way he’s towering over me is more intimidating than I enjoy.

“Go away,” I grumble, aiming my face at his boots, my hair hanging around it like a curtain so he can’t see me.

I’m such a child. As if me not seeing him means he can’t see me.

“Are you alright?” He asks, ignoring my grouchiness as he takes a seat on the ground, right in front of me.

That gets my face up. Our eyes meet, and I’m once again momentarily captivated by how gorgeous he is. He doesn’t even look real. Green eyes, a few shades darker than mine, dirty blonde hair in these lush curls that look softer than silk. A perfectly pointed nose, plump pink lips and a jawline that goes for miles.

I blink myself out of the fascination with this stranger and peer down at my hands, picking chipped nail polish from my fingernails. I didn’t come here to make friends, and I don’t want this kid sitting here trying to talk to me.

I came here to escape my horrible life, and possibly to kill myself, which I still kind of want to do, even though he’s interrupting me.

“I’m Abdiel.” His hand juts forward into my vision, and I glance at him again.

He’s just staring at me, a pleasant almost-grin on his pillow-lips, hand extended, waiting for me to shake it. Shake hands with a stranger in the woods who just found me crying on the ground? Well, how can I resist…

Ignoring my inner sarcastic thoughts, I shake his hand, quick and unenthused. “Okay, I know your name. Now can you leave me alone?”

“No.” The almost-grin turns into an almost-frown as his forehead lines in something like unease. “I can’t leave you alone.”

“Why the hell not?” I gape at him like he’s nuts, and a shiver brushes through me at the thought that he might not be as nice as he looks.

But then he says, “Because you’re obviously upset. You’re crying, and you were thinking about…” His voice trails, and he clears his throat. “You’re obviously upset. I wouldn’t feel right about leaving you alone.”

“Look, stranger—”

“Abdiel,” he corrects me, grinning. My eye twitches.

“… Abdiel,” I huff, and his smile widens. “I’m not your responsibility.”

“Actually, you kind of are,” he jumps in. “Because you’re on my land.”

My jaw drops, and I stutter, “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” My head shakes over and over, conveying my confusion. “I didn’t know anyone lived up here. I didn’t mean to trespass…”

“Well, I don’t live up here,” he says. Now I’m confused. “I live down there.” He points in the direction that would lead back down the mountain. “Between the mountain and the lake.”

“So then how is this your land…?” My brows pull together. “You can’t own an entire mountain. You’re like twenty-five.”

He beams at me. “I’m actually nineteen, but thanks. I was hoping I looked a little older.” I can’t help but roll my eyes as he chuckles. “Anyway, it’s not just me. My family owns this land. It’s called the Expanse.”

“Okay, I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about,” I mutter, “But I promise if you just leave me alone for like fifteen minutes you won’t have to deal with me on your land anymore. Well, you will, in a sense, but it won’t be my problem after that.”

Abdiel’s smile disappears, and he blinks those large, sparkly, moss-colored eyes at me. I’m trying not to focus on how lovely they are, but it’s hard when he looks like a baby deer.

“You can’t kill yourself,” he whispers.

My heart thuds, and my stomach jumps into my throat as I glare at him. “How did you—”

“I just know, okay? And you can’t do it.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Look, I obviously don’t know you. You haven’t even told me your name yet…”

He lifts his eyebrow at me, and much to my own trepidation, I murmur, “It’s Rhiannon.”

“Rhiannon.” He nods, as if he approves of my name. It pleases me deep in a place I want to kick because I don’t need this random person to like my name. “Well, Rhiannon, I have to tell you… you have every reason in the world to live.”

“Is that right?” I scoff. If he only knew…

“Yea, it is.” He reaches out, abruptly taking my hands in his. It startles me, and I try to tug them away, but he just holds on tighter. “All life is precious, and all life is necessary. Each one of us is a part of the great transformation. Even you.”

I can’t help giving him a look like he’s certifiably insane, because honestly, he fits the bill. He sounds like a total whackadoodle.

“What the hell does that even mean?” I finally break my hands free from his grip. “You sound nuts, you know that?”

He shrugs, unaffected by my words. “Maybe so, but at least I know the truth.”

“The truth about what?” This kid is starting to hurt my brain. “The things I may or may not be planning to do up here are none of your concern. I didn’t ask you to come rescue me, Abdiel. I came up here to be alone. To escape. I saw that clearing over there and figured nearby would be a perfect place to…” My head gets a little foggy, and I squeeze my eyes shut. “It doesn’t matter. Please, just leave me alone.”

Quiet surrounds us for what feels like an eternity, and when I finally reopen my eyes, I find Abdiel looking at me with much more concern in his deep green irises. His eyebrows are practically knitted together, and he’s gnawing on his lip, like he’s overwhelmed by whatever is happening in his head.

“That clearing…” he mumbles, voice low, almost inaudible. “When you looked over there, did you see a rock? A black one…?”

Fear zips up my spine. I can’t tell him about what I saw… About what happened over there that led me to where we’re sitting right now. My lip trembles as I whisper, “No.”

He blinks at me, like he doesn’t necessarily believe my answer, but he doesn’t call me out. He simply glances up for a moment, then breathes out steadily.

“It’s getting dark. I’m going to set up camp for the night, and I think you should stick around. It’s dangerous to be out here alone.”

“You’re out here alone,” I murmur petulantly.

“I’ll start a fire,” he goes on, ignoring me again. “I have some extra food you’re welcome to.”

He stands up and holds out his hand for me to take. And after staring at it for a solid ten seconds, I do. Holding his hand feels nice, comforting though it gives me tingles all the same, which makes me uneasy. I don’t know this kid. I should get away from him…

I didn’t come here to hike and camp and roast marshmallows.

I open my mouth to tell him that, but he cuts in before I can. “Why don’t you just stay for a bit, and we can talk? No strings attached. And if by tomorrow morning you still want to go off on your own, I won’t stand in your way.”

I give him a skeptical look, but he just keeps blinking those eyes at me like a cartoon character until I sigh, giving in to his persistence. I suppose there’s no harm in talking to him. He seems like a nice enough guy, and if he’s not, well… I always have my knife.

“Fine, but if you’re hoping to get laid out here in the woods, you can just think again. No fireside makeout sessions, got it?” I fold my arms over my chest, letting him know I mean business.

He shows me an amused smirk. “Yea, I wouldn’t worry about that. I’m seeing someone, so…”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” I counter. “Men are scumbags.”

He laughs out loud. “Oh, is that right? All of us??”

I can’t help the quirk to my lips. “Yes. Every one of you. All shit.”

“I would apologize on behalf of my gender, but I doubt it’d be sincere,” he chuckles. “However, speaking on behalf of just me, Abdiel Harmony, I’m with someone. And I love him very much, so there won’t be any attempted fireside makeouts, I promise.” He taps the spot over his heart with his finger.

My face goes blank at his words. Oh… he’s gay. Alright, then… that settles it, I guess.

I’m not sure why I’m disappointed all of a sudden. I have this weird stinging feeling in my gut, like jealousy, and it’s ridiculous. It goes against everything I just said to him… Plus, again, can’t stress this enough, I don’t know this person.

I shouldn’t care that he’s in love with someone, or that it’s a man, so there’s probably no hope of him ever being attracted to me. None of that matters, and neither does this stupid inner monologue I’m having while he stares at me, wearing a content smile on his full lips.

He’s not affected by me… clearly. Not one bit.

Shaking my head, I pick my backpack up off the ground and sling it over my shoulder. “Great. I’m super happy for you and your loving relationship. Now, where are we setting up this fire? I actually am pretty hungry…”

Abdiel makes a face, something I can’t exactly detect flashing through his eyes, disappearing quickly. “Let’s get away from that clearing. I don’t want to sleep anywhere near it.”

Yea, me neither. I should ask why not, to play it off like I don’t have any feelings about the clearing, or that black rock, but instead I just nod along.

Abdiel suggests we backtrack to a spot south of here, where he can set up his tent and start a fire.

And without any further preamble, I leave with the stranger. This could be a really stupid decision on my part, but I’m feeling significantly more positive already, the farther we get from that clearing.

“Do you even have a tent?” Abdiel asks as we walk, his boots clunking into the solid ground, snapping twigs and crushing leaves, while my sneakers make much less noise.

“No.”

“What were you going to sleep in?” I peer at him, and realization dawns on his face. “Rhiannon, I won’t let you hurt yourself.”

“You don’t know me at all.” My forehead lines “I’m not your problem or your concern.”

“You are, because you’re a human being,” he says with certainty. “All—”

“Life is precious. Yea, I heard you before,” I mumble.

He chuckles, and it makes me smile, though I cover it up. “It’s interesting meeting an Outsider. You’re so different from everyone I know.”

“Outsider?” My eyes dart to his while we trek, side by side.

“Yea. I’m part of a community,” he explains. “That’s the family I was telling you about before. We’re our own society, and this is our land. The mountain, the lake, this whole part of the forest.”

He’s throwing a lot at me right now, and it’s hard to process it all. My head is spinning through everything he just said.

“So, kind of like a commune?” I ask, confused by this whole notion. I’ve heard of things like this on TV and in movies, but I never really knew they actually existed.

“I guess.” He shrugs. “We’re a big family, and we believe in the same things.”

I’m not even sure what to say, so I just stay quiet while we walk. Only ten more minutes and Abdiel stops us, dropping his large backpack on the ground.

“This will do. You wanna grab some wood for the fire?”

I nod and do as he asks, gathering up wood, from twigs for kindling to larger pieces to burn, piling them all up in one spot while Abdiel assembles his tent. The sun is setting, and it’s getting dark fast. But he manages to get it up just in time.

I have to cover my mouth so I don’t look crazy as I giggle at my little internal joke. I’m such a fool, I swear to God.

Abdiel then digs a groove into the dirt, arranging the wood for the fire. He lights it in less than a minute, with nothing but a match and his pure skills.

I’m surprised. I have no damn clue how to start a fire, or set up a tent, and this kid did both in a matter of minutes. I suppose it makes sense, if he lives out in the woods. He probably does stuff like this all the time.

He’s pulling food out of his backpack while I ask, “Do you live in a tent? Or do you guys have, like, houses in your commune?”

He grins over his shoulder while tossing the rest of his things inside his tent. “I live in a trailer. We all do, except for Darian. He has a house. A massive cabin. Like, mansion-sized.”

“Wow.” I take a seat on my backpack, beside the growing fire. “Sounds fancy. What makes Darian so special?”

Abdiel steps over and drops to his knees, fiddling with some metal items. “He’s our leader.”

Leader? Like a cult??

I’m really hoping that’s not what he means, but I can’t help gawking at him while a million and five questions bounce around inside my brain. “Your leader…?”

“Yes.”

“As in like… what? What does he do?” I’m so curious I’m practically inching into the fire to get closer to him, as if that will get me answers faster.

“He started The Principality. With his brother, Drake, when they were just kids, younger than us. They’ve formed this entire community, brought us all together and taught us to praise Mother, and to sacrifice for the great transformation.”

I’m certain my eyes are bugging out of my skull.

I’m mesmerized. I’ve never known anyone who’s been in a cult before. I have to admit, it’s always been a macabre interest of mine. I’ve watched dozens of documentaries on everything from The Children of God, to NXIVM, to L. Ron freaking Hubbard.

This is totally fascinating, and I’ve already forgotten about all my own problems. This kid and his crazy life are a great distraction for me. I guess I should be thankful for that.

“You’ve said that twice now,” I inquire while he sets a thin grate over the fire, then opens a jar and pours something into a small pan. “What is the great transformation?”

“It’s life. Existence, for the entire universe, not just for us,” he answers, like it’s the most basic thing in the world. He places the pan on the grate, stirring what’s inside it with a wooden spoon. I’m not sure what it is, but it smells delicious already. “Think about it. Transformation is change, right? Well, that’s what we all do. That’s what the world does. It changes. Head Priest teaches us to think about our lives as a piece of the puzzle. We’re all connected, even after we die. It keeps going, here… and in other places.”

I blink several times before I can even respond. “I feel like a just smoked a huge joint.”

He laughs out loud. “That’s good. I think.”

“No, it is. I’ve never… thought of it that way. Life like a transformation.” He nods, and I’m quiet again… considering everything he’s said. “Who’s Mother?”

“Mother Earth.” He smiles. “God is in the earth, in the elements, in all of us. So we call It Mother.”

“Oh, man. I love that,” I chuckle, and he grins along. “So God’s a woman. Not an old man sitting in the clouds with a long beard. That makes me very happy.”

“Well, God doesn’t have a gender,” he corrects me with amusement lining his tone. “But yea, we’ve learned about the cultural expectations of God in the outside world, and it’s pretty ridiculous. No wonder there are so many nonbelievers out there.”

“Wait, so you’ve never been outside these woods?” I ask, flabbergasted again for like the eighth time in ten minutes.

Abdiel shakes his head. “I was born into The Principality. I’ve lived my entire life on the Expanse.”

All these words he keeps using. Jeez, I need a cult dictionary.

“What about your parents?” He flinches visibly at my words. “I mean, were they born into it?”

“No, they joined when they were about my age, and had me shortly after.” He pauses for a moment, staring into the food that just started bubbling in the pan. “They um… they died when I was twelve.”

My heart actually aches inside me, and it’s such an odd sensation, since I only just met this guy. I don’t know him well enough to sympathize so hard, but for some reason, I can feel his pain. He glances up at me, cocking his head to the side.

I don’t know what that look means, but I mumble, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thanks.” He eyes me carefully.

It’s making me sort of uncomfortable, the way he’s staring at me. Like he’s reading me somehow. I feel like I’m back in the shrink’s office, and it makes me itch.

“So, this Darian… is he a huge pervert like most cult leaders?”

Abdiel’s eyes widen, and for the first time since I met him, he doesn’t look happy or sweet. He looks suddenly enraged.

“He’s not a cult leader, and he’s not a pervert,” he hisses, eyes reflecting the flames from the fire to mirror the fury in his tone. “He’s the kindest, most caring man I’ve ever known. He couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a human person.”

I hold up my hands, stunned at his reaction. “I’m sorry. I was just kidding.”

His brows pinch together. “You were?”

Not really, but sure. “Yea.” I nod. “I’m really sorry. I meant no harm.”

“No, I’m sorry,” he breathes, features relaxing a bit. “I’m not used to Outsiders. You clearly have different opinions on what’s funny.”

I swallow a lump in my throat. “Sure. I guess that’s it. Listen, I really didn’t mean to offend you. If you say Darian is a stand-up guy, then who am I to judge? I’m no one, anyway.”

“Don’t say that.” He lifts the pan off the grate and begins spooning food into a small bow. “You’re important. Remember that.”

“Right.” I nod, only partially sarcastic. “The transformation.”

“Exactly.” He finally smiles again, and I’m reminded of how nice it is to see.

As wary as I am of this Darian person, I’ll steer clear of talking shit about him as long as it keeps this beautiful boy smiling.

He hands me a spoon and the bowl of food with steam billowing. “What is it?”

“Corn chowder.” He dips his spoon into the pan to take a bite.

I scrunch my face. “I’m not a fan of chowders.”

“Just try it,” he says in a commanding tone that makes me unexpectedly tingly.

Lifting the bowl to my nose, I take a whiff. It smells amazing. “Did you make it?” He nods, and so, for him, I dunk my spoon into the creamy soup and take a bite.

As soon as it hits my tongue, the flavors explode. It’s by far the best soup I’ve ever had in my life. I’m not even a huge fan of the ingredients separately; corn, potatoes, bacon. But all together like this, it’s amazing.

“Oh, my God. Abdiel!” I squeal, and he grins. “This is delicious!” I shovel another bite into my mouth.

“Be careful,” he laughs. “It’s hot, you weirdo.”

“I don’t even care.” I’m smiling while scarfing it down. “This is awesome. Are you sure you made this??”

“Positive.” He beams. “I love to cook.”

“That’s great. No one in my house cooks. Except the housekeeper.” I roll my eyes.

“Housekeeper?” His forehead creases.

“Yea. Betty. She doesn’t cook like this, but she makes healthy shit. Salmon and brown rice. Pretty boring. But that’s what my mom eats, and she forces me to eat like her.”

He tilts his head like a puppy. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. This kid is seriously adorable.

“A housekeeper is like… a Domestic?” He asks, and I stare at him for a moment.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I mutter in between practically licking my bowl clean like an animal. “A housekeeper is like a maid, I guess. Someone who takes care of the house.”

“Ohhh.” He purses his lips. “Yea, we call it a Domestic.” I shrug. “That’s what I do.”

“Really?” He nods again. “For who… Darian?”

He nods once more, something flashing over his face as he stares at the pan, biting his lip while swirling his spoon around in the soup. Squinting at him, I pick up on something. Something… interesting.

“Is Darian your boyfriend?” I ask, fully invested in this juicy gossip like it’s reality TV.

Abdiel’s eyes shoot up to mine, and I realize his cheeks are flushed. I gasp.

This Darian guy is fitting more and more into the cult leader mold with every little detail I learn about him. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out he’s banging multiple members of this family of his… this Principality.

“He’s not… we haven’t…” Abdiel stutters. “We haven’t figured out what we are to each other yet. But I… I’m in love with him.”

I give him a sympathetic little pout. “Of course you are.”

His gaze narrows at me. “Why did you say it like that?”

Sighing, I place my bowl down. “Look, I don’t know you, or Darian. But I just hope you aren’t letting him take advantage of you because he’s in a position of power. You might not know it, never having been in the outside world, but that happens a lot. So much so, in fact, that I’m able to piece it together without even meeting the dude, just based on things you’re telling me.”

He scoffs and shakes his head, clearly not wanting to hear what I’m saying. “Has it happened to you?” He cocks a brow at me, and I freeze.

My stomach crawls up into my throat, and I glance down at my hands, picking off more nail polish. “No. We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you, and your secret relationship.”

“It’s complicated,” he hums. “I wouldn’t expect an Outsider to understand.”

“Right.” I fight not to roll my eyes. “So, what… are you out here to escape the drama or something?”

“No,” he grumbles. “I came up here to…” He pauses and brushes hair away from his eyes. “I needed to find answers. I wanted to find myself, or some closure or something, but when I saw that clearing, I just sort of freaked out.”

Memories of myself in the clearing flutter through my mind, and I cringe. Abdiel’s gaze jumps up to my face, and he gives me that look again, like he can hear what I’m thinking. It brings the unease, fast.

“Maybe there was a point to all this,” he says quietly. “It led me to you, after all.”

“Some luck.” I let out a sarcastic puff. “I’m not exactly a prize.”

“You are,” he whispers with confidence. “And I don’t believe in luck.”

Something about the way he’s looking at me, and speaking to me, feels good. It’s comforting and intriguing. There’s something about this guy, and I really have to hope I’m not crushing on him or anything. Because not only is he gay and in love with his cult leader, but I just can’t fall for anyone.

It’s a dead end and it won’t happen. It can’t.

“Where are you from?” Abdiel asks, changing the subject, which takes a weight off my shoulders.

“Portland,” I tell him. “But I’ve been living in Seattle for almost a year, going to University of Washington.”

“That’s a school?” He asks, and I have to grin. It’s interesting speaking to someone who doesn’t really know anything about anything relating to life outside of the woods. I wonder if they even have the internet or TV.

“Yea, it’s a college. I’d wanted to go to Business School, but now I’m not so sure.”

His forehead lines. “It doesn’t make you happy?”

Not allowing my mind to go into the specifics, I mumble, “No. Not really. I mean, I would like to have a business someday, but I don’t know why I have to go to this stupid school for that. It seems like a trap from corporate America. And my asshole stepdad.”

“You don’t like him?”

“No. I hate him.”

“Why?”

“Alright, that’s enough of the third degree,” I mutter, and he gives me that confused puppy look again. “I mean stop asking so many questions.”

“Oh.” He grins. “Well, you came over here with me to talk, right?”

“Yea, but that doesn’t mean you need to know everything about me.”

“Fine, then ask more about me.” He settles, sitting cross-legged, like he’s preparing for a fireside chat. “But no more about my relationship with Darian, please.”

“But it’s so juicy!” I squeal, and he makes a face. I have to giggle. “Okay, okay, fine. No more relationship talk. So you like to cook… what else do you do for fun?”

“I’m a singer.” He releases another dynamite smile, the perfect lines of his face illuminated by the glow of the fire.

“Really?”

“Yea. My best friend, Jordan, and I perform once a week at reflection.”

“Reflection?” Another word to add to the dictionary, I’m guessing.

“It’s a fire we have every night, where we all get together and catch up. Either reflect on our day, or decompress, or just talk and hang with the family.”

Warmth pools in my gut. “That actually sounds really nice.”

“It is. And once in a while, Jordan plays the guitar and I sing.”

I can’t help the longing on my face as I listen to him talk about this. I’ve literally never done anything like that with my family or my friends. We’ve always been wealthy, and my family’s ideas of fun include vacationing in London or New York, sipping expensive wine and bragging to friends about achievements. What few friends I have are the exact same way.

I started meeting some different people in Seattle, but then it got all fucked up, just like it always does.

Blinking it away, I ask, “You have a good voice?”

“Hence the name Harmony.” He smirks.

My brow lifts. “Wait, so Harmony isn’t your real name?”

“It is.” He looks confused. The feeling is mutual.

“Was it your parents’ last name?”

His head shakes subtly. “No. We get surnames based on our attributes. Elders call me Abdiel Harmony.”

“That’s fucking crazy,” I laugh, and he looks offended until I correct myself. “I mean, in a good way. This community sounds amazing. Everything you’re describing makes it sound like paradise.”

“It’s not perfect, but it’s a great place,” he states with conviction.

The thing is, I can’t tell if he’s brainwashed—cult mentality, cognitive dissonance and all that—or if he really just loves his family and his life. It might be a little of both, but I can’t judge since the outside world is total bullshit, hence why I came up here to escape.

“You should come back with me,” Abdiel says. My eyes widen. “I’m serious. You could come meet everyone. Meet Darian and Drake. Maybe they’d let you stay.”

His offer chokes me up for a moment. I can’t believe this guy I just met is offering to bring me into his secret community. He doesn’t know me. I’m kind of a trainwreck.

Also, I can’t believe I’m sort of considering it, because I don’t know him. He could be a freak show. After all, he’s head over heels in love with his cult leader.

“Who’s Drake?” I ask, then I recall. “The brother?”

Abdiel nods. “He’s Darian’s foster brother. They escaped to these woods when they were teenagers and started everything.”

“Escaped what?”

“I’m not exactly sure.” His eyes glimmer with contemplative sadness. “Bad things.”

“So Darian is in charge… What does Drake do?”

Something shifts in Abdiel’s expression again. It’s like an introspective wonder as he gazes into the fire. There’s something else going on here, but I said I wouldn’t pry into his relationship again, so I choose to leave it alone.

“Drake is called The Alchemist. He has a lab, and he creates things for our community, along with running the business side of things.”

“Business?” I’m beyond interested in this. I’ve never been so riveted in my life.

How is it possible I stumbled upon the most captivating mountain in all of Washington on my first shot, and met the most interesting guy in the Pacific Northwest?

“There’s a lot to unpack here.” His lips curve as he stands up slowly with the dishes. “But I can’t keep spilling all our secrets. If you want to learn more, you’ll have to come back with me.”

“Rude.” I smirk, and he laughs. It’s a great sound.

You know what else is great? The sight of him walking away.

Seriously, the guy is insanely attractive, and he clearly has an impressive body hidden beneath his clothes. It’s a shame he’s into dudes, older ones too, from the sound of it.

Not that I shame people for an interest in older guys. I mean, I’m nineteen too, and I’d never consider dating anyone from school or anything. The last guy I hooked up with was thirty, and I thought that was a good age difference.

Though if others were chill like Abdiel, then I might consider wading into the guys-my-age pool.

I shake my head. None of this matters. Abdiel’s unavailable, I’m never dating again, and I shouldn’t even be thinking about willingly entering a cult tomorrow.

I’ll just get some sleep tonight and take off in the morning. We’ll go our separate ways and chalk this up to a pleasant distraction from my bleak existence, and an entertaining way to spend a Saturday night.

Abdiel comes back from cleaning the dishes and packs everything up. “I’m pretty exhausted. I’ve been on my feet all day, so I’m gonna crash. If you’re staying up, can you put out the fire?”

I’m suddenly feeling sort of awkward. It’s like having a sleepover with someone I just met.

He chuckles. I must be making a desperate face because he asks, “You want me to put the fire out?”

I nod weakly. “Please.”

The smug grin doesn’t leave his lips while he does it, and I try not to just stand around, shifting back and forth like an idiot.

I don’t even have a sleeping bag. I have a blanket, no pillow, and a couple changes of clothes. I didn’t really expect to be hanging around up here for long.

“I think you should sleep inside the tent with me,” he says, and then catches himself. “I mean, not with me. Just in the tent. In case it rains, or animals come snooping around.”

“Animals?” I squeak, to which he laughs.

“You’re on a mountain, Rhiannon. This isn’t a joke. There are bears and mountain lions up here.”

“Holy fuck.” I gulp. As much as I should worry about getting into a tent with a strange man, my main concern has just become not reenacting the Leo DiCaprio bear scene in The Revenant. “Okay, fine. I’ll sleep in your damn tent. But if you even inch next to me, you’re losing your nuts.”

He throws his head back in a cackle that ripples through my insides. “That’s quite the threat from such a tiny little girl.”

Why is the way he just said that so motherlovin sexy…? And from a very irresistible mouth…

I swallow my errant thoughts and grab my backpack, diving inside the tent before I have to look at him for one more second, with blushing cheeks like a total loser.

Abdiel climbs in, and I’m already under my little throw blanket, curled into a ball, back to him. I hear him shuffling around, but I don’t dare glance his way.

“Goodnight, Rhiannon,” he whispers, voice rich and smooth, like caramel and hot fudge drizzling over an ice cream sundae. “I’m glad I met you today.”

My stomach flutters. “Me, too. Goodnight, Abdiel.”

I try to close my eyes, but some animal makes a strange noise outside and they spring open.

I physically feel every inch of space between me and the hot boy with the pink lips, the sexy voice and curious eyes.

I won’t be getting a wink of sleep tonight.