Chapter Ten

I decide to walk back from the lab, rather than calling Lorn for a ride. And none of the guards seem to oppose, all of them just staring at me as I slink away from the Field, radiating awkward humiliation.

Of course, they don’t know anything about that, but I can hear their thoughts, and it’s crazy overwhelming.

I’m jerking left and right at every noise, every idea spoken without a word uttered. This is baffling to me, though I don’t have time to stop and feel insecure about how all my friends from the Tribe are watching me leave and suspecting I just got shot down in some sense by The Alchemist.

It has me wondering how many people he does this with… At first, I thought it was just something he did with Head Priest. And I actually allowed myself to feel special, as if he was bringing me into their inner circle.

But after being dismissed like that, after he came and then immediately regretted doing so with me, I have to assume this is his thing. He gives people drugs, makes them feel like they’re one with God, takes advantage of their openness by messing around with them, and then sends them away.

I don’t know, maybe not, but I’m just a little lost right now.

Yet, despite that, as I walk through the Field in the direction of home, I can’t ignore this awareness inside me. The vibrant colors and speculative designs seem to have faded for the most part, but the feeling is still there.

I have such a sense of my own mortality in this moment, and it isn’t anywhere near as scary as one might think. I know my purpose. I’m fulfilled because as small and insignificant as one human life may seem, I’m a part of the great transformation of life.

I’m a piece of the puzzle. Me. Abdiel Harmony.

I wonder if my parents ever felt this…

I wish I could see them now.

Turning over my shoulder, I look back toward the mountain. Something happened to them up there, and it killed them. It’s still a mystery to this day. Or at least, it was.

One day I’ll go up there and find the truth. It’s my duty.

I hear Mother telling me so.

Seek solace in the mountain, young servant.

For now, I wander back toward Regnum housing, past the farmland, admiring the work of our people. Marveling at the beauty of the earth, of our territory. I truly hope Head Priest knows how grateful we are to be here with him. How much he’s done for us by allowing us here.

Guilt sweeps through my insides fast like a crashing wave at high tide.

I fooled around with his brother. My Head Priest; the man I’ve admired since I was a young boy. The man I’ve grown to love and need, as less than a god, maybe less than a father, but more than just a regular man.

And the thing is that I can’t tell if I’m guilty for having my first sexual experience with his brother, someone who’s supposed to be his… or for not having it with him.

I’m so confused, but I barely have time to reflect on it, my inner turmoil cut short by all the voices. They’re so loud as I approach housing, I have a strong urge to cover my ears.

I hear so many things… Complaints, worries, joys, ideas. It’s all around me, swirling up through the air like a twister. How do Darian and Drake deal with this??

Focusing on my steps, I try not to listen in on things I feel I shouldn’t be hearing. A woman, angry with her husband for paying her less attention than the girl they’ve both been sleeping with together. My eyes dart right. The husband, feeling jealous of that same girl’s endless attention on his wife.

It’s like a soap opera in this place. Who knew?

Passing by students finishing up their lessons, most of their thoughts are on schoolwork, either worried or confident, both ends of the spectrum. And then there are those who are thinking about other things entirely. Friends, family, and vanity.

It’s astonishing how much I can hear.

As I approach my trailer, I decide to pass it. There’s no sense in going home right now. I can’t squander this sort of gift sitting around the house. So I keep walking.

I walk for hours, all over the Expanse, just listening. Hearing it all.

It feels very intrusive, and morally, I must say, I’m not sure if listening to someone’s thoughts is right. Maybe for Head Priest, but not for me. Who am I, after all?

I don’t know that this drug was designed for recreational use. Sure, the high was a rebirth of sorts, and the way I feel now… There’s really no way to describe it. I’m awake.

But the first part seems to last only minutes, and now I’m left with this ability. I understand more now about why Head Priest becomes so edgy after a while. I’m guessing when the power wears off, he feels hopeless.

I have no clue what I’m meant to do with this… Or why the Serpent allowed me this experience.

I’m wandering around for hours, until the sun sets, and darkness washes over the Expanse. I find myself coming back toward the Den, and even though I’m not working today, I can’t seem to stay away. Dinner will be done soon.

I wonder what they’re having… I hope Head Priest likes it.

I decide to go in and at least say hi to Gina. I have nothing else to do right now, and I’m sort of hungry. Maybe she’ll hook me up with leftovers.

As I enter the Den, I’m met with the sounds of people moving around, typical after-dinner cleanup. Swinging through the doorway to the kitchen, I hear Gina first, though she isn’t speaking. She’s worrying about Paul, and how hard he’s been working lately. It brings a knot to my stomach. I don’t enjoy hearing her worry. She’s such a strong person on the outside.

Then I hear Cam. He’s jealous of Ryle, and the attention he always gets for his cooking. Cam seems bitter, but beneath the frustration I hear insecurity. I want to pat him on the back and let him know it’ll be alright. Someday he’ll find his genuine purpose. But I can’t do that… Because he can’t know I’m listening.

I hear Perry as he’s coming in from cleaning the table, thinking about how hot Kiara is. His thoughts are rather perverse, and it has me blushing as a grin sweeps over my face.

Wow, this is crazy. How do they listen to people without it affecting them?

Then I remember how Head Priest glared at me yesterday, and it brings warmth to my chest. He was affected by my thoughts… if even just a little.

Gina turns to face me as I’m shaking away Perry’s thoughts about various places on Kiara’s body he’d like to put his dick. “Hey, kid. What are you doing here on your day off?”

“I was just out for a walk.” I pull up a grin for her. “Figured I’d stop by and see what you guys made.”

Gina shakes her head through a chuckle, then she nudges a plate across the counter in my direction. “Ryle made some delicious spiced fish.”

“This isn’t yours?” I ask, already digging into the plate while she smirks.

“You’re good to go, hippo. The rest of us ate.”

She calls me hippo sometimes because I’m always hungry. Apparently, Outside there’s a game where four hippos try to eat as many balls as they can, and whoever gets the most wins. It sounds ridiculous, but Gina says she used to play it when she was little.

I smile at her with my eyes while digging into the fish. We have an abundance of trout that stick to the north side of the lake, and they’re delicious in many preparations. Gotta love the fisherman.

I have an early memory of my dad taking me fishing, but after he passed I never went again.

The food is scrumptious, and I clear the plate in all of two minutes while they finish cleaning. Gina cracks open a bottle of ale, then hands me one. I hear her thinking about how much she loves me, and it startles me for a moment. My heart is overflowing with so many things, it takes me a minute to get past it.

But I do, swigging a large gulp of the delicious drink. “I don’t deserve this. I didn’t even work today.”

“I’m sure you were working in some fashion.” Gina smiles. He’s such a good kid. His parents would be proud.

I swallow, blinking at her as I take another big sip.

Would my parents be proud, though? I’ve been spying on Head Priest, seeking out his brother for drugs… Having my first sexual experience ever as a dirty little secret.

I don’t exactly feel good in this moment.

But still, I show Gina a kind smile and squeeze her shoulder, finishing the ale before heading for the doorway closest to the bathroom. “See you at reflection tonight?”

“We’ll be there if Paul isn’t too exhausted,” she answers, and I nod at her as I leave the room.

Voices assault my ears from every direction, most of them female, which must mean the wives are around somewhere. That’s the part that’s tripping me up; that I hear people even when they’re not standing directly in front of me, and I can’t get a handle on where they’re coming from.

Ignoring it, I use the restroom near the gym, and when I come out, I swing around the corner and bump right into a giant wall of muscle.

Abdiel, I hear my name in a cavernous voice.

My eyes lift, and I recoil under a deepening blue gaze. Darian. Head Priest. Shit…

“Uh, I’m sorry,” I stutter, trying to back up, though the wall is right behind me.

“Don’t be.” Something of a grin tugs at his lips. And it’s while he’s staring at me that I take in what he’s wearing…

Fitted gray sweatpants. That’s about it.

My teeth move uncontrollably over my lower lip as my eyes follow the wide plane of his chest, curves and divots, glistening with a bit of sweat. He must have been working out in the gym…

He pushes silky hair away from his forehead with his fingers. “I hope I didn’t get you sweaty…” My eyes spring back up to his, finding him watching my mouth closely. I bet that lip tastes like candy…

Swallowing fiercely, I grip the wall behind me to keep from falling backward.

He just thought that… about me. I heard him. He wants to taste my lip…?

Head Priest’s eyes narrow, and his expression turns dark. I’m just standing here shivering beneath his gaze like a waterfall of cool rushing water. The way he’s looking at me is overwhelming. I can barely breathe.

Can you hear me, Abdiel? He lifts a brow, inching in closer until only a foot of space separates us.

My back is sealed to the wall as I gape up at him over an inch or two separating us in height, though it’s his presence which is overpowering. He’s taking all the air out of the hallway.

My lips part, but I can’t form words. Of course, since he mentioned it, now my mind is flashing back to Drake shooting me up with his drugs a few hours ago. I’m not sure if I should be revealing everything to him in my mind, but then I’d have no idea how not to.

Head Priest swallows, Adam’s apple dipping in his throat, a movement my eyes have to stick to because it’s quite captivating. Then he takes in a deep breath.

You’ve tried Empyrean, haven’t you, my servant?

I begin to stammer, and he reaches out, placing a hand on my shoulder. I’m sure it’s supposed to calm me down, but all it’s doing is making me tingly everywhere.

No need to be worried, he tells me without parting his lips. It’s fascinating, isn’t it?

I nod uncontrollably. Yes, Head Priest.

His mouth twists into a small smile, and a breath puffs from between his lips. So cute.

My hands are shaking. Me? I’m cute? Is he… flirting with me??

Please, call me Darian. He blinks. His eyes aren’t as crystalline as they were yesterday, though it’s still a miraculous color, having deepened into a shade similar to the blueberries we harvest.

“I-I don’t…” My head wobbles, not knowing what to say or do.

I’m uncomfortable, because we’ve never really talked much. Yet here we are now, chatting telepathically in the hallway of his home while he’s half-naked and sweaty.

I might pass out.

His grin widens still. It’s okay. I’m just a person, Abdiel. A servant, like you.

His hand trails off my arm as I stand frozen, and he watches me, reading me. I’m so nervous he’s going to hear my impure thoughts about him; that he’ll pick up on my little crush. My entire body is flushed, and I feel like my clothes might disintegrate right off my flesh.

Because I’m sure he can hear everything I’m thinking, he backs up an inch, then stretches his arms behind his back, eyeing me while swiping at his bottom lip with his tongue, an act I just know I’ll be seeing in my dreams for the foreseeable future.

“Would you like to come for a walk with me?” His tone is casual enough, though now I’m even more stunned.

“Um… me?” It’s the stupidest possible response, but I can’t help it. He turns me into a giant ball of smitten jelly.

This time his laugh is a more prominent, dimples appearing on his cheeks. It makes him look much younger, although it’s still obvious there’s an age difference between us. A pretty decent one at that.

“Yes, Abdiel. You.” He folds his arms over his chest. “Please? It would be rude to deny my invitation, would it not?”

Considering his words, I nod hesitantly. “Probably…”

“Okay, then. It’s settled.”

Before I can even ask him where we’re going, he wanders away. I’m still stuck to the wall as he turns over his shoulder and croons, “Come now, young servant.”

And my body betrays all other hesitations to follow him like a puppy. I power walk to catch up, falling in step behind him as he stalks toward the back door. He opens it and we saunter out into the calm breeze of this lovely late spring evening, making our way to the lake I’m guessing, since that’s the direction he’s headed.

Once we’re outside, he slows his pace to a stroll, and I walk beside him, the quiet between us not as quiet as it would seem. I can hear things happening in his mind, and I’m awestruck, because it’s such a fascinating place to be; inside the brain of our Head Priest.

His thoughts aren’t necessarily profound; he’s thanking Mother for this gorgeous night, for the lake, and the plants and trees which give us oxygen. He’s gazing up at the stars and wondering who else could be doing so at this very moment.

He’s wondering about me… Specifically, why Drake gave me Empyrean, but also how it makes me feel. If I understand what it means for my own subconscious. If I experienced…

“What’s Ecdysis?” I ask out loud, and he glances at me as we approach the lake.

Darian says nothing for a moment while we keep walking, right up to the bank. Once we’re on the shore, he turns to face me, and I do the same. He gazes into my eyes, a breeze giving me a shiver as goosebumps sheet my skin. His eyes fall to my arms, observing them, hairs standing up, before they come back to mine.

“It’s your rebirth, Abdiel,” he finally responds in a lush brogue that graces me with even more chills. “Ecdysis is technically molting, in a sense. You remember what that means, right?”

I think for only a moment before I nod. “When a bug loses its exoskeleton?”

He grins. “Yea. Only ecdysis is more for reptiles. Snakes…” His voice trails for a moment before he continues. “It’s a personal transformation we must all go through in order to find our true selves.”

His words dance in the air between us as I watch his irises, glittering cerulean in this light.

“There are things we find in nature that Mother uses to guide us,” he tells me, stepping out of his shoes. I peer down, brow furrowed, wondering why he’s now barefoot, but I ignore it because his words are more important. “The white trumpets are one of those things.”

I blink at him. “So that’s what the Field is for? Making Empyrean?”

He cocks his head. “That’s simplifying it. But in a way, yes. The Alchemist has created many variations. The Empyrean you and I have taken is what brings us closest to Mother. It is sacred, Abdiel. You must not squander it.”

My throat slides in uncertainty. How will I know if I’ve squandered it? I don’t mean to…

Darian huffs another one of his almost-chuckles. “I can already tell you haven’t, Abdiel. Your transformation is a work in progress, sure. But you’re getting there. I have faith in you.”

My lips part, but I don’t know what to say. I’m simply amazed at this man. He’s so wise. A perfect leader.

“I’m not perfect, my servant,” he sighs. “No one is. Now, shall we go for a swim?”

My forehead creases. “When… right now??”

The smile of our Head Priest seems to be ever-present tonight. “You’re curious yet hesitant, Abdiel Harmony. Like a cat. I like cats. They’re mystifying creatures.”

Without saying anything else, he shoves his sweatpants down and kicks them off his feet.

And every ounce of breath leaves my lungs in one fell swoop.

Oh my God, he’s naked. He’s naked, right here, in front of me.

I struggle hard with not allowing my eyes to drift as his head tilts at me and he leans in. I’m still not breathing.

“I’m going to get into the water now, young servant,” he whispers, close enough that I can smell him, like cloves and wood and the earth. Like a man; a large, strong, important one. A King. “It’s a beautiful night. We should enjoy it.”

And then he waltzes away from me, a few long strides, fully naked, all the muscles in his back flexing as he moves. I can’t even keep myself from watching his ass; full and round and so damn plump, it reminds me of a piece of fruit I want to sink my teeth into.

“You know I can hear you from here, Abdiel.” He peeks over his shoulder at me. Then he winks.

That’s so embarrassing, holy hell.

But he simply chuckles, my cheeks flushing deep as he steps into the water, walking in up to his waist before diving beneath the crisp surface. He’s gone for a moment, leaving nothing but ripples, until his head pops up, looking extraordinarily beautiful all wet. Like a merman, or something out of a mythological fantasy.

He aims his chiseled face in my direction and pins me with a look. Come to me, my servant.

I’m crazy nervous, my adrenaline jacked up so much my limbs are vibrating. But I can’t deny my King. I never could.

So I remove my shirt, then my boots, and finally my pants and boxers, stripping completely naked out in the open. The urge to cover up is hefty, but Darian isn’t looking. He’s swimming around in the lake, graceful and gorgeous. Sensual in his prowess. Enticing.

Darting over to the water, I wade in quickly, unable to keep from looking over my shoulders. I’m unsure of what someone might say if they saw us, but it could be difficult to explain.

The wet ground is squishy beneath my toes as I sink deeper into the water until I’m up to my shoulders. It’s warm, not as warm as it will be in peak summer, but not bad. Refreshing, and even if I were cold, I couldn’t think about that right now. I’m too busy gazing after my Head Priest as he swims back and forth, going farther out, then coming back to me.

He must swim often, because his body is that of someone who does; evenly defined, from his arms and shoulders, to his chest and abs, to his ass and legs. I remember drooling over him when I watched that night in the lounge.

He and Drake have different bodies. Both strong in their own ways, though Drake is taller and made of cut-up lines, whereas Darian is thicker, broader and resembling a warrior.

I shake myself out of my thoughts as he swims closer to me, stopping with only a foot between us. He’s giving me an intense look, and I can hear him inquiring about things, so I dunk myself beneath the water to avoid the inevitable explanation. I’m not sure if water stops the telekinetic properties of Empyrean, but I’ll try anything right now. I can’t stand making a fool of myself in front of him.

When I come back up, I wipe the water from my eyes to find him still right there. Still staring.

“You watched us the other night,” he speaks the words I was dreading. “No sense dancing around it, Abdiel.”

Fumbling, my mouth begins to spill. “I’m so sorry, Head Priest. I don’t know why I did it… it was a mistake. Please don’t be angry with me. I messed up, and I’m very sorry…”

He wades in closer, just an inch, though I feel his nearness, and it shuts me right up. “There is one part of what you’ve just said that isn’t quite true. Isn’t there, my young servant?” I swallow as I stand gawking at him, my wet hair sticking to my face. “You do know why you did it.”

“I… I wasn’t…”

“Tell me the truth, Abdiel.” He moves in closer still, crowding me, and this time there’s no wall behind me to hold me in place. Yet I don’t back away. “Tell me why you watched us.”

The silence stretches as I work up the nerve to tell him the truth. The water around us is practically still we’re moving so little.

Deciding to think it so I don’t have to physically say the words, my mind admits, I was curious about you, Head Priest.

Curious how, my servant?

I was… desperate to know what you did in the lounge…

Why?

I waver for a moment. Because I… I…

Tell me now, Abdiel.

I close my eyes and gulp, reopening them slowly to lock our gazes. Because you… hypnotize me.

A droplet of water tumbles over the peak of his upper lip. I almost need to lick it off.

Darian sucks in a quiet breath. And? What did you think of what you saw…?

He moves in even closer, now only a few measly inches separating our bodies. His warmth graces me through the water, the shadowed outline of his colossal frame advancing on mine. My face tilts to his, all the smooth lines dripping wet, stubbled jawline so sharp it could make me bleed.

My thoughts are speaking for themselves, but even so, I can’t help but think, You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

Rather than a visible swooning, his jaw sets, tense and clenching as his eyes darken and burn in my direction. It feels like he wants to come closer to me, even without listening to his thoughts. I physically feel the draw between us like a current. But I know he won’t do it.

We’re out in the open. If anyone were to see, we could get in serious trouble. It must look suspicious already, with him this close, though a bystander might not know we’re skinny dipping.

Darian moves another inch until we’re so close to touching, a deep breath might meld us together. His hand swims beneath the surface of the water, sending ripples past my arm without actually touching, while his eyes stick to mine.

He does it again, this time his hand moving lower, closer to my waist. My cock fills rapidly, and I back up as an instinct, afraid he’ll feel it. Reading my thoughts, he lets out a soft groan, lashes fluttering as he runs his own hand over his chest.

I wish I could touch you… I hear, and it almost knocks me down.

Swallowing all the excess saliva in my mouth, I hum. I really want that.

My beautiful young servant… Such a sweet temptation.

A small gasp flees my lips as my cock thickens more, and like an instinct, my hand runs down to grip it. The memory of Drake calling me a temptation earlier flickers through my mind, and Darian gives me a momentary look of confusion. But it’s swept away by the lust I find shimmering in his eyes as he watches me.

We’re so close, it’d be the easiest thing in the world to wrap myself around him. And truthfully, it’s all I want.

He runs his own hands along his flesh again, the moonlight bathing him in an illustrious glow as his fingertips dance on places I’m dying to explore.

“You’re more of a temptation yourself than I think you realize, sir.”

“Fuck,” he groans, head falling forward, almost onto my shoulder, until his breaths are lingering on my skin. “Do you know how good that sounds coming from those lips?” He lifts his face, eyes set on my mouth.

“M-my lips?” They’re trembling as my cock throbs in my palm.

“They’re irresistible.” He leans in, his mouth practically hovering over mine as he thinks very un-King-like things about my lips.

My balls are drawn up already… I fear I might come if he moves near me one more time.

And of course, he knows that. His hand moves down to his own erection, and I’m frustrated that it’s too dark to see into the water right now. But I feel him stroking it slowly.

“We shouldn’t be doing this…” he growls, eyes falling shut as his body sways in the water before me. “Someone could see.”

“I know,” I murmur, hating that I can’t have what my body is craving down to my marrow.

Darian reopens his eyes, and then his hand appears on my lower back, pulling me into him for just a moment. Our hardened cocks brush together in the water, the curves of his pectoral muscles on mine as his peaked nipples graze my skin until I whimper.

He whispers in my ear, “You’re a gift, young servant. One I don’t deserve.”

Then, before I can curl myself around him and never let go, he dives under the water.

I spin around and around looking for him, but I’ve lost him.

When he finally resurfaces, he’s swimming away, toward the shore. He wades out of the water, walking up the bank and redressing fast. Glancing back at me, his irises are alit in sorrow. The only words echoing through his mind are I’m sorry.

I tilt my head to wet my hair once more before I get out, thinking back to what happened today with Drake. And now this…

I don’t know what I’m doing in my love life, but it’s obvious I’m going after the wrong people. I feel like such a joke.

I wait for Darian to be back in his clothes and walking away before I come out of the water. Rushing to my own clothes, I dress quickly, trying desperately not to watch him leave. But I can’t help it…

My eyes are on him as he wanders toward the Den, peering back at me one last time with something on his face I can’t read, speaking a thought I cannot hear.

Wearing an expression that will surely haunt my dreams.