Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

“ W here is Imp?”

Moon arched a brow. Imp? Did Eyja mean the horse? She had to, for no one else but her answered to that name. “In the field with the others, I imagine. Why?”

“No reason, I was just wondering,” she answered airily. Then she bit her bottom lip as if a thought had occurred to her. “Who chose his name? Was it you?”

Trust her to always ask the last question he expected. It was one of her most endearing traits. He crossed his arms over his chest, amused. “Yes it was, as it happens.”

“Why Imp and not Troll, Dáinn or Little Demon for example?”

“I don’t know... The name just came to me.”

Really she asked the most peculiar questions. How was he supposed to remember what had gone through his mind at the time? At least she seemed to have recovered from their awkward discussion the other day. He was more than glad to be discussing his father’s horse’s name rather than what they had done by the mighty oak. Perhaps against all odds she would actually do what he had asked and forget about the whole madness.

“Was it because of me? Because you call me Imp?”

He mulled over this a moment. He had truly never thought about it. “It might have been, I don’t know. When Wolf gifted him the foal, that night Faeir asked us what name we would like to give him. Aife suggested Cabbage, but I think that was because we were eating cabbage soup at the time. She was only about ten then and she’s never been very imaginative.” He laughed. Unlike the woman in front of him, his sister had always been very sensible and logical. One had better ask her to look after a horse than name it. “After that, any name would have seemed better, so they all agreed to my proposition.”

This didn’t seem to please Eyja. It was as if she thought he was deliberately avoiding answering the question. He wasn’t, he genuinely had no idea why he had offered the name, or why she had come today with no other purpose than to ask him about an insignificant event that had happened so long ago.

He had dreaded seeing her come to him with another lewd offer he would find impossible to resist and, though he was relieved to see that seduction was not on her mind, he found it hard to act natural with her. Asking her to revert to a more seeming behavior had been the sensible thing to do, but that didn’t mean he found it as easy as she did. Getting things back to the way they’d been would require some adjustments. It struck him now that he had underestimated the enormity of the task.

“Why did you think of that word particularly, though?” She wasn’t letting it go.

“Bloody hell, I told you twice, I don’t know!”

But now that she’d forced him to think of it, Moon was wondering. Why had he thought of that name so easily? Was it because she was constantly on his mind? Was it simply because that day they had spent some time together? He snorted. Of course they had, it would have been hard to pick a day when they had not.

“Why do you want to know anyway?” She shook her head slowly and didn’t answer. He didn’t insist, only too glad to drop the subject because he really had no idea what to tell her. “How is your head?” he asked instead.

“Better, thank you, though I suppose I look a fright.”

“The bruise is still impressive, if that’s what you mean,” he clarified. But that was not quite the same. She couldn’t look a fright if she tried. “And at least the swelling is gone.”

“Yes, it’s not as painful as it was. And it’s good to be outside in the fresh air.”

As she spoke, she wrapped her cloak more tightly around her. It was bitterly cold today, but he knew she would not have let it deter her even if it had snowed. She had never been one for sitting indoors for days on end. She’d rather be roaming the land and hunting with a group of boys than sitting by the fire sewing or cooking.

“Aife told me you have a moon-shaped mark on your forehead now, one you might keep all your life,” he told her with a smile. The idea intrigued him and he dearly wanted to see it but at the moment it was hidden by her hair. All he could see of her wound was the purple bruising reaching her eyebrow. “Is that true? Can I see?”

“No.”

She took a step back, as if embarrassed by what she considered ugly. “Come, Eyja. I won’t make fun of you if you do have a scar, not when it means that you were brave enough to save Gunnar and could have died because of it.”

Keeping her eyes to the floor, she nodded her agreement.

Slowly, he moved a lock of golden hair to reveal the spot where the stone had struck her. And there it was, nestled in the middle of the bruise, an angry red crescent that looked remarkably like his own. His sister had been right, Eyja would bear the moon-shaped scar all her life. It was just too deep to disappear without a trace. He didn’t quite know what to make of the fact, except that it seemed significant somehow. Of all the shapes the scar could have been, it had to be a moon.

“What do you think?” she asked, still not meeting his eye.

“Yes, it is exactly like my own, only smaller. And I do think you’ll have it for life.”

Her shoulders slumped. “Is it very ugly?”

He couldn’t help another smile. If ever he’d doubted she was a real woman, underneath all the bluster, there was the proof. “It’s just as ugly as mine, I would say,” he answered, knowing she would take exception to that.

“Oh. Not ugly at all then,” she said in a breath.

“No.” He brushed the little wound gently, then allowed his finger to trail along her cheek, her jaw, until it came to rest under her chin to hold her in place. “Not ugly at all. Nothing about you is ugly, Imp.”

He bent his head, and then froze in shock, stopping just before his lips could touch hers. What the hell? Had he really been about to kiss her? Yes, he had. There was no pretending otherwise, or pretending she had been the one initiating it. It had been his idea, she had not done anything to provoke him. He had not even hesitated. One moment he had been stroking her scar and the next he’d lifted her chin up to him, bending his head as naturally as if they had kissed hundreds of times.

Why had he done that?

Once, he had feasted on her honey because she’d teased and goaded him into action, only the other day he had plundered her mouth because she’d offered to give him pleasure and would not take no for an answer. But today Eyja hadn’t done anything. There had been no teasing, no goading, no scandalous offers. She was just here, in front of him, looking lovelier than he had ever seen her, and he was the one doing everything.

He was offering compliments, he was stroking her, he was considering kissing her.

He was losing his mind, that was what he was doing.

Merely three days ago he’d told her he wanted them to stop acting as if they were lovers. She had actually heeded his command for once. And now, here he was, with his mouth a hair’s breadth away from hers, about to devour her. His lips were even tingling in anticipation of this first kiss.

As slowly as he could, so as not to betray the fact that he had been about to kiss her, he inched away. It was probably too late for the move to pass as natural, Eyja would have understood what he’d been about to do, but he could not see any other way to act. He could not start apologizing, or explain an impulse he didn’t understand, much less actually kiss her.

He had no other choice but to leave.

“Forgive me, I have to go. Elwyn is waiting for me at the hut. We agreed to...”

Having no idea what excuse to give her, he left mid-sentence.

Moon hurried through the village, feeling like a prized fool. His haste was such that he almost skidded on a patch of ice. He cursed under his breath as he righted himself. That was all he needed right now, to fall and break his leg. To add to his dismay, he then almost walked into Wolf, who was rounding the corner of the forge. They stopped before their bodies could actually touch, then each took a step back. The Icelander was looking at him strangely, and in that moment Moon had the awful impression the man knew he’d almost kissed his daughter—and was disapproving, which didn’t surprise him. Relations between the two of them had been somewhat tense since they’d come back from war. Even after Eyja had revealed she was not with child, thereby proving that she was still a virgin, the tension had remained. Moon hated it, but he didn’t see how he could change it.

After a brief nod, he veered toward his hut.

As if to punish him for the lie he’d told Eyja, Elwyn was actually waiting for him at the door, looking serious. Without knowing why, Moon knew he was about to ask about him and Eyja, something he had expected him to do ever since he’d walked in on them in the clearing. Considering how guilty and disheveled the two of them would have looked, his brother would have been a fool not to get suspicious. Accepting the inevitability of it, he invited him in. Nothing seemed to be going right today anyway, he might as well stop fighting it.

They sat at the table and he poured them both a cup of mead, pretending for as long as he could that this was only a friendly visit. Moon asked about Gunnar and his two sisters. Elwyn gave him all the answers he could have wished for. Then they fell silent while they emptied the remaining mead in their cups.

“So, what is it between you and Eyja? What were you really doing that day in the clearing?” Elwyn asked at last. The relief at having it all out in the open was palpable.

“I think you know, or you wouldn’t be here, asking about it.” Moon planted his gaze straight into his brother’s. He might as well make the most of having an ally to try and see more clearly what was happening to him. It was time he stopped fighting this on his own. He needed help, he needed advice, he needed to understand why he could not seem to go back to how things had been with Eyja.

“I think I do.”

With those words, Elwyn sat back in his chair. The message was clear. He would not help him along any further. Moon would have to bare his soul himself. No point in prevaricating. He sighed and went for it.

“Something has changed between us. It started while we walked to York with the army. I was forced to see her differently then and there has been no going back from there.”

“You mean you started to take an interest in her because she was dressed as a boy? Mm, that is something to think about, little brother, don’t you think?”

Moon did not appreciate the jest and threw him one of his coldest glares. “Do you want my fist rammed down your gullet now or do you want to hear the rest first?”

“Apologies. Please carry on. But for what it’s worth, I’m not surprised you saw her differently when you were away from the village. It was the same for Bee and me. We’d gone to Mercia with Aunt Dunne and suddenly, all I could see was the woman she had become, and not the girl who’d always been by my side.”

Always by his side. Yes, exactly.

“But how can we be together in that way? She’s my best friend’s little sister,” he whispered. “Someone I have known all her life. I still remember the day she was born. El, I don’t know how to deal with that.”

Instead of answering Elwyn busied himself with pouring another cup, took a long draught, and nodded to himself. Then, just as Moon was about to explode with impatience, he asked. “Do you remember what you told me the day I told you I could not accept the feelings I was developing for Bee because she was my cousin?”

Did he remember? Moon blinked. How could he have forgotten? For weeks his eldest brother had been as gruff as a bear with a sore head, a very unusual thing for him, who was geniality personified. One day, unable to bear it any longer, Moon and Eirik had dragged him to one side to demand an explanation.

“What is the matter with you, then?” they asked bluntly.

The answer was just as blunt. “It’s Bee. I think I’m in love with her.” Elwyn crumpled against the wall of the hut like a man felled by a blow to the head. It was as if the confession he’d been holding in for so long had sapped him of all his strength. “I’m in love with my cousin, can you believe it?”

For a moment, no one said anything. Then Eirik spoke, his words slow and deliberate. “You know, us three are brothers, yet we all have a different father.”

That was true. Although they had all been raised as brothers by Sigurd, Moon was his only true son. Elwyn had been adopted the day their parents had married and Eirik’s father was a Norseman who had raped their mother a few weeks before that and had then been banished from the village by Wolf. A more unlikely family could not have been conceived. And yet the three of them were as close as if they had truly been born of the same parents.

“Yes, we were all sired by a different man, even if Faeir is our only father,” he agreed, slapping Eirik on the shoulder in a show of support. His brother had always found it hard to know he was the product of their mother’s ordeal, and no wonder. It was a heavy burden for anyone to bear.

But Moon understood what he was getting at.

“And in your case, you even have a different birth mother,” he added, addressing himself to Elwyn. “Which means that, unlike us, you do not share any blood with Bee, if that was what you were worried about.”

Apparently it was, because the look on his brother’s face was as brilliant as the sun when the clouds parted after a storm.

“By the gods, you’re right!”

Elwyn had turned on his heels, ran to Bj?rn and Dunne’s hut, and asked for their daughter’s hand in marriage. The following day the two of them were wed, and less than eight months later, their first daughter was born.

“Well, you saved my life that day, for I was going mad with guilt and despair. I will now do you a favor and tell you the same thing you told me,” Elwyn said, leaning in toward him like a man about to impart great wisdom. “You do not share blood with Eyja. She might be Torsten’s sister, but there is nothing stopping you two from being together.”

But it was not that simple. “You wanted to marry Bee, you were worried about your future children sharing the same blood and the problems it entails. It’s not the same with me. I just...” He stopped. What did he want? He had no idea. That was the problem. He shouldn’t even want anything.

“You just want to bed her, is that what it is?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know. I mean, yes, of course, I want to bed her properly but it’s not?—”

“Properly?” Elwyn was quick to pick up on his unfortunate choice of words.

Moon merely stared at him, indicating he was not going to be any clearer. What had happened or not happened between him and Eyja was a private matter. Understanding he was not going to get any more information on that subject, his brother stood up and made for the door. Before leaving, he turned to face him one last time.

“Take time to think about what you want, but remember that nothing stands in your way if you want to be with her, in any way. Only you and your cowardice.”

His cowardice. Moon blinked in incredulity. Had the man just said that? No one had ever dared call him a coward.

He was so stunned that he allowed his brother to walk out the door unchallenged. For a long moment, he stayed on his stool, staring into the bottom of his cup as if it could provide him with answers. It did not. In desperation, he poured himself another cupful of mead.

A moment later, there was a knock on the door. Elwyn, back for more insulting advice no doubt. Well, this time Moon would tell him where to shove them.

“You bloody idiot, I’ll?—”

He froze. Standing in the door frame was not Elwyn at all, but Wolf. With his fur cloak draped around his shoulders, the man seemed twice as big as usual. He would have appeared intimidating even without the scowl on his face. Moon’s insides lurched. As if things were not bad enough between him and Wolf, he’d just called him a bloody idiot. Of course, the words had not been directed at him, but... It was hardly the ideal way to start a conversation.

“Halfdan. A word.”

“Of course.” Moon gestured at Wolf to come in. Refusing was not even an option. The Icelander walked in and, instead of sitting on one of the stools, remained standing in the middle of the hut. This would be a short visit then.

“So,” he started. “Is there anything you want to tell me, other than I’m a bloody idiot? Or were those words not aimed at me?”

“They weren’t,” Moon confirmed, though it was hardly necessary. The Icelander would know this already and only wanted to unsettle him. But what did he mean? He was the one who had come to visit. Presumably he was the one who had something to say.

There was another pause, and then Wolf did speak.

“You seem to have gotten nervous in my presence of late. Or am I imagining things?”

No, he was not, but how could it be otherwise considering the way Moon’s relationship with Eyja had evolved? It had been bad enough after he’d pleasured her but now... How could he not feel ill at ease in front of the father of the woman he had used so selfishly?

But it was not all this fault. Wolf had his share of responsibility in the new tension between them and Moon would not cower. It was one thing being nervous, quite another being, well... a coward as Elwyn had said.

He clenched his jaw, addressing his silent thanks to his brother.

“You’re not imagining it, but you’re probably not surprised, considering what happened after we came back from war.” He paused, letting the words sink in. Wolf would have the honesty to remember and acknowledge he had almost forced him to marry his daughter and doubted his word that she could not be with child. It would be hard to recover from such an accusation. “And I cannot help but feel that you disapprove of me.”

“Disapprove. Mm. Tell me, Halfdan. How would you feel if you were me?”

Moon cleared his throat but he had the fairness to admit that he would not take too well to a man who seemed to always be around whenever his daughter was in trouble. It certainly looked as if he was a bad influence on her. And Wolf only knew the half of it.

“I think I, too, would disapprove of me.”

A nod. His honesty had been appreciated at least. Whether that would be enough to restore some trust between them remained to be seen.

“Now, on to the reason for my visit. Do you know a man from town called Cuthbert?”

The question was blunt, but that was not what made Moon’s heartbeat increase in alarm. He’d asked Farmon’s brother to send word when the Saxon was back. It seemed the time had finally come. His whole body tensed up, as if readying itself for battle.

“Yes. I do know him.”

“He asked me to deliver a message to you. This is the message: ‘Tell Halfdan that my brother is dead. His wife is safe’.”

There was a silence during which Moon absorbed what he’d been told. Farmon was dead. Eyja was safe. They could both relax. This was the best news he’d heard all day. He didn’t even ask if Wolf knew about the circumstances of the Saxon’s death. It mattered not how and why the man had died, only that he would not come for Eyja now. His friends, Moon was not too worried about. Without their leader egging them on for revenge, they would probably forget all about the missed opportunity and focus their attention on other women to take their pleasure with, hopefully willing ones.

“What is that all about?” Wolf eventually asked. He’d obviously expected Moon to elaborate.

“It’s... nothing to bother you with.” Now that Farmon was dead, the Icelander would not be able to punish him for threatening and frightening his daughter, so there was little point in revealing what the man had done. It would only torture him unnecessarily. Moon would not burden her father with the knowledge of knowing how close Eyja had come to being raped by a pack of rabid dogs. He would be the only one plagued by nightmares over that notion.

“Mm. Now tell me, who is this wife of yours Cuthbert mentioned? Do not tell me it’s my daughter.” Wolf’s eyes narrowed. “Have you been spreading lies about being married to Eyja, even though we agreed marriage between you was no longer necessary? Why?”

“No, it’s not what you think.”

“It’s never what I think with you two, and yet apparently it’s always something , is it not? Whenever trouble strikes, you two seem to be right in the middle, if not at the origin of it.” He straightened himself to his full impressive height. “Well, no more, do you hear? There will be no more disappearing to war together, no more brawls in the middle of the village, no more coming back home bleeding and half conscious, no more lying about what you two mean to each other.”

What was the man saying? Surely not what Moon thought?

Oh, but he was. Looking him straight in the eye, Wolf delivered the final blow

“I don’t want you to see my daughter ever again.”

“Torsten. Can we talk?”

The two of them had not exchanged as much as a nod since he and Eyja had come back from war. A conversation was long overdue. Moon needed to feel he was regaining some control over his life. He’d been accused of cowardice by his own brother in the morning, he’d been forbidden to see Eyja in the afternoon, he wanted to do at least something right in the evening, to end the day on a more encouraging note. Making peace with his best friend only depended on him.

He’d seen him cleaning fish outside his hut and decided he was not going to avoid him any longer.

“Listen, I know you’re angry at me for?—”

“I was,” Torsten cut in, looking just as tense and dejected as he felt. For the first time Moon realized that the estrangement bothered him just as much as it bothered him. It was a relief. He would have hated to lose his best friend over a misunderstanding. “I’m not angry anymore. I know that no one could have stopped Eyja from doing exactly what she wanted to do. And, in truth, I’m glad she wasn’t on her own in the middle of all the men. I know you will have done all you could to protect her and I thank you for it. It can’t have been easy.”

Despite his wretchedness, a smile curled the corners of Moon’s lips. Indeed the brazen imp was impossible to keep in line. That tongue of hers was enough to land her trouble at every turn. He should know.

“No, it wasn’t easy, but there was no other choice. And I thank you. Your words mean a lot.” It was a weight off his shoulders to know the air had finally been cleared. He’d hated the distance between him and his best friend. “I’m afraid your father is not so amenable though. He forbade me to see Eyja ever again.”

There was a pause.

“She is his only daughter, and the youngest, that will be why. He is usually a fair and measured man but...” Torsten shook his head and sighed, as if loath to speak his mind because it felt disloyal to the man he loved and respected above all others. “Where she and my mother are concerned, he can be quite unreasonable, if that’s the right word for it, because I’m not sure wanting to protect the women you love can ever be called unreasonable.”

“No, of course,” Moon agreed. He’d been desperate to see Eyja safe when they were only friends, so he could not imagine how he would have felt if she’d been his daughter or if he’d actually been in love with her. The thought made him frown because right now he could not for the life of him see how the urge could have been stronger. It had been visceral.

Torsten placed the last cleaned fish on the wooden platter and looked at him. “I’m sure Faeir will come around eventually, when he sees that being away from you doesn’t make any difference to Eyja’s behavior,” he said, plunging his hands in the basin by his side. “She will be just as reckless as she’s always been and he will see that it has nothing to do with you.”

Moon wasn’t so sure but what could he say? What was certain was that he would have to find a way to tell the Icelander he could not agree to such a decision. He had spent a week without seeing Eyja when they had come back from war and that had been bad enough. He wouldn’t be able to handle more. To spend his life next to her without ever being able to see her laugh, hear her inane questions, or touch her soft skin, would be torture. To have to watch as she grew fonder of another man, perhaps ended up marrying him and bearing his children while he went from meaningless conquest to meaningless conquest would be hell.

If this came to pass then he might have to leave the village, as he would not be able to stand it. But... he didn’t want to leave. This was his home.

Bloody hell, this conversation, which had started quite well, was starting to make him feel even worse than before. Perhaps it was time to put an end to it.

“It’s freezing today,” Torsten grumbled, rubbing his fingers over his braies to warm them up. “I can’t remember it being so cold in fall. But, what do you know, frost burns as surely as fire. The only difference is you don’t see it coming. It creeps up on you, and then before you know it, it’s too late.”

Moon was struck by the innocent comment. He’d always compared Eyja’s eyes to frost and suddenly the comparison seemed hugely significant.

Like a revelation, an answer to all his problems.

It creeps up on you.

It certainly did creep up on you, slowly, inexorably, until it was too late. He was in love with the imp, that was why he wanted her safe, why the urge to protect her was so visceral, why he’d thought his heart had stopped beating when he’d seen her at the bottom of the dark pit and thought she was dead, why he could not bear the idea of never seeing her again or her being married to another man. They were not friends anymore, whatever he’d said, whatever he’d tried to convince himself. He would not have pleasured her so readily if they were, he would not have let her pleasure him so scandalously if he did not desire her like a woman, he would not have almost kissed her this morning if he didn’t have feelings for her.

Everything within him surged.

Elwyn was right, nothing stood in his way, if he loved her and wanted to be with her. Nothing except his own cowardice.

Wolf had told him not to see her again. Well, Moon would do much more than see her, if she let him. He would touch her, he would kiss her, he would love her until there wasn’t a breath left in her gorgeous body.

It was time to act like a man.

A month ago Eyja’s father had ordered him to marry her, and he hadn’t protested. This time he wouldn’t do the same mistake. Wolf would be told in no uncertain terms that from now on, Eyja would be the only one allowed to dictate how much they saw of each other and on what terms.

After a nod in the direction of Torsten, he ran.