Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“ T ake Eyja home and get her settled while I go get Helga to see to her injuries,” Elwyn instructed as he steered the cart into the village.

Moon nodded, daunted by the prospect of having to explain to her parents what had happened to her. Wolf would be mad, and it was hard to blame him.

Holding her tight, he knocked on the door. No point in delaying the inevitable.

“Oh! Eyja! Dear God, what happened?”

To his relief, only her mother was home. He would have hated to face the Icelander whilst holding his half-conscious, bleeding daughter in his arms. This time he might not have exited the hut in one piece. Two weeks ago he had brought her back home from war, then he had gotten involved in a village brawl over her. Now, once again, the man’s daughter was in danger, and, once again, he was involved. Wolf might well come to the conclusion that their being together meant trouble.

He deposited her onto the pallet before explaining to Merewen what had happened. She listened while bathing the wound on her daughter’s temple with careful gestures. Moon’s chest constricted. The wound was horrific and would most likely leave a scar, but that was not what worried him. All the while Eyja barely opened her eyes and mumbled unintelligible words. She seemed barely aware of her surroundings.

A moment later, Helga, the healer, entered the hut. She looked straight toward the pallet and nodded.

“Elwyn told me this young lady requires my services. A blow to the head, is it?”

“Yes.”

Merewen started to explain what had happened. Feeling like an intruder, Moon slipped out of the hut but waited outside, determined to ask the healer what her opinion was when she came back out again. He had never seen Eyja so subdued in his life, and he hated it. She was usually so vibrant, so full of life... Would she ever recover?

To his relief, it was not long before the door opened again. He all but pounced on the healer.

“How is she?”

“Moon!” She gave him a shaky smile. “By the gods, you made me jump, boy!”

“Forgive me.” It was hard to be patient when his nerves had been ripped to shreds. “I didn’t mean to scare you. How is Eyja?” he repeated.

Helga didn’t appear worried when she answered, which eased his anguish somewhat. “She will be fine, once the headache has cleared. I gave her a potion so she can try and sleep the worst of it off. After a good night’s rest, she should start to feel like her usual self again. Worry not. She’s not as frail as she appears to be, that one, but I suspect I don’t need to tell you that.”

“No.” Indeed, the imp was one of the toughest people he knew. She had proved it time and time again. His breathing slowed down at last. Maybe everything would be all right. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Try not to worry too much.”

Easier said than done. “Will I be able to see her when she wakes up?”

The older woman looked at him curiously. “Is there a reason why you should not?”

The question took him by surprise. Was there? Yes, perhaps, but not one he could share with anyone.

“I suppose it depends on who you ask,” he grumbled in a bid at honesty. Her father might not be best pleased to see him visit, and Eyja herself might prefer to be allowed some time to mull over all that had happened in the afternoon.

Helga only laughed. “Well, until you are expressly forbidden to, I would say there is no reason for you not to see her. She’s already asked for you anyway, one of the few intelligible things she said.”

Moon’s heart skipped a beat. Eyja had asked after him? Gratefulness invaded him. In spite of all, she still wanted to see him. Well, as long as she wanted to see him, he would see her.

“Thank you. She... She’s very precious to me.”

The same thing he had told Cuthbert. It now seemed truer than ever.

“Apparently.” The woman smiled. “Now go home and have a rest. You look about to drop off.”

It was then that Moon realized he was done for. After a brief nod to the healer, he walked back to his hut. There he removed his boots, fell onto his pallet and closed his eyes, determined to be back first thing in the morning.

“Where am I?” Eyja’s voice was little more than a whisper and her head was as heavy as if it had been filled with rocks. She could not really focus and her body ached all over. Why was that?

“You’re at home.” Her mother’s voice reached her from the other side of the hut. Soon, she was by her side, kneeling by the pallet. There was an uncertain smile on her lips, as if she weren’t certain of the welcome she would get. “You slept all night and for the best part of the morning. How do you feel? Do you remember what happened yesterday?”

Yesterday. The word caused Eyja to sit bolt upright—or at least try to, because as soon as she moved, her skull exploded. But, yes, she did remember. Everything. Moon. The clearing, the sling, the shocking pleasure she’d given him.

The pleasure it had given her.

“Yesterday?” she croaked.

How did her mother know about that? Surely Moon had not told her what they had done together while she slept, oblivious to it all? No, he would not have. But who then? Elwyn? Had he mentioned walking in on them in the clearing? Or was it even worse than that? Had her friend actually seen them, like Farmon had seen them that morning in the forest? It was not impossible. But why mention such a private thing to her mother? She could not make sense of any of it, especially with her head throbbing the way it was.

“Moon brought you back home yesterday evening, looking like a shadow of his usual self. The poor man is racked with guilt over it all, and I had to assure him no one would even think of blaming him. These things happen and no one forced you to do it.” The hand holding her gave a squeeze. “I’m proud of you, daughter.”

Eyja blinked. She was proud ? Had she heard that right?

“What did Moon tell you exactly?” she asked cautiously. She wasn’t sure she was ready to hear it but something wasn’t right. She could well believe that Moon felt guilty over using her, as he’d called it, for his pleasure, but her mother congratulating her for kneeling at a man’s feet? It made no sense.

“Everything, how you volunteered when it became clear no one else could do it.” Eyja’s insides withered. He had even told her mother that she had been the first one to offer to pleasure him in that shocking manner? What on earth had possessed him to do such a thing? She would make sure to tell him what she thought of it the next time she saw him.

“I can’t believe he told you about it,” she whispered. “You’re not... mad?”

“Mad? Of course, not! If you mean that your father and I don’t always approve of your recklessness, it’s true we sometimes fear for you, but this is quite different. I’m sure I would have done the same thing in your place.”

“Please. I’m not sure I...”

She was not quite comfortable discussing such a thing with her mother but her protests fell on deaf ears.

“I mean, what else could you have done? That poor little boy! How else were you supposed to get him out of the hole?”

The hole. Gunnar.

Of course, that was what her mother was talking about, not what she had done to Moon at the foot of the oak. Eyja could have kicked herself. She really was the stupidest girl who’d ever lived. And how had she forgotten about the incident in the crevice? Weren’t her aching body and thick head enough to remind her of it? Then she spotted a vial of brown liquid on the table. Helga’s potion, notoriously potent and to be handled with caution. No doubt it was responsible for the momentary lapse in memory.

“Well, I had no other choice,” she told her mother, doing her best to appear as if she had not only just now understood what they were talking about. “I could not bear to see poor Gunnar on his own in that hole. As you said, anyone who could would have done the same.”

“Yes. How do you feel now?”

“The wound still stings something awful, and my head is all hazy. But I’m sure I will be fine.” Eyja looked around while her mother stood back up and brought her a cup of ale to drink. “Where is Faeir ?”

“He’s gone into town for a few days.”

She was relieved to hear it, as it was for the best he had not seen her brought back to the hut injured and bleeding. She had a feeling he would blame Moon for it, even if this time it had nothing to do with him. Of course, he would still hear about it when he came back but by then the worst would be over and she would look more presentable. It was better that he only saw her once her wound had had time to heal a bit.

Just then a knock sounded at the door.

“Moon,” her mother said when she opened. “Please come in. I was on my way to fetch some water. You can keep Eyja company while I’m gone.”

The ploy to leave them alone was blatant but Eyja was grateful. She needed to have a private word with him. Not to berate him for revealing to her mother what they had done, though, as she had first imagined she would. She afforded a smile when she imagined his reaction if she’d hinted at the fact that he’d spoken about it. He would rightly be horrified.

“How do you feel?” he asked, coming closer to the pallet where she was sitting.

She brushed her temple. “Not wonderful but better.”

“And the other cut?” He glanced at her lower body, which was still covered with the blanket. She was both touched that he should remember the insignificant wound.

“It was never an issue. The gap was narrower than I thought, that’s all, and it scraped my hip as I went down.”

He nodded, as if satisfied. “I cannot thank you enough for what you did for my nephew.”

Eyja waved the thanks away, which did not surprise Moon. In truth, though he was genuinely grateful for what she’d done, he knew it would offend her to insist, since she had done nothing more than anyone would have done in her place. She had been the only one who could help, and she had done so. It was that simple, and to suggest otherwise would suggest that he didn’t think her capable of basic human decency, which he did not.

Besides, he did not doubt Gunnar’s parents would soon visit to thank her properly, as was their place. He was only the boy’s uncle and that was not why he was here.

“I don’t think you came here to thank me for getting into that hole,” she said slowly, as if reading his mind.

He shook his head. She was right and he didn’t see why he should pretend otherwise. The sooner he got this over, the better, because his stomach was already churning. He had done a lot of thinking about the future since waking up at dawn, and he needed to get it all off his chest.

“I think... I think we should forget about what happened these last few weeks.”

Eyja stilled then gave a sigh, as if she’d pondered the same thing and agreed. “I already have. I’ve learned my lesson and do not intend to go to war ever again. Anyway, it’s probably too late, by now King Harold’s army will have?—”

“Please,” Moon cut in. Indeed, there was no point worrying about her fleeing to join the army. By now the Normans would either be defeated, or King Harold would be dead. But that was not what he was worried about, and she knew it. The imp was deliberately misunderstanding him. He should have guessed it would not be that easy. “I’m not talking about the battle at Stamford Bridge and well you know it.”

He threw her a stern stare. She blushed, caught red-handed. “I do know it. But that , I don’t want to forget about. I’m not even sure I can.”

Neither was he, which was the whole problem.

“No. But we must.” He would go mad if they didn’t. He had not slept well the night before and he anticipated many more nights spent torturing himself with the memory of the taste and sounds of her arousal. As for the feel of her sweet lips wrapped around him, he would think about it every time he stroked himself for the rest of his life and the thought sat ill with him. “I can’t use you again the way I did.” He gestured at her head, which was heavily bandaged. How scared he had been to see her bleeding, limp form at the bottom of the crevice! “I can’t bear to see you hurt again.”

Eyja placed a hand over her temple, then on his forearm. “This injury has nothing to do with what... with what we did in the clearing,” she whispered. “And well you know it.”

The impudent little imp was repeating his earlier words to him. And on principle, she was right. But Moon was not in the mood to be fair or reasonable. He just wanted this discussion to be over.

“If we hadn’t been in that clearing in the first place, none of this would have happened. Gunnar would not have gone anywhere near the crevice as we wouldn’t have been with him and Elwyn.”

Though that was indisputable, she was not so easily cowered. “We went there because I wanted you to show me how to use a sling, not because I intended to...” Her voice trailed away and she reddened.

Not because I intended to make you lose your mind by taking you in my mouth.

The words never passed her lips but he understood well enough.

“I know. Still,” he groaned. Everything was mixed up in his head. He had to bring an end to that discussion, he had to leave this hut with the assurance that they would put an end to this madness and be friends again. “It’s been a crazy few weeks but we need things to go back to normal. I can’t deal with anything else.”

She shook her head slowly, almost regretfully, as if she wanted to agree with him, but could not. “It’s not about what we want, Moon. We cannot undo what has been done, or wish away how we feel.”

No. Unfortunately.

Then he blinked as the words hit him. How they felt ? What was Eyja saying? This was not about how they felt, but about what they had done, nothing more. He wasn’t questioning the workings of his mind, he only regretted what his bodily urges had made him do, which was not the same at all. He didn’t feel any different, he only wished he could act the way he should toward someone who was a friend, not a lover.

But he could not insist, explain that he had only given in to crude masculine desires, admit that he would have surrendered to any woman who offered to pleasure him on her knees because then she would feel like a whore, and he didn’t want that. Still, deep down, he knew the truth. He hadn’t agreed to use her mouth because she was Eyja and he had feelings for her, only because she was a woman and she had been willing.

Without a doubt, she wouldn’t like to hear that.

He stood up with decision. “I would be grateful if you give what I said some consideration and see that it is the best way forward.”

“For whom?”

“For both of us.” He clenched his jaw, holding on to his decision. It was the best decision, he reminded himself, the only honorable one. They were friends, nothing more. It was time they remembered that. “I will leave you to rest now. You need it.”

Well, Eyja reflected bitterly as the door closed on Moon. At least this time he had not called what they had done the biggest mistake of his life. As consolations went, it was a small one.

She fell back on the pallet, pensively. Moon wanted them to forget what had happened and go back to the way they had been before. Even if that was what she had wanted—which it was not—how was she supposed to do that? Things were different now, and acts, especially intimate ones like the caresses they had shared, had consequences. Her hair would eventually grow back to its usual length, but she wasn’t sure there was such a thing as normal for them anymore.

Later that morning she had other visitors. Bee and Gunnar entered moments after she had finished getting dressed.

The little boy threw himself into her arms as soon as he saw her. “Thank you, Eyja, you saved me.”

Eyja closed her arms around him, kneeling to embrace him better. “You’re welcome, Gunnar. I could not be less brave than you, now, could I?”

He grinned and shook his little head. “I brought you some flowers to thank you for coming to get me in the pit.”

He handed her a small, somewhat crumpled bunch of harebells. Her throat tightened. The way he was clutching the blue flowers was so adorable she wanted to cry. Or perhaps she just wanted to cry because there had been a lump in her throat since Moon had left the hut, a lump she had refused to acknowledge, in the hope that it would eventually go away.

It had not.

It might not for a long time, if ever.

“Thank you. They’re beautiful.”

Looking concerned at the wobble in her voice, the little boy placed a finger over her bruise. “Are you in pain? You look like a warrior back from battle, you know.”

She had to smile at that, because ironically, she had come back from war unscathed and, now that she was safe, back to her normal life, she did look as if she’d been battling fierce enemies. “I do?”

“You do. You said you would be brave if you ever saw a snake. Well, now I know you would. You’ve proved it.”

Not the snake again! Would she ever be able to hear that word without thinking of Moon and what they had done together? Probably not. Fortunately, Bee spoke before she could blush to the roots of her hair.

“Elwyn and I are very grateful for what you did for our son. I don’t know how to thank you.”

There was such emotion in her friend’s voice that Eyja felt her chest tighten again. Could she indulge in a bout of crying that might make her feel better? No one would think it odd if she finally freed herself of the sobs that had been building in her throat all morning, putting them down to the emotion of the moment.

“Please,” she whispered, deciding it was best not to cry. If she started, there was no saying when or if she would be able to stop. “’Tis nothing. And all is well that ends well, so we’ll speak no more of it.”

Bee gave her hand a squeeze. “Of course.”

After one last kiss, mother and son left.

Moon’s younger sister, Aife, came to visit as Eyja and her mother were finishing their meat pastries.

The two of them had always been quite close but since she had come back from battle, or more to the point since she had become intimate with her brother, Eyja had been feeling quite uncomfortable in front of her friend. It would be even worse now, she guessed. Forget the liberty Moon had taken with her, what would his sister think if she knew what Eyja had done to him ? Knew that she had been the one initiating it? He’d alluded to the fact that this was not something women usually offered to do, thereby implying that it was particularly wicked, or even possibly forbidden. The fact that he had never experienced it alone proved that it was not as common a practice as men would have liked.

“How do you feel?” Aife asked, oblivious to her lewd musings.

“Fine,” she murmured. Physically at least, she felt fine. The rest was more complicated.

“That reminds me, it is time to check the wound,” her mother said. “Helga will want to know how it’s healing.”

She unwrapped the bandages and bathed the wound before declaring herself satisfied. Aife looked on, then cocked her head in consideration when they left the wound to dry out.

“You know, your scar is exactly the same shape and size as Moon’s birth mark. Why, it’s unbelievable how similar they look. It will fade to white with time, I imagine, but at the moment it’s almost the same color as his, as well.” She shook her head, amused. “It’s funny, really.”

It was not funny at all. Eyja felt as if she’d been branded, marked as his. It was as if she were now his for all to see. Except… Except that she was not, and would never be. He didn’t want her in that way, he’d told her as much only this morning. He felt guilty over what they had done, and made it clear he would never touch her again or agree to her lewd propositions. And where did that leave her? Because she craved his touch and she knew she would not stop fantasizing about all the things she could do to him, just because it was more convenient.

He’d decreed they should forget about what they had done without consulting with her first or even asking himself if such a thing were possible.

She wasn’t sure it was.

When Aife left, she pretended to have a headache to be allowed to go to bed. Her mother looked at her strangely but did not ask any questions. It took Eyja a long time to fall asleep.

The next morning a heavy mist wrapped over the land, which did not help with her sense of despondency. All day she wandered aimlessly between the hut and the vegetable patch, not knowing what to do with herself. She thought back to her idea of moving houses. Could she really build her own hut, with some help from her family? The idea had merit, now more than ever. Having something to occupy her hands might help her steer her mind from thoughts of Moon, give her the illusion she was not wasting away while waiting for him to change his mind. In time, she might manage to make him believe she had done what he’d asked and forgotten all about him.

It would only be pretend, though. Forgetting what they had done not only seemed impossible, but it was the last thing she wanted to do. She wanted to relive it over and over again.

That evening, her father came back from town.

As soon as he saw the bruise on her temple, he came to a halt and roared, just as she had predicted he would.

“Who dared?—”

“Calm down, Wolf,” her mother interposed, placing a hand over his arm. “There was an accident, this is no one’s fault.”

She started to explain what had happened in a soothing voice. When Moon’s name was mentioned, Eyja saw in the tightening in her father’s jaw that, one way or the other, he would find a way to place the blame on him. He would tell her that if they hadn’t gone into the woods together, she would have been nowhere near that crevice, or he would claim that Moon should have investigated about a possible other entrance before sending her down the hole. Nothing would be too far-fetched, as long as it painted Moon in a bad light. It was both ridiculous and unworthy of the man he was.

“Can I speak to you alone, Faeir ?” she asked, doing her best to remain calm. Now was not the time to let her tongue run away with her.

“Of course.”

Before leaving, her mother threw her husband a look Eyja had difficulty interpreting. She might have been warning him to be gentle, or indicating that she agreed with everything he would say. There just was no telling.

The door closed silently.

Not seeing any point in prevaricating, Eyja simply asked what she wanted to ask. “Why did you want me to marry Moon if you think him so untrustworthy?”

“I don’t think him untrustworthy,” was the infuriating response. She could scarce believe it. Since they had come back from war, he had not uttered a single good thing about “Halfdan”, accusing him of all sorts of deeds.

“Do you not?” she scoffed. “Then at least admit you don’t trust him to be around me. And another thing. Did you really want me to marry against my will?” she added before her father could contradict her or she could lose her nerve.

It was hard to hide her disappointment and anger at the thought. Up until her return from York she had assumed her father loved her and wanted the best for her. She had not been impressed to find out that he’d been ready to force her into a marriage he’d not even discussed with her beforehand.

“I would never have you do anything against your will, least of all marry a man who doesn’t deserve you,” was his answer.

“But you said?—”

“I said you should marry him if you were with child. Because then I would have known it wasn't against your will.” When she arched a brow, he explained. “To carry his child, you’d have to have lain with the man.”

She could not believe it. Days after she’d proven she was not lying, they were back to the same argument. Was she wasting her time? “I told you we never slept together!”

“Yes. But if you had, it would have been because you wanted it. I know how opinionated you can be and I’ve known Halfdan since he was born. He would never?—”

“Stop calling him Halfdan!” She hated it, hated the disapproval it represented. But her father ignored her protest and carried on.

“He would never have forced you. This, at least, I believe. So it follows that this encounter, or encounters, could only have happened with your consent, if not at your request.” She tried very hard not to blush because that was exactly what had happened. She had been the one provoking Moon, pushing him over the edge, both times. Her father really knew her too well. “For you to do that would mean that you felt something for the lad, even if you weren’t fully conscious of it at the time. And for you to feel something for him meant that you thought him worthy of interest and deserving of you. You would therefore have found yourself married to man you had chosen for his qualities, a man you desired enough to give yourself to, a man you’ve always known and liked, the father of your child. There are worst starts to a marriage.”

This explanation and the logic behind it, left Eyja speechless.

He was right. Her sleeping with Moon would have proved she was not indifferent to him as a man, and them having grown together meant they knew what to expect from one another as husband and wife. Many marriages indeed had less promising starts, she had already come to that conclusion herself. She could not surrender so quickly, however. He would have left her no choice in a decision that would have affected her whole life. This was not so easy to forgive.

“Choosing to sleep with a man and marrying him are two different things, I would say. One doesn’t necessarily have to follow after the other.”

“It does if there is a child!” He made a cutting gesture with his hand. “I would never have my daughter raising a child without the help and support she is entitled to, or my grandchild growing without its father, and I will not apologize for it. Halfdan would have had to face his responsibilities because there are ways to prevent a pregnancy, things a man of honor can do to protect the woman he is bedding from the consequences of their actions. But now that I know for sure that you are not with child, we can forget all about it, if such is your wish.”

Eyja noticed that he hadn’t said: “now that I know Moon didn’t touch you”, as if he knew they had shared intimacies. Perhaps her mother had hinted at their discussion together. Her parents had no secrets from each other. But she didn’t mind. Her father cared for her, that was the important thing. Her mother had been right. He had never meant to force her into anything, merely to protect her and her child and force Moon to do the right thing by her. Not only that, but he’d understood that she had feelings for the vexing man long before she had.

“How about him?” she couldn’t help but ask. Perhaps her perceptive father had useful insight into what Moon thought. Perhaps he could give her the ray of light she desperately needed after their conversation the previous day.

“What do you mean?”

“You said you thought I might have feelings for Moon. Do you think he... feels anything for me?”

Please say yes. Please say I’m not a fool for lusting after him, for wanting to be more than friends. Please say he will change his mind.

There was a pause.

“Ask him who chose the family’s horse’s name.”

She blinked. What did that have to do with anything?

A few years ago, her father’s beloved stallion, Demon, had died. The black horse he had sired on their mare, Angel, which had turned out to be the last he was to have, had been gifted to Sigurd when he’d been a year old. It looked exactly like its formidable father, and had been called Imp. Eyja had always assumed it was because people liked to give the stallion’s offspring names that echoed Demon’s. The village was now populated with Devils, Ghouls and all kinds of Norse deities.

Caedmon was the only one who had broken the unspoken rule, calling his mare Sapphire after his favorite gem, and his wife Ingrid’s eye color.

“Do you mean Demon’s last foal?” she asked her father.

“Yes.”

She still didn’t see what that might have to do with Moon’s feelings. But her curiosity had definitely been piqued and she knew she would ask about the horse’s name the first chance she got.

“Wolf, your wife told me you were back,” Magnus, the smithy called out through the window. “Do you have a moment? Someone’s here to see you.”

Her father ran a hand through his hair. Just like her mother’s, it was streaked with silver now. And just like her, he had never looked better. “Will you forgive me?”

“Of course.” All her life she had seen him answer to others’ solicitations. His life had been at the service of the villagers long before she’d been born, ever since he’d arrived from Iceland thirty years ago. Eyja was used to it. “Thank you. For everything.”

She fell into his arms and finally gave way to the sobs she had been holding off for two days.

“I love you, daughter. I want only the best for you. Never doubt it.”

Eyja’s throat tightened. “I won’t.”