Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

A s the coach stopped in front of the inn, Hadrian released a deep sigh of relief. He had enjoyed some moments during the journey, but it had been difficult to sit across from Lilly and pretend that everything was fine when it most definitely was not. The heated confrontation with his father earlier that morning still lingered in his mind, shaking him to his very core. How could he have been so foolish as not to read his own marriage contract? Was he really as irresponsible and stupid as his father believed him to be?

All his decisions so far seemed to indicate that the answer was yes.

And how could he possibly tell Lilly that their original agreement had now changed due to his father's demands for them to consummate their marriage? He knew she wanted children and would make a fantastic mother, but if he told her he had to produce an heir immediately, she would think that was the only reason he wanted her. Surprisingly, that wasn't the case. His desire for her had grown each time he had seen her.

However, he didn't want to hurt her more than he already had. He needed time to think things through and make sure that his father really had backed him into a corner before broaching the topic of consummating their marriage.

"We've arrived," he murmured.

She startled awake, and he managed a smile when he saw how her careful coiffure had come undone, tendrils of her dark hair sticking to her cheek and tumbling over her ears.

She blinked at him groggily. "Where are we?"

"The Red Dog," he said, gesturing out the window to the bustling inn. "We'll be staying here tonight."

"Oh," she said softly. "I forgot we were stopping. My father used to travel through the night whenever we would go to the country."

"I hate to sleep in a coach," he explained. "We'll be much more comfortable here and continue the rest of the way tomorrow."

"Thank you," she murmured, nervously trying to twist her hair back into some semblance of tidiness.

"You look adorable," he told her reassuringly. "And you'll be safe in your room in just a few minutes. Would you like to wait here while I procure the rooms?"

"Yes, please," she replied, and even in the dim light, he could tell she had blushed scarlet.

He hurried into the inn and strode up to the innkeeper. "I'd like your two best rooms, please."

The man's gaze took in Hadrian's expensive clothes and boots, and then he winced. "I'm sorry, my lord. I only have one room left tonight." He perked up. "But it is my finest. Clean, comfortable, with a separate sitting room."

Hadrian sighed, realizing the alone time he desperately needed tonight would not happen. "I suppose that will have to do."

He would end up sleeping on whatever passed for a sofa in the sitting room, but it was still bound to be better than jostling around in the coach all night.

Once the payment was made and he had ordered dinner to be brought up for Lilly, he went back outside to retrieve Lilly. "They only have one room," he told her as he helped her down. "But there is a sitting room, so it should be all right. I will sleep on the sofa, of course."

She bit her lip and blinked up at him in the moonlight. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "Part of traveling. Come on, I'll take you in. I don't want you to be alone in the taproom. It seems a rather rough crowd."

Reaching out, he lifted the cowl of her cloak so that it hid most of her face. No matter how this came about, he did not intend to let those men stare at his wife.

She lowered her head and followed him inside, and he immediately led her up the narrow stairs to the second floor. Their room was at the end of a long hall, and when he opened the door, he was pleased to see that it was nicer than he had expected. A fire danced merrily in the grate, staving off the September chill, and the sofa looked as if it was long enough to fit his large frame.

"This will do nicely," he said, peeking through the adjoining door to the large bed. "I will go down to the taproom and give you some time to prepare for bed. I ordered some dinner for you, but I will eat downstairs."

She lowered her cowl and looked around, running her fingertips over the back of the sofa. "This doesn't look very comfortable," she said, frowning.

He stared at her for a moment, wondering if she was suggesting...

No. Of course not. The stress of the day had obviously gotten to him.

"I'll be fine here," he muttered quickly. "I'll be back in an hour or so."

He shut the door firmly behind him, trying not to think of her disrobing and climbing into that big bed all by herself.

Lilly stood frozen in the center of the room long after Hadrian had left. She couldn't believe she was actually going to share a room with him tonight. She had fully expected him to leave her as soon as their wedding vows were spoken, heading back to the gaming halls and brothels where he had formerly spent his time. She certainly hadn't imagined he would journey out to the country with her. But this time spent together was an unexpected bonus she did not intend to waste. Somehow, she had to find a way to make the most of it, to make herself so indispensable that he never wanted to be apart from her for long.

A few moments later, a knock at the door roused her from her thoughts, and when she opened it, the coachman brought in the small carpet bag where she had packed her necessities in case she had gotten stranded on the road. She was grateful for her foresight now. The man placed it on the floor inside the door and tipped his hat to her. "Lord Whitby thought you might need this, my lady."

"Thank you," she said fervently. The last thing she wanted was to sleep in the stiff gown she had gotten married in. She had been dreadfully uncomfortable all day.

She wished briefly for a hot bath and was certain she could probably get one if she asked, but she wanted to be safely changed before he returned. She certainly wasn't prepared for him to walk in on her in the middle of her bath.

On the other hand...

All the things Eliza had told her this morning about what transpired between a man and woman in the bedroom came back to her full force. Eliza had seemed to think a glimpse of nudity would drive most men wild, but she didn't know whether she had the courage to try it. Besides, her mother had been telling her for years that she wasn't pretty enough to land a husband, which her years of spinsterhood seemed to validate. Hadrian had undoubtedly been with some of the most beautiful women in London. How could she compete with that?

Another knock at the door made her jump, but it was only the barmaid bringing up her dinner. She thanked the girl and opened the covered plate to find roast chicken and potatoes. Her stomach rumbled at the savory scent, and she realized how long it had been since the wedding breakfast.

Sitting on the sofa with the plate on her lap, she ate hungrily, wanting to finish before Hadrian returned and wishing he would have eaten his dinner up here with her.

Not for the first time since she had walked into the room and seen the narrow sofa, she thought about offering to share the bed with him. She would like nothing more than to try everything Eliza had told her about with the only man she had ever wanted.

My husband.

Her cheeks flushed even hotter as she remembered the kiss they had shared the day he had come for her answer to his proposal. Had he felt none of the fire between them? Had it been completely one-sided?

She longed to try and make him feel something, prove she could be a good wife to him, that he didn't need to go back to his wastrel ways, but she realized the futility of that. How could she, a complete innocent, compete with the worldly women he already associated with?

Besides, that wasn't their bargain.

If she did manage to seduce him, he would probably never forgive her. He didn't want the responsibility of a wife and children. That was the whole point of their agreement.

Her cheeks flamed as she got up and put her empty plate outside the door. Then she opened her carpet bag and struggled out of her dress and into her nightgown. Her clothes were very difficult to manage without the help of a maid. Lilly hadn't been allowed to bring Eliza along since she and her mother had shared her. Besides, the maid had family in the city, and Lilly didn't want to make her leave them. She hoped she could find a suitable replacement.

Then she smiled slightly. Perhaps she didn't want one. Perhaps instead, she could have some clothes made for her that did not require help. She could do that now. She could do whatever she wanted, couldn't she?

Finally managing to fasten all the tiny buttons of her nightgown, she pulled on her robe and then searched the room for an extra blanket and pillow for the sofa. She could at least make him as comfortable as possible tonight.

When she was done, she settled on one end of the sofa to wait. After a few minutes, she shivered, grabbed the pillow and blanket, and curled beneath it to keep the cold at bay. She stared into the flickering flames, reflecting on the day's events and trying to decide what she would say to Hadrian when he returned. But within minutes, the warmth and silence made her drift off to sleep.

Hadrian spent nearly two hours in the taproom, drinking ale and thinking about the turn his life had taken before finally gathering his courage and returning to the room he would share with Lilly. He was a little unsteady on his feet when he opened the door and found his new bride sleeping on the sofa.

A reluctant smile curved his lips at the sight of her before he finally gathered himself enough to shut the door behind him.

What was she doing in here? He had expected to find her sound asleep in the bed with the door closed between them. But she had obviously tried to wait up for him. Or perhaps she'd had some misguided intention of leaving the bed for him.

Well, he couldn't have that. He wanted her comfort more than he wanted his own.

For a moment, he pondered that, wondering if he had ever felt like that about anyone before and feeling a tad guilty when he realized he hadn't.

He approached the sofa and stared down at her, his gaze taking in the way her long eyelashes feathered across her high cheekbones and the dark smudges beneath her eyes. She had probably spent many sleepless nights leading up to their wedding. The weight of his responsibility toward her hung heavy on his shoulders. She was the one person in the world who had always accepted him as he was. He didn't want to break her heart.

And yet, he felt it was inevitable.

With a sigh, he turned away and pulled down the bedcovers, fluffing the pillow and ensuring the sheets were clean. Then he returned to the sofa and picked her up in his arms, holding her close to his chest and just breathing in her lovely peaches and cream scent. Then he carried her to the bedroom and tucked her carefully into bed.

He was about to turn away when her eyes fluttered open. "Hadrian?" she whispered, her pretty brow crinkling with confusion. "Where am I?"

She was obviously still half-asleep. "We're at the inn on the way to Autumnwood Hall. You must have fallen asleep on the sofa. I carried you to bed."

She blinked up at him, still groggy. "I was waiting for you."

The words tugged at something deep inside him. Had anyone ever waited for him? Probably only her, when they were young. While part of him chafed against the thought, the rest was undeniably pleased. Would it be the worst thing in the world to have someone? Someone who actually cared about him? He had been alone for so long that he could hardly fathom it.

"You should get some sleep," he murmured. "We have to be up early in the morning."

"The sofa is too short for you," she told him, finally seeming aware of her surroundings. "You should have left me there and taken the bed."

"Despite what the Brazen Belle says, I am a gentleman," he said flippantly, although his heart raced strangely.

She glanced at the space beside her. "There's enough room here." She blushed crimson. "I know you're not interested in me... in that way. But we are married, so it wouldn't hurt anything if you wanted to just lay beside me. We would both be sleeping. But if you don't want to, I understand." She made a visible effort to stop the stream of words. "I'm sorry. I'm still half asleep, and I'm babbling."

What she was suggesting was so very enticing, and she had been the one to propose it. If he was going to seduce her, he had to get her used to him, and what better way than to share a bed? He could do that without anything else happening, couldn't he?

Lord knew he had no experience with such a thing, though.

He must have been quiet too long because she blushed furiously and closed her eyes. "Pretend I'm still asleep. I'm such an idiot."

He shook his head, completely charmed. "No, you're incredibly sweet. I would love to sleep beside you, Lilly."

Before he could think better of the idea, he went back to the sitting area and grabbed the blanket she had been snuggled beneath and the extra pillow. Carrying them back to the bedroom, he circled the bed to the other side and sat on the edge, kicking off his boots. He generally slept in the nude, but he obviously couldn't do that, so he settled for just stripping off his jacket and waistcoat. Turning off the bedside lamp, he stretched out beside her on top of the quilt, covering himself with the other blanket.

Any remnants of sleep that had clung to her seemed to have disappeared because she held herself rigidly beside him, barely breathing.

"It's all right," he whispered into the darkness. "I can go out to the sofa if you want me to. Maybe this was a bad idea."

"No," she whispered breathily, making him rigid as well, only in an entirely different manner. "It's nice, isn't it? To not be alone in the dark?"

It was nice, comfortable in a way he couldn't even describe. He never stayed in a lover's bed after they had finished unless he was simply too drunk to get up and leave, and he had certainly never shared a bed with someone platonically.

He reached tentatively toward her in the darkness, finding her hand between them and wrapping his fingers around hers. "It is," he agreed. "Thank you for trusting me enough to allow me to lay here beside you."

Her fingers squeezed his tightly. "Thank you for making the trip with me, Hadrian. It means the world to me to not have to make the journey alone." The breathless tone of her voice stirred something deep within him.

All the reasons why he needed to act upon the arousal surging within him warred with all the reasons why he could not.

She trusted him. And he still hadn't had a chance to figure out how he was going to outwit his father regarding his marriage.

So, he held her hand in his until she drifted off to sleep again, her breathing soft and easy beside him.

But it took a very long time for him to fall asleep as well.