Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

L illy could not say she was surprised when Hadrian disappeared from their wedding breakfast. Hurt, yes. Surprised? Not even a little. But as more and more people began to ask her where he had gone, the hurt turned into anger.

Couldn't he pretend for even one day that he cared about her and actually wanted to spend his life with her? Did he have to embarrass her this way?

Nearly an hour had passed with no sight of him when he finally appeared at her elbow, tension radiating from him in a palpable wave. "Are you ready to leave?" he asked quietly.

She glanced up at him in surprise. "We still have guests."

"I don't care about them," he said in a strained voice. "We need to get on the road if we're to make the inn before night falls."

"We?" She blinked at him in confusion. "I don't understand. Are you going with me?"

He nodded abruptly but still looked as though something terrible had happened. "Yes. I want to ensure you arrive at Autumnwood Hall safely and have everything you need."

Relief washed through her like a tidal wave. Maybe he hadn't lied when he said he didn't intend to leave her alone on his family's estate forever. She wanted to throw her arms around him and thank him but quashed the impulse. A wife shouldn't have to thank her husband for every little crumb of attention he paid to her.

"My trunks are packed," she said simply.

"I've already had them loaded into the coach. Let's make our goodbyes and then take our leave."

Together, they made a circuit of the room, saying goodbye even to her mother, who still refused to say a word to either of them. As they turned and left, Lilly felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Her entire life had been spent with her mother dictating her every move while constantly belittling her and making her feel small. She had long thought that if her own mother couldn't love her, then nobody else ever would.

The prospect of reading when she wanted or gardening all day long, even if it meant getting sunspots, thrilled her. And now, Hadrian was going with her, if only for a few days.

As they loaded into the luxurious coach bearing the Oakfield coat of arms, heat stained her cheeks at the thought of the shocking things Eliza had told her. The thought of doing those things with anyone other than Hadrian would have horrified her. But now she couldn't look at him without imagining being naked with him. Of touching him and being touched in return. The kiss they'd recently shared had convinced her that there was passion between them, and now she was going to be trapped in very close quarters with him for several days. Did she have the courage to make the most of this small window of opportunity?

She was all too aware that she might never get another chance.

She settled back in the comfortable front-facing seat as Hadrian took the rear-facing one. He let out a huge sigh and leaned back as well, stretching his booted feet out in front of him. During the hour he had been gone, he had changed out of his wedding finery and now wore deep brown trousers and a forest green shirt, dressed as casually as a servant for the trip. She envied him greatly. She would have loved to change out of her elegant gown into something more comfortable, even though, as a woman, nearly nothing she owned was comfortable enough for their two-day-long journey.

A few minutes passed in utter silence as the outriders and driver readied last-minute things.

"How long has it been since you've been to Autumnwood Hall?" she asked at last, hating that she couldn't think of a better way to break the quiet. At one time, conversation had flowed between them like a river, fresh, lively, and nearly impossible to contain. She had missed that so much over the years.

He frowned and finally met her gaze, looking as though he had been a million miles away. "I'd say about five years if you can believe it."

"That long?" she asked in dismay. "I always thought it was one of the most beautiful places in the world. Especially at this time of year when the leaves start turning such brilliant colors."

He managed a pained smile. "Yes, it truly is a sight to behold."

"This has always been my favorite time of year," she continued, still searching for something to break down all the barriers the years had put between them. "It's not the same in London. It seems everything here is always dirty and gray."

"I can't argue with that," he said, finally meeting her gaze. "Perhaps spending some time in the country will do me good."

Her heart raced with pleasure. Could it be that he planned to stay more than just a day or two?

"What happened this morning?" she finally found the courage to ask. "You disappeared for quite some time, and you've seemed upset since then."

He sighed. "Just another of the endless arguments with my father. I thought our marriage would make him happy, but that was foolish of me. He will never be happy with anything I do. I have always been a disappointment to him. If he could skip over me and pass the title on to Henry, it would please all three of us."

"I know how that feels," she replied sympathetically. "My parents were always disappointed in me as well." If she had been the son they wanted, perhaps they would have shown her some love and affection.

The vehicle lurched into motion, and he turned to gaze out the window as they made their way through the crowded streets. She sighed and looked out hers as well, hating that their conversation was so stilted now. But she really had no idea what to say to him. They had been living separate lives for so long that they had nothing in common.

"Do you remember that time we decided to run away?" he asked awhile later, startling her. "We were both so weary of their endless expectations."

She chuckled softly, the memory of their impulsive decision flooding back. "What were we? Eleven, maybe twelve?"

He had found her crying in the lush woods that bordered their parents' properties after her mother had once again spewed cruel words about her worthlessness and lack of beauty, declaring she would never find a suitable husband. He had also been struggling, getting into a heated argument with his parents over his lack of attention to his studies. They had commiserated for hours before finally deciding they could no longer bear the suffocating pressure. It had seemed completely reasonable to run away and join the circus.

"We spent the entire night in your gamekeeper's cottage," he said wistfully, a small smile tugging at his lips. "It was one of the best nights of my life."

She remembered building a crackling fire in the hearth, snuggling up on piles of soft pillows, and talking until the early morning while munching on stale cheese and bread they had scavenged from the cupboards. It had felt like magic to have those stolen moments without their overbearing parents watching them, expecting them to conform to their narrow ideals.

Of course, his mother had died soon after that, and then his brother a few years later, and everything had changed.

"You're the only one who ever saw me for who I truly am and still liked me," she murmured, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. Oh, how she longed for those carefree days spent running through the woods with him on countless adventures. He had never treated her as "just a girl." With him, she had felt capable, intelligent, and fearless.

What had happened to that girl? It seemed like it had been forever since she had felt that way. Being a wallflower had humbled her in every possible way, and now she resembled a mouse more than the tiger she had once been.

"I feel the same," he answered. "But my father beat the hell out of me after they found us."

They hadn't been allowed to see each other for an entire month after that. It had been dreadful.

"Was it worth it?" she asked curiously.

"Damn right it was," he answered immediately. "And I've been thumbing my nose at the old bastard ever since."

"Which has led us here," she said ruefully, realizing that perhaps she was still part of his adventures. The thought gave her more pleasure than she had ever thought she would have when she woke up today. He had obviously never cared for her the way she did him, but as long as she got to spend time with him, did it really matter? She could live in his shadow quite happily, or at least far more happily than her life had been in ages. It was like they were running away together once again.

"Yes," he said, but again, she could feel his emotions swirling around them. "Here we are, Lilly. Together again."

"Well, then," she replied softly, breaking the emotional tension between them. "Let's make this journey as grand an adventure as running away to the circus was all those years ago."

A hint of a smile played on Hadrian's lips as he nodded in agreement. The carriage lurched forward as the horses steadily carried them toward Autumnwood Hall. Lilly felt a surge of excitement at the prospect of spending time away from society's suffocating expectations with the one person who had always made her feel truly alive.

As the landscape shifted from bustling city streets to rolling green hills, she stole glances at Hadrian whenever she thought he wouldn't notice. The autumn sun bathed everything in a warm golden light, casting long shadows across the countryside. It was a stark contrast to the cold, gray streets of London that she had grown accustomed to.

I am going home. Finally.

They fell into an easy silence, content to watch the world go by outside their window. The tension between them faded completely, and she found herself drifting off to sleep.