4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Thea

I was crying when I woke up. My vision of the man with gold eyes dying in front of me plagued me. Even if I couldn’t remember his face, his eyes haunted me. The way they were filled with sadness when he looked at me right before he died. I felt an overwhelming sense of devastation. My chest ached so much that I rubbed it with my hand to make sure I wasn’t dying. I could remember everything about Brim, but why couldn’t I remember the man with golden eyes? He was going to die, and it would shatter me.

My body raced with adrenaline. Suddenly, dark tendrils of magic swarmed from me in a frenzy. I was mesmerized by the beauty of it, but also the power that pulsed from it. It acted like it was... angry. Before I could react, they had merged into a semi-solid form and lifted me off the ground, giving me a push as if to tell me to get my ass moving. So, I listened and started walking the same way as yesterday.

My stomach growled and my feet ached. Maybe I would starve to death out here instead of in Exile. My stomach growled again as I wandered through the hot, sticky air of whatever kingdom I had wandered to. I focused on the hunger pain—anything to distract me from him dying.

This was fucking torture. All I could think of was that man being killed. The way his eyes were watching me before the sword came down. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to think of anything else. I tried humming and thinking of Sybil and the twins, but it wasn’t working. That darkness inside of me was seething.

It was determined to kill someone for stealing that man from me.

My mind felt as if it were aching from trying to remember him and my past. The last year in Exile was hazy at best. Sybil said I laid in bed and hardly left. Why was I so sad when I woke up that day? Then my mind switched to trying to find something. I was missing something important, and I never could find it. Sybil had told me I had all of my possessions, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Something in my chest didn’t feel right .

It kept telling me to find it, over and over in my mind. But maybe I was losing my mind because even now I could feel that same sense of loss.

“Thea, look up.” A deep voice said from somewhere next to me.

I froze when a figure appeared in front of me without warning. My darkness hummed with anticipation. It had to be eight feet tall with a slender frame and a large, white oversized cloak. Their beady red eyes stared at me, tilting their head as if to study me. I hadn’t heard them approach me, but someone had and tried to warn me. Glancing around the woods, I did not see who that deep voice belonged to.

“What do you want?” I spoke firmly.

“You are in our forest, yet you question us?” It did not speak harshly, but the tone was unfriendly. My eyes scanned around us to see where the others were, but I couldn’t find them. My gaze landed on a man who stood on the edge of the treeline. He was extremely tall with kind brown eyes. There was a woman next to him, but I couldn’t make out her features before she was gone. I focused on the creature in front of me as it slipped its hood off, revealing female features. The tall woman had hair so blonde it looked white, and she was beautiful in a melancholy way. She was far too thin to be a fae, but I didn’t know what she was.

“I didn’t know this forest belonged to you; I was under the impression that it belonged to the king.” Which king? I had no idea.

The woman’s head nodded slightly before smiling, but her smile did not comfort me. Her mouth opened far wider than mine would, and her teeth were sharp and pointed. There were so many that went all the way back to her throat. Something stirred deep inside of me.

“Well, the king does own the land, but we have free rein if we stay on this side of the wall.”

The word ‘wall’ triggered a memory of me sneaking around one and running into the forest. A forest that looked similar to the one we were in now. I shook the thought away.

“What do you want with me?”

“We're hungry.” The woman smiled again. “You look very satisfying.”

My heart rate picked up, but I did not show any signs of the fear I felt. I could feel something like an itch under my skin as the woman got closer. She smiled when I didn’t try to run.

“Don’t run. You can overpower her," the man said, drawing my attention toward him. He was still a good distance away. He wore simple clothing, but he seemed to glow slightly around his body.

“If you let me by, I'll let you live,” I bluffed.

The woman’s laugh floated through the air like a melody that did not match the disgusting beast she was.

She lunged at me before I could react, but her blow never hit me. A bright light burst in front of me, making me close my eyes instinctively. As I opened them, they had to adjust to the fiery mist that was now surrounding me. My eyes followed it to see it was coming from me. I have magic. Fire magic. Mixed with the fire were dark shadows, flitting about the fire and twisting in on themselves in a fluid motion.

I could hear the woman screeching on the other side of the fire mist, but I wasn’t sure if it was in pain or frustration. With a simple flick of my wrist, my fire magic exploded around me. Then in an instant, it stopped swarming and came back to me. I glanced at the woman who lay burned on the ground. Her red eyes shifted to my face.

“Princess,” she muttered to me.

“What did you call me?” I looked down at her, but she had already died. Something about the term ‘princess’ pissed my darkness off, making it swarm around me with fury.

The trees around me crackled and popped as they slowly burned. How could I have caused so much damage with such little effort? I summoned my fire magic, and it came forward again, but this time it sat in the palm of my hand. It was beautiful to witness the immense power it held, even in its small form. But then the black shadows tangled with the small ball of fire, causing the flames to burn black. Something about the two things entangled together had me smiling at them.

It wasn’t long before the sounds of horses running at a fast pace caught my attention. I wouldn’t be able to outrun them, but I could get away from them with my magic if I needed to, so I stayed where I was. When I looked for the brown-eyed man, he was gone.

Within a few minutes, dozens of men on horseback burst through the forest and through the smoke. Their light blue uniforms reminded me of the sky, and the crests on them were gold like the sun. The leader halted his horse immediately at the sight of me. The rest of the men followed suit, and for an intense minute, they all just stared at me. Then the leader rode closer and dismounted a few feet away. All of the men followed his lead.

Nothing had prepared me for what they did next.

They all bowed to me like I was important, just like Kai and Kaz did. My brows creased at the gesture .

“Captain,” they all echoed into the small clearing. “Your family will be so happy to see you back home.”

“My family?” I questioned.

“We will take you home immediately.” The man stuck out his hand for me. He was tall, with untrusting eyes and no hair on his head. His tanned skin glistened with sweat as his dark eyes watched me closely.

“Thea,” I whispered.

He chuckled softly.

“Yes, I know.”

Right. He knew exactly who I was, and I didn’t know anything apart from my name. I took his hand, and he helped me mount his horse before taking another man’s horse for himself. Then we were sprinting in the direction they had all appeared from. In the short distance on top of a large hill sat a castle made of grey stone with blue flags waving in the breeze.

It filled me with a sense of unease when I looked at it. There wasn’t a familiarity about it like I thought there would be. No excitement or happiness. I felt indifferent at the sight of it. Even as we rode closer, it still didn’t feel right. Perhaps it was my lack of food or sleep in the past few days that made me feel like this.

“Home sweet home,” the man sighed.

“The castle is my home?" I looked at it again, but nothing surfaced. No memory or comfort.

“Yes, I’m sure your family will be waiting at the doors.”

Princess. That is what the woman had called me. The word didn’t sound right to describe me; ‘captain’ sounded more proper for whatever reason.

“How did you know I was in the woods?” I asked.

“The fire exploding.”

As we rode through town, I saw the way the fae in the streets stared at me. They did not seem happy to see me. Their whispers were undoubtedly at my expense. It did not feel very welcoming. I felt more like a spectacle than a fae.

When the gates to the castle came into view, I noticed the long stone wall that ran around the perimeter of the castle grounds. It was the same one that flashed in my mind earlier. I could see them standing through the gates at the door of the castle. A king, queen, and two women who were dressed in light blue, gold, and white attire.

When we dismounted the horse, no one said anything to me. They all stared at me in a way that I didn’t know how to decipher. They almost looked scared of me. Something inside of me hummed at the sight of their fear. I liked to see them scared of me .

“You don’t recognize us,” the king said. “We’re your… family.”

I looked like the king in some ways, but I shared no resemblance to the queen or the women next to her.

“So, I’m a princess?” I crinkle my nose at the term without thought.

The queen’s eyes nearly popped out of her pretty face when I spoke. The two women next to her scoffed softly.

“Y-yes, you’re my eldest daughter,” he stuttered over himself, which I found odd. He did not look confident in himself. “You were never fond of the term princess. You were—are the captain of my army.”

That seemed right. Something about the sentence rang truer than any of this. I noticed they did not hug me; they did not say they missed me, but I kept that concern to myself.

“Aren’t you wondering where I’ve been?” I questioned them.

“Of course, but we did not want to overwhelm you. Let’s get you settled, and you can tell us over dinner.”

I nodded and followed them inside, keeping my unease to myself. I kept my face indifferent as they walked in front of me. Their bodies were stiff and tense. The castle was pretty with the expensive decor and tapestries that cluttered the walls. The king turned and smiled at me over his shoulder, but it looked forced. We took a left to a grand staircase.

“My room is this way?” I glanced to the right and saw a door with stairs leading to a floor below us. That seemed familiar.

“Yes, we left your room just as you left it,” he said, almost irritated. I nodded and followed without questioning it again. He stopped at the first door on the left and opened it. When I stepped into the room, it was mostly white with pops of blue and gold.

My mind flashed to a dark forest green bed and decor. I shook my head to clear it away. This room looked... dull.

“Did my room used to be green?”

“No.”

“Hmm. It’s not what I pictured for myself.” I shrugged and looked in the drawers to see the blue uniform the guards wore. The color seemed wrong. My mind raced with thoughts of confusion. This didn’t feel right, but why would they lie to me?

“Should I wear a dress to dinner?” I asked just to break the awkward silence.

“That would be good.” The king smiled softly. “We will give you an hour to bathe and get ready.”

I nodded and watched them leave. As soon as they left the room, I locked the door. When I turned back to the room, I saw a flash of dark green decor again. This was not my room. I would not like something so sterile and ugly. I slipped off the dark green cloak I wore and tossed it on the white bed.

I pulled out the darkest dress I could find in the closet. A dark blue that looked like sapphires. The bath was a welcome relief, and I didn’t want to leave it, but I settled on getting out and getting dressed. I was eager to talk with my family and figure out some answers. When I went back to my room, I walked to the one window. I had pictured a vast garden with black fountains when I looked out, but I was greeted with a view of men training in a large field below me. I shook off the feeling of uneasiness as I finished getting ready.

I didn’t bother getting too fancy before heading out of my room. A guard waited for me at the bottom of the stairs to lead me to the dining room. I paused at the doorway when I heard them whispering. I couldn’t hear what was being said, so I walked in, and the whispering stopped. My eyes immediately went to the good-looking guy with dark blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. He wore gray instead of this kingdom’s colors.

“You look wonderful, Thea,” my father said. The younger man stared at me, specifically the tattoos that covered my arms. I ignored the stares and sat down away from them all, so my back was protected by the wall, and I could see the doorway and them. My darkness hissed at the younger man who watched me, then seemed to chuckle when I saw the large scar gashed into his cheek.

“What is everyone’s name, and who am I related to?” I looked around when they continued to stare at me.

“Of course.” The king stood up. “I’m King Luren of the Cerithian Kingdom; I’m your father. This is the queen, Gwyn, your stepmother, and our younger daughters, Tally and Mae. The man next to Tally is King Jesper of Kizar. He and Tally are to wed soon.”

Brim had mentioned my mother.

“My real mother is where?”

The look of disgust on Gwyn’s face couldn’t be covered quickly enough. This was obviously a touchy subject. My eyes narrowed on her, and she swallowed hard when she noticed I was watching her. The darkness inside of me hummed at the fear I could feel from all of them. They were scared of me.

“Dead, for many years,” my father snipped as if the topic was done being discussed. I nodded slightly as the first course was placed before us: a large steak and vegetables. My eyes drifted around the room, and I almost gasped when I saw the green flame floating behind my father. It wisped around the room and flashed between black and red. It was the same floating orb that had been by the man with shadows. Was this his pet or something? At my thought, it flashed gray, making it seem like it knew I called it a pet.

“What are you staring at?” One of my half-sisters spoke, but I didn’t know which one it was.

“Nothing.” I don’t know why I didn’t mention the floating orb, but it was clear that no one else saw it. Gods, it was a persistent thing, flashing like crazy as if it wanted my attention. Shit, I might have lost my mind. All of a sudden it rammed me, making me and my chair slide back slightly. The noise of the chair on the floor was awful. I wanted to glare at it and strangle the thing, but it moved far enough away that I couldn’t reach it. Everyone stared at me oddly as I glared at an invisible being that seemed pissed off at me.

“So, what do you remember exactly?” Jesper was the one to ask.

“Nothing really. I remember being in Exile with others, but nothing before that. Even Exile is fuzzy. I knew my name, and that was it.”

“And you escaped Exile, how?” the queen questioned.

“I jumped through the border.” I shrugged. “It hurt, but didn’t kill me. Then I just walked in a direction that felt right.” That was a small lie because the black castle still haunted my mind.

It was silent for a long moment. Everyone stared at me like they were trying to see if I was lying. The tension in the room was awkward, but I did my best to ignore it.

“No one from the Crimson Kingdom saw you?”

“No one saw me.” Crimson Kingdom. The black castle must have been Crimson. A castle that was far prettier than this gray one. “How did I end up in Exile?”

Everyone turned their eyes to the king.

They didn’t even ask me what or where Exile was. My senses were on high alert. I didn’t need memories to know that this was not my home. My eyes focused on the floating orb. She moved closer to me, and I could see the silhouette of a woman within the colorful flames. I glanced around the room when I felt that feeling of being watched again.

“We don’t know. You were leading the army against Crimson, and we assumed you and the other elite magic holders had been killed. We didn’t know you were being held prisoner by Crimson all this time.”

Sybil’s words rang in my head. The Crimson Kingdom was not responsible for our entrapment. She had been so adamant that it wasn’t Crimson, and I trusted her far more than anyone in this room. Besides the fact that their reaction to seeing me did not look like a family who was devastated that I had died and miraculously survived.

“Was I cursed?”

The queen dropped her silverware on her plate, causing us to jump at the loud noise. They all glanced around at each other as they spoke without a word. The orb was flashing purple and green. What the hell was its problem?

“Yes, by Crimson. That is why you were fighting the war against them. You needed to break the curse, and to do that, you needed to win the war. You needed to kill their bloodline off.”

Sybil still defended Crimson, and she knew of my curse. My eyes drifted around each fae as they stared at me oddly. I really didn’t seem to like anyone here. The orb flashed red and black, and for some unknown reason, I knew it was angry at my father’s words. But that wasn’t what had me freezing to my spot. The man from the woods was standing next to the angry ball of light. He stared at me before glancing at the orb.

“Don’t ask too many questions,” he warned. “You’re in danger here.”

Before I could react, he disappeared. It was clear that my family didn’t see or hear the man. I waited for him to reappear, but he didn’t.

“Jesper,” my father spoke in a tone that seemed strange. “Did you speak with Cassius?”

It wasn’t lost on me that they all stared at me as they spoke. They were testing what I knew. Who was Cassius, and why would I care? My chest ached at the mention of the name, but I ignored it and focused on my food. The floating orb turned dark green, and the darkness inside of me started swarming at the name. It was...happy?

“No.”

I continued eating. I had been so hungry, but I couldn’t enjoy the food. I was not asked anything else at dinner until the end. Still, no one told me that I had been missed. No one hugged me. No one touched me. But I also found it odd that I didn’t care. I didn’t seem to miss anyone here either.

“Did I have a boyfriend or husband before I disappeared?”

The man with golden eyes was going to die. Tally made a noise of irritation towards me, and her eyes narrowed on me before grabbing Jesper’s arm tightly.

“We were engaged.” Jesper looked over my face slowly to gauge my reaction, but all I could focus on was his eyes. They weren’t gold. And nothing about him appealed to me. I made a look of disgust before I could hide it.

“Oh,” I sighed .

“This is probably awkward for you.” Jesper started like he might apologize.

“It’s not in the slightest. I have no idea who any of you are,” I said honestly as I downed my drink. Jesper glared towards me but didn’t say anything else. I excused myself to go to bed, but I paused outside of the dining room to see what they would say when I wasn’t there.

“She really doesn’t remember anything,” Jesper sighed.

“No, it seems like she doesn’t remember anything at all this time. She should get back to her old role of captain before the war starts; she is our only hope at winning against Crimson.”

“I’ll walk you to your room.” I turned to see a guard staring at me. I nodded and pretended to not be eavesdropping.