12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Thea

T he Crimson army had disappeared. It had been weeks since Cassius got me off in the woods, and we could find no trace of them anywhere. An insistence to search for him took over me the first few weeks, but then I stopped. Cassius was good at hiding, and I would not search like a dog. So, my army waited for him to come out of hiding.

But he never came back. Crimson had vanished into thin air, and their border had doubled its protection. Disappointment filled me. I missed a man who was supposed to be my enemy. For all I knew, this was a sick and twisted game of manipulation on his part, but if it was, I was sick and twisted because he could use me however he saw fit.

Did he think of me too, or was this all a game for him? Fuck, I felt like this was some sort of test he was doing. If I had a way to get to him, I would let him know that he didn’t need to play this game. I lost any semblance of restraint the first moment I saw him on the battlefield without his helmet on.

My father’s annoyed breath reminded me that I was being scolded and should not be thinking of Cassius. My skin heated as I shook away his memory.

I shouldn’t have been so surprised when my father called us back to Cerithia, but it wasn’t my fault. A waste. That’s what my father called me when I returned this morning. A waste of resources. A waste of his time. A waste of potential. I should have killed Crimson’s bloodline by now.

I stood there and took it because I didn’t care what he thought of me. His words rang through my mind. They bounced around in there, but somehow, I wasn’t surprised by them. It was like my mind could remember the harsh words he had spoken to me before and didn’t let them hurt me. Even now, as he blabbered on, I ignored him.

Images of Cassius and I shot through my mind, but it was as if they weren’t my own thoughts. Gods, longing and lust zapped down my arm. My darkness hummed in approval as the onslaught of Cassius kissing, touching, and saying dirty things to us played through my mind. My cheeks were heating.

“Are you listening?” My father glared .

“Honestly, no.” I stared at him. Oops, didn’t mean to say that out loud. “It’s just that you act as if Crimson's disappearance is my fault. It isn’t my fault that they ran like cowards.” Unless Cassius was running because we were traitors to lust after each other. Then yes, it was a hundred percent my fault. Gods, was he this consumed by thoughts of me too?

My father’s eyes frosted over before Gwyn stepped forward with her hand clenched, as if she would strike me. I wish she would because I would lay her flat on her back with one punch. Fuck, I was more irritable than normal, and I knew Cassius was to blame. I didn’t understand why he disappeared. Was it easy for him to resist whatever connection we had?

“You disrespectful little shit,” Gwyn hissed.

“Oh, shut up,” I scoffed. “If you two think you can do it better, then get your prissy asses out of your castle and go fight this war yourself,” I snapped. My darkness practically chuckled at my reaction. Hatred filled their eyes, but it made me so fucking happy to see.

“Thea!” my father yelled. “Show us respect.”

“I’ll show you respect when you give me the same courtesy.”

“What is your problem?” Jesper asked. This prick was lingering around too damn much .

“You are all ungrateful. That is my problem.” I clenched my fists tightly. “You sent me to war after being home for a day and get pissed off because I haven’t broken a curse? Get off your high horse and fuck off unless you’ll be joining me on the battlefield.”

They all gaped at me as my eyes pulsed red. I could feel the swirls on my skin heating below my uniform.

“I will not take criticism from three fae who have never done a day of hard work in their life, especially about war. This conversation is over, unless you want me to really lose my shit at all of you. I am ready to fight, and I guarantee that you will fucking lose.”

No one said anything as I turned and left the throne room, slamming the wooden door so violently that I swore I heard it crack.

★★?★★

Things at Cerithia were different after my outburst. No one even tried to be friendly or talk to me about being family. Was this what life had been like before Exile? A sense of not fitting in or belonging? The queen and my half-sisters hated me, and I hated them too. Something in my bones ached with hatred when I saw them. I hated my father and Jesper as well.

“Thea? ”

I shook my head from my racing thoughts. Jesper stared at me from the other side of the counter. I had snuck down here after everyone was sleeping to eat, so I didn’t have to talk to any of them.

“Jesper.”

“How have things been since you’ve been back?” He smiled at me, but it made me step away from him. The feeling of leaving the same room as him consumed me.

“Fine.” I lied. I had been trying to find a way to go see Cassius in Crimson for the past two days. But none of my excuses for showing up in Crimson made sense. I was sure the Crimson royal family would have me killed on sight.

“Do you ever remember flashes of your life?” He tilted his head to study me.

"Lie to him." The man with kind brown eyes said from somewhere close to me.

Jesper was bad news. When I didn’t answer, he reached out and grabbed my wrist. When I tried to pull it free, he gripped it tighter and examined the black trees tattooed on my arm. His finger traced something under my tattoo.

“What did you do to Palo?”

Palo? Why the fuck would I know where he went?

“Let go of me.”

“Why do you look scared of me?”

“I’m not, but I don’t want anyone touching me.” His fingers gripped my arm slightly tighter. “I will burn your fucking hand off if you don’t let me go in two seconds.”

He gave me a look of irritation but dropped my arm. But I decided that it wasn’t soon enough and sent my fist into his smug face. Jesper fell into the wall behind him before falling to his knees as blood gushed from his nose. My darkness and I watched as he cried like a fucking baby.

“You will not touch me again, or I will slit your fucking throat.”

“You fucking bitch!” he yelled. “You remember something, admit it!”

I crouched down and stared him in the eyes.

“I don’t like you very much. In fact, I kind of want to slit your throat open right now.” I grabbed my dagger, and he sobbed loudly. I laughed as I stood up. “This is actually really embarrassing for you; get up and quit being such a baby.”

“Fuck you, you cunt.”

“Stay the fuck away from me,” I warned as I glared at him and slowly made my way past him and to my room. Once the door shut, I locked it and listened to see if he followed me, but nothing made a noise in the hallway. I lifted my arm to inspect my tattoo. Why was Jesper always asking about and looking at these tattoos? My finger skimmed it, and I could feel the lifted skin under it.

Letters. I could feel letters covered by the dark ink. I traced them once, then twice. My stomach churned with disgust. Jesper’s name was on my arm. So many things swarmed in my mind, but none of them were good. Pain shot through my mind as images of Jesper cutting my flesh with a knife hit me. I stumbled into the wall and caught myself as my head pounded.

What was happening to me?

Through my panic, I saw a flash of movement in the dark corner of my room. I froze where I was because I thought perhaps I had imagined it. A moment later, though, a woman as pretty as the heavens stepped out. She held up her hands.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” she whispered. I grabbed a candlestick and held it back, ready to swing and hit this intruder. How had she gotten in here?

“I’m a friend; you just don’t remember,” she said quickly. My darkness didn’t stir inside of me at this warning. A flash of dark green let me know the friendly orb was back. She was floating calmly next to the woman.

My eyes shifted back to the woman with golden skin and eyes the color of twinkling stars. She smiled when she glanced at the floating green orb .

“You can see the light?” I asked.

“Yes,” she smiled. “You named her Wisp; she is a friend too.”

“Wisp,” I spoke softly. It did sound familiar. Slowly, I lowered the candlestick and stared at the woman. Something about her was peaceful—familiar.

“My name is Della, the Goddess of Life.”

A laugh escaped me at her words. Her face fell into an unamused expression as I struggled to control myself. Her hands rested on her hips as she narrowed her eyes at me.

“I’m friends with a goddess?" I chuckled.

“Why is that so hard to believe? We’re friends.”

“Okay, why are you friends with a mortal fae?” Gods, I really shouldn’t provoke this woman; she was clearly not right in the head.

“Because I helped my brother, Mikel, curse you to have no memories.” She frowned. “I did it unintentionally, of course.”

Her confession was like a slap in the face.

“What?” I remembered the man who stalked me saying their names. "Wait... the man mentioned you."

"What man?" she asked with concern.

"I don't know who he is. He has been watching out for me. He said you wouldn't be pleased to see him."

Her eyes flickered pure white briefly before she glanced around like she might see him here. He wasn't, but I could see she knew exactly who the man was. Della stared at me for a long moment as if she were contemplating telling me something or not.

"Who is he?" I asked.

“I don’t have time to explain the details, but I needed to check on you after Cassius said he found you...fighting for your father .”

By her tone and expression, I could tell her words had a different meaning to them, but what? I nodded my head at her.

“Cassius, my... arch nemesis?” I deflected the feelings of longing so she couldn’t see them on my face.

Della gave me a big smile.

“I’m pretty sure enemies don’t kiss and flirt like you two do. Or touch each other.” Her eyes narrowed on me as my cheeks heated like I was being scolded by a parent. Stars above: how did she know about that? “How are you feeling?”

“Fine…” I spoke cautiously. “Why is Cassius talking to you about me?”

“I can’t tell you outright.” She frowned. “But you’re smart; you’ll read between the lines.”

“So, you are trying to tell me something about Cassius? ”

She shrugged her shoulders. What a pain in the ass woman.

“Is he not my enemy?” My heart pounded. I hadn’t realized how much I wanted that to be true, but that was impossible. Stars above knew that I would march to Crimson right now and demand he keep me, but I don’t think the Crimson royal family would allow it.

“He’s something.” She smiled.

“I’m sorry, why can’t you just tell me what the hell you’re hinting at?” I rested my hands on my hips and watched her.

“My tongue is tied with magic.”

I was tired of this. I rolled my eyes and turned to leave.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Leaving because you have not said anything I believe.”

As my hand touched the handle of the door, she shoved me away. I stumbled into the wall before turning and glaring at her. Della looked around frantically as I readied myself for a fight.

“Please,” she begged. “I’m on your side.”

“I don’t know how I can believe a strange woman who snuck into my room. Especially one who says she’s a goddess. ”

“Ask Haden,” she spoke quickly, her eyes flashing with pain as she spoke of him. “He knows who I am. He can confirm I’m not lying to you.”

“Haden, as in, Cassius’ guard?”

“Yes, he’s a very good friend of yours.” She winced a little as if she were in pain. I took a step to help her, but she backed away from me. Tell me what she is thinking, I demanded from my magic. Nothing came to mind. Odd.

“That magic doesn’t work on gods.” She wheezed in pain toward me. How had she known I tried?

“Is this some sick joke that Cassius put you up to? Why would I believe Haden? He’s probably in on this weird act you have going too.”

“He hates me!” she yelled. Tears filled her eyes, and I gasped as they fell down her cheeks. They were illuminated like the stars in the sky and glowed brightly. Well, that is not normal. “He hates me; he will not lie for me."

“Why does he hate you?”

“Because I killed his sister to save him,” she whispered. “I’m in love with a man who wishes he had never met me. He curses my very existence every day of his life.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but she sobbed into her hands.

“I still don’t know how this will make me believe you.” I frowned .

“You will be able to tell by the devastation on his face that it is not an act.” She looked away from me, ashamed. “He will tell you how much he hates me, and you’ll know he is telling the truth. You can ask Cassius too.”

Shit, I believed her, and I wasn’t sure if I was desperate to have any indication that Cassius was important to me or if I was gullible.

“Why did you have to kill his sister to save him?”

Della’s shoulders stilled at my question before turning to me. Glowing tears still falling from her eyes.

“Because he was the one who was supposed to die, and I couldn’t lose him, but I needed to collect a soul to keep the balance. So, I took hers instead, even though he begged me to save her. It’s the reason my brother Mikel cursed you, but I cannot tell you the details. Cassius is the only one who can.”

My mind reeled with everything she was saying. I believed her.

“Why wouldn’t you just take his soul like he asked?” I didn’t blame him for being so angry.

Della stared me right in the eyes as she took a shaky breath.

“Because he is my fated mate, and I couldn’t lose him, but in the end, I lost him anyway.”

I gaped at her .

“He doesn’t know he’s my fated mate, so don’t tell him, please. He will have a new reason to hate me.”

“I won’t,” I promised.

“I’ve never told anyone about Haden being my mate,” she confessed. “Besides my housekeeper, Pia. It feels good that someone else knows.”

She stared at me with devastation on her face. Something about the look made me think of Cassius. Like I had seen a similar look on his face before.

“Can I ask you a question about Cassius?”

This seemed to jar her from her thoughts, and she perked up.

“Yes.”

“Cassius is important to me, isn’t he? My mind can’t remember him, but my heart does. When I was in Exile, I always felt as if something was missing, but that feeling went away when I saw Cassius and only returned when he was gone.”

Della smiled.

“Yes…”

A knock at my door startled me. Della glanced at me before disappearing from sight. Damn it, there were more questions I had. I ripped open the door to a guard staring at me.

“What?” I snapped with my dagger in my hand, angry enough to kill him.

“Who are you talking to?” His dark eyes moved past me and into the room to see if I had a visitor.

“Myself. Sorry, I’ll keep it down.” He looked at me as if I were crazy. I glared and slammed the door in his face before locking it. I went and drew myself a bath and soaked in the water, replaying Della’s words in my head. There was something about Cassius I was supposed to figure out. I closed my eyes as images of Cassius pinning me to the ground and kissing me plagued me. Suddenly, the crown tattoo on my wrist zapped, making me feel wild with lust, but it felt as if it weren’t my own.

“I need to fucking find Cassius before I lose my shit.”