21. Chapter 21

Isat on the edge of my bed, staring at my daggers. Then my eyes shifted to the bow and arrows that still sat in the corner from when I saved Cassius. I needed to disappear for the day and be alone. What I needed to do was try to make sense of this jumbled mess inside of my head. If that was even possible, I snorted to myself. How could I piece together a puzzle when I had less than half the pieces?

I couldn't. The only thing I could do was rely on the words of others to understand my own life and I struggled with that. I struggled to trust anyone who tried to be friendly to me and now I had to trust that they would be honest with me. My chest clenched with uncertainty. Would I ever know the full truth of any of this? I wanted to believe Cassius and everyone else here, but I wasn't a fool to also see how easily they could manipulate me if they wanted.

My clothes itched as I slipped them on. These walls and thoughts were suffocating me slowly. Opening the door to my room, I peeked my head out slowly. I saw no one and not a sound could be heard. I knew it was way earlier than breakfast would be ready, but the complete silence of the castle unsettled me. I hurried to the front doors and closed them softly before heading to the stables. I looked around but no noise greeted me until I climbed on the back of Cassius's black horse. My head whipped around towards the castle when I heard the doors bang open.

Cassius was standing with three other guards looking around until he spotted me on top of his horse. He took a step towards me, but I flicked the reins and his horse darted into the woods without direction. I leaned far forward so the branches would not hit me. My cloak flew freely in the breeze behind me. I didn't know where the horse insisted on taking me, but he seemed to have his own destination in mind.

I turned when I heard galloping behind me. Cassius was coming up behind us. The horse he rode was white as clouds and didn't fit him in the slightest. I smirked to myself at the sight of the ill-fitting horse and his big frame. I turned forward, not seeing anyone else following me. Cassius's horse slowed to a steady trot before a clearing emerged.

My breath caught when I realized where we were. There was still a white circle on the ground, but it was overgrown with grass and shrubs. My eyes peered to the left where the stone wall stood, unchanged from the memory of Cassius taking me against it. The horse brought me to where Cassius and I used to train together. He stopped and I heard the crunch of his feet on the ground getting closer to me. He walked up to me and yanked me off the horse and placed me down in front of him. His shadows curled behind him like black wings and his eyes swirled with irritation.

"What are you doing?" he hissed. "You stole my horse?"

"I would have brought him back." I sighed. "Why did you follow me?" I breathed heavily, trying to show my annoyance.

"You snuck out of the castle at an ungodly hour and stole a horse. I was making sure you weren't trying to leave the trials."

His black shadows bowed slightly in defeat as he said what worried him. His eyes swam with emotions that I should have been able to read but couldn't. I didn't even trust myself enough to believe the thoughts going through my head. Cassius's hands still gripped my arms as we stood there staring at each other.

"I just wanted a day to myself," I whispered.

"You didn't come back to dinner last night." It was a statement, but a question lingered within it. I looked away from him and towards the horses behind him.

"I only went to that stupid dinner so I could see you," I said defeatedly. Tell him the truth, I told myself. Tell him what you've been seeing about the two of you. "And you were too busy with Flora and after she left you didn't care to stay. You ran from me."

I gave him a hard glare, but his eyes held no distaste or malice. They softened as he listened to my reasoning.

"You said you hate me, yet you protect me from a man with a knife to my throat. You tell him if he ever harms me, you will send his head back to his Kingdom. You get jealous when they mention me taking a bride. I don't know what you're thinking inside of here," he pointed at my forehead. "I left dinner, but I came back. I just needed to not be near you for a moment."

He stepped past me and rubbed his hands down his face in defeat. The Wisp was dancing around our horses in her dark green flames. She hadn't been around lately, or maybe I had been too stuck in my own head to notice.

"Your possessiveness and desire to want to protect me was too much. It's torture to have you act like you care for me, but also hate me just as much." His eyes shifted to me as they turned dark. "I left so that I could collect myself because all I wanted to do was slide my hand up the slit of that dress and show you how fucking good we are together. It is killing me that you might hate me, Thea. That you don't remember us. I pray to Gods I don't believe in that you will find your way back to me because I can't do this without you. I don't want to do this without you."

His eyes stared into mine. "I'm lost without you."

My heart beat hard in my chest because Cassius looked so…heartbroken. His pain made my body ache. Something inside of me felt the same, the part of me still lost somewhere deep in my forgotten memories. The part of me that remembered him.

"We've been here before," I whispered and moved my hand around the white circle. His eyes didn't move from mine. My heart beat so wildly in my chest at his words. The tug that I felt deep within me when he was near me pulled tightly like it wanted me to go near him. I took a step forward. His chest heaved in short puffy breaths as his hands clenched into fists to his sides.

"How do you know that?"

"Sometimes I have small flashes of memories. Little moments about you and me." Admitting it felt good. "We trained here. You were so playful with me, so different from that first memory I had of you."

Sadness flickered across his handsome features again. He glanced around the clearing and focused on the wall for a moment, and I wondered if that was the first thing that he thought of too. How many times have we done that here?

"So, I guess I just need to get naked to beat you in a fight?" A smile tugged at my lips as I repeated my words to him. His head snapped to mine quickly at recognition of the phrase.

"You remember that memory?" His voice was strained.

"Yes." I nodded. "You"ve been haunting my every dream and waking thought since I said those horrible things to you. I wonder if my heart is trying to help me understand who you are to me. How good we were together because it remembers even if my mind doesn't."

He stepped towards me without hesitation.

"I've missed you so fucking much," he whispered as his fingers moved the hair from my face gently. "I thought it would kill me when you disappeared the first time. Time slowed to an unbearable pace, and I felt so empty that I thought my heart would shrivel and fade away without you. Then I heard you calling out to me as I slept. I thought I had completely gone mad without you, but I followed your voice calling to me softly in my dream. It was then that I realized it was you, but you didn't seem to know who I was, so I was content just watching you. Just being near you would have been enough to live out my life."

"I could never understand why I felt safe when you were in my dreams. I never said anything. I was too scared that you would leave and not come back." I admitted. His hand cupped the side of my face, warming it as the chill from the storm still lingered.

"You still said those horrible things about me," I whispered so softly I didn't know if he had heard.

"Your curse keeps me from telling you too much information. It's a form of punishment for me and you." His golden eyes shifted between my green eyes as he frowned. "I'll try to tell you, but I don't know how much I can say."

I nodded in understanding.

"My father and I had intended for others to hear that conversation, not you, but you always were good at sneaking out and not listening when I asked you to stay." He chuckled softly. "Someone was feeding Cerithia information from our castle and we were worried that they would tell Cerithia that you were no longer a prisoner, so we tried to make it seem like you were unwanted by us. We thought we could hide…"

His words were cut off suddenly and I frowned when he tried to speak again but nothing came out. He groaned in pain when he tried again.

"Prisoner?"

"You started as a prisoner here." He watched me for a reaction. Flashes of the dying guardsmen muttering my name outside of Exile flashed into my mind. It made sense how he knew who I was. "Not that we could contain your powers. You and I had a history before that, and you didn't remain a prisoner for long."

"What kind of history?" My heart pounded in my chest with all this new information. I wanted more. I wanted everything. He gave me a wicked smile that made my stomach clench with anticipation.

"A history that got us into this mess." Cassius's smile dropped. "Born enemies who tried to kill each other for years before I finally got you as a prisoner. Born to hate each other, destined to love one another."

I paused at the information. So, if we were born enemies, then I must be Cerithian born. Fragments of the puzzle in my mind started piecing together.

"How did that happen? If we were enemies."

"I can't tell you. I've tried already." He sighed, irritated.

"And what is your involvement with the elitist magic holders?" It was a question that had plagued me every day for as long as I could remember. Who was responsible for Exile?

"It is forbidden to talk about. The curse will hurt me if I even try to talk about it. I tried the first year you came back for the trials, and I was bedridden for three days trying to recover."

So many thoughts and questions swirled in my mind that I didn't know what to ask or what to say. This was more than anything I could have thought. So complicated. I was in love with my enemy, and he was in love with me too. We had caused this curse and mess. The Kingdom of Cerithia must hate me.

"Let's continue this conversation at our favorite place." He grabbed my hand and helped me onto his horse before climbing on behind me. The white horse with a half-black face followed us.

"She's yours," he whispered. "You probably hurt her feelings when you took my horse instead." She followed next to us contently. She had been the only horse to not spook at me when Cassius and his men saved me from Nev. Even in my beast form, she seemed unbothered. The Wisp was following closely, still with her dark green flames. She was happy.

Cassius led the horses through the thin forest for a little bit before a clearing welcomed us. A field of flowers greeted us on top of a knolly hilltop. Beautiful shades of red and orange blanketed the hilltop as we climbed down from the horse. I rubbed the face of my horse to apologize for not taking her. She gave me a nudge as if to say it was ok.

Cassius grabbed my hand and led me toward the cliffside. My eyes took in the sheer cliff and the waterfall that boomed with loudness across the cleaved landscape. Its water was so blue that it gave the illusion that the sky was falling, not water. Mist formed in the sunlight creating multiple rainbows in the ravine. My mouth gaped open at the beauty of this hidden place. Cassius squeezed my hand tightly.

"There are some perks to you not remembering anything." He smiled softly at me. "I get to witness all the firsts again. First kiss, the first look of lust, the first look of our favorite place. You and I are the only ones who know of this place. We found it by accident and your face was in awe of it just like it is now."

"It's stunning." I smiled at him.

"You haven't smiled like that in years." The weather here was colder due to the waterfall. I tugged my cloak around me tightly and Cassius pulled me closer to him, so I was tucked under his arm.

"When I lived in Exile, I had always been so lonely. It didn't matter who was around me, I felt incomplete. I prefer to be by myself most of the time and I always thought it was because I was so lonely in my past. Now I wonder if it"s because I wanted your company. I felt lonely because no one else could compare to you. Even in my dreams, I felt less lonely with you lingering in the shadows. Maybe my heart knew that I wouldn't feel better until it had you near us again."

Cassius was still for a long moment, and I thought maybe I had said too much. But it was true. I felt lonely every time I watched him walk away from me or didn't see him. His presence alone could ground me, heal me, tame me.

I stared up at him when he didn't say anything and met his golden eyes. He was watching me like I hung the stars in the sky, and it made me suck in a breath at the sight of him. Cassius leaned down, kissing me softly before he lost his restraint. His lips dominated mine as his hands pulled me to him. I molded myself against him as if we were two pieces that fit perfectly together. His tattooed hands cupped my face as his mouth devoured me. Cassius"s tongue danced with mine, teasing me.

I could feel how hard he was and all I could think about was feeling all of him. I pulled him to my mouth so that he couldn't pull away. He only groaned in approval as I pushed harder against him. His shadows burst out around us like they couldn't help it, but then I realized my fire mist was tangling with them. My cloak hit the ground when I untied it. Cassius stared at me surprised, but I pulled my shirt up and off. I needed him now. His eyes cascaded over me slowly, but frantically.

"Remind me how good we are together," I demanded. It was the only encouragement he needed. My cloak lay beneath me as Cassius lowered us to the ground. He had removed his shirt at some point. His warm skin glided against mine as he kissed me deeply. I tore my mouth from him so I could see his face. He knelt back as I sat up and ran my fingers over his tattooed chest. He was perfect.

A wide smile spread over his face when I couldn't keep my hands to myself. My hands stopped their exploration when I saw it entwined in the dark swirled tattoos. A dark green T tattooed above his heart with a viper coiled around it. My eyes watched as his smile faded.

"My Little Viper," was all he whispered in response. I grabbed him and pulled him back on top of me. Need flooded me as his hands moved over my skin as if he had missed just being able to touch me. I hadn't worn a bodice, so his hands squeezed my breasts before he kissed down my jaw to my chest. The stubble on his chin scrapped my skin setting it on fire with need. I focused on the darkened sky above us. My heart pounded wildly as his warm mouth closed around my nipple. The teasing flicking of his tongue made me moan into the echoing of the waterfall. Every touch was addictive, making me want more.

I could feel him smile against me as he moved to the other nipple to tease it. My hands tangled in his dark hair as he touched me like he knew what I needed more than I did. His hand slipped into the band of my trousers, and he hummed his approval when he realized how wet I was already. My hips bucked up to meet his fingers as he grazed my sensitive body. He looked up at me with black and golden swirls, his thumb circling my clit.

"You always were so ready for me, Little Viper." He purred while tugging my clothes off. Lying naked in a field full of flowers with Cassius looking at me like I was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen felt like a dream. His eyes turned completely black as he admired me. His shadows moved over me, warming where they caressed. "You haunt me, Thea. The way you feel, the way you taste, the noises you make are my undoing." His fingers gently caressed my skin as his eyes softened.

His words wrapped around me as his hands smoothed over my thighs before he tugged me by the hips down to where he had freed himself. My fire pulsed violently through me with anticipation. I could feel my eyes burning as I caught sight of us. Pausing when he caught my fire eyes, he smiled so brightly that I felt my heart squeeze with…something more than lust. He liked my fire and power. He didn't think I was a monster.

"As much as I would love to savor this moment, I can't control myself, Thea." Cassius looked at me as if to say he couldn't stand not being inside of me at this very moment. His hand stroked down his cock as he stared at me.

"Please," I choked out.

He leaned forward onto his hands on either side of my head caging me in. I could feel him teasing me. I lifted my hips, and the tip of his cock sank into me, and he let out a soft growl at the small sensation.

He pulled back out before sliding into me in one fast swift movement. A sound fell from my lips that couldn't be drowned out by the waterfall. Pure pleasure pulsed from me.

"Fuck," Cassius hissed as he waited a moment. "The memories of us don't compare to this," he whispered. His mouth found mine as he thrusted his tongue into mine and his hips picked up pace. There was nothing gentle about this. All these years of pent-up tension were released from Cassius. His tattooed hand came up and squeezed my jaw tightly as his mouth dominated mine. Cassius"s tongue circled mine in the rhythm of his thrusts. He pulled his face away so he could watch my face as I fell completely apart beneath him.

"Such pretty noises, Thea," he groaned possessively. "All for me."

"Yes." I breathed, nearly choking on it as he slammed into me at a pace that would surely kill me.

"Mine." It was so soft I nearly missed it. My stomach clenched tightly as my orgasm crested at the sight of him losing control over me. "Fuck, you look so fucking perfect under me, my love." My fingers dug into his flesh as I yanked him down to me. My orgasm exploded through me releasing into the sky above, echoing around us. My legs tightened around him, my fingers digging into the flesh of his back. My eyes tightened as pleasure like I never felt ricocheted through me, turning me inside out. The orgasm tore loose, drowning in the noise of the waterfall. He had buried his face into my neck kissing me before he leaned up on his hands and watched my face as his hips slammed into me to chase that pleasure he desperately needed. His eyes locked onto mine.

Leaning back, he grabbed my hips moving me so fast against him I was quickly climbing into the bliss again. My mouth fell open but nothing came from it.

"Again," Cassius demanded as if he could feel I was holding out a little longer. "Let the forest around us hear those screams for me. I want the whole realm to hear you, Thea. Let them know who you belong to."

His voice, his words, his urgency were my undoing as the most feral scream ripped from my chest. I couldn't hear anything but his name being called into the sky like he had asked for. The only thing that drowned me out was the growl of pleasure that fell from him as he found his release. I swore I felt the ground beneath us shake at his power.

Cassius collapsed on top of me. Our breathing was frantic as we lay in a heap of pleasure in the field of flowers. He rolled off of me but pulled me to him, so I was lying naked across him. The thumping of his heartbeat calmed down as I sat up to look at him.