Chapter 22

Ella

The woods loom around me, dim in the afternoon light and filled with sounds of life. But the sounds are doing anything but soothing my anxiety. The buzzing of insects grates at my skull, the chirp of birds mocking and hollow, the whistling of the wind in the leaves, an ominous whisper telling me that my children are lost, lost in the massive Boise National Park .

I'm barely a quarter of a mile deep, but I already feel turned around in my panic and if I'm totally honest, I'm not even sure whether I'd be able to make it back out on my own right now or not.

Rylah's little sneaker is clutched desperately in my hands as I wait for Rhokar. I call out the twins' names over and over again, hoping they'll somehow hear me this time. That they'll come back to me.

I'm a terrible mother. I'm a horrible, bad, useless mother. How could I have let this happen? How did it all happen so quickly? They were there, they were right there,

and then they were just gone.

Liv didn't notice her baby leaving either, not until the last second.

But she did notice, an ugly voice whispers inside me. She noticed before she lost her baby. She isn't a bad mother.

I fight back the tears as valiantly as I can, trying to calm my breathing and re-organize my thoughts, which are scattered and wild. I can't even think straight, the panic clawing at my throat urging me to move, to run forward blindly and find my kids.

But Rhokar's steady, authoritative command for me to stay put echoes in my thoughts, grounding me.

He'll come, Rhokar will be here soon. I know he will.

My phone rings, and I snap it up to my ear without even looking at who it is. "Rhokar?"

"I'm near, Ella. I saw your car. Tell me where you entered the forest."

"I, um—d-directly in front of the sand pit." I do my best to settle the building hysteria inside me so I can give clear, logical responses, but it's beyond difficult. "I was standing at the sand pit looking at the forest, and I just went straight across the clearing. I wasn't even thinking, I just…just…"

"I've caught your scent," he says with a calm, determined voice. "I'm coming. Don't move."

"I… Th-there are more people in here looking, I think," I stutter, not wanting to lose the connection to him. "Liv got her baby, she didn't want to come in with Tori, but her husband was nearby and he's looking. Maybe others, too. I can't remember who else is looking, I…"

"Shh," he murmurs soothingly, and it seems the sounds around him are changing. "It's alright, they can't have moved far. We'll find them, I promise."

"What if we don't?" I whisper.

But his response is clear and confident. "We will."

After a few moments I hear footsteps, and when I whirl around to see him striding towards me, his dark brows pulled low and his movements assured, I practically throw myself into his arms.

"I'm sorry," I gasp, for some reason feeling my tears break through my frail resolve now that he's here. "I'm so sorry, I lost our babies. I'm a terrible mother, I'm so sorry . "

His arms wrap around me without hesitation, one big palm resting against the back of my head. "Shh, Ella, it's going to be alright. I'm here. We'll find them."

I squeeze my arms tightly around him, feeling my heart rate settle and the buzzing in my head clear. He holds me for a few more seconds, allowing me to calm down, before leaning back and forcing me to look up at him with his fingers under my chin.

"You're not a bad mother," he says firmly, and I feel fresh tears stream down my cheeks at the words. "Don't ever say that again. You're doing your best and that's all anyone ask for, alright?"

I bite my lip as I gain my footing and lean back. "What now? Which way should we go?" I already feel more sure of myself with Rhokar beside me, the blind panic of earlier receding into something more manageable. "We have to find them before the sun goes down."

He nods and pulls away from me, taking my hand in his. "I can smell them," he says quietly, and with one last look at me, he tugs me forward, his expression intense and focused. "I caught their scent as I followed yours, they came this way."

I wonder vaguely if it was some instinct of mine that brought me this way as I clutch Rylah's shoe tightly in my free hand, or if it was just sheer, dumb luck.

Together, we plunge further into the forest, following a trail only he can sense. His steps are sure, and I marvel at his ability to navigate through the dense woods. My fear is settling as we move forward, not exactly disappearing, but it no longer controls me. Rhokar's silent strength is a shield against the terror that nips at my heels.

He can smell them. He can find them. It's going to be okay.

"I called the sheriff's office," I say quietly as we crunch through the undergrowth in our jeans. "They said they would organize a search party with the forest patrol."

He nods and squeezes my hand in his. "I called too, they're sending people out as we speak."

We continue to walk for what feels like an eternity rolled into mere seconds, and my gaze finds its way up to Rhokar's determined green profile.

I can't sense a thing out here, but he doesn't look worried. He looks in control. He looks confident and capable. Fierce and protective and handsome, his nostrils flaring intermittently and his fingers shifting against mine as he adjusts our course. I'd be lost without him. Utterly lost.

"I love you," I find myself saying quietly. I'm barely aware of my own words, my eyes now glued to him, my guiding light in this dim forest.

His steps falter, his fingers squeezing mine, and his huge chest expands on an inhale as he turns his dark eyes towards me. He's suddenly, momentarily frozen before me, and I wonder why. Then my own words finally register, and I blink up at him, just as shocked as he is.

But then he looks abruptly to the left, and his nose flares once more. "They're here."

My heart doubles it's thumping against my ribs, and I shoot my gaze towards where he's looking, although all I see and hear are the trees. He tugs me just a little behind him and takes half a step forward, and there's something protective about that move that has me worrying. What is he protecting me from?

"They're not alone."