Chapter 20

Ella

It's midday on Saturday, and my house is a flurry of activity—much like my brain, if I'm honest. My thoughts are an absolute mess.

I hustle through the routine of preparing the twins for an outing to the park, trying to ignore my emotions, which have been wildly fluctuating since last night. I'll be meeting with Rhokar for our first official co-parenting date today, as well as introducing our kids to their second set of grandparents for the first time.

The soft mumble of the twins' unintelligible chatter and the pitter-patter of their bare little feet fill the air, as I herd them both into the living room where their shoes await them. But when I dump myself down on the couch and wait for Rowan to clamber up beside me, I can't help but immediately flashback to last night, where I sat exactly here while Rhokar gently stroked my cheek and told me that our hearts were beating in sync.

My heart in the here-and-now immediately begins beating faster, sending a shot of adrenaline through my system.

I don't even know what that means. Is heart-syncing supposed to mean something? It was just a…a weird, biological fluke. There's no point in putting metaphors onto biology.

But even as I shake myself out of those thoughts, as Rowan sits comfortably and wriggles his bare, green little toes in my face as he awaits his socks and shoes, I already know I don't even believe that our heartbeats were a fluke.

Forty-one years on this earth, and I've never once heard of heartbeats synchronizing.

I don't want to think about it, and I blow out a frustrated breath as I shove Ro's socks on and ready his shoes.

Ella, don't you dare betray me now, Gracie's voice suddenly says in my head, and I can't help but feel both annoyed and amused at my own brain processing this situation via my older sister. Why are you ignoring everything he said and pretending like he's an ex-husband you need to work your life around, all of a sudden?

But I'm not doing that. I said I was open to a relationship, I just don't want to force it. I didn't say no, damn it.

I mean, I didn't say yes, either, but I just need to think. That's all I need, a little time to really think this through.

This all keeps changing so suddenly. After agreeing to giving him everything,

and then having it all taken away from me again in less than twelve hours, I got a bit spooked. Understandably so, right? Come on, who would blame me for wanting to weigh up the options? No-one.

He made it clear he wants more than just a co-parenting setup, Pretend-Grace says with a haughty raise of her imagined eyebrow. He wants forever, dummy. Isn't that what you said you wanted, too?

But that's the thing, isn't it? He's backflipped so many times in such a short span of time, how am I supposed to know which version of him I should believe in? Trust my whole life and my children with? What if I make the wrong decision again, I need to take this slow, I need to be smart and considered. That's reasonable .

I scowl, annoyed at brain-Grace for not seeing things from my perspective, even though she is literally me and just a figment of my imagination.

You were chasing him just the other day, and now you're running. Just like always, you see the first sign that someone might be interested in anything even half-way serious, and poof. You find the first excuse to disappear.

I finish tying off Rowan's little sneakers, and pop him down on the ground, noticing as I look around that Rylah has run off again.

"Ry, baby, come let mommy put your shoes on so we can go to the park!"

"Park!" she squeaks happily from somewhere downstairs, possibly the playroom, and I scoop up her shoes and make my way there.

"Come here, honey…"

"Park! Park!"

Her footsteps slap against the floor as she giggles, running in the opposite direction from me, and I sigh. Why is she always fighting against the things that she wants?

My footsteps falter for a second, as pretend-Grace's face appears in my brain fully formed, with the most ironic expression plastered across it. I wave my hand in the air before me as if I could wave her out of my imagination and continue forward with determined steps.

I'm not running away from what I want. I won't repeat past mistakes. I'm just…

I'm just thinking.

I'm allowed to think, damn it.

***

The sun casts a warm glow over the park on the outskirts of Boise National Park, much further down from where our lodge is being built, and I sit and watch the twins make a mess of themselves in the sand pit with a smile on my face. Rylah is waddling about with unbridled energy, laughing and chasing after a fluffy gray wolf-boy who makes the most adorable little howls of joy every time she manages to bowl him over. Rowan is more reserved, content to explore the sand and discover the different textures around him, all while keeping a watchful gaze on his sister and the kids around him.

Such a protective little boy, I wonder if he gets that from his father.

I wonder if Rhokar would be like that with us—quiet, calm, and watchful—or if he's secretly a lot more like Rylah and would be the type of dad to roll around in the dirt with his kids.

The thought brings a pang of longing to my chest, and I don't even know why. He's quite literally due to be here soon. I'm about to find out. And what's more, I'm going to see it firsthand for the rest of my children's development. No matter what happens between us, I know in my heart that Rhokar will always, always be present. I know it with such strength, with such finality and confidence, that it should shock me.

But it doesn't, because it's simply so obvious. Rhokar will never leave us.

My heart gives a resounding tug, as if agreeing conclusively with that thought, and the feel of the physical pull in my chest sends a flutter of something like fear through my stomach, even as the rest of my body warms.

"Jeez," I whisper to myself, curling my fingers into the bench beneath me. I really, really don't want to think about the whole Fated Mates thing right now. I have so many other factors to consider…

"Which ones are yours?"

I startle slightly and turn to the woman who has casually seated herself beside me on my bench. I presume she's the wolf-boy's mother, as she holds a take-away coffee cup in her furred hand and offers me a small smile. Her face, too, is furred with soft gray down that sweep gracefully up to her triangle ears, although her face shape is fully human, and her eyes are bright blue.

"The two little green ones," I reply with a return smile, shaking myself out of my thoughts. "I'm presuming the little howler is yours?"

The only other kids here are one human-looking boy digging seriously with a shovel, and a set of identical triplets with horns and tails that their parents are packing into a stroller as we speak, so I feel pretty confident in my guess.

The woman grins, showing two long, sharp looking canines. "You've presumed correctly. Are yours twins? They look about the same age."

"Yep!" I say with a big grin of my own. "Twins. Eighteen months."

She smiles and salutes me with her cup. "I'm Liv, by the way. Nice to meet you."

We fall into idle chatter for a few minutes, and it's all rather lovely until out of the blue, without any warning whatsoever and with no lead up at all, I suddenly blurt out, "What's a heartstring?" while she's in the middle of telling me about her morning.

She blinks at me, her mouth still half-open in speech, before her eyes suddenly light up. "Oh, my goodness! Have you found your Fated One? Aww, I love that for you so much." Her hands clasp together, and she rests her chin on her coffee cup, but then her brows furrow. "Although, that normally happens right when you meet someone and not months after babies are born…"

And then, belatedly, I remember how gossipy this town is and I stifle a wince. Great going, Ella.

"Uh, no, it's not…" I mutter, trying to go for a save. "My sister wants to know, and I'm human and I've never heard of it before, so…"

Nice one. Real smooth.

Liv gives me a considering look, but since I'm clearly presenting her with an awkward situation, she chooses not to comment on it and instead leans in towards me.

"Well, since your sister's asking…" I'm annoyed that her expression looks very much like she doesn't believe my dumb lie, but I don't say anything in favor of listening to her explanation. "A heartstring is something that we all have within us, tying us to our fate in life, to our magic, to our life force. When we die, the divine Fates cut that heartstring, and our soul untethers from our body and moves to the next life."

I absorb this, finding it somehow beautiful as a concept.

"But the heartstring is just sort of there . There isn't much need to consider it unless you're passing from this earth, or if the Fates have deemed you worthy of finding your Fated Mate. And when you find such a person, you're heartstring will tug you towards them with such a force, that no-one can resist it."

"But what if it's not a good idea?" I murmur breathlessly, biting my lip and feeling my eyes go wide as I stare at her. "What if your Fated Mate isn't a good match for you? What can you do then, if it's not right?"

Live gives me another long, considering look.

"My…sister's writing an article," I say abruptly, leaning back and trying to school my features into neutrality. "She'd like details, if you have any."

"Well," Liv says slowly, "that isn't really possible. Not unless you think the all-divine, omnipotent powers that rule the universe could make a mistake. The fact of the matter is that a Fated Match is the most perfect possible match in creation. It's pretty rare, but when it does happen, once together, the couple never parts. Not even in death."

A shiver races down my spine, and I look down at my fingers, which are now clasped together tightly in my lap. "Right," I say quietly.

I fall into my thoughts for a few moments, not even really understanding what's going through my mind, just feeling it buzzing nervously as I absorb the information.

But then suddenly Liv jumps up with a shout, her ears twitching towards the tree line, and I startle.

"Tori, no!" she cries, and races off, dropping her coffee cup without a thought. My gaze follows as she runs towards the forest near us and scoops up her furry little toddler, who was making his way into the shadowed tree line on his own.

I notice then, that the play area is cleared. All the other parents seem to have left, besides me and Liv, and their children, too. The play area is empty.

The… The play area is empty.

My heart goes cold, as a chilling fear shoots through my body, and I leap to my feet as well.

Where are my babies?