Chapter 32

32

Julie

"I'm moving to Pennsylvania." Cassidy was pale, but her tone was resolute. With her hands folded in her lap, her hair pulled back in a severe bun, and wearing a baggy t-shirt and jeans, she looked like she'd lost all the confidence she'd fought to regain.

They'd been working their way around to this topic the whole session. Pressing her lips together in sympathy, Julie waited to see if she was going to say anything else. Cassidy looked up at her, dark eyes dull with resignation.

"I think it might be safest for you," Julie said after a long moment. Cassidy snorted, and Julie raised her eyebrows. "I take it you're thinking more about keeping others safe."

Cassidy's shoulders hunched slightly.

"If I'm not here, he'll probably leave you all alone." There was sadness in her voice and regret, but the resoluteness remained.

"He might," Julie said gently. "Or he might escalate in an attempt to find out where you've gone." She hadn't thought Cassidy could get any paler, but she did. "My point is that you need to make the choice because it's the right move for you. You don't know how he'll react. You can't make his choices for him."

Taking a deep breath, Cassidy rubbed her hand over her face, shuddering.

"I hate this. How can I make a decision without thinking about how he might react? I wouldn't be thinking about moving to Pennsylvania if it wasn't for him."

"I would hope you're moving to Pennsylvania for your own safety and your own peace of mind," Julie pointed out. "If you're moving because you think it will make everyone else safer, that's not a guarantee. Neither of us can predict how he might react because he's not behaving in a logical, rational manner."

"It's so messed up that he has to actually do something to hurt me before the cops will do anything." Cassidy's expression pinched, some emotion starting to brighten her eyes again. Julie preferred anger over resignation because at least that had some spark to it. "It's the fact that I have to rely on my friends that puts them in danger."

"Well, if they can connect him to Olivia's tires, that will be something." But the odds were slim, and it was unlikely he'd face any time for it. More like a fine. Which would make a man like him even angrier, or it would make him smug at getting off with such a light consequence.

Julie would be willing to put money on the latter. He was getting bolder, and while there was plenty of anger there, she felt like he was more getting off on the power. Which was the same reason he'd called himself a Dom. He liked feeling empowered. He liked seeing what he could get away with.

The fact that he'd had very few repercussions for his previous treatment of Cassidy had probably emboldened him. Which made a thought occur to her.

"It's very possible he'd be targeting the club and its members even if you had moved away immediately." It probably wouldn't be much comfort to Cassidy, but if she wasn't taking the total blame for Douchebag Don's actions, Julie would count that as a win. "While his main focus has been on you, the club kicked him out. He would likely see that as an insult, especially because he would have expected them to be understanding and even supportive of him. He believes he's a Dom. That rejection would sting."

"So, he might follow me, but he might not." Cassidy hefted a sigh and slumped. Then she shook her head. "I think I should still go. He might follow."

"He might," Julie agreed.

"And if he does, I'll be better protected by Patrick's cousin's team than I am down here."

"Personal security could make a big difference." And Patrick's cousin would have resources that they didn't. Especially since the club no longer had a connection to the police department through Kincaid.

"I think starting over will help me, too." Cassidy looked down at her hands. "I have so many memories around here and not necessarily good ones. I don't want to leave the people… but some of the places I can do without." She looked up again, meeting Julie's gaze. "I want to keep seeing you, over video, to start. If I start feeling like I need someone in person, I can let you know."

"I think that's perfect. I'm proud of you for making that decision."

A ghost of a smile lifted the corners of Cassidy's mouth.

"I'm proud of me, too. It's getting a little easier to figure out what I want. As much as I want something new, I think having some familiarity will be good for me. I don't want to change everything all at once, and starting with a new therapist… it would feel like starting over completely. I know part of it is not wanting to explain everything to someone new, but…" Her voice trailed off.

"That's fine, Cassidy. There's nothing wrong with that reason. You don't have to tell anyone about your past or why you're moving until you're ready to. You don't have to tell anyone at all unless you want to—well, other than Patrick's cousin and his team. Though they already know a lot of the details."

"Honestly, that makes it easier. That way, I don't have to admit to any of them how incredibly stupid I am."

"Hey," Julie said gently, leaning forward. "We've talked about this."

Cassidy huffed.

"I know. I still feel stupid. We always think, ‘oh, it won't happen to me', then it does, and I can't figure out how it got there. How it was me."

"Don was very charming. Abusers often are. People tend to think of abusers as malicious, deliberately doing things to hurt their partners. They think they'll be able to spot the monster because they'll always be doing terrible things. But the truth is, most abusers don't see themselves as abusive. They justify all of their actions. Which means that most of the time, they look like everyone else. Don got into Stronghold because he was charming, he knew the right answers, and he didn't show any signs of being an abuser at the club before you safeworded and he ignored it."

"He wasn't so charming when Iris intervened."

"Because he was angry. A woman, a submissive, had interrupted him when he'd done nothing wrong. Then everyone backed her up instead of him. That shocked him. Even if he realized on some level that you were supposed to have a safeword, that kink is supposed to have consent, he didn't really believe it. He didn't walk in thinking, ‘I'm going to abuse Cassidy and get away with it.' He walked in, thinking he had the right to do whatever he wanted, and you weren't supposed to protest. No one was supposed to stop him. He wasn't doing anything wrong."

That was the most dangerous thing about many abusers. They were very good at hiding what they were because they didn't feel guilt about what they did. Or they did feel guilt, and that guilt made them think they weren't actually abusive because they did feel bad about what they'd done. Right up until they lost their temper and did it again. They didn't consider themselves bad people.

"He could be amazing sometimes." Cassidy rubbed her forearm, the movement appearing unconscious. "Especially when we first started dating. He could be so sweet and thoughtful. It wasn't like he was always terrible to me. Most of the time, he wasn't."

"If abusers were abusive all the time, it would be easy to leave them." Julie smiled sadly at her. "It's called a cycle for a reason. That's a large part of why it can be so difficult to get out. But you did get out."

Wrapping up the appointment, Julie felt both exhausted and proud. She was just as angry as Cassidy that the submissive felt like she had to move for her own safety, but it seemed as though Cassidy had mostly gotten past the anger and moved into acceptance. Waving her off, Julie was just closing the door when her phone vibrated on her desk.

Walking over, she frowned when she saw the caller ID. Sandra never called her. They texted like proper millennials.

Her next appointment wasn't for another hour and a half because someone had canceled today. Julie picked up the phone, her stomach churning nervously as she tried to think of why Sandra might be calling.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Sandra whispered back. "Your mom is here."

"What?" Even as she said the word, Julie's brain went into overdrive, connecting the dots.

It was workday hours. Sandra was at work. Sandra worked with Connor. Which meant her mom had just shown up at the rehab center where Connor worked.

What. The. Hell.

Before she could respond, Sandra was whispering again. "She came in for her shoulder. It's definitely frozen. She requested Connor."

Julie's jaw dropped open, and she sat down heavily in her seat. What the hell was she supposed to do with that? Her mom needed help with her shoulder. Sandra probably couldn't treat her since they were family. The connection with Connor was far more nebulous.

What was she supposed to do? ‘I'm sorry you're in pain, Mom, but I don't want my boyfriend to help you?'

It didn't matter that there would be a good reason for it. Her mom would harangue her about why she didn't want Connor to be the one to help her. She would ask Julie if Connor wasn't good enough. If Julie didn't think Connor was a good physical therapist. While Julie didn't care what her mom thought of Connor as a PT, she did care about not making Connor feel like she thought he wasn't good enough to help her mom.

She also knew that her reason for not wanting her mom and Connor meeting up regularly without her around had a lot more to do with her mom's past relationship with John than anything else. She also didn't want Connor to feel like she didn't trust him or as if she was painting him with the same brush as John. Taking several deep breaths, she lowered her head to her desk and very gently started banging her forehead against the wood.

What else was she supposed to do?

"I'm going to put you on speaker and get closer so we can listen in… just, don't ruin it by talking," Sandra whispered.

Immediately, Julie stopped banging her head on her desk. Just in case that sound carried over the phone.

Connor

Having Julie's mom as a client was the last thing he'd expected. She was a last-minute addition to his day. When she'd called and asked for him, Aubrey had apparently told her about a cancelation today and said he could fit her in. He hadn't realized she was his girlfriend's mom. If Connor had known she might come, he would have told Aubrey not to schedule her for him, but it was a little late now.

"Okay, I know I've already seen your range of motion recently, but let's check it again," he said, gently holding her arm as he helped her move it back and forth and up and down at various angles.

"Did Julie tell you that I wanted to apologize for inviting John to the barbeque?" she asked as he moved her arm. "She wouldn't give me your phone number so I could."

"I appreciate the apology," he said easily, backing off on her arm when she winced.

"I hope it didn't cause that fight between you and Julie." She paused. "I know she can be sensitive."

"Any disagreements Julie and I have are purely between us," he replied. "Okay, we're going to start off with a massage to help loosen your shoulder muscles up, then we're going to do some stretches. After that, I'd like to put you on the tens unit to help keep everything loose. Sound good?"

His own shoulders were bunching up because he did not like having to tell her no. He felt the urge to reassure her, to tell her that everything between him and Julie was fine, but he didn't know how much Julie would want him to divulge. He sure as hell wasn't going to guess. The best thing to do was to not tell her anything, no matter how hard that was for him.

"Yes, that sounds fine." There was a hint of exasperation in her voice. "You know, Julie?—"

"Mrs. Kim," he interrupted her, keeping his voice professional but firm. His heart was pounding in his chest, knowing he needed to do this, even if it meant Julie's mother became angry at him. Even if it meant she never liked him. It felt like the wrong thing to do, contrary to who he was, but he knew it was the right decision. "I'm very happy to help you with your shoulder, but that's what we need to focus on. If you continue to bring up Julie, I'm afraid I will have to transfer you to another physical therapist. If you'd like, I can do that now."

Julie's mom looked up at him, obviously displeased, but there was begrudging respect in her eyes, too.

"I'll stay with you, thank you," she said primly.

"Glad to hear it." He smiled at her because he really did think he could help her. And he'd like to help her.

As they went over to the massage table, he caught Sandra's eye, and she gave him a thumbs-up, making him wonder how much she'd overheard. At least someone was approving. It did help with feeling like Julie would have approved of how he'd handled the situation, which eased some of the tension he was still feeling.

It shouldn't feel this difficult to say no to someone or lay down a boundary, but it did. He wondered how Julie managed to handle it for so long. No wonder she'd been so wound up when he'd broken it for her parents. He couldn't imagine how much harder it was to do with family.

That Mrs. Kim had taken it really well and they proceeded to have a good session, which she'd thanked him for at the end of it, also went a long way to helping him feel better. Even if she wasn't happy about it, she accepted it, and she wasn't mad at him.

That helped a lot when, twenty minutes after she left, Beth came up to ask him to take her last patient.

He said no. He couldn't. He had a date.

And despite Beth's disappointment, she was happy for him.

This saying ‘no' thing was getting easier every time he did it.