Chapter 2

2

Connor

This was a mistake.

No, it's not. Just try it. If she doesn't come out, then maybe that's the sign that everyone was right.

"Connor, hey!" Morgan perked up when she saw him, and her greeting made Freddy look up and smile at him. Okay, well, that was that. He had to go in now. If he turned around and walked back down the stairs without going in, everyone would wonder why. He forced himself to start walking to the desk as Morgan glanced down at the computer screen in front of her. "Did you have a reservation?"

"I'm in there as Master C." He cleared his throat, flexing his fingers around the bouquet of flowers, wishing he'd chosen a less obvious way to indicate who he was to Mistress Julie. But flowers were romantic, and other people sometimes brought flowers with them to Marquis. So, they weren't entirely out of place, just because he'd never done it before.

"And you're meeting someone?" Freddy asked, his sharp blue gaze going from the flowers Connor was holding over to the computer screen. Well, that answered one of Connor's unspoken questions. He'd wondered if Julie would tell her friends about her secret admirer revealing themselves tonight. He'd wondered if he was walking right into a hailstorm of gossip.

If Freddy didn't know and didn't see any significance in the flowers, then Camille probably didn't know. If neither of them knew, it was likely that nobody did. He relaxed. Not all the way, but a little knot of tension worked itself loose from between his shoulders and flittered away.

If nothing else, at least he wasn't the subject of everyone's attention tonight.

"Yes." Much better to say yes than he wasn't sure. If she didn't show, people would just assume some submissive showed him up. Which was fine. Eventually, they might find out that it was Mistress Julie, but she seemed like a private person, so they might not.

He hoped not.

Revealing himself like this was making a big ball of anxiety churn in his gut. He'd never meant to take it this far. He'd just liked sending her things and knowing it made her happy. He'd wanted her to know she was admired. It wasn't until he'd decided that he had to stop that he'd started thinking about seeing if maybe…

Maybe…

"Great. Well, right this way," Freddy said cheerfully, picking up the menus for the evening. He was dressed in a dark pink suit that clashed with Morgan's red hair. Next to him, she was wearing a simple black dress that showed off her curves and looked both classy enough to eat out in but sexy enough that she'd fit right in with the other club members.

As Freddy led him into the main dining area of Marquis, Connor couldn't help eyeing the other man curiously. Freddy was flamboyant, as demonstrated by his pink suit, and submissive, but he also had a reputation as an absolutely ruthless lawyer, and he wasn't afraid to go toe-to-toe with any of the dominants in the club if he needed to protect another submissive. Yet despite his ruthlessness and his aggressive protectiveness, no one questioned whether or not he was a submissive.

"Have a great evening," Freddy said, putting the menus on the table of one of the booths. He'd put them on the far side of the stage, which took up the center of the room, with all the booths arrayed around it in a semi-circle. Whatever curiosity he had about who Connor was meeting, he kept to himself. Though Connor would be willing to bet, he and Morgan would be discussing it as soon as he got back to the front desk.

Sighing, Connor put the roses down on the table, wondering again if this was a mistake.

He was already here, so he might as well sit down and see if she showed up. Or maybe Law would show up to drag him out and kick him out of the club. Connor sat down and scrubbed his hand over his face, as though he could wipe away the visual. While he might tower over Law, he'd let the other man kick him out if that's what it came down to. Especially if he'd made Mistress Julie uncomfortable, which was the last thing he wanted to do.

He was aware that she was half his size. He was aware of how ludicrous they'd look as a couple with her dominating him. No one would expect that. Everyone—from the moment they'd met him and he'd expressed an interest in kink—had assumed he was a Dom. And he'd assumed they were right. After all, he hadn't known much about kink other than it made him feel… things.

It wasn't until he'd been through the classes and really started to pay attention to what he was the most drawn to that he realized he wasn't the same as the other Doms. He wasn't the same as his friends. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make himself feel the same way they did.

He didn't want to be the one ordering someone else around. He didn't want to be the one tying someone else up. He didn't want to be the one administering the flogging.

At the same time, who wanted a submissive who looked like a Dom? And how could he tell all of his friends they were wrong about him? That he wasn't like them?

He wasn't sure he could.

Tapping his fingers against the table, he barely looked at the menu before Annette, one of the club subs he'd scened with before, came over to get his drink order.

"Hi, Master Connor. Do you want to order a drink now or wait till your date gets here?" She smiled down at him, but just the use of the honorific made him want to flinch. What would everyone think if they told him he wasn't a Master? Wasn't a Dom? Would they feel like he'd lied to them?

Would she be angry that she'd scened with him, and he'd deceived her?

"Not a date," he corrected automatically. Just in case. Though it really wasn't a date, even if she showed up. She might come just to turn him down. Which would be fine. Well, not fine exactly, but definitely within her rights. "Um… I'll have a beer, please. Whatever is on tap."

At his size, one beer barely affected him. Not that he was expecting Mistress Julie to jump into scening with him. Shit. Did he want her to jump into scening with him?

"Okay, great." Annette shot him a curious look before walking away. Some of his internal panic must have shown on his face.

Bracing his elbows on the table, Connor pressed the heels of his hands against his eye sockets, taking several deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down. This was feeling more and more like a mistake every second. Why hadn't he thought through all the possible repercussions before walking in here?

Because I was so focused on Mistress Julie, I forgot to think about everyone else.

Maybe not forgot so much as pushed it out of his mind. He'd wanted to roll the dice and see what happened if he revealed himself. See if the fantasies he had in his head matched up with reality.

He should go.

Dropping his hands, he lifted his head… and found himself looking at the woman herself, standing on the other side of the table. She looked stunning in a blue shirt and black skirt, her long hair pulled back up away from her face in a bun, with two sticks that had little dangly decorations hanging from them stuck through it. With him sitting down in the booth, they were about the same height. Her gaze pierced him as she tilted her head, as though she was wondering what he was doing there… or maybe just wondering why he appeared to be having a meltdown.

He felt a moment of panic.

She did realize he was there to meet her, right?

Or would it be better if she didn't, and he could just pretend all of this never happened?

"Hello, Connor," she said in that low, cool voice that made shivers dance over his skin. The voice she used when she was scening with a sub, which always made him wish he was the sub. The voice that had made him really start questioning everything he thought he wanted when it came to kink.

"Mistress Julie." Unfortunately, he didn't sound nearly as calm or cool as she did. He kind of sounded as if he was being strangled.

She reached out, resting one finger atop the cellophane on the roses.

"Are these for me?" Her dark eyes bored into him. It was the moment of truth. He could lie and say no and get up and run. He fully believed she would never tell anyone, never humiliate him that way. There was compassion in her expression, as though she understood how hard this was for him. As if she recognized how much he was struggling.

He cleared his throat, placing his hands flat on the table, the hard wood cool beneath his palms.

"Yes."

Julie

Connor looked ready to bolt.

With his hands flat on the table, his shoulders hunched as if he was trying to make himself smaller than he was, and the panic in his expression when he realized she was standing there, she wondered if she should have come inside. He had been about to run; she was sure of it.

Part of her wondered if it would be better if he did.

While she believed he was very possibly submissive, or perhaps switchy, if he wasn't ready to accept that side of himself, then he wasn't ready. Sometimes, a crush was just a crush. Sometimes, reality didn't match up with expectations.

What she could do was talk to him and help him figure out what he wanted.

"Thank you, they're beautiful," she said simply, sliding into the booth. She smiled at him, her voice flipping from her Domme voice to the one she usually used in the office with her clients. "We can just talk."

"Um. Right." He cleared his throat again, and Julie couldn't help but smile.

They hadn't spent much time together after the introduction class he'd taken, though she'd seen him watching nearly all of her demonstrations since then. Something she hadn't realized was significant until right now. After all, he was hardly the only Dom to attend as many demonstrations as possible, adding to their knowledge base.

However, as far as she knew, Connor rarely used what he learned. He was a softer Dom, and the submissives loved that about him. Especially the ones who needed some coddling and caretaking, which was what most of them went to him for. He was their gentle giant, their big teddy bear, and they teased and bratted, knowing he'd just laugh and enjoy their antics.

Thankfully, for a segue, Annette appeared at their table with a tall glass of beer for Connor. Her eyes widened when she realized it was Julie sitting there, with the flowers in front of her, then comprehension settled onto her expression.

"Hello, Mistress Julie. Can I get you something to drink?" she asked as she slid the glass of amber liquid in front of Connor.

"Water and a dirty martini, please."

"Sure thing. I'll be right back." Annette flounced off, and Julie looked over at Connor with some bemusement.

"Did you tell her I was coming?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"I just told her this wasn't a date." The hesitation in his voice made it clear he wasn't sure how she would take that. Julie wasn't offended since he hadn't known whether she was going to show up to meet him. She didn't blame him for trying to save face in case she didn't.

Even now, Annette likely thought they were just two dominants having dinner to talk shop and watch the performance. That's what the gossip train would say. Olivia wouldn't correct anyone's misconceptions unless Julie asked her to.

"Well, that takes some of the pressure off," she said with a smile. Connor managed a half-smile back at her, a bit of the tension leaving his shoulders. "So, is Shibari something you're interested in?"

She could have gone straight into questioning him about why he'd wanted to meet her, what he wanted out of tonight, but she was pretty sure that would put his back up. Right now, she wanted to get him more relaxed, get the conversation flowing a little more naturally, then she'd be able to make her way around to that once he wasn't so anxious.

"I'm not sure." He shrugged and held up his hand, laughing in a self-deprecating manner. "My fingers are too big for delicate knots most of the time."

"Mine aren't." Julie held up her own hand with her very delicate fingers. They were petite, just like the rest of her. She winked. "I bet you'd be surprised if you tried, though. Patrick doesn't exactly have small fingers."

Connor's shoulders went down a little more, and he chuckled as he took a sip of beer. The air of tension hadn't completely dissipated, but it was lessening.

"That's true. Though my hands are bigger than his." He eyed her, as if he was wondering if she was going to say something about big hands and what that meant.

Julie smiled back at him serenely. She was sure he'd heard all the jokes before.

She liked to be different.

"Well, you won't know until you try. You can do some really beautiful things with Shibari." It was the right thing to say.

Connor relaxed even more, smiling back at her.

How had she never noticed the eager-to-please expression on his face? Had he been hiding it, or had she just passed right over it because it wasn't expected?

What else had she missed about him?