18. Steff

EIGHTEEN

STEFF

I nearly forgot who and where I was. I was less than half of a second from flying off the handle and shifting, then I would show April what kind of monster I really was.

Before I could do exactly that, Miles put a hand on my arm. "Easy."

My head snapped toward my friend, and for a second, I wanted to punch him right in the face. How could he tell me to calm down? Hadn't he heard what I had?

Ryland leaned forward and murmured so quietly that only I could hear it. "Go on. Show the monster. That would be a sight."

April pushed through and put a hand toward Ryland's chest, warding him off. "Why are you doing this? Acting this way?"

"Get back," I growled. April jerked away, her body reacting to instinct and preservation. My voice was deep, too deep to be human. Her expression was one of fear. Ryland smirked at me again, and I unleashed a deep and throaty and distinctly inhuman growl.

April reacted to the sound by staring at me, her jaw hanging open, but to her credit, she recovered after a few seconds. "Ryland, it's time for you to go. It's none of your business what I choose to or choose not to do."

Ryland's face twisted with revulsion, his eyes narrowing and his lips pursing. "You'll regret this. I can swear to that." He looked at April, his revulsion turning to fury. "April, you better not forget that I warned you." He pointed a finger at me. "I warned you about it . Whatever happens after this isn't on me."

With one last look of disgust at me, Ryland walked away. Kellan shot me a worried glance. I'd told him about the hunters, but I'd neglected to tell him about Ryland. It looked like he'd made the connection. Miles glared at Ryland as he pushed through the crowd, his jaw clenched. The fact that Ryland had been so open with his hostility and anger was not a good sign. I had a bad feeling about what was to come.

My own rage was threatening to boil over. I tried to calm myself, but the bear wasn't having it. I clenched and unclenched my fists. Breath hissed in and out of my nose, and my face flamed from the anger. April appeared in front of me and cupped my face between her hands. The coolness of her skin was like refreshing ice against my own skin.

"Look at me, Steff. Not him, me."

It was all I could do to tear my eyes away from the figure of the departing hunter. I did, though. I brought my eyes to hers. As soon as I did, her own eyes widened in surprise and confusion.

"It's… uh, it's all okay," she said, her voice stammering.

Her touch and the eye contact finally got my bear's fury to taper down. My breathing slowed and the heat that had been coursing through my body receded. The need to sprint through the crowd and drag Ryland down and rip his head off disappeared. I let out a long sigh, my shoulders relaxing.

April looked relieved. She grinned at me, but the smile never made it to her eyes. I saw what was there. And when I took a breath, I could smell the fear. She was scared of me. Scared of me, yet she took my hand and led me away from the crowd.

"We'll be back later," she called over her shoulder.

I followed blindly, moving between camp chairs and blankets, all with couples and families enjoying the day. That should have been us, but that hunter had to come by and ruin everything. Now, I wasn't sure what was happening.

April led me back to my truck and held her hand out. "Give me the keys."

I looked at her outstretched hand dumbly.

She shoved her hand closer to me. "Give me the keys, Steff."

I did as she said, pulling the key ring out and dropping it into her palm.

"Get in the truck. I'm driving." April walked around the front of the truck and got in the driver's seat without waiting for me. My bear whined in fear and trepidation. The same feelings were flooding through me. I opened the door and got in with a sigh, not liking where this was going.

She pulled the truck out onto the main road and drove away from downtown. I watched her pensively for a few minutes before I opened my mouth to speak. "April, what are we?—"

She held up a hand. "Not yet."

I sagged into the seat and was silent. After a few minutes, I started to notice where she was taking us. She was going back home. My suspicion proved to be true when April pulled into our neighborhood. She slammed the brakes, barking the tires, and put the truck into park. Without another word, she got out of the truck and walked straight toward my house. I got out to follow her and watched her find my house key on the key ring and let herself in. I heard my alarm panel start beeping, and I jogged up to turn it off before the siren wailed.

After I punched in the code, I found her in my living room. She was pacing back and forth. Not knowing what to do, I simply stood there. Every time she'd turn to walk in a different direction, she ran her hands through her hair manically. She looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack.

After what seemed like an eternity, she stopped and looked at me, pinning me in place with a look so intense I almost shriveled away from it. "What are you?"

My breath caught in my throat. Oh, shit . "Um, what do you mean by that?"

"I mean, that a few minutes ago, I wasn't looking at a man. Your eyes? That growling noise, the voice, everything? It was like I was looking into the face of a feral animal, Steff. What the fuck is going on?"

Deep inside, my bear writhed in shame and heartache at being called feral. "I was mad, okay. I sort of lost control, I guess."

She leveled a finger at me. "No. Not an explanation. People's eyes don't change color when they're mad. People don't growl like dogs when they get angry."

Being compared to a dog offended both me and my bear. But what could I say? I'd fucked up and I couldn't figure a way out. In a couple of seconds, my brain spun and worked through dozens of possible stories or excuses. My eyes changed color because of a reaction to contact lenses? It sounded like a growl, but it's just me fighting off a chest cold? None of those were even remotely plausible or believable.

"I think you're reading too much into that. It was probably the way the light reflected off my eyes or something."

"Goddamn it," she shouted, sending a bolt of fear through me. "Steffen, tell me what the fuck is going on right now. If you keep lying to me, we are done. Do you understand that? Done forever. I'll never speak to you again."

That was too much for my bear to stand. I could feel it trying to take over. It was desperate to keep her—so was I. The beast inside me was punching me to tell the truth. I couldn't hold back any longer. I might explode.

I held my hands up. "Okay, all right, I'll tell you. I need you to know that I was going to tell you. It's all part of why I left back then."

She crossed her arms and bolted me in place with her stare. She didn't say anything. Instead, she was waiting for me to speak. The look on her face was as strong as any verbal command.

I took a deep breath, then glanced at the ceiling and prayed for a good outcome. "So… I'm a bear shifter. That means I'm a shapeshifter and can turn into a bear." My heart started beating madly in my chest, and the words started to tumble out, rapid-fire and without time for April to interject. "You see, me and all my friends are. Miles is a wolf, Blayne is a panther, Tate is a dragon. Yes, I know that sounds even crazier, but yes, dragons are real. Shifters and humans can't have relationships. We can't have kids together, and the possibility of exposure is too high. That's why I left you all those years ago. I wanted you to have a normal life. Harley is Tate's mate. Once the bond was formed and he claimed her, she became a dragon, too.

"Oh, damn, I forgot that part. The curse also makes the human mate become a shifter. If that ever happens, you'll be a bear shifter. That's a lot of baggage. Like the worst STD ever or something.

"Anyway, there was this witch, I can't get into all that, but she was helping these hunters who go all over the country hunting and killing shifters like me. They were working around the state and finally set their eyes on us. She cast this—oh, shit, I sound psychotic—spell. She cast a spell that cursed all four of us. We're fated to have a human mate. If we don't create a mating bond with them, we die. Like screaming-in-agony type pain. It looks like I'm fated to you. So, now you're part of all this, and can you see how fucking hard this was to bring up?"

I flopped onto the couch, breathing heavily like I'd run wind sprints. I looked over hesitantly, and April was slowly lowering herself to the couch, a wary look on her face. Wary and overwhelmed. Both the bear and I were terrified of being rejected. The thought that she would turn her back on us was almost more than I could take.

My heart couldn't beat any faster than it did when she finally spoke. Her voice was barely a whisper. "That bear in your backyard?" She looked at me. "Was that you?"

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. She stared at the floor for several long moments before she looked up again. "Back in school, you left me. You didn't trust me with this secret. You didn't trust me?"

I shook my head. Panicked by her reaction. "No, that's not it. The reason we're being pulled together now is the curse. Before this curse, shifters and humans didn't—couldn't—mate. No babies, no future, no claiming, and without that we could never have had the bond shifters needed. I would have ended up hiding things and lying to you. But I did love you, and it was getting harder and harder for me to let you go. I knew I had to do it quickly. Even though I couldn't mate with you, deep down I was sure that we were meant to be together. This curse has changed that. We have a chance now.

"I wanted to push you away at first, I didn't want to force you to be a shifter. I thought it would be better to have you reject me. Risk the pain and whatever else came with that. My bear, the inside part of me, knew all along it wouldn't work. So, I stopped fighting. Curse or no curse, there is no one in the world who loves you as much as I do."

April looked down at her hands as soon as I finished speaking. I sat, rigid, waiting for what she was going to say. I couldn't have moved if I wanted to. My body was like a statue.

April finally looked up, and she was crying. Her face was crumpled and miserable. My heart felt like it had shattered. She looked the same as when I left her fifteen years ago—agonized and heartbroken.

"I would have loved you. I would have accepted you. You could have trusted me with your life, because you were my life. Kids, no kids, adoption, whatever. I would have made sure you didn't feel like you were missing anything. You should have known that."

Every word she said was like a knife being stabbed into my chest. "April, I did what I thought was necessary?—"

"You selfish bastard. You didn't even take me into account. All that worry and you didn't even consider that I would accept you for what you were?"

"That's not what I meant. All I wanted was the best for you."

"You were what was best for me," she screamed.

My bear raged inside me because I was upsetting April. It was doing all it could to make it stop. The fear of rejection and a broken bond was still there. Front and center.

We stared at each other in silence for a beat before her eyes widened. "Did Kris and Kellan know?"

"No, not then. I just told Kellan not long ago. He's trying to work Kris into being cool with me again. We thought that was best before we told him."

She sighed in obvious relief. "At least my brothers weren't keeping secrets all these years. I don't think I could handle that." She looked at me with sadness. "This is… a lot to take in. One thing you should know is that I believe you. It does explain a bunch of stuff from back then. I mean, we never had sex. You kept from doing that."

I cleared my throat nervously. "That didn't really have anything to do with being a shifter. It was more the threat from Kris and Kellan that they'd cut my dick off if they ever heard it was in their sister. Good-natured joking, but part of me was always a little scared that they were serious."

April snorted a laugh and shook her head. "That sounds like them." She wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed. "This is wild. I can't get my head around it."

I nodded, not sure where to go from there.

April stood up, then stepped toward me and laid her hand against my cheek. "I have a lot to think about. Thank you for finally telling me the truth. Even though I had to force it out of you. I know it couldn't have been easy." She leaned down and kissed me. It was light and sweet. Like a first kiss when you were ten years old. "Bear, dragon, wolf, even if you were an alligator or a phoenix, it wouldn't change how I feel. I've always loved you. I do need a little space to figure it out and accept everything."

For the first time since seeing her again, true hope filled my heart. Not the false hope that I used to raise my courage and try to win her back. This was the hope of life. "Does this mean you aren't rejecting me?" My heart filled with joy that she wasn't running away screaming.

April looked at me. The sadness in her eyes almost brought me to tears. "Steffen James, you've had my heart all these years. It's a little late to ask for it back now."