17. Jesse

JESSE

I'd driven straight home,fighting the urge to do ninety in case—or in hopes—Emily would meet me there. The silence as I sat on my couch almost had me climbing the walls. One of Maddie's shows was always on the TV along with the dinging from whatever game she was playing, so a quiet house was rare and, right now, maddening.

I'd made so many mistakes when it came to Emily. I could almost forgive myself for how I'd let her go in high school, but when I'd found her again, I should have had the balls to admit to the feelings that were too deep to ever go away.

Life had a funny way of coming full circle. I'd thrown her out of my life when I was eighteen, not allowing her to have a say or even a word. Now, I'd laid it all on the line and left it up to her, and the thought of losing her again and for good this time made me want to jump out of my skin.

I deserved the suffering but was selfish enough to keep fighting for her all the same.

I checked my phone for the millionth time and found a blank screen. It'd been almost three hours since I'd kissed Emily in the restaurant parking lot and had asked her to come to me later. Did she go in and have dinner with that guy? Did she go straight home after, or did he take her somewhere?

If I was going to get her back, I needed to work on her time, even if it killed me—or ate away at my insides as it was, and it had only been a few hours.

I flung my phone on the table and headed to the kitchen. I couldn't lose her again, but with every minute that ticked by without a word or even a fuck-off, I was terrified I'd been too late.

I'd bounced from relationship to relationship for so many years, to the point I didn't even try for one anymore. I'd figured I was meant for a bachelor's life and tried my best to write off how happy I'd been with Emily as first love between teenagers.

Then I saw her at our reunion, and it was like that first day I'd knocked all the pencils off her desk. I'd come alive in a way I hadn't in too many years to remember, and all the old feelings I'd forced myself to dismiss had come back in a rush, along with another set of complications brought on once again by my insecure, frazzled mind.

I debated ordering something or going for a drive to quell my nerves when the chime of my doorbell, along with an angry knock, filtered down my hallway. A smile broke out on my face as I headed to the door. She sounded pissed, but she cared enough to come here and say so, and I took that as a great sign.

Fighting for her would take time, but making her mad enough to seek me out felt like a tiny victory.

Sure enough, I opened the door to a furious Emily. Her eyes were narrowed to slits as she tapped on the brick next to the doorframe. Her chest heaved up and down with quick breaths, and she glared at me as if she wanted to rip me apart.

"Come in," I said, moving aside for her to cross the threshold. I wouldn't ask her if she was okay because that answer would be no, she wasn't, and it was because of me and my antics tonight.

But again, I'd gotten her here.

She stalked past me, raking a hand through her tousled hair as she stormed into my living room and threw her purse on my couch.

"I'm guessing you're still mad." I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and inched closer, biting back a laugh when her brown eyes, almost black with fury, grew wide.

"Still mad? Are you serious? When did you decide all this?"

"When did I decide what?" I asked, still making a slow approach toward her and keeping myself at a far enough distance in case she wanted to hit me.

"When did you decide that you loved me and that you wanted me back?"

"About four blocks away from your house the night we broke up." I lifted my shoulder in a sad shrug.

She took deep breaths through her nostrils as if she was ready to charge at me.

"I'm so close to punching you right now."

"I can see that."

"That was twenty fucking years ago." Her words quivered as if she was about to explode. "And you've been back in my life for months. You wouldn't even agree to a hypothetical cup of coffee at first because you weren't ready for anything. Which I understood under the circumstances, but then you wait until another man asks me out on a date to decide that you've changed your mind."

"I never changed my mind." I ate up the distance between us in two steps. "I couldn't keep you then, and I thought I couldn't be what you needed now. But there was never a day, never a second, since that first day we met when I didn't want you."

I stood over her, holding her angry gaze.

"Yeah, it's been twenty fucking years. It could be a hundred, and you'd still be the one. The only one."

She shoved my shoulder, her jaw tight as her eyes went glossy.

"Stop saying things like that."

"Why did you kiss me last week?"

She rolled her eyes. "You were drunk. I thought if I kissed you, it would appease you enough that you'd pass out."

"That's all?" I whispered, pressing my hand to the small of her back to pull her close. "What about before? The restaurant parking lot. You seemed to be pretty into it for only appeasing me."

I cupped her chin, gliding my thumb over her mouth and letting out a hiss when, despite how anger still radiated off every inch of her, she parted her lips to bite it.

"I meant what I said that night, even if I slurred the words out. I'd make it so good, baby. We'd be so good." I dipped my head, brushing the hair off her shoulder to paint kisses down her neck, and slid her jacket off. She didn't move but didn't push me away. I dove in harder, trailing openmouthed kisses behind her ear and pressing her closer to me when she slumped in my arms.

"Jesse, please," she breathed out, breaking out of my hold and heading for the door. "I can't… It's all too much."

"No, it's just fucking right," I said, coming behind her as she grasped the bottom railing of my staircase. "It was always you, Em. I know you need some time to believe me, but I won't stop saying it." I buried my head into the crook of her shoulder and ran my lips up her neck. She leaned into me, right against the aching bulge about to burst through my zipper.

"I mean it. I'll wait. I've been waiting for you for a long time, even if I only found the balls to admit it now." I caught her cheek lift. "I'll do whatever you want."

I cupped her cheek, turning her head to face me. I brushed her lips, lingering longer once she relaxed in my arms. When her mouth parted on a groan, I slid my tongue against hers, the kiss slow but full of hunger and laced with relief. Maybe I hadn't gotten through all the way yet, but she wasn't fighting me. I swallowed her sweet moans as she reached back to hook her arm around my neck and draw me closer. I slanted my mouth over hers as I took the kiss deeper, skimming my hands up and down her thighs and slipped one under her blouse, teasing the soft skin on her stomach.

"I mean it, Em," I murmured against her lips as I brushed my fingertips along the lace of her bra. "I'll do whatever you want."

She grabbed my wrist, her nails piercing my skin.

"Touch me, Jesse."

My cock pulsed at her gravelly plea, and she didn't have to ask me twice.

I slipped my hand into her panties, my own knees almost giving out when I found her soaked and dripping on my fingers.

"You're drenched. Shit, Em," I grunted out, tracing circles around her clit, already as hard as I was. "You remember how good it was? How hard I could make you come? I had to hold my hand over your mouth so you wouldn't scream," I whispered, sucking her earlobe into my mouth as I teased her, resisting the urge to fuck her with my fingers. "But I'd feel you every time. Remember?"

She dropped her head back against my chest, her eyes shut as she nodded.

"Lately, all the time," she said as a whimper escaped her.

My hand shook as I forced myself to go slow.

"Remember that first night I tasted you? You were so sweet I couldn't stop, even when your legs shook against my face."

She nodded, rocking her hips against my hand.

"I could come just thinking about that." I cupped her chin and turned her head to face me. "And I have."

I took her mouth in a sloppy, desperate kiss. This wasn't slow. It was greedy and wet and loud as she gasped into my mouth with every circle I traced around her clit.

"Do it," she said, her voice dropping to a raspy plea.

"Do what, beautiful?" I asked as I slid two fingers inside, any semblance of control I had gone as I pumped them inside her, her pussy already squeezing around them as I twisted them deeper. "I'll give you anything you want."

"Taste me. Fuck me with your mouth. Please."

I spun her around and dropped to my knees, unbuttoning her jeans and yanking the zipper down so fast I swore I heard a tear.

"What a dirty mouth on such a sweet girl."

I held her hooded eyes as I shoved her jeans and panties down her legs. I peeled off her boots and tapped her heels for her to step out. I'd only gotten one side off when I couldn't take it anymore and hooked her leg over my shoulder, giving her pussy one long lick before I kissed her hard and deep, tasting every sweet inch of her. I let out a garbled moan, my eyes rolling back as she coated my tongue like the sweetest sugar when I snaked it deep inside her.

She speared her hand into my hair and pushed my head between her legs. We'd gone from zero to sixty tonight—hell, in the past twenty minutes—but I couldn't stop. I'd been starved for this, for her, for too long.

We still had a lot to talk about, but the buildup had us both too blind with want to think straight.

I dragged kisses along the inside of her thigh as my fingers still worked inside her. I peered up at Emily, smiling as her head flailed back and forth.

"You're so close, aren't you?"

She jerked against me when I brushed my lips over her clit.

"I've waited so long for you to scream my name."

She dipped her chin, a hazy smirk at the corner of her lips, still swollen from my kisses.

I adjusted her leg over my shoulder. "Hold on, sweetheart."

I sucked her clit into my mouth as my fingers pumped inside her. I wanted to drown in her but took slow breaths to stop myself from coming in my pants from just the taste of her and the sounds she made.

Her body went rigid from the waist down as she screamed, bucking her hips against my face as her thighs quivered against my cheeks.

"Jesus," she muttered, breathless as she folded over, one hand over her eyes and one on my shoulder to steady herself.

"Jesse," I corrected. "But you can say that the next time I make you come." I pressed a kiss to the back of her knee and stood.

I smiled when I spotted the scowl on her face, her eyes still hooded as they found mine.

"Talk to me," I said, taking her face in my hands. "What do you need?"

"I need to help you," she said, her voice a scratchy whisper as she unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants. I moaned as she wrapped her hand around my cock, gliding it up and down as it jerked against her palm. "Like you asked me to."

"I'm not going to last," I gritted out, trying with every cell of my body to hold back, but I was already too close. She bit her bottom lip as she pumped faster, her eyes on mine as she gave me a slow nod.

I came in long spurts, too fast to put enough distance between us to not make a mess.

She dropped her head to my chest as I held on to her, my heart thumping against hers as we stood chest to chest.

"I need to clean up," she said, glancing down her body with a wince.

"Same." I kissed her forehead. "But don't go. Please."

"I don't think I'm in any condition to go anywhere, Jess." She flicked her eyes down to her soaked blouse and lifted her leg, dangling her panties on her ankle.

"After we clean up, I want you to stay. Not the night if you don't want to, but long enough to talk. Okay?"

"Okay," she said as she stepped into her jeans. "Not that I have a lot of brain cells left after that." She laughed, but it didn't make it all the way up to her eyes. I spied the fear and the doubt, but she wasn't running. Not yet.

I could work with that.

Emily followed me upstairs, stopping at the doorway of my bedroom.

"Could I borrow a hoodie for tonight?"

"Sure," I said, stepping into my bedroom and rummaging through my drawer until I found a sweatshirt. "Here you go. You can wait for me in the living room if you want. Just give me a minute."

"Thank you," she said, taking the hoodie from my hands and holding it up by the shoulders. "Glad you're still a Yankees fan."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"My grandfather liked when you used to watch the games with him. He used to yell at my mother to give you a break."

"I remember," I said, returning Emily's easy smile when she lifted her head. "It was all in Italian, but they kept looking back as they argued, so I assumed it was something about me."

"You would have been right. I'll go change. This takes me back," she said, snickering as she headed for my bathroom.

I shut my eyes and laughed.

"I was hoping to show off some skills now that I'm not a teenager anymore, but"—I bunched my shoulders—"turns out I still have no control when it applies to you."

She shook her head. "Skill was never important."

"Well, thanks. Not sure how to take that."

Emily cupped her hand over her eyes.

"I mean, not that you didn't have skill or you don't. But we…us… It was never about that. As long as it was you, that was all I needed."

I watched her head down the hall and disappear into the bathroom, knowing exactly what she meant. Every time was mind-blowing and explosive in its own way, and I'd attributed that, or I'd tried to, to being young and lost in the wonder of it all.

Then Emily came back into my life, and every spark of electricity still burned bright between us in a way it never had with anyone else. She consumed me now just as easily as she always had, and it scared the shit out of me as much as it did then.

What we had together wasn't due to age, innocence, or puppy love.

It was just us.