9. Emily

EMILY

"What areyou doing here so early?" I asked Sabrina when I found her perched on the bench outside of the indoor field, jiggling her empty cup of iced coffee in agitation before she saw me. Our first game was at ten and I'd told the team to be here by nine, but I'd wanted to get to the field early to set us up for the morning and deal with any first-game nerves before the kids and parents were around to notice.

"What? It's our first game. I thought maybe, you know, I could help you strategize or something."

"Help me strategize," I repeated. "It's a scrimmage game between my kids and Penny's team. It doesn't even count on record. Other than making sure they pay attention and kick in a mostly straight line, I don't have a high-level game plan," I joked.

"Well, maybe we should. I could be useful."

"Useful?" I squinted at Sabrina and sucked in my cheeks to hold back a laugh. Sabrina had never played a sport in her life. She was a great cheerleader, but from the stands and not the sidelines.

"Well, yes. I could do more as your assistant than just hand out papers and water. Maybe I wasn't a soccer star like you, but I know things that could help you. Rock Bottom Girl was my favorite Lucy Score book, and I read it like three times. I'm sure I learned something about being a soccer coach that could be helpful," she said as we made our way over to our part of the field for the afternoon and dropped our bags on the bench.

"Okay, then." I came up to her and crossed my arms. "Do you want to draw a chart of X's and O's to show the kids how to line up when they get here, or just tell me what's bothering you that brought you here so early?"

"Fine," she huffed, shaking her head as she took a seat on the bench. "I'm here so early because I did something stupid, and I want to forget about it."

I held in a cringe as my mind immediately went to Caden. I knew they were hanging out sometimes, but I hadn't asked for any details. It was none of my business if they were falling into old habits, but I worried about her.

"Do I even want to know?" I asked her and took a quick sweep of the field. I waved at Penny as she set up the cones around the goals, but I didn't find anyone else. Before Sabrina confessed anything that wasn't suitable for children's ears, I wanted to make sure we were alone.

"I went on Facebook and looked up Austin." She held up her hands. "I know, I know. Nothing good comes from that. I was feeling low and had hopes that maybe the universe righted itself and he was miserable and ugly now."

She dug through the cooler and pulled out a bottle of water.

"I thought you were going to block him so the impulse wouldn't be there."

"Blocking doesn't work." She unscrewed the cap and took a sip. "You can just unblock. Anyway, his baby is two, and his wife is pregnant again. Well, she's pregnant for the first time as his wife, not the woman he was seeing while he was married to me."

"Honey, I'm sorry." I squeezed her shoulder.

"Don't be, because I did it to myself. It was enough of a gut punch to knock the wind out of me and keep me awake, so here I am." She stretched out her arms.

"However you stumbled upon it, it sucks, and I hate that you were hurt all over again."

"I'm over it. For the most part, anyway. I'd been telling you for the longest time that we were having problems before it all blew up. We went over it plenty of times, and I'm too undercaffeinated to regurgitate any of it. But, yes." Her gaze drifted over the fake grass. "It still hurt."

I looped an arm around her shoulder.

"Yes, it does hurt when you see it, which is why it's not a good idea to look for it. But I've had plenty of my own weak moments on social media, so I really can't fault you for it."

"Thank you for not making me feel worse," she breathed out as her head fell onto my shoulder. "I needed a distraction. It was either come here or take Caden's offer to meet him later. He's a nice guy, but I can't do that again—and not in the state of mind I'm in. I can't hook up with someone just to forget someone else."

She rubbed the back of her neck and shook her head.

"It's not like high school, when it was a fun game. Now, I'll just feel more like shit."

"Yes," I said finally, because I couldn't help myself. "I am very, very happy that you came to that conclusion on your own. I was keeping my mouth shut, but I admit I was a little worried."

"It's good to know that I'm not too far gone, then." She chuckled when she turned her head toward me. "How are you holding up? Nervous?"

"No. Or I shouldn't be." I peeled off my hoodie. "This game doesn't even count. I just want the kids to have a good time."

"I think some of the moms want to have a good time with Jesse."

A chuckle escaped me when she waggled her eyebrows. "Yes, that's…hard not to notice. But he's not interested."

"How are you so sure about that?" Sabrina drew her brows together.

"He told me that he's not interested in dating at all because he's focused on Maddie. In so many words anyway. These women are wasting their time."

"I don't know. Jesse is human, and some of them are very…direct. God bless."

Trying not to focus on how direct some of the mothers were had been a challenge last practice. One wouldn't let go of his arm the entire time—or at least every time I'd glanced their way—and kept leaning in close to whisper into his ear.

Girls had flirted with Jesse all the time when we were in high school, many just as brazen as these women were, and some would even do it right in front of me. He'd been polite but firm in telling them to back off, but I'd never been jealous or worried about it because I trusted him. While I still believed that Jesse didn't and wouldn't date, it didn't stop the almost overpowering inclination to march over and tell them to leave him the hell alone.

But I couldn't, could I?

Jesse wasn't mine. We were friends, and if a woman wanted to make a play for him, it was her right, as it was his to take her up on it.

And I had no reason to see red when I'd caught him smile and laugh at something one of the women said to him.

I had left the field that afternoon with a splitting headache from blowing my whistle too hard in misplaced frustration.

"Maybe he's not interested in dating, but he's a guy. They all have an itch to scratch. Even a perpetual golden-retriever-type like Jesse has needs." She held up a hand. "Just saying."

"Just saying, what?"

"If, possibly, the woman he's pretending to only want to be friends with let him know that she's interested in more, the soccer groupies would scatter. Just a thought."

"I'm not interested. We have history, but we're friends."

"Sure," she said, her eyes narrowed at me. "That's why I can hear your jaw ticking. Caden and I were just talking about it. You both have to be tired since it's exhausting just watching you."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing to me," she said, holding up her hands. "But maybe if you told Jesse how you feel?—"

"He's already said he's not interested. If Maddie hadn't joined the team, I probably would have gone another twenty years without seeing him again. If he scratches with someone, that is his business and choice."

"You poor thing," she said, pushing off the bench and patting my arm. "You're not going to have any back teeth left when this season is over."

"Sabrina," I groaned, rooting around in my bag for my whistle. "I'm fine. Jesse is fine. Drop it." She raised a brow at me as I positioned the black lanyard string around my neck.

The frown pulling on Sabrina's lips only made me feel worse.

"I'm sorry, Em. I only want you to be happy. One of us should be." She huffed out a laugh.

"I know you do." I stepped closer and took a sweep of the area behind me. A few of my kids were heading over, but the field was mostly empty. "Friends is all we can be. For lots of reasons. This isn't one of the romance books I edit where a happily ever after is a given." I shrugged. "The ending may not be so great if I push it."

"I'm sorry. I'll stop trying to be anything more than your servant for today." She bumped my shoulder. "Put me to work, Coach."

"Hey, ladies. Ready for today?"

My head swiveled around to Penny's voice.

"I think so. I'll be happy if the kids have fun with no injuries. This is my first sort-of official game as a coach, not a player."

"In some ways, it's a lot less taxing. Other than the parents." She laughed and motioned to the man behind her. "This is Alex. He's our referee today."

"Nice to meet you," Alex said, holding out his hand.

"Same," I replied as I lifted my head. I was tall at almost five foot nine, but Alex had to be way over six feet.

"Alex is my brother-in-law. I roped him into being our ref for the afternoon."

His blue eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, an attractive contrast to his tanned skin. His blond hair was cropped short enough to spike at the front.

"And I don't like Penny or my brother enough to play favorites, so I promise to be fair," he said, holding up his hands, grinning as his crystal gaze stayed on mine.

"I don't think you can cheat during a scrimmage game, but good to know."

He laughed, still searching my face in a way that made me feel on display.

"Alex just moved here from California. Hence the surfer hair and tan," Penny said, tipping her chin to where Alex stood next to her. "He knows enough about soccer to realize when he has to blow the whistle. I wasn't picky when the ref I had scheduled texted me last night that he was sick."

"My sister-in-law is free and easy with the compliments," Alex said, folding his muscular arms over his chest, still focused on me.

"This is Sabrina," I said, squirmy enough under Alex's stare to shift back and forth on my feet. "We all went to high school together."

"They were the soccer all-stars," Sabrina said, moving her finger back and forth between Penny and me. "Not me."

"I see," Alex said, backing away. "Nice to meet you both. Have a great game!" He threw me a glance over his shoulder as he jogged to the middle of the field.

"Shit, he's hot," Sabrina whispered in my ear.

"Yes, he is," I agreed, both of us still gazing in his direction.

"For real," she said, elbowing my side. "And he's into you."

"He seems like a flirt." I shook my head. "He's probably into everyone."

"A flirt who didn't take his eyes off you the entire time. Jesse isn't going to like that," she sang.

"There is nothing for anyone to like or not like."

"Coach Emily!"

Maddie giggled as she barreled into my legs and squeezed her arms around me.

"Hey, kiddo," I said, hugging her back. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail with a maroon ribbon tied around it.

"My ponytail ribbon matches our shirts," Maddie chirped, pulling down the front of her team T-shirt.

"And it makes you easier to track on the field," I said, tapping her nose. "I love it."

"That's good to hear. I only had to watch the YouTube video on how to tie a ponytail three or ten times."

Jesse's smile was warm as his dark eyes held mine.

"Nice job, Uncle Jesse," Sabrina said, grinning at Maddie and giving her ponytail a gentle tug. "What are you going to do when she asks for a braid?"

"Probably sweat or call my mother," Jesse said with a chuckle. "And speaking of…"

I noticed Mrs. Evans's watery smile over Jesse's shoulder.

"Emily," she gasped before almost knocking Jesse over to pull me into a hug. "Let me look at you," she said, grabbing my arms to push me back. "My God, you haven't changed at all. Still so beautiful."

"Oh, I don't know about that, Mrs. Evans." I squeezed her shoulders.

Other than a little sparkle of gray mixed in with her brown hair, she was exactly as I remembered. So much so, I tried to swallow away the scratch at the back of my throat at just hearing her voice again.

"But thank you. You look amazing."

She waved a hand.

"You were always a sweetheart. I've heard a lot about you from my granddaughter." Mrs. Evans smoothed a tiny stray lock of hair from Maddie's ponytail off her forehead. "I told Maddie that I already knew her coach very well and used to see her all the time."

I pushed a smile across my mouth to stop the prick of tears behind my eyes. Watching Mrs. Evans speak to Maddie the way I'd watched her with Tessa so many times triggered the grief I felt for this whole family, but I couldn't give in to it here. I'd pull Mrs. Evans aside after the game to tell her how sorry I was and cry—again—for all of them alone in my car on the way home.

"You can see her more now," Maddie said. "We have games every week, and she's Uncle Jesse's friend again. They text all the time."

"Well," Mrs. Evans said, biting her bottom lip as she threw her son a look. "That would be very nice. I'll go have a seat in the folding chair we brought. Have a great game, sweetie." She looked between Jesse and me and headed to the edge of the field.

"Maddie!" Jeffrey ran over to us, a soccer ball tucked under his arm. "Want to practice with me?"

"Ask Coach Emily if you can do that," Jesse told her, taking Maddie's arm when she started to race toward Jeffrey. "You may be in the way of everyone coming in."

"No, it's fine." I pointed to the empty patch next to the goal and far enough away from the chairs arriving parents were setting up. "You can for a few minutes. Just please keep it contained with small kicks back and forth."

"Okay," they both murmured before they scurried off.

"Nervous?" Jesse asked, his lips curling into a smirk. He wore a black Henley with the sleeves rolled up and jeans. Stopping my eyes from trailing his forearms down to where he'd stuffed his hands into his pockets was much harder than it should have been.

"This is just a scrimmage game, but I remember my days playing for a small league like this. I'm not worried about the kids, but the parents can be a little pushy. My mother was the pushiest."

He let out a throaty chuckle.

"Oh, I can imagine. You can always bring her here next game for reinforcements if anyone gives you trouble."

"Right? Even with a cane now, she can be pretty terrifying."

We shared a laugh, our eyes locked for an awkward beat after we stopped.

"You'll be great," he said, his eyes still holding mine as he eased closer. "You've got this, Legs."

I shoved his shoulder as my cheeks heated, trying to focus on the kids filtering in and not the sexy rumble of Jesse's laugh.

"Coach Emma, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Janie Cooper jogged toward me with her daughter at her side, shooting Jesse a quick smile before she came up to me.

"Emily," I said, wanting to remind her it was on the handout she'd received, but I doubted she'd looked at it or cared about her mistake.

"Aubrey has been practicing really hard, and I think it would be good for the team if you put her in first."

From the first practice, Janie had questioned everything I did, down to the warm-up games I played with the kids. I'd had a feeling she'd be difficult today and dreaded what she'd be like at a real game.

"That's great, Aubrey," I said with extra enthusiasm. "I already have it figured out who goes in when for today. I've worked it out so everyone gets equal playing time and can enjoy the snacks in between."

Aubrey peered up at me with a tiny smile as her mother scowled at me over her head. Aubrey was a cute kid and had fun at practice, despite Janie yelling for her to get the ball and kick harder.

"But the good players go out first. I didn't play sports in school, but isn't that a rule?"

"Ms. Cooper," I said, holding back a groan and trying for a polite yet firm tone of voice. Unfortunately, rude was sometimes the only way to get through to people like her, but I'd save that for the games that counted.

"This isn't a competition league. We keep track of wins and losses, but there are no local or state championships to strive for. I'm here to teach them soccer and make sure they have fun and that kids of all levels have equal playing time. A team like this is where I started to love soccer, without pressure from my coaches or my family." I held out my hand for Aubrey. "Right now, we're going to huddle up."

Aubrey peered up at her mother before taking my hand.

"Feel free to set up a chair on the sidelines with the other parents. I hope you enjoy the game."

"Have a good game, honey," Janie said, fake smile back in place as she aimed it at Jesse. "I suppose there's nothing else for us to do than to sit on the sidelines and watch our girls, right?"

Jesse took a slight step back when she reached for his arm.

"I brought a chair for my mother, but I'm going to stay over here to help Em and Sabrina. I'm used to it from all Emily's games in high school."

He snuck me a grin.

"Oh," she said, glancing back at me, phony smile still in place. "I didn't realize you knew each other from high school."

"Yes, Emily and I have a long history," Jesse said with a big grin that I wasn't sure was for show or not, but it stole my breath all the same.

"I see." I had to hold back a laugh at the disappointment bleeding into her features. "We have an extra chair in case you need one?—"

"I don't, but thanks."

She exhaled what looked like a frustrated breath through her nostrils.

"Well, I'll be right over there in case you…get tired."

She lingered for another minute and disappeared into the rows of parents at the edge of the field.

"You can sit with the kids over there," I said to Aubrey, pointing to where Sabrina was checking off attendance on a clipboard. "Once everyone is here, we'll line up on the field. Sound good?"

Aubrey nodded and headed over, not looking back at me or for her mother.

A laugh burst out of my chest when I met Jesse's gaze.

"I needed that," I said, pressing my palm against my forehead. "Nothing like a little comic relief before a game. That poor kid," I whispered to Jesse. "She's so much more relaxed when her father brings her to the field."

Jesse laughed. "So am I. Nice work. It's okay if I stay over here? I meant to ask."

"If you want to, sure. I know Maddie will appreciate it."

"I did want to stay close for her sake too, but I figured I'd linger over here in case you needed anything. Even though you have it handled, pushy parents and all."

"Thanks. After she was all over you last practice, I'm surprised she went away so easily."

"You noticed that?" Jesse drew his brows together.

"Well, it was a little obvious."

"I see," he said, giving me a slow nod.

"You see what?" I squinted at Jesse.

"You weren't jealous or anything, were you?" He raised a brow as his lips twitched.

"No," I said, a little too quickly, with a chalklike screech in my reply. "I was too busy trying to line up my kids to notice any single parents canoodling on the sidelines."

"Canoodling? You editors know a lot of words," he teased.

"You want to be cute? Now you're on snack duty. You can explain how we only have healthy veggie sticks instead of chips between goals." I jutted my chin toward the bag of food next to the cooler.

"So, you think I'm cute," Jesse said, snickering as he held my gaze.

"You're still decent, I guess." I scowled back at him as I adjusted the whistle around my neck. "But that doesn't mean I'm jealous."

"I'm flattered. Thanks," he rasped with a low whisper that curled my toes inside my sneakers. His smile shrank as the air thickened between us, too charged for a kids' soccer game—a game where I had to be present enough to coach.

Swooning over my high school ex-boyfriend was stupid on too many levels today.

"Emily!"

Alex jogged over to me, his beaming smile almost blinding me.

"You can gather up the first string now. Time for kickoff. I hope you're not nervous." Alex cracked a wide grin.

"Nope, we're all ready," I said, shooting him a half smile in an attempt to get him to shrink the beam of the megawatt grin on his perfect face.

"I'm sure. Penny said you were a pro."

"I stopped right before pro." I shook my head. "I'm just here to make sure my kids have fun and don't get hurt or pass out trying."

"Really? You look pretty pro to me." He smiled, and I couldn't tell if he'd flicked his eyes up and down my body or was shielding them from the lights. "Anyway, good luck, even though Penny keeps telling me it doesn't count."

Maybe it had been too long since a man had tried to flirt with me, or that I'd noticed or cared if one was, but I was painfully clueless as to how to react other than to inch away.

I nodded a thanks and went back to our side of the field.

"Who's that?" Jesse asked, the playful lilt in his voice from a few minutes ago now gone.

"Penny's brother-in-law. He's the ref for today."

"You know him?" Jesse asked, glowering across the field to where Alex was adjusting the cones around the other team's goal.

"No. I just met him a few minutes ago. Why?"

"He acted like he knew you pretty well," he gritted out before uttering a humorless chuckle.

"He's friendly, I guess." I crossed my arms and marched up to Jesse. "You're not jealous, are you?"

"What? No. He just seems full of himself."

"And you could tell that in five minutes?"

"I could. Full of himself and pushy. It's a kids' game, not a bar. Not the time or place for whatever he was trying to do with you."

"I see." I tapped my chin. "Says the guy who went home with four containers of home-cooked meals from his fan club last week."

"It wasn't four—wait, you were counting? I thought you were too busy coaching," Jesse said, stepping closer to me while the corner of his mouth curled up.

"I hate to interrupt whatever this is, but I think you need to line up your kids, Coach," Sabrina said, nodding to where Penny's team was already lined up.

"I'll be right there," I said, holding Jesse's gaze as I followed Sabrina.

"Tell me again how you're just friends and neither of you is interested in anything else?" Sabrina whispered as we jogged toward the kids.

"Later. Right now, we have a game. Come on, guys." I pointed to the field.

"Yes," Sabrina said with a snicker. "We sure do."