Chapter 24

LIAM

Dom catches me in the car park during the last week of this project. "Liam? I got your message. You wanted to talk about shifting your end date?"

"Yeah." I grab my tools, pausing over my sledgehammer before sliding the van door closed and leaving it behind. "I had a bit of a rethink about the demo plan over the weekend."

A bit of a rethink?

I've spent the last two days away on another weekend job and spinning in circles. Not literally. Not like Dom's daughter does now in that outdoor classroom where she pirouettes, if shakily, while shouting, "Look at me!" to her teacher.

Dom pauses at the sight. He also curses softly. "Christ. She's got zero sense of danger." He drifts to the right, following her progress as she spins some more, this time with assistance. And with someone to hold her hand, she makes it all the way across one of the plank bridges crisscrossing this outdoor space. But that's what I've done, haven't I? I've crisscrossed several counties, regretting signing so many contracts to avoid Matt's meetup invites, wanting the whole time to get back here in a hurry.

My reason appears, heading out from the indoor classroom while carrying too many cardboard boxes to see where he's going. I'm instantly poised to jump in, primed to launch a rescue mission that Rowan doesn't need and hasn't asked for.

I still want to stick around in case he needs me.

He doesn't need help. Or me. His mentor is right there, taking those boxes from him. They sort through them together as Dom keeps following his daughter's progress. Now she's busy drawing in damp sand while singing to herself.

She's cute.

This glimpse of Rowan is even cuter despite his back being to me. I can still see the tips of his ears. They're flushed, and the last time I saw that was in a bathroom mirror right after sex and before goose bumps made me want to stand in front of whatever cold blast from the past had caused them.

And this is why I should hurry instead of slowing down this project.

Rely on me to stand between blasts and people who matter?

I don't have the best track record with that, do I?

Matt would call that PTSD-related bollocks. Would tell it to get in the bin, into the sea, or into the sun. He'd order it to fuck off for me if I'd let him, so I guess we're both as bad as each other. Or as bossy. For now, I'm too engrossed to give myself that lecture. Like Dom's daughter, something new holds my attention because Rowan doesn't only blush. He laughs, and fuck me, I like hearing him this happy, even if it's due to his mentor's teasing.

"No, Charles," he insists, still laughing. "I'm not running another errand for you."

"Why not?" Charles clicks what I realise are a pair of castanets. He uses them as pincers, pretending to snip at Rowan's bottom. "All I asked was for you to talk to the bursar. I'll take your playground duty if you'll pop around to see him."

"Around to see him?" Rowan looks up at a window. It overlooks this outdoor classroom and the benches where we all ate hot dogs on Friday. "Don't you mean up to see him?"

He's right. The bursar doesn't only share the headmaster's study. I've been up there on the hunt for plans and seen that they share a desk too. Now the break-time bell rings, and Row's gaze drops, fixing on something different—or on someone. Teo slopes out of the main school building, going to sit on his own at the same bench we all shared. He isn't on his own for too long. A redheaded kid joins him.

Charles brings up what Teo now models to his audience of one. He drums on the bench while Charles says, "Around to see Austin. Up to see him. It doesn't matter as long as you chase up whether he's found a drumstick budget for us."

"Because his answer will have changed from yesterday's no?"

I like that Rowan stands his ground. Got to be honest, his busy timetable means I wondered if his new headmaster was taking advantage. But since last week? I'm pretty sure they all know they're lucky to have him.

They better keep him when the other teachers get back.

Part of me wants that for him. The rest of me is a contrary fucker, because if Rowan stays…

How the fuck am I gonna stay far enough away that Matt will give up?

Thank fuck Rowan's oblivious to that question. He's busy fending off a glitter shaker that Charles next thrusts in his face along with another question. "Then go and ask Austin if we can order some more of these."

Rowan doesn't reply. He just points inside where a supply cupboard door stands open. Even I can see pot after pot sparkling on its shelves already, and yet Charles still chivvies him to leave his classroom.

"Go and say hello to him anyway. I'm sure he gets lonely up there."

"Who, Austin? Maybe that's because you weren't joking about him being ferocious. You go up there and ask for money. He scares me."

I bristle. I can't help it. It's the exact same feeling I get whenever he mentions where he ran from. How can two schools be so different?

Charles only chuffs at him. "Austin's an absolute lamb."

And that's who Teo sits with, I realise as I catch up with Dom further along the fence line. Not that Teo sits with a scary bursar. He sits opposite a kid who I last saw in a photo a farmer showed me. His phone had framed this kid holding an armful of woolly trouble. Today he's empty-handed.

Charles isn't. I look back to see him shove that glitter shaker at Rowan, then shoo him indoors. I also hear him shout a final instruction. "Go and ask him anyway, but make sure to stretch your legs first. Take the long way around. You know, past the library again?"

This must be the reason for the number of times Rowan has passed a site I'm in no hurry to be done with, and that's what Dom brings up.

"Why the delay?"

"In the final stage of the demolition?"

I look back one last time, no sign of Rowan, which means I itch to jog back to the library to be there when he passes. I aim for professional instead of adolescent, although it's touch and go for a moment, because this is how I've felt since pressing him against a cliff face. Rowan makes me want to keep him safe and kiss him. Makes me want to fight as hard as he did, only for a little more time before I have to leave him.

"I don't want to rush it." I give some non-Rowan-related reasons. "The historian suggested there might be more time capsules in the foundation."

"And?"

"I need to go slow so I don't wreck them." I don't want to wreck this either, whatever it is we've started. Me and Rowan, I mean, not me and Dom, even if he is decent to work with. He's also a teasing wanker.

"So it's nothing to do with wanting to keep blowing a certain someone's magic whistle?"

I'd tell him to fuck off, and he's so easygoing that he'd roll with it. Dom would laugh and move on, only he's right. Partially, at least.

Rowan is magic to me.

He's been that ever since those bruised eyes switched from wide and wary to full of laughter. Him kissing me in an alley was magic as well. Or fearless, considering I'm built like a brick shit house. But that's what he is—fucking fearless every single time he should be scared witless—which is why this is terrifying.

He's going to find out I don't have half his backbone.

That's why I should march back to my van right now, only I'm not leaving. Not yet. Not after last Friday, and not after Rowan looked at me like I'd unlocked real treasure for him instead of old sheet music. He reacts the same way every single time we're together.

Walk away from all that?

I can't, and today Dom's my witness, following my march into the main school building. He's my shadow up the stairs where he joins me in the headmaster's study to hear what I guess comes out sounding a touch desperate.

"I need longer."

For a second time, I explain what that historian only vaguely suggested but is what I've hung my hopes on. "That's one reason why I don't want to hurry. Not yet. Because there might be another time capsule further along that foundation."

Luke Lawson blinks. So does his bursar when Dom's hand lands on his shoulder. Austin Dymond looks up at his husband and is far from scary. He's pink with pleasure like in the wedding photo in Dom's kitchen. He's also a fair-haired reminder of who might be on his way up here right now to ask for drumstick or glitter money, so I quickly offer a second reason.

"The real demolition will be way noisier than bringing down that stable, and I…" This is true but hard to say to a small boy's father. "I don't want to scare your kid any more than I have to." That's the stone-cold truth. So is this. "Now I've got a better handle on the acoustics, I know it will. You think I've been loud so far?" I shake my head. "Bringing down the whole side of this building will sound catastrophic, unless?—"

Luke Lawson stands. He's silhouetted by the window. I can't see his expression, but I hear determination. "What's the other option?"

"The school's mostly empty during the half-term break?"

"After Friday? Yes, apart from a few staff and some of the boarders."

And Rowan to keep up the numbers.

"Let me take it down then. When the school is almost empty." I know they wanted the external work done and dusted this week so as not to impact Dom's rebuild schedule, one I've seen him piece together like a brick-and-mortar jigsaw. "It won't hold up the rest of the work. Dom's crew will still be on track to finish the internal work this summer when the school is truly vacant. Me pressing pause this week won't hold them up. And I won't be twiddling my thumbs. I'll bring forward a job I have in Blackpool. Get that finished by Saturday and be back here to work straight through."

If Luke doesn't agree, I guess I'll be done here by Friday, and that's…

It's too soon.

I want another week, that's all. Seven whole days with a reason to still be where Rowan is on duty. Another seven nights where I might get to see him. Make him laugh, or hear him sing one more time, if I'm lucky.

All of that means this comes out bleaker than I anticipated. "And there's one other thing I want to do before leaving."

"Hold on." Luke is still silhouetted so I still can't read his expression. "Dom?" he asks, sounding neutral. No, not neutral. He's careful. "How about you and I talk through the schedule later?"

Dom nods, but not before sharing a smile that's ninety percent wince with me. He also leaves us, his steel toe-capped footsteps clumping all the way down the stairs over a tide of white noise I'm not sure is tinnitus or panic that washes back even louder when Luke turns away from me.

His move seems like a voiceless order—a clear, if silent, command stating this conversation is over.

I can't let it end. Not yet.

"Uh…" I don't actually have words for this request. How he runs his school is none of my business, but I've seen how Rowan is around him. Yeah, he freezes at first, but I've never noticed a goose-bump reaction, and Rowan melts so quickly for Luke Lawson. Plus, it isn't only me working against a clock that won't quit ticking down to zero, is it?

That means I force out what I want the most for him.

"Your other teachers will be back sometime in the half-term break right, the ones that Rowan's covering for? You won't need him once they're back, will you?"

Luke Lawson is still silent, still facing away, so I try harder.

"Please, can't you find a way to keep him?"