Chapter 14 Kelly Kaplan

The Kind of Energy I’m Looking For

A Week and a Half Until Christmas

I nod as Ava adds to my task list for the day, and I jot everything down.

“Anything else?” I ask.

She shakes her head as she looks up at the ceiling in thought, and then she gasps. “Oh! I can’t believe I forgot to tell you this, but all four of your wreaths sold, and I had at least ten people ask about the one behind the register. I hope it’s okay, but I took down a few orders.”

“How many?” I ask, my heart racing that people actually like the little hobby I picked up over the years.

She ducks her head a little. “Six. I hope that’s okay.”

“Six?” I repeat, my jaw dropping nearly to the ground.

“They already paid, so you need to get on making some more.”

“I need someone to invent about four more hours per day if that’s gonna happen,” I say.

“Do it here,” Ava suggests. “You have the space anyway.”

I hold up the paper with the tasks she just rapid-fired to me. “After I tackle these.”

“Tackle, ha-ha, get it? Because our men are football boys.” She snorts, and I giggle. “Speaking of your football man, what’s going on with you and the baby daddy?” She whispers the end as if Mia is listening to us in her little corner, but she’s very busy bouncing like a kangaroo in her baby bouncer as she slaps at all the buttons and knobs that make different sounds.

“He came over last night,” I admit.

Her eyes light up. “And?”

“And he spent the night.”

“And?”

I roll my eyes. “And he banged me like a screen door in a hurricane.”

“Yes!” She punches her fist into the air.

“And then this morning, he asked Mia and me to move in with him.”

Her jaw drops, and she’s at a loss for words. This girl is never at a loss for words. “Uh…what?”

I close my eyes as I nod. “Yep.”

“Whoa. Are you going to?”

I lean back in my desk chair as I glance up at her. “I have no idea. The question came totally out of left field, but at the same time, I didn’t say no. I mean…would it be nice not to have to pay rent? Certainly. But we’ve barely reconnected. I’m still working on trusting him. I’m still scared as hell.”

“Of course you are, babe. And that’s fine. But what if you let yourself be scared with him instead of without him?” she asks.

“I know. It’s just…it’s a really big step, and it felt like he was asking because he’s tired of missing time with Mia.”

“Did he say that?” she asks.

We both hear a loud moo from Mia’s bouncer.

“I mean, partly. But he assured me he wants me there, too. It’s not just about Mia, and I have to admit, he made me feel like he valued me this morning. He made me breakfast. He told me he wanted a more active role and didn’t want me to have to do all the work.” I shrug. “I don’t know. It seemed like he meant it. But I feel like I need a second to think it over, you know? So we had one great night. So he apologized to you two. How do I know he’s really changed and it’s not just an act to get between my legs again?” I lower my voice, too, even though there’s no way Mia would catch any of that over all the mooing in her corner.

“Has he ever made you feel that way?” she asks.

“Never,” I admit.

“Then do it. What do you have to lose?”

Only my heart.

I sigh. Maybe she’s right, but I don’t want to jump into this without thinking it through.

“My lease isn’t up for a while, so I have time to decide,” I say.

Ava sits across from me and studies me. “Do you want this?” she asks.

I glance down at my desk as I think over her question. I think about how hot last night was, but I think about before that, when he came over after his game because he seemed to want to celebrate the victory with me .

Now that is the kind of energy I’m looking for in a long-term relationship.

It’s confusing since we have a baby together, and I want to make sure I’m separating what I want as a mom from what I want as a woman.

Still, I think the answer is the same either way.

I want Austin Graham.

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“Then do it. And also, get started on those wreaths.”

I think through the task list she just assigned to me. It’s a lot to accomplish this week on top of caring for Mia, who’s already starting to fuss in the corner. And with the holidays approaching, it feels like everything just got ten times busier. So when the hell am I supposed to make these wreaths?

I’m committed, though. Ava already charged six people for them, and they don’t want to wait forever.

I guess if I pull late nights, I can get it done. It’s not work when it’s a hobby that I’m getting paid to do, but I can’t just invent hours out of thin air to get it all done.

I’m starting to feel like I need some help, but I don’t know where to turn. Maybe it’s time to take Austin up on his offer to pay for a nanny.

Jenny appears in the doorway. “Ava, we need you in the kitchen.”

“Be right there,” Ava says, smiling at her.

“I have to go, but I say go for it. All of it. The wreaths, Austin, the move. You only live once.”

“You’re right,” I admit. “But with everything going on right now, I think I should wait until after the holidays to move. I think I want to do it, though.”

“Atta girl,” she says with a triumphant grin.

“And if you know of anyone who could help out with Mia a few hours a day so I could get moving on the wreaths, let me know.”

“Are you kidding?” she asks, waving a hand in the air. “I know tons of people. We’ll get you the best of the best. Promise.” She knows how hesitant I’ve been to let anyone else care for my little one, but I have to face facts. I’ve had an entire year with her, and her schedule is changing as she grows.

I’ve never been very good at asking for help, but it’s time. “You’re the best, Ava. Love you forever.”

“Right back at you.”

She walks out of my office, and I can’t help but feel like a good chat with my best friend almost always solves my problems.