Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

W ild indeed. The Griswolds had better watch their backs. Aspen knew how to wield a hammer and a string of lights like no other man. Hot damn. She needed to change her panties already. In two hours’ time they had the entire place ready to roll with lights. Every column, railing, and bush would sparkle come nightfall. Which would be any time now and they still had a few things left to take care of.

Their little helpers, on the other hand, were another story. She smiled as the youngest pelted his older brother with a well-aimed snowball to the back of the head and suddenly felt a pang of nostalgia for her siblings.

In between hanging twinkle lights, the Howard kids took breaks to roll around in the snow and instigate more than one snowball fight. Her fingers were frozen, her nose beyond cold but she wouldn’t change it for anything.

Aspen’s words came back to her. He wanted babies. From the way his face lit up, he wanted multiple at that. He wanted to have a family with her and the idea caused a rise of emotions she didn’t know how to label. Watching him stuff every single drop of cum that slipped out of her this morning back in was the sexiest thing she’d ever seen. Getting pregnant hadn’t crossed her mind, but the idea of being round with his child didn’t exactly bother her. In fact, it warmed her heart. Having a family of her own had always been on the to-do list.

Snow fell as the early afternoon slipped into evening and darkness came fast in Dixen this far into the winter season. Gray skies darkened as the first signs of evening crested the horizon. Spirits were high as the women instructed the men on how straight, or rather crooked, the lights were as they perched on ladders. Whiskey, eggnog and apple cider came in no short supply from a hidden compartment in the refrigerator it seemed her gran forgot to mention. Thank goodness Mrs. Murphy knew exactly where to find the good stuff.

Ivy wondered what she must have put out into the universe to receive such blessings today.

Despite the cold everyone worked together, smiling and enjoying the time together.

To her surprise, even the indifferent teenagers set aside their phones and joined in helping the younger kids spread the star-shaped lights back over the bushes.

“Are you ready?” Aspen held up the business end of a bright orange cord that would feed power to the entire fenced-in area she liked to call Rocco -proofed. Or she hoped from now on anyway. This time she made sure to lock the gate and keep an eye out for her newly minted reindeer friend.

Maybe Jon had been right. Maybe the holidays did deserve another chance. Giving Lewis control over a holiday she grew up loving needed to end.

“Countdown please!” Ivy called out.

In chorus, they all started. “FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.”

A kaleidoscope of white lights mingled with colorful rays of red, blues, greens and yellows illuminated the intimate spot and glittered across the snow. She looked on for a few seconds more and welcomed the warm pair of arms that slipped around her. She leaned back into a broad chest and let all her troubles slide away, if only briefly.

“It’s beautiful, Aspen.” His smell was intoxicating and every damn minute she drew breath the more she needed him. He pulled away and stood beside her looking down as she turned to him.

“Not as beautiful as you, baby,” he whispered for her ears only.

She shivered. Not from the cold but the slow kisses he teased her neck with. Mrs. Howard and her husband stood off to the side in each other's arms. The Murphys and Wilbers the same. To have a love that lasted so long, that was truly something of a wonder. To know someone always had your back—would always be there for you.

Ivy’s lids slipped closed and for one second she wanted to believe in Christmas wishes. Her mind drifted to the ever powerful what-if questions that seemed to riddle her mind since stepping back into Dixen.

What if she’d never left, would he have left? Would she be happily married to Aspen? Would his brother still be alive? The questions went on and on like a mental Rolodex.

From beneath the curtain of her hair, she studied him as he studied the handiwork of his lights. Handsome, rugged most would say. Fighting fires wasn't always easy on the body. A few patches on his right hand proved that. She’d also noticed the calluses on his palms, from his year as a hotshot no doubt. They felt great against the body, but she was sure the work that put them there was intense. It had to have been a hard life. Exciting at times and adventurous, but hard nonetheless.

She pulled away and Aspen’s arm slipped from around her. All the dangerous questions and trail of thoughts wouldn’t do either of them any good. She wanted to ask questions she had no right to think, ask, or much less make a Christmas wish of.

“Aspen, I can’t do this.” She took a step back, hating the look of disappointment in his eyes as she shifted to face him. Crunching snow was the only sound between them for a few seconds. She saw the questions he wanted to ask in his expression without him needing to voice them.

“You feel it too, don’t you?” Rough and tight. She used to love the way his voice changed when they were alone. Now it reminded her of what she could have had if she’d stayed and married him instead of running off out of fear like an idiot. She thought wearing his ring would have tied her down. But she’d been young and ambitious with a plan and a scholarship.

“I know you feel what I feel. No more running, Ivy Sunday,” he growled, taking a step closer like he wanted to throw her over his shoulder if she dared try to run.

The look in his eye told her not to push him.

“You run, this time I'll catch you, and when I do, I’ll cuff you to my bed.”

Her face flushed.

“You like that idea don’t you, baby? Being tied to my bed. Think of all the dirty things I would do to that beautiful body.”

“No.”

“Liar.” he chuckled low. “Just like you craved all my cum this morning.”

She groaned and quivered in places she didn’t want to quiver. Her body definitely thought one thing and her brain another. Her heart wanted him, but she had a plan and not until less than twenty-four hours ago did anything ever involve Dixen, Alaska or a big dix man.

“Come here,” he purred using that same tone that broke down her defenses.

She cursed softly under her breath. “I’m sorry, Aspen. I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression. What I feel and what is right are two different things.”

“What I see is the woman I never forgot, never got over standing in front of me needing help. Look at me, Ivy Sunday.”

She raised her gaze to his.

“Don’t walk away this time.”

Her back went rigid. “I didn’t just walk away, Aspen. Besides, I think there’s a lot about both of us that has changed, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I get it you wanted the big city life and I was cool with staying right where we were. I didn’t make you as happy as you wanted back then, I get that. But don’t think for a second we aren’t perfect together.”

“Sex was never the problem. We were too young, too inexperienced back then and I got scared. I wanted to live life and...and?—”

“And what, baby girl? Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. Say what’s on your mind.”

“I fucked up, Aspen. I loved you and I walked away from that and I’m afraid there’s no way you can ever love me again. I almost married another man a month and a half ago. How could you ever want me now?”

She had no idea she had so much pent up until she spilled every last word between them.

Her confession had him burying his fingers in her hair and tilting her head up until their gazes locked.

“People change, Ivy Sunday, but not so much as to forget what—who—is important to them. You, your family, my family. All of you are important. You know that. A few years away won’t change that. The past is just that. When I was buried inside you this morning, I didn’t think for a second about what we had. All I could think about was what I felt for you. What I feel for you.” He reached between them and stroked a thumb down her cheek and she leaned into the warmth of his touch.

“Aspen,” she whispered, unable to hold back the slight shudder of anticipation his touch brought about.

“Come with me.”

She found herself reaching for his hand before she realized hers had already slid into his. “Where are we going?”

“Not too far. But you have to promise not to look.”

Aspen pulled her to walk in front of him and he slipped his hands over her eyes.

A warm laugh bubbled up and she grasped his hands and he pulled her snug against his front. Encased in his warm embrace again, a fire stirred in her. A fire that hungered for the safety he provided and made her feel.

“Whoa. Watch your step, sweetheart. There you go. One more. Okay. Now don’t peek.”

He’d walked them around the side of the house just out of sight of the back-kitchen window. She knew where they were, so what surprise did he have in mind?

The cold swirled around her the second he stepped away.

“Ahh. Naughty girl. No peeking.”

“Come on, you have me dying here. Hurry up.” She danced from foot to foot to work in some heat. Judging from the steps they’d climbed, she knew he led her to the gazebo that nestled the snow line of the property that hugged the lake. On snowy moonless nights like this one, you wouldn’t be able to see much past the frozen shores, if anything at all. What could he possibly want to show her?

“Forget all about the stress, the work, your gran, me. Everything.” Aspen strode up behind her again and gently rested his hands on her shoulders.

“Okay, now.”

Slowly she lifted her eyelids. She blinked several times.

She felt the second her mouth fell open. “Aspen, it’s beautiful!” She cupped her hands over her mouth. “When did you do this?”

Poinsettias rimmed the inside of the intimately-sized gazebo with more along the stairs. Lattice crisscrossed the side facing the house to create a cozy feeling while leaving the lakeside view wide open. During the summer miniature pink rose vines climbed one side of the trellis and gave off a beautiful floral aroma, but tonight only white lights shone in the rapidly dimming light.

Wrapped like ribbon, all six supporting posts twinkled with their lights that had not been there earlier. From above, icicle-style lights dripped from the eaves and in the middle of the gazebo was a pit for roasting hot dogs in the summer and s’mores in the winter. Aspen had taken the time to light a fire. For her. Had he also hung all the lights?

He pointed up to the criss-cross beams that supported the roof. Hundreds of lights dangled and wound around the richly-stained wood to create a twinkling starry night sky. The lights from the house barely broke through the darkness from here and allowed the lights to shine even brighter.

“Remember how we would lie here that summer and stare up at the night sky?”

“Before we finished the roof. I remember. We had so many plans. So many wishes. We were young and na?ve.”

“We were in love.”

“Were?” She rolled that around for a second before asking, “Do we ever stop loving someone?” The one question no one could have pulled from her twenty-four hours ago came out with so much ease she had to wonder what it was about Aspen that always made her feel she could ask anything in the world and he would be there to answer.

“Never,” she whispered. “I never stopped loving you.”

“This place is beautiful, Aspen.” She ran a hand along the lights, played with the soft petals, anything to keep her hands and eyes busy. “Where was I when you did all this? Imagine what you could do in an hour.”

“What happened between you and your fiancé?”

She knew the question would eventually come up but the delivery stung just the same.

She moved closer, wrapping her arms around herself.

“It was the little things at first, I suppose. Then it became a big thing. He was always busy trying to impress and grab the attention of the partners in his law firm. I was always away from home building my own business. While he strutted his feathers, he must have caught the eye of his partner’s daughter too. Or vice versa. Who knows? It just didn’t work out. And I got the boot on Thanksgiving night after cooking a meal for his family.”

Tears stung the back of her eyes and threatened to slip past her neatly-wrapped control. She slid into one of the three benches that lined the inside of the gazebo and Aspen joined her. “But that’s done and over with. Back to better topics.” She turned her attention to the gazebo and all the effort he’d put into helping her. “Thank you. Everyone has shown me so much kindness and I’m not sure I deserve it. I wanted out of here so fast I feel kinda like a heel now.”

Aspen turned to her, his attention so focused on her she didn’t know what to make of it at first. It had been so long since someone other than family cared enough to listen. Lewis couldn’t get past his own ambitions and ego to care for someone else.

“Look at me, Ivy Sunday.” Raspy with just enough inflection to command.

Her gaze sought his and she fell into his welcoming gaze and nearly melted like a snowflake enchanted by the allure of the flame.

“You deserve all the love and kindness in the world. You never tell anyone no, you work and find a way and you always have a smile on your face even when you’re feeling a little crazy inside.” He cupped her face between his hands. “Don’t ever believe otherwise.”

“How do you do that?”

He sat back a little at her question. “What?”

“Peel back the layers like an onion and delve right into the tender heart of things?”

“It’s easy when you know someone as well as I know you.”

“It’s been a long time, Aspen.”

“Was I wrong?”

He moved a large swap of hair to the side and leaned in to kiss the tender spot just below her ear. Her weakness and he knew it.

“No, but,” and then her words trailed off. All words lost.

“I have a confession,” he muffled against her skin. “Two years ago, the night your boyfriend proposed to you. I was there. Hand poised to knock on your door, ring in hand.”

Her heart stopped.

“Aspen? What are you talking about?”

He held a hand up. “Let me finish, baby. I finally had enough of living without you. I’d lost Jace and realized I didn’t want to live without you anymore. Kade was right. I should have come clean sooner, but this...”

She watched Aspen pull a box out of his pocket and took it from him.

“You’ve kept this all this time?”

He nodded, a grim look on his face.

She turned the box over in her hands. “How did you know Lewis was proposing?”

“I caught sight of the stupid bastard on one knee through the window. It took a lot of fucking control not to bust your door down, and steal you away.”

“But?” She could barely breathe.

He slashed a hand through his hair, a pissed off look taking over his expression. “You looked happy and I had no right in destroying that.”

He leaned in slowly and melted his lips over hers in a warm, heart-searing yet equally sweet kiss, and for those brief seconds everything around her went silent. And they were back on the football field, their first kiss and the same fireworks going off in her head.

Why did she have to like the feel of his lips against hers felt so damn perfect? Soft yet possessive. She pivoted her head and took the kiss deeper, unrushed.

“While I couldn’t barge into your life then, my sweet Ivy, I sure as hell can now. After this morning and after I fed that bare pussy my cum, you should know, I’m not going anywhere. No more playing the nice guy next door. I’m taking what I want and I want you.”

She slipped her hands through the lapels of his coat and wrapped her arms around his waist. His body heat enveloped her and she breathed in his “No, Aspen. You never were the nice boy next door. You were the bad boy in sheep's clothing and I fell for your lines and sweet smile. Time and time again.”

He leaned down, slid his hands down the curves of her ass and lifted.

She wrapped her legs around him, his cock already hardening between them.

“Be honest, has anyone else ever taken you bare, Ivy Sunday? That douche Lewis? I have no right to ask, but I need to know. Answer me and don’t lie. Have you let another man feed you their milk?”

“What?” she snapped, surprised. “Aspen, I’ve had sex in the last eight years.”

“Not my question.”

her shock faded and she could see the pain, the need to know shine back at her through his eyes. She swallowed hard. No, never.” She gazed back at him and let the truth of her words settle between them.

“Good, I was you first,” he drew out.

Her breath caught on a small laugh. “In more ways than one.”

And just like that, her heart fell for all those unspoken promises that hung between.