Chapter 6

chapter

six

Once the door shut behind them, Donovan set Hudson down and started pacing the length of the room. Rylan decided to give him time—he obviously needed a minute—and crossed to the coffee maker, starting a fresh brew as Donovan’s anxiety filled the small space.

When the coffee was done, Rylan filled two mugs. The strong, dark aroma helped clear his head a bit as he carried the steaming cups over to Donovan.

“Here,” he said, holding one out. “This always helps me think straighter. Now sit down before you pace a hole in my carpet and tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.“

“Who the fuck knows?”

“You do.” He held out the mug again. “Have some coffee and talk to me.”

After a second, Donovan accepted the mug with a tight smile, taking a long sip before sinking onto the couch. He ran a hand over his close-cropped hair. “I feel like a ticking bomb, Ry. Ever since the TBI, I don’t trust my brain. What if I black out while I’m alone with Hudson? Or have a seizure while I’m driving or… or lose control like my old man used to? What if I hurt him?”

Rylan settled into his chair, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. This he could handle. This is what he was good at— talking his team through their fears and doubts. “Okay, first off, we’ve talked about this before. You’re not your old man. You would never in a million years hurt that boy. The fact that you’re even worried about it shows how much you care. That right there makes you a good father.”

Donovan shook his head, his jaw clenched. “I forgot Hudson in the bath the other day. Just… forgot. Only for a minute, but it scared the hell out of me. What if next time I don’t remember? A good dad doesn’t put his kid in danger like that. I should’ve known I wasn’t ready to be alone with him yet. Sasha’s been so careful to make sure I always have backup in case my fucking brain glitches, but she had a dog come into the clinic needing emergency surgery, and I insisted I was fine to put him to bed. I just… I wanted to prove I could do it, you know?”

“You think any new parent feels one hundred percent ready and confident about being alone with their kid? They’re all just winging it, man. TBI or no TBI.”

Donovan stared into his coffee. “Most new parents don’t have to worry about their brain shorting out on them at any moment.” He sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging. “I just want to be the dad Hudson deserves.”

Rylan sat back in his chair and studied his friend. He knew exactly how Donovan felt—that crippling self-doubt, the fear that you were fundamentally broken. Hell, he battled those demons every damn day. But he also knew firsthand how powerful it could be to have someone believe in you when you couldn’t believe in yourself.

“Listen to me. You are not your TBI. It’s a part of you, yes, but it doesn’t define you. And it sure as hell doesn’t make you dangerous to your son. You’re already the dad Hudson deserves. I see it every time you’re with him. The way you light up, how careful and gentle you are. That boy is the center of your world.”

Donovan swallowed hard, his eyes glistening. “I’m just so damn scared of failing him. Of being... broken.”

“I understand that fear, but here’s the thing— Hudson doesn’t need you to be perfect. He just needs you to be there, loving him the best way you know how. And when the hard days come, when that self-doubt gets real loud, you lean on the people who care about you. Sasha, Zak, Anna, me— we’re all here to back you up. None of us are letting you do it alone.”

Donovan popped to his feet as Hudson crawled over to the bookshelf. He scooped the baby up before those chubby hands could reach for a book. “I know. I do. It’s just… hard to ask for help sometimes. Makes me feel weak.”

“It’s not weakness, Van. It’s strength. It takes a strong man to admit when he needs backup. And an even stronger one to actually ask for it.”

You should be asking for it, too. Take your own fucking advice, you coward. Open your mouth and tell Donovan you need help.

Rylan closed his eyes against that inner voice. This moment was not about his issues.

“Are you okay?” Donovan asked.

He opened his eyes to see the guy studying him with a worried frown. “Yeah.” He nodded and tried for a smile before taking a long drink of his coffee. “Just a headache. Have you talked to Sasha about any of this?”

Donovan bounced Hudson gently as he paced, avoiding Rylan’s gaze. “I mean, she knows about the bath incident. I wouldn’t keep something like that from her. But I tried to brush it off as no big deal, and, yeah, in hindsight, that wasn’t the right move. I didn’t want her to know how freaked out I am about it all.”

“What was her response?”

“It scared her. She’s barely let us both out of her sight since it happened. The only reason she’s not my shadow right now is she’d already volunteered to work at a free spay and neuter clinic. She couldn’t back out, so she made me promise to stay close to the rescue today. I hate that she has to worry about me on top of everything else.”

“I get that, man. But shutting her out isn’t going to help either of you. She’s your partner in this parenting thing. Let her share the load, even the ugly parts. Especially the ugly parts.”

Donovan was quiet for a long moment, absently rubbing Hudson’s back as the baby started to doze against his shoulder. Finally, he met Rylan’s gaze, his eyes full of raw emotion. “I hear you. It’s just... I don’t want her to think less of me, you know? Like I’m not capable of being the husband and father she needs me to be.”

Rylan stood and crossed to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Donovan, that woman loves you with everything she’s got. She married you knowing about the TBI, about all the challenges that might come with it. She’s not going to think less of you for being human and struggling sometimes. If anything, she’ll probably be relieved you’re opening up to her.”

Donovan looked down at Hudson, now sound asleep against his chest. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I just...” He blew out a breath. “I’ve been so determined to prove I can handle this, that I’m not damaged goods. Guess I lost sight of the fact that it’s okay to need help sometimes.”

Rylan squeezed his shoulder. “Happens to the best of us, brother. Lord knows I’ve been there. But you’ll get through this. And you’ve got a whole team of people ready to back you up whenever you need it.”

A small smile tugged at Donovan’s mouth. “Thanks, Ry. For the talk and the coffee. I, uh, I think I needed both today.”

“Anytime. My door’s always open. You know that.”

After Donovan left, Rylan sat at his desk for a long moment, soaking in the silence of his office until the pounding in his head became unbearable again. He yanked open the desk drawer and found a bottle of ibuprofen, shaking out a few pills and tossing them back with the last of his now cold coffee. He rubbed at his temples, willing the meds to kick in fast.

A knock at his door made him straighten in his seat and slam the drawer shut. “Come in.”

Zak poked his head in. “Hey, everyone’s in the command center if you’re ready.” His brow furrowed with concern when he got a load of Rylan’s haggard face. “Sure you’re okay?”

“Must be coming down with something.”

“Why don’t you go home?”

“Can’t.” He pushed out of the chair and followed Zak.

The command center was the heart of Redwood Coast Rescue. Sawyer’s bank of computers took up one wall, with various screens on another. Zak and Donovan both had desks, though they were rarely occupied. There was a pair of lumpy couches pushed against one wall that, more often than not, served as dog beds despite the actual dog beds scattered across the floor. Spirit and Ranger had already made themselves comfortable on one of them.

In the center of the room, a large table scattered with maps and notes served as their main gathering point. The rest of the team, including Zak’s wife, Anna, was already assembled around it when Rylan and Zak entered.

Zak didn’t give him time to gather his thoughts. “So, what’s this about?”

Jesus. How did he even start?

At the beginning, he supposed, but even that felt too difficult to broach. Finally, he decided just to spit it out.

“Izzy… showed up at my place this morning.”

At the mention of her name, every person in the room tightened up like they were expecting a fight.

Pierce scowled and signed, “What the fuck did she want?”

Of course Pierce was angry. He had every right to his anger. Izzy’s actions three months ago nearly killed both him and Rhiannon. She deserved all of his wrath and then some.

So why did Rylan feel like he had to defend her?

He held up a hand. “I know how you feel about her. Believe me, I get it. But she came to me for help. A friend of hers has a couple of kids that went missing last night. Grace and Noah Holt. A teenage girl and preteen boy.“

Zak kicked back in the chair behind his desk, a thoughtful frown on his face. “We haven’t heard anything about missing kids…” He looked over at Sawyer for confirmation. “Have we?”

Sawyer spun away from his computer. “Not a peep from local or state police.”

“She hasn’t gone to the police. The mother,” Rylan clarified. “Monica Holt. Izzy was adamant she didn’t want the police involved.”

“Well, that’s not suspicious at all,” Sawyer muttered and faced his keyboard again, sliding one side of his headphones over his ear. “What did you say the mom’s name is? Monica Holt?”

Rylan nodded but then remembered Sawyer couldn’t see him and added, “Yes, and her kids are Grace and Noah Holt.”

“On it,” Sawyer said, his fingers already flying over the keys as he started digging into the Holt family.

“Why didn’t the mom go to the police?” Anna asked from her perch on the arm of Zak’s chair. “If my kids were missing, that’d be my first stop.”

“Not everyone trusts cops,” Donovan said. “If I’m honest, calling them wouldn’t be my first instinct either.”

“Nor mine,” Pierce signed.

“Only because you both have bad histories with authority figures,” Rylan said.

“And maybe this Monica woman does, too.” Donovan looked over at Sawyer. “Anything on her?”

“Nah, she’s clean.” Sawyer sent the results of his search to one of the big screens on the wall. Monica Holt’s driver’s license filled the screen, showing a blonde woman in her early thirties with weary eyes. Next to her photo, a list of facts appeared—address, phone number, and employer information. “Nothing other than a couple of parking tickets. Lives in Sacramento, works for the California Attorney General’s office.”

“She’s a lawyer?” Ellie Summers spoke up from her seat cross-legged on the floor next to her SAR dog in training, Puzzle. She was half-heartedly trying to tug an old sock from his mouth. “Maybe she’s made enemies through her work. I know Cal has had clients threaten him in the past.” She finally pried the sock from her puppy’s mouth and winced. “He says it’s a hazard of the job because not everyone likes lawyers.”

“He’s the only lawyer I like,” Zak said. “And even then, I only like him about fifty percent of the time.”

“I won’t tell him you said that. It’ll hurt his feelings.”

“Doubt it has anything to do with her job,” Sawyer said, steering the conversation back to the matter at hand. “She’s a paralegal, and she isn’t involved in any high-profile criminal cases or anything like that. She’s employed by the Tort and Condemnation Section, handling civil cases. The kids are squeaky clean, too. Honor roll, sports, no juvenile records. They look like your typical all-American family.”

Before anyone else could speak, Shane shifted in his chair. “I saw them,” he said, his deep voice cutting through the room.

Everyone turned to him.

“Last night,” Shane continued. “I was on the road, heading home from here. Their car pulled over, and I stopped to check on them.”

“You’re sure it was them?” Rylan asked, motioning to the pictures of the kids on the screen.

“Yeah. They asked for directions to Whispering Pines. They looked scared.”

“Did they say what spooked them?”

Shane’s lips twisted into a self-deprecating smile as he motioned to his scarred face. “Pretty sure I did. If I was a teenager, I’d be pretty fucking freaked out if someone with Freddy Krueger’s face popped out of the woods on a dark road.”

“What time was this?” Zak asked.

“Around 10:30 last night. They were in an older model blue Honda Civic, headed north on Bear Gulch Road. They were spooked, so I followed at a distance to make sure they got to the resort. Once I knew they were safely in their cabin, I went home.”

“All right, so we have two missing kids who were last seen heading to a remote cabin in the woods, a mother who refuses to go to the cops, and Izzy convinced they’ve been abducted.” Zak ticked off the points on his fingers. “Not exactly a lot to go on.”

“But enough to know something isn’t right,” Anna said. “Those kids could be in real trouble.”

Zak sighed heavily, rubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t like this. Going behind Ash’s back…”

Anna poked him in the ribs. “Since when do you care about pissing my brother off?”

“Pissing him off is my favorite hobby,” Zak said with a smirk that faded fast. “But this feels wrong. If we’re seriously considering taking this on, he needs to be looped in.”

Rylan understood Zak’s reservations. Hell, he shared them. But...

“We may not have that luxury. Izzy was adamant about keeping this quiet because the mother was so terrified about involving the cops. If we go to Ash, and he launches an official investigation, it could spook whoever has the kids. If someone has the kids. They could just be lost in the woods near the cabin, but do we want to take that risk?”

“And if we don’t go to Ash and something happens to those kids on our watch? While we’re operating in his jurisdiction without his knowledge or approval?” Zak shook his head. “I don’t like those odds either.”

Rylan scrubbed a hand over his face, the pressure in his head reaching a crescendo. He understood Zak’s point, he really did. Ash was the sheriff and a good man. Going behind his back felt all kinds of wrong.

But those kids... If Izzy was right and they’d been taken, every second counted. They couldn’t afford to waste time navigating jurisdictional red tape or Ash’s suspicions about Izzy’s motives. Not when Grace and Noah’s lives could be on the line.

“Look,” he said finally, meeting Zak’s conflicted gaze. “I hear you. I don’t like keeping Ash in the dark, either. And if we had more to go on, I’d be the first one in his office. But right now, all we’ve got is a hunch and a ticking clock. We’re the only ones who even know they’re missing. If we don’t act now, we could lose precious time. Time they might not have.”

Zak’s jaw clenched as he stared Rylan down, a battle raging behind his dark eyes. Finally, he blew out a harsh breath. “Fuck. I don’t like this. At all. But you’re right. If those kids are in trouble, we can’t sit on our hands and wait for official channels to do their thing.” He pushed to his feet, his expression hardening with resolve. “Sawyer, keep digging into the Holts. I want to know everything about them— their routines, their friends, any potential enemies. The rest of you, gear up. We’re heading out to Whispering Pines.”