Sean Chapter 3- Four-and-a-Half Years Ago

As Cassidy slept, I thought back to when it all had come full circle for us. It was hard to believe it had only been four-and-a-half years. I shuddered as I recalled how close I came to missing out on this. My damn hardheadedness was almost my undoing. I’d been so damn adamant that I had to remain a brother to her rather than a lover that I damn near destroyed us and our chance at happiness. I loved her and our children more than anything in the world. I might not have met Nash yet, but I instantly fell in love with him the moment she told me she was pregnant again.

Looking back with a clear head, I knew I began to acknowledge Cassidy was a woman when she turned eighteen, but I didn’t want to. I fought against it. Hell, even when she was sixteen, there was no denying she was almost one. I kept telling myself she was a girl and nothing more than a sister. I dated and fucked women in countless attempts to kill the feelings I had growing for her. I kept telling myself my feelings for her weren’t right. Adam and Mark trusted me to be there for her as a brother and friend, not her lover. When they died, I told myself they’d come back to haunt me if I tried anything. That thinking caused me to remain in my hell, and I watched as she went on with her life and dated other men. I wanted to kill every single one of them.

Things were never the same after we lost Adam. It steadily grew worse until we lost Mark. His death gutted us all. We were in agony when he was presumed dead in that plane crash. We contemplated selling the business because the thought of carrying on with it without him didn’t sit right. I wanted to comfort Cassidy in every way imaginable, but I kept telling myself it was wrong. If only I’d told Mark what I felt for her before he died and had gotten his blessing, then things might’ve been different.

One of the largest daggers to my heart during that time was I suspected she loved me. I saw how she cared for me and looked at me when she thought I wasn’t looking. Griff and Gabe told me she did. They demanded I stop being foolish and tell her. I didn’t. Not even after the three of us found out a year after his supposed death that Mark was alive and working undercover to take down one of the largest outlaw motorcycle clubs in the country. For the next couple of years, I used the excuse that I didn’t want to endanger him by diverting his attention by telling him of my feelings for his sister. As if that wasn’t enough, I was lying to her about him being dead. I feared what she’d say and do when she found out.

It all came to a head on that fateful mission we ran with the Warriors MC in Dublin Falls—one I had been determined Cassidy wouldn’t participate in. After Adam’s and Mark’s deaths, we stopped using her for missions we felt were too high-risk. The reason was simple—we couldn’t risk losing her, too. If she got hurt or killed, it would be the end of the three of us, especially me.

In true Cassidy fashion, she thumbed her nose at us and went to work with another agency that did work kinda along the lines of what we did, but not the covert military missions we did for Anderson and others. It could still be dangerous. We tried to get her to quit. We even tried to force the other company to fire her, but they refused. Having to allow her to join us on the Warriors’ mission to take down the traffickers selling women in the Middle East had terrified me. But we had no choice. The operative we planned to use was unavailable. She’d broken her leg.

After we got to the Warriors’ compound, my feelings had to be glossed over, although not forgotten. I fought hard not to lose my mind and inflict damage when I had to watch several bikers watch her with interest in their eyes. Who could blame them? She was sexy, drop-dead lovely, and damn intelligent. Any man would be blessed to have her as his. As if seeing multiple guys eyeing her wasn’t enough for my tattered restraint, I had to watch her laughing and spending time with one of them over the others. She was smiling, joking, and hanging out with Falcon.

One night in particular came to mind. We’d gotten into it several times at the Warriors’ compound. I’d verbally attacked her about Falcon and what she was doing with him and possibly others, to no avail. I was so crazy jealous, and afraid that I went too far. And I discovered I had when she let me have it. Words had been exchanged at the shooting range earlier that day. It was nighttime, and I was itching to fight and force Cassidy to stop being with him. Hell, to this day, I still don’t know what I was thinking when I did what I did.

As usual, the club bunnies would arrive late at night after the children and most old ladies had left. In the past, I’d seen how it worked. I’d even contemplated going there before. This visit, despite what it might look like, I didn’t sleep with any of them. I was over trying to use other women to forget my desire for Cassidy. Christ, I couldn’t recall a woman I had slept with since finally acknowledging Cassidy held my heart, who didn’t make me sick to my stomach to kiss and have sex with. I kept up a good front, but it had been ages since I’d slept with someone. My hand was my only sexual partner. By that point, I was almost sure I’d die alone. I couldn’t have her, so what was the point?

I wanted to scream when I saw Josie coming toward me. She wore a determined look. When that determined bunny reached me, she wrapped an arm around my waist, hugged me close, and pressed her tits into my arm. If she thought it would tempt me, she was wrong. I should’ve left before they came.

However, at that moment, I was hit with a foolish idea. One that would use Josie to make Cassidy jealous and declare that she wanted me, not Falcon or any of the other Warriors. Even if we couldn’t be together, I didn’t want her with anyone else. I know. It was twisted logic. The idea flickered to life within seconds, and then I acted. I quickly glanced over to see if Cass was watching. She was, and she wasn’t happy. I looked back at Josie, wrapped my arm around her, and leaned down to whisper in her ear. I ensured I was smiling, although I only asked her, “What do you think you’re doing, touching me?”

Loud gasps made me look over at Cass. When I did, absolute fury hit me. Falcon had her plastered to him, and he kissed her like he was starving. To make matters worse, Cassidy was kissing him back. A growl slipped out of me. Griffin and Gabe moved closer to me. I noted it on a very distant level. I was about to go across the room and tear that fucker’s head off when they stopped kissing.

Cass looked over at me, smiled, and then waved. Falcon laughed, took her hand, and began to head for the hall where his room was. What broke my restraint was when he put his hand on her plump ass and squeezed it. I pushed Josie away and went after them. Gabe and Griff grabbed me, but I shook them off. Catching up to them, I grabbed Falcon by the shoulder and spun him around to face me.

“Get your fucking hands off her, Falcon,” I growled before looking at her. “Why in the hell are you acting like this, Cass? You’re acting like a pissed teenager trying to get back at a parent. Sleeping with him doesn’t prove anything other than you’re acting like a slut.”

More gasps were heard around the room. I wanted to groan. I knew I said the wrong thing. No one would ever accuse Cassidy of being a slut. Shut up, stupid! I lectured myself to no avail.

Cassidy’s face flushed with anger. “Look who’s calling someone a slut. How many of the bunnies have you banged here, Sean? Don’t you ever call me a slut. I don’t sleep around just to get off, unlike you and most guys. My relationship with Falcon isn’t any of your business. I can spend time with him or anyone else in whatever capacity I deem appropriate. That includes fucking them. I’ve had enough of this shit. You’ve made it abundantly clear that you want me to stay away.”

I felt sick seeing the tears in her eyes. Before I could say anything, she continued. “I get it. You don’t like me or want me. You feel responsible for me because Mark asked you to watch out for me. Well, I’m over it, and you. You’ll be glad to hear that it will no longer be necessary or even possible. As soon as this mission ends, I’m moving the hell out of Virginia. I’m going somewhere you can’t drop in any time you please. You’re a hypocrite, Sean. You don’t live life. You close yourself off. I’ve been waiting for you to admit you had feelings for me all these years. You refuse, going so far as to throw other women in my face. No more. How does it feel? Oh, and for your information, I haven’t slept with Falcon, but that changes tonight! Goodnight, Sean.”

She turned her back on me, and Falcon smirked and went with her. I was frozen, trying to digest what she said, but their walking off rattled me into responding. I tried to go after them, but the others stopped me. I had no choice but to shout after them.

“Cass, don’t you dare fucking sleep with him! That’s just spiteful.”

“That’s rich coming from Mr. Spiteful himself. Fuck you, Sean. I’m done. Once we’re done with this, stay away. I don’t want to see you again.”

I roared out my pain as they disappeared down the hallway and stormed outside. I knew if I stayed, I’d kill him. I spent hours that night walking, driving around in the dark, and working through my thoughts. In the end, I knew I only had myself to blame for her sleeping with him. I pushed her away one time too many. Despite how it gutted me to know he had her, I knew I’d do anything to make her stay in Virginia and work out our differences. I resolved to start on it the following day.

Only she made sure to keep us from being alone for the remainder of our time at the compound. It was god-awful when Everly and she allowed themselves to be taken at that Gala. Spending the subsequent days biding our time, not knowing what might be happening to her and Everly had cut even deeper. I lived in absolute terror. There was no guarantee they wouldn’t be raped or killed. Just because the rumor was they didn’t touch the women they took due to greed and desire to get the best price, there was no assurance it wouldn’t happen. Even when we got ears inside, and we were outside, it wasn’t enough. Smoke and I were miserable together.

I knew I was done when we stormed that building after the auction to rescue them and the other women being held there. There would be no more running from or denying my feelings. I loved Cassidy and would do everything I could to make her mine. I had a shit ton to make up for. I didn’t care how long it took. I’d find a way to make it up to her and win back her love.

I kept telling myself she still loved me. That Falcon was merely a fling and her way of hurting me. That was the plan, but Cassidy wasn’t cooperating at all. Man, she’d fought me tooth and nail to remove me from her life. Recalling the return trip and the subsequent disappearing act she pulled, I slid further into my memories as she rested.

We rode back together to Hampton. It was where we all lived and where the office of the Dark Patriots was located. It was just over five hundred miles, so it was a good eight hours of driving without stops to gas up, grab something to eat, or take bathroom breaks. She sat in the backseat, staring out the window. I was with her. Griff and Gabe kept jerking their heads and glancing toward her from the front seat. It was clear they wanted me to talk to her.

“Nice job on the mission. You and Everly did great. It seemed like you two made a friend with Bryony. I sure hope she and those other women get the help they need. I wouldn’t wish what they went through on anyone,” I told her. She barely glanced at me, shrugged, and went back to staring out her window.

“Cass, I know you must be tired after all that. Why don’t you snuggle in and take a nap? Use Sean’s lap as a pillow. We’ve got a few hours before we have to stop. You barely slept in there, although who could blame you,” Griffin suggested.

“I’m fine, Griff. I don’t need to sleep. I have so much to think about and organize in my head. All I’d do is dream and drift. I’ll sleep later once I’m home.”

“What are you thinking about?” Griff asked.

“What do you need to organize?” Gabe asked at the same time. I waited impatiently to hear her answer.

“My life. It’s time I figure out where I want to live. Dad’s house needs to be sold, and I need to pack. Oh, and I have to talk to my bosses to see if they’re alright with me working from a different state. I don’t see why not. Others do it.”

“What the hell do you mean? Figure out where you want to live! You love your house. Jesus Christ, what’s gotten into you?” Gabe asked incredulously.

“As long as I hang onto memories and silly dreams that will never come true, I’ll never be happy. I talked to Everly and made the decision. I need a clean break. Selling and moving will help with that.”

Gabe whipped the car off the road onto the berm and came to a hard stop. He threw the gearshift into park and then spun partway around to stare at her in shock and anger. Griff was doing the same.

“You leaving your family and everything familiar isn’t the answer. If you’re unhappy, figure out why and change it.” He sneaked a peek at me.

“I can’t breathe. You guys try to dictate my life, both personal and professional. I can’t even work at your company because you refuse to use my talents. You want me to sit on my ass in the office all day. That’s not me. I know Mark and Dad asked you to look out for me, and I appreciate it. But I’m grown up. I can take care of myself. I’m twenty-five years old. It’s time to have fun and go wild. In a few years, if things work out, I might settle down and have a family. To be able to do that, I can’t be near you guys.”

Her remarks about having fun and going wild made my head pound. All I could imagine was her in bed with Falcon or some other faceless man. Make that several faceless men. “You’re not leaving Virginia,” I stated loudly.

“Where are you planning to go?” Griff asked.

“I’m not sure. I thought of California, Texas, or who knows. I’ll have to do some research.”

“How are we supposed to see you if you’re that far away?” Gabe asked.

“That’s the beauty of it. You can’t. I’m done living this life. You’ve all fulfilled your promise to my brother and dad. You protected me. I can take it from here.”

Her jaw was set determinedly. I reached out and captured one of her hands. She tried to pull it away, but I held tight. “Cassidy, you’re not leaving your home. You’re tired and not thinking clearly. Let’s just get you home and rested, and then you and I need to talk.”

She studied me, then shook her head and turned back to the window. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but as the miles sped by, I continued to organize what I would say to her as soon as she recovered from the ordeal. I’d give her time to get over it, and then we’d sit down and talk. I tried to hang onto her hand, but she eventually yanked it free. I felt cold inside as we got closer to Hampton.

???

After getting back to Hampton and Dark Patriots headquarters, we were hit with a ton of things that needed to be taken care of right away. Not only were we still cleaning up the human trafficking mess, but we also had numerous other projects and missions requiring our attention. The three of us worked with many of our staff from six in the morning to midnight. They didn’t mind receiving overtime.

I was desperate to talk to Cassidy about her moving and us. I had to make her see that we were meant for each other. I was done denying I loved her and knew she loved me. I might’ve battered her love some, but I refused to believe it had died. She was hurt and lashing out. I couldn’t blame her. However, all attempts in the short breaks in my hectic schedule to get her to come and see me were shot down. She always had an excuse. Most of them pertained to her job. She was working on several assignments. If it wasn’t that, she claimed to be too exhausted to meet. Like an idiot, I let her slide.

It had been two weeks, and there was light at the end of our relentless work schedule. I was taking time for myself this afternoon, and I knew exactly what I would do with it. I’d told Griff and Gabe I was going to see Cassidy. Recalling their response, I rolled my eyes. Facing my brothers across my desk, I told them I would be unavailable unless it were an emergency.

“I’m headed out in about an hour. I won’t be back today. If an emergency happens, call me. Otherwise, I’m unavailable.”

“Oh yeah, where are you headed?” Gabe asked.

“I’m headed over to see Cassidy. She and I need to talk.”

“Are you planning to lecture her, or are you finally getting your head out of your ass and manning up?” Gabe asked.

“What do you mean, manning up?”

“You know what he means. Christ, Sean, we’re your best friends and brothers, but you’ve fucked around long enough. If you don’t tell Cass how you feel about her and want to be with her, you’ll lose her for good. You saw her in Dublin Falls. She’s at the breaking point. You heard her talk about moving and selling the house. I’m scared to death we’ll never see her again. Mark is depending on us to keep an eye on her,” he hissed. The three of us were still the only ones who knew he was alive. This MC case was dragging on way too long.

“I know all that. And yes, I will tell her I love her and can’t live without her. She wants out of that house. She can move in with me. I want her to wear my rings and sleep in my bed every night. No one can love or protect her like I can,” I declared.

“Thank God! It’s about time. I thought Gabe and I would end up kidnapping the two of you and locking you up until you both came to your senses. Don’t just stand there. Go. Get on your knees and beg that woman to put us all out of our misery,” Griff exclaimed.

I stood up. “Good luck,” Gabe said. Giving them both a chin lift, I didn’t waste time getting to the garage or in my car. The drive to her house, the one she grew up in, seemed to be twice as long.

An eerie feeling hit my gut when I pulled up to the house. It was the middle of the day. Most of her neighbors would still be at work. Margie, our receptionist slash assistant, told me Cass worked from home today. The garage was closed. The street was abnormally quiet. Getting out, I went to the front door and knocked. When I got no answer, I rang the doorbell and knocked again—still nothing. Making a decision, I took out my keys. Gabe, Griff, and I had a key to the house, just as Mark and Cass had them to our homes. Unlocking it, I walked inside, calling her name.

“Cassidy, it’s Sean. Where are you? We need to talk, babe. It’s past time.”

The silence was all I got in return. Shutting the door, I rushed from room to room. Nothing. It wasn’t until I got to her bedroom that I knew how badly I’d fucked up. Her dresser drawers were pulled out, and the closet doors hung open. They were bare. She was gone. Fuck! Now, to find her. Back to Dark Patriots to find my woman and bring her home.