Chapter 19

The Spit wasn’t far from the main island, but Morgan found the distance passing incredibly slowly. Was it because the waves were choppy, interfering with his pulling? Or was it because he had all the energy of a slug when it came to bidding his beloved goodbye?

Just thinking about it made him want to duck his head under the water and keep it there until he couldn’t bear the lack of air anymore, but he didn’t have time for that. They needed to be out of sight when the chief got to the beach because things would go poorly if Sariel came after them. For all that he was practically bedridden now, he had been their clan’s greatest fighter in his youth, and Morgan was sure he hadn’t lost all his ability. He would never bet on himself in a fight between them, and neither would anyone else. If Garen had to go to battle yet again with another member of their families …

No. Just no. It would be so dangerous for Auban too. So Morgan got into a rhythm and tugged, breathed, tugged, breathed, tugged … and his belly finally hit sand. He crawled up onto the beach, tugging the boat with his snout. After a moment, Auban got out and helped him draw the canoe up onto the Spit, a quarter-mile stretch of barren rock and sand with only a few low shrubs and boulders as windbreaks.

This place is miserable.Auban couldn’t stay here long, he would be blown away. But the seas were already so rough … how would he possibly make it farther south, to calmer seas and welcoming isles, without sinking?

Morgan transformed and began talking immediately, unable to hold his babble in. “What if I visited you every day here during the winter?” he asked. “To bring you fresh supplies and make sure you’re all right, and that you’ve got driftwood to burn and fish to eat?”

“Morgan …”

“It wouldn’t be nice, I know it wouldn’t, but I could make this place better for you. Just until spring, when the seas calm again, and you can go south while the cod come north.”

Auban came over to him and took his hands. “My darling. I can’t stay.”

Morgan whimpered. He hated the way he sounded, hated the way his face had to look based on how it made Auban’s fall even further, and tucked his head against Auban’s collarbone to hide. “What if the boat capsizes?” he asked breathlessly.

“Then I’ll right it.”

“What if you can’t? What if you’re too cold?”

Auban pressed a kiss to Morgan’s head. “I don’t get very cold. Not yet at least.”

That was true—he’d been able to survive with a seaweed blanket for weeks before Morgan managed to steal his first piece of cloth. But still … “Water coldness is different. It seeps into your bones, and the wind will drive it there to stay. If you fall in, you might never get out again.”

“I will take that chance.”

“I don’t want you to have to!”

“I know.” Auban raised Morgan’s head and pressed a gentle kiss to his brow. “I know you don’t; I know you want to take care of me. You’ve done such a good job, my love. But if I want to take care of you in return, I have to leave. Your people will never accept me or you if I stay.”

“Maybe that doesn’t matter. What if I …” Morgan swallowed hard. “What if I went with you? I could conceal myself in the water, swim along until I knew you were going to be found, or that you had arrived at a place that would welcome you.”

“No.” Auban shook his head immediately. “That would be too dangerous for you. I don’t know why we humans acted the way we did against the Agnarra, but if your differences inspired enough of us to try and kill your entire clan, I can’t imagine them finding out about just one of you would be any better.”

“But—”

“Darling, please. For my heart’s sake, don’t ask me.” Auban squeezed his eyes shut. “Because the truth is, I want to say yes, so badly it hurts. I want to keep you as close to me as possible for as long as I can, and even then I entertain the notion of living by the sea in a place where you could visit me, or even stay, and …”

“Yes!” Morgan’s heart rose at the thought. “Yes, surely there must be places such as that. Somewhere we could truly be together, where—”

“Morgan.” Auban’s hands stroked down his damp, dark-green hair. “It would never work. You’re seamarked, beloved, and all who set eyes on you would know your true form immediately. They would come to kill you or find another use for you, and I would never be able to forgive myself for making you give up your home and your family to come with me only to find bondage or death. So please, please, don’t ask. I can’t think about it, because I want it too badly. It”s just too tempting and too dangerous.”

“It’s not fair.” Morgan had never felt that the world was less fair in all his life, even when he lost his parents. Then he’d been a child, unable to understand the violence that had found them. Brevaer had taken on the brunt of the emotional load, taken the anger and helplessness and responsibility of looking after his sibling while Morgan had simply floundered into a new world like the rest of the young ones, confused but more resilient than their elders. But now … now he felt with the heart of a grown man, knew what it was to have a mate, a person who meant more to him than his own life. Unfortunately, that meant acknowledging that his mate was entitled to feel the same about him.

“I just found you,” he went on. “And I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I know now I could never have stopped it.”

“I feel the same for you,” Auban said, still stroking his hair as his eyes drank in the sight of Morgan’s face. “I wondered for a bit if I was being unfaithful to someone in my old life by falling for you so completely. I remember so little about my life before, but I know I would remember loving another person like this. The mind might lose its way, but the heart does not forget.”

Morgan smiled mirthlessly. “Then we acknowledge that we’re in love, and that we have no hope. Wonderful. Now all that’s left to do is …” Leave, he should say, and then he should do it, but he couldn’t. Not yet. “Auban.” He slid in closer, held his beloved tighter. “You can’t leave here until tomorrow morning.”

“Hmm, not with the waves like this,” Auban agreed, turning his face for a moment to stare at the sea. Morgan nosed the smooth skin along his cheekbone, then gently licked his earlobe. Auban’s breath caught abruptly in his chest, and Morgan actually found himself smiling.

“Then I think we should make the most of the time we can have together tonight.”

“Morgan …” Auban stared at him, pale-blue eyes hungry in a way Morgan hadn’t seen before. “I … promised your brother I would send you back,” he said, but it was a weak protest at best.

“I will go back,” Morgan promised. “After I’ve felt your body on mine, in mine. We have this one night to be together, Auban.” He gathered his courage and tilted his hips, pressing his growing erection against Auban’s groin. The answering hardness he felt there was very encouraging. “Let’s not waste it.”

“Beloved …” Auban’s mouth was on his a moment later, and Morgan almost fell right off his feet. This was nothing like the slow, sensual kiss they’d shared earlier. This was tense, hungry, devouring, and Morgan answered in kind. His lips were clumsy but eager, his tongue unsure until Auban guided him into a rhythm of push and pull, and then—

Then they were falling to their knees together, always together every step of the way, and Morgan gave his heart leave to soar.

If this was the only chance he was going to have to know Auban as a mate, then he was going to make the most of it.