Chapter 12

CHAPTER

TWELVE

MARY

I use the Wi-Fi during the flight to watch Maddie Maddox's latest video. This morning, I woke to a flood of social media messages, way more than usual. People from school and the motel were asking if I knew anything about the fight Rust was in. The fight? Then I saw the footage and that Rust had officially released a public statement.

I was jogging in the city as I often do. I heard screaming. I attempted to intervene when I saw a man aggressively grappling with a woman. He punched me. We fought. His friends got involved. I fought them, too. Nobody was seriously injured .

He looks wild in the video, flurrying into his strikes, springing up like a man half his weight. Maddie has made two videos today. The first is about her wild partying night in the city. The second is a confessional-type video titled What Rust Hadley Isn't Telling You .

Brad sleeps beside me, wearing an eye mask, but I keep glancing at him anyway. It's not like it would matter if Brad caught me watching this. Naturally, I'd be interested, but anything Rust-related makes me want to burst with nerves.

Maddox is a stylish woman sitting in an elegant hipster apartment with high lofts and light coming in through oversized windows. She's thin, blond, and has a cool snake tattoo going up one arm, somehow making tucking her hair behind her ear look sophisticated.

"Okay, so I have to be upfront about something," she says. "Rust was not there by coincidence. The truth is, Rust and I… Well, we've been wanting to keep it quiet, but we've been on and off for years. I won't lie. I'm the one who's wanted to get more serious, but Rust is always so focused on his career. It broke something in me when he released that statement, making it sound like we were strangers . So, I had to set the record straight. Can you blame me?"

For the rest of the video, she goes into more detail about the party that led up to the fight. She doesn't speak about Rust again except at the end, when she gets this dreamy look in her eyes, a look that makes me want to slap her in the face, honestly.

"I just wish he could be like he is in private with me. So sweet. So loving. So mine ."

The video ends, and I almost hurl. I take off my headphones and squeeze my hands together just to feel the pressure, a vain attempt to distract myself from the pain. Is it true? It makes more sense than the idea that Rust just happened to be jogging by. But he does run at night. Brad's mentioned it before. He used to as a kid, anyway. I once saw him outside the window when I couldn't sleep. I was so young. I was sure it was Rust. I wanted to yell, but I was too afraid of waking everyone.

Did Rust lie to me? He said he was a virgin, but he led the way so easily. I feel like an idiot, next-level gullible, but it's not like I even have any right to care. If anything, I should want this. I should want something between us, making it even more impossible.

Brad wakes, yawning. "Any news?"

"Um…" I almost don't want to tell him. He'll hear the hitch in my voice, the pain. "Maddie Maddox has said that Rust wasn't there by accident. They've been on and off for years, apparently."

"That's a lie," Brad says instantly.

"How do you know?"

"He would've told me," Brad says, with so much confidence it breaks my heart.

"How do you know he would've told you?" I snap. "Everybody has secrets," I add, and don't I know it.

"Something this big?" Brad says. "One hundred percent, I'd know by now. If he had a girlfriend he'd been seeing for years? We're like brothers, Mary."

Ew, ew, ew. No. I almost vomit just hearing him say that. There's no way he can talk like that anymore. He doesn't have the… the what? The right ? I need to get a serious grip if I think he doesn't have the right to talk about Rust however he wants.

"Maybe he's kept it to himself. People do that, even with their closest friends."

"So you keep secrets from Chrissy, do you?" he says as if thinking he's caught me out.

As far as anybody knows, as far as anybody can tell, Chrissy and I share everything. Yet she doesn't know about Mom's videos. She doesn't know about the crush. There are some things I could never talk about.

I don't want to keep arguing this. It was a silly point to get behind anyway, as if convincing Brad that Rust is a liar could be a positive for me at all. It's just silly. I don't want Brad to doubt him. It makes lying to my brother easier. God, what a mess.

After we land, I spend an hour "resting" in my room next to Brad's. I have my headphones in, watching the video of Mom. She tosses her hair, and, hatefully, it makes me think of Maddox. "If you ever feel like the world is closing in on you, if you ever feel lost, just remember, dear, I am here . I will always be here with you. Watching you."

I've never noticed it on that part before, but the " watching you" seems somehow sinister, almost like a threat. I should pray and beg for even thinking something so wicked, but I can't ignore it. Instead, I click off and go to Maddie's social media pages. Say what you want, haters, but it's true. Rust is just another man who broke a girl's heart and thinks he'll get away with it .

I wish Rust were here, but no, not with Brad next door. I wish it were that night again, the one inked into my shoulder, burned into my skin. I'd ask him right after we had sex. I'd demand to know if he's ever done that before, but he would probably lie again if he lied already.

Lots of people are calling Maddie a liar, but a few people are agreeing with her. I need to know, but, at the same time, it can't matter to me. Rust said we could never be in the same room again, and now we're going to surprise him? Should I message him ahead of time?

A knock at my door breaks me out of my thoughts. I sit up and call over. "Yeah?"

"It's me," Brad says. "Are you ready?"

Ah crap, I completely forgot. Brad sounds so excited . He thinks this is going to be a good thing. He thinks Rust will be happy to see us, in his own way, at least, but I know the truth. I know how badly this is going to go. We shouldn't do it. We should stop now, but what excuse can I give?

"I need ten minutes. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, ten minutes, okay."

He sounds impatient. I have no time for a proper shower or to fix my hair. I splash myself with water and tie my hair up, not bothering with makeup. I put on a hoodie and thick blue jeans. It's not like hiding myself worked last time. Three long weeks ago. I need to find time to get a pregnancy test. My thoughts won't stop skipping, torturing. I need everything to slow down.

"Are you ready?" Brad asks ten minutes later, with another knock.

There is no slowing down. "Yeah."