Chapter 4

May stared in dismay at the long line of a fresh cut on her forearm. She knew it must have happened when the guards tried to stop her from escaping, but she hadn’t felt it then. In fact, she hadn’t noticed it at all until she’d undressed to enjoy the warm bath Ilyssa had sent the servants to draw for her.

She considered asking a servant to request the services of the healer, then dismissed the idea. At this point, the blood had stopped flowing, and the wound was scabbed over. It hurt a little, but it was nothing life-threatening or incredibly painful. Within a fortnight, it would likely be just another scar. And if there was some lingering taint or infection, tomorrow was soon enough to have the injury looked at.

The thought saddened her. Her forearms had been one of the few places on her upper body that carried no scars, and now that was no longer true.

A knock at the door startled her. “Enter.”

She expected Ilyssa, Kira, or a maid. She didn’t expect it to be a man at her door at this hour. Much less Evander. May scrambled for the over-robe she’d been given with a gasp of dismay.

Evander didn’t even look in her direction, and while she was grateful for the time to get herself properly attired, she also felt a stab of disappointment. It hurt to think that she didn’t even merit a glance in her direction, as if she were little more than a nameless stranger or a servant. “May.”

“Evander.” She paused, but when he didn’t give her a reason for his intrusion, she pressed on. “Ye’re looking well, and yer clan seems tae have been prospering over the years.”

“I’m very well, and so is Clan Mackintosh.” His voice was cold.

“I see.” She paused. “Ye gave me a start when I saw ye with all those tattoos. They make ye look fierce.”

He shrugged her words away. “Me appearance doesnae matter, at least nae tae ye. I only came here tae speak tae ye about the past, and about me betrothed.” For the first time, his eyes met hers, chill as grass stricken by the first frost. “Enna doesnae ken about ye, or the relationship we had. So far as she kens, I’ve never had a true, serious connection with any lass afore I agreed tae wed her. I want tae keep it that way, and I’ll thank ye tae dae me the courtesy o’ nae saying aught tae her about our childhood association.”

The words were sharp, hard, and they hurt. He was calling what they’d shared an association? As if they’d been partnered for an alliance, or unwilling companions. For a moment, she felt a stab of resentment at his cold demeanor. She’d sent him the letter – he was the one who hadn’t replied to it.

After a moment, the resentment faded. Yes, she’d written him a letter, but a letter was a poor second choice to saying farewell in person. It was true she’d not had much time, but she might have done more than writing a single, hurried missive before she had disappeared behind the walls of her aunt’s home. It was also true that she’d sent no letters following the one she’d given her father.

She was the one who had declared that there should be no further words between them, if he could not, or would not, come for her. Perhaps she was partly to blame for Evander’s current coldness.

She wanted to ask, but didn’t quite dare. Instead, she asked another question that had been on her mind ever since she’d seen Evander in the corridor. “Are ye and Enna happy taegether? Dae ye love her?”

For a moment, he was silent, and she thought he might deny it. Hope crept into her heart. Then he gave her a dark look. “That’s nae anything fer ye tae be concerned about.”

The rebuke made her flush, and she lifted one hand to toy with her hair, to distract herself from the force of her embarrassment.

Evander’s expression changed from a stone-cold mask to one of worry in an instant. “What happened?”

It was only then that she realized that she’d used her injured arm to reach up. She started to draw back, to hide the long cut on her forearm. Before she could cover it, however, Evander moved to stand beside her. His hand took her and gently lifted her arm so that he could inspect hers in the light of the fire. Despite his cold demeanor of only moments before, Evander’s touch was gentle.

After a moment, he grunted. “This should be looked tae, and tended. Ye dinnae want tae let an infection settle in. Wait here.”

She was hardly planning to go anywhere else, but she nodded. Evander left the room, to return a few minutes later with a small case that contained medicines and bandages, as well as a tisane that May recognized as one to reduce pain and encourage an easy sleep.

Evander’s touch was gentle as he tended the wound. It was already clean, but he took the time to wash it again, before coating it in a healing paste and wrapping a soft bandage around it. May watched the easy motions, and tried not to pay attention to his touch as it glided lightly over her arm.

That, however, proved to be impossible. She hadn’t felt the touch of his hands in so many years, and despite all the time that had passed, her body insisted on remembering every sensation as if it had been yesterday.

His palms and fingers were more heavily callused than they’d been the last time he’d held her hand. His hands were larger than she remembered as well, the hands of a man, rather than a youth just beginning to enter into adulthood.

Every touch of his fingers tingled along her skin, sending sensations of longing and desire straight to her core. May couldn’t help but shiver as his hands caressed her skin and wove the bandage gently, but firmly, about her arm.

The heat of him, so close after so long, drew her to inch nearer, and filled her with a need to press closer to him. With an effort she pulled back, maintaining her composure as he finished with the bandaging and started to release her.

She couldn’t quite let him go, despite her common sense urging her to simply let him walk away. She reached out and caught his arm. Evander paused, but didn’t pull away.

“Evander... I…” She hesitated, swallowed, then forced herself to say the words that needed to be said, rather than the ones she wanted to say. “I’m sorry we couldnae be taegether, and that our dreams werenae meant tae become reality. Even so... I’m glad ye’ve found someone tae share yer life with, and I hope ye’ll be happy.”

She hoped he would respond in kind, but Evander simply closed up the medicine box and left the room. May watched the door shut behind him with a sense of regret and sorrow.

It appears that I’m the only one holding on tae what used tae be.