Chapter 3

Evander was on his third glass of whisky when Alec and Bran found him. He supposed he should have found a place other than Alec’s study to drink if he had truly wanted to remain undisturbed, but the warmth of the fire and the plentiful supply of liquor had kept him from leaving, as had the quiet.

He wasn’t half as drunk as he wanted to be yet, nor a quarter as drunk as he felt he needed to be to deal with the thought of May there, in his home, after all that time.

Bran was the first to break the silence. “Evander, are ye well?”

He could lie, but Bran had always looked after them while Alec went about the business of being the laird after their father had died. Bran would know he wasn’t telling the truth. “Nay. I’m nae at all well.” He took another swallow of whiskey. “Seeing May here... I wasnae prepared, nae after all this time.”

Bran reached out to pull him from his seat and embrace him, slapping him on the back. “Och, I ken how bad it was when she first left. It took us, Dunn and Catreena months tae win a smile from ye but I thought ye’d gotten over her, when ye accepted the betrothal tae Enna.”

Evander shook his head. “Nae. I just didnae see the point in waiting fer someone who wasnae ever coming back.”

“Ye couldnae have kent…” Alec paused. He was quiet for some time, then finally asked the quesiton they had all wanted to ask for many years. “Did ye go tae Laird MacPherson then, on one o’ those days ye went for an all-day ride and wouldnae say where ye’d been?”

“Aye. When the messenger returned, I waited fer a few days, but then I went tae MacPherson Keep tae ask after her. Told them I wouldnae leave until I spoke tae May or Laird MacPherson himself. Eventually the laird came tae speak tae me.”

“What did he say?” Alec asked.

“He said May wasnae ever coming back, and there wasnae a letter or note fer me, nae even one o’ farewell. He said I shouldnae look fer her, that what we had wasnae ever meant tae last beyond childish dreams. I tried tae protest his words, but he told me that May had understood that already, and that I should too. And that I should respect her decision.”

Evander gulped the remainder of his drink, and let Alec take the glass away from him. “I couldnae believe it. I tried nae tae believe it. But when weeks turned intae seasons and seasons became a year, how could I think other than that he had been right?” He shuddered, throat closing and chest tightening as he recalled those months of despair.

Alec and Bran said nothing. They’d both struggled alongside his other siblings to keep him sane during those terrible months.

Eventually, hopelessness had turned to bleakness, and from there to alternating bouts of numbness and anger, interspersed with violence. It was then that he’d been chosen as his clan’s war leader, in an effort to curb and control his destructive moods and give him purpose.

The tattoos were a reminder of the cost of that, and a mark of where his path had led him. His path without May beside him.

Bran grimaced. “I didnae ken ye’d been told that. I’d have been more cautious about ye finding her like that if I’d kent. Still ‘tis a chance tae clear the air between the two o’ ye.” He paused. “Ye ken... If there’s some misunderstanding, and ye manage tae work things out…”

“Even if I were tae speak tae her and discover there was some misunderstanding, it wouldnae change anything.”

Alec frowned. “If yer feelings fer May run deep, and ye can resolve matters between ye... I’ve said afore, and will say it now again, there’s nae reason ye have tae remain betrothed tae Enna Cameron. The alliance we’ve formed with them will hold well enough.”

“I willnae break a promise, braither.”

Alec sighed. “Even the lass herself kens ye’re nae interested in remaining with her. She’s nae likely tae protest, and her clan folk would understand.”

Evander knew Enna’s clan-folk would understand. After all, he’d been the one to suggest the marriage as a way of strengthening the alliance. He’d felt that if he couldn’t marry for love, he could at least marry a decent lass for the good of his people. He could also clearly recall what Enna had said, less than an hour before, about his lack of interest, and her own willingness to let him go.

Nevertheless, he shook his head. “Nay. I’ll nae dishonor the clan like that. I made a pledge tae Enna, and tae help cement the honor and alliances o’ our clan. I’ll nae be breaking me word now, just because…” He almost choked on the words but forced them out anyway. “...because May has reappeared in me life. Likely as nae, once we’ve returned her tae her clan, we’ll never see aught o’ them again, save fer formal Highland Gatherings, or discussions o’ alliances and land boundaries.”

“Evander…”

“Ye heard me. Must we keep speaking o’ it? I’d rather be seeking me bed, if there’s naught else ye want tae say tae me,” Evander said with a scowl.

Alec sighed. “Go tae bed then. Taemorrow will likely be more difficult than we expected.”

Evander nodded and left the study. He was halfway to his own rooms when his steps slowed.

It was true that his past relationship with May and her sudden reappearance changed nothing. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want answers about why she’d disappeared. Maybe, if he had answers, then the memories would stop aching.

Or maybe he was better off not asking for answers, but rather making it a clean break. He could face May and make sure she understood he had another woman in his life, that he was wedding someone else. He could make it clear, on his own terms, that their shared past meant as little to him as it had meant to her in their youth. Perhaps, if he could tell her that it was over, by his own choice, his fool heart would finally stop aching for a woman that had left him behind without a word so many years before.

After a moment of thought, Evander changed his course and made his way to a different part of the castle.