Chapter 3

Cindy

Aged 18

"You know, I don't think we're supposed to be back here when the adults aren't around," Caitlin whispers behind me. We have a sermon tonight and then a small gathering afterwards for Pastor Dan's sixtieth birthday.

"It's fine. Mom said so," I tell her.

We helped Mom bake all afternoon, and she instructed us to put the cake in the kitchen behind the church where there's a small, basic kitchenette and some supplies in the big utility cupboard for times such as these.

The sermon starts in an hour. We live walking distance to the church, so we should have enough time to walk home, shower and come back again for tonight's service.

I unlock the kitchen door from the key mom gave me. She's on the committee, so I don't know what Caitlin is worrying about.

We slide the cake onto the ancient wooden kitchen bench. Everything is old in this church, but most of it has been thoughtfully restored. And while the kitchen might be old, it certainly is sturdy.

We stand back to admire the cake for a moment. Mom has really gone to town with the gold icing and lettering. Not wanting to hang around, we leave the cake and I lock up again. I walk over to the swings, just next to the old parish.

"Don't go far," I call out to Cait, who runs ahead. I see the back entrance of the little office, which sits between the kitchen and the utility room, swinging open in the breeze.

Pastor Dan could be in there getting ready for the Sermon, though it's not usually used all that much.

I walk over to see if he's there, mainly because I don't want to ruin the surprise if he goes into the utility room and sees the cake. I have a spare key on the set Mom gave me, so I can lock it if no one's there. As I walk past the back of the utility to the door, I can see through the murky window two people in there, and as I listen carefully. I hear some weird noises I've never heard people in a church make before.

I step a little closer to the window, peering in to see what's going on.

"Oh, that feels so good." It's a girl's voice, and there's a lot of grunting and groaning.

My eyes bug wide, and I make to leave, but as I do my foot gets caught and I stumble, lurching forward. Stopping my fall with my hand as it makes a loud bang next to the windowpane.

I'm right outside the damned window and don't want to get caught snooping, even though that's not what I'm doing.

It's clear someone in there is doing something bad, and I need to get away. But at the same time, I stay very still, holding my breath.

"Did you hear something?" I hear a girl ask.

"No, babe. It's nothing." The guy assures her.

Then the groaning and grunting starts up again, along with the banging. I peer up, seeing the back end of the guy through the window. My cheeks flame when I see his bare ass moving back and forth with a red-head girl wrapped around him.

Holy shit, they're having sex!

I swallow hard and duck down. I'm about to hightail it and run, hoping my foot is okay, when I hear her voice again. "Damon, oh God…"

I freeze. Is that Jessica Plath? It sounds a lot like her, and she has red hair. But it can't be her… she's not even old enough… There's no way.

Her parents are respected members of the church. It's absurd.

And wait! What? Damon!

I stick my head back up again, peering, my eyes growing wide with every second that passes, trying to see something more than a grotty window and two people going at it in the small utility cupboard adjoining the kitchen where we just were.

She can't mean my Damon…. But how many Damon's are there around here?

I hear the sounds of their tussle continue. The bench he has her sitting on — as he stands in front of her, giving it his all — is groaning in protest as they move together. The sounds of their skin slapping and her moans getting longer and deeper. He's no better.

"Ahhhh," he calls out, clearly in the throes of passion.

I'm frozen to the spot, feeling like I'm trapped in a nightmare. I want to be sick.

OH MY GOD. It is my Damon!

A chill runs through me, even though my cheeks are heated from the realization. I don't know what possesses me, but I stand up and march around to the side entrance. I get to the utility, trying the door and pulling the old thing open.

The idiots didn't even lock it from the outside.

They don't even hear me at first, they're making that much noise.

I stand there aghast as I see Jessica Plath topless, her skirt rucked up to her hips and her very large breasts on display, slapping against Damon's chest as they continue to move.

Damon's black jeans hang low on his thighs, his ass hanging out as he thrusts back and forth.

"What the hell!" Jessica screams over his shoulder when she finally notices me. At the same time, I let out an almighty wail.

Damon immediately stops as Jessica tries to cover herself in a mad scramble.

They're both staring at me. Damon is like a deer caught in headlights.

What the hell do they think they're doing?

"What is this?" I screech, glancing down at my betrothed as he quickly pulls back from Jessica and tries to zip himself back up. It's the first time I've ever seen him even remotely naked.

He's all fingers and thumbs.

"Holy shit," he stands there looking bewildered, not knowing what to do next.

Jessica still can't seem to find her bra. She eventually just hides behind his back.

"Look, Cindy, I can explain." He tries to reach out for me.

Of all the nerve! He still has Jessica pushing her boobs into his back to hide from me.

"Explain!" I yell. I run my hands through my hair, moving from one foot to the other. My heart is racing so badly I think I'm going to burst from the inside out. I don't know whether to run or to hit them both with something. The idea is very tempting. "Did you trip over and land in Jessica's vagina!"

"It's not what it seems… I promise."

How the hell can he be trying to reason right now? And why isn't Jessica saying anything?

"Not what it seems? I saw you doing it through the window! You're disgusting!" I add, as tears stream down my face. "The pair of you."

Damon and I have been courting since we were fifteen. We've both turned eighteen and are almost graduating from high school, where we will go off to college. After that, we'll get married. Damon was keen to get hitched as soon as possible since we're both waiting for marriage before we have sex. At least, I thought he was waiting.

I thought we were both virgins.

"Look, the temptation was too much, Cindy. I'll repent! I swear it!"

I grab the nearest thing, which happens to be a bag of dried pasta, and hurl it at him. Unfortunately, it hits his shoulder instead of his head, and Jessica screams as the bag is partly open and dried pasta flies out everywhere.

"You deserve each other. Do you know that?"

"You can't tell anyone!" Jessica cries. "Please, Cindy! We didn't mean to. One thing lead to another…"

I wipe the tears with the backs of my hands and shake my head. I can't even look at them anymore. Caitlin will be waiting for me, anyway. She's probably wondering where I got to, and I can't let her see this. I quickly pivot on my heel and run out the way I came in, slamming the utility door behind me.

I run all the way to the front of the church, where Caitlin is waiting by the swings.

She's staring at me at my sudden change in demeanor. Tears stream down my face. I feel hot and clammy and like I might hurl.

How could he do this to me?

We've grown up together! Damon is my best friend.

Why is he screwing Jessica? We made a deal!

All the thoughts run through my head at once as we run home. I pull Caitlin along and she keeps nagging at me about what's wrong, but I don't want to talk about it.

I want to pretend this horrible thing never happened.

I witnessed my future husband having sex with someone else!

When I burst through the door at home, I run up the stairs and lock myself in my room. Throwing myself on the bed and crying for the next hour.

Dad isn't home yet, and Mom and Caitlin keep banging on the door to let them in.

But I don't want to. I never want to see anyone again.

I don't know what any of it means. But I know he's ruined me.

What did he even mean, the temptation got too much?

We've made out tons, but when things get heated and it's moving too fast, we both pull back. He's felt me up over my shirt, but we've never had any kind of skin on skin contact.

We can't do that. It's not allowed until we're married.

I stare at my tear-streaked face in the mirror, wondering what the hell she has that I don't. Is it because she has such a big chest and I don't in comparison?

I stare down at myself, trying to work out where I went wrong.

She's way prettier than I am. I've always been kind of unusual, with large brown eyes and fair skin. Why does he want her and not me?

The fact he's obviously just a horny teenager escapes my attention. I just want to forget.

I don't want to go back out tonight. Maybe I can fake an illness and stay home. They can all choke on Pastor Dan's birthday cake for all I care. It's not a nice thought, but neither is what I witnessed today. I'm in complete shock.

I can't even work out if I should tell anyone from the church.

Why should I protect them? It's all just too surreal to wrap my head around, and I'm too embarrassed to be able to ever face my parents about this.

That is until they ask what's going on with me and Damon. We've been inseparable for years. Obviously, he was not really attached to all of our hopes and dreams.

I know I can't forgive him for this, ever. I don't care how much he repents. How can I erase that kind of betrayal from my brain? What I saw was too much.

I don"t know how I will ever show my face again... It's just too embarrassing and humiliating…. He can't get away with this.

I shake my head at the memory. It plays on me from time to time.

It's taken years of separation from the place I grew up, the church, and the people involved to really be able to put it behind me. Damon even came groveling back at one point. It was super awkward when our moms got us to sit down together. That's when I thought I was going to lose it completely.

Once again, my dad was at work, so he had no idea about it. I heard him fighting with Mom afterwards, and that made me feel somewhat better…

"Mom, I don't want to talk to Damon!" I don't even care that days later, I'm still keeping tight-lipped about what happened. And I'm sure it's obvious to my parents that it's to do with him.

"Damon's mother said you didn't show up to study practice, Cindy. What's going on?" Mom asks.

Just his name makes me shudder.

"We had a fight," I say. Hoping that will get her to back off until I get my head around what happened and be able to talk about it. I feel so annoyed and angry inside that I have to cover for Damon and Jessica. Masking my own feelings in the process.

But why should I? I haven't done anything wrong!

The last straw is in church on Sunday when Mom forces me to go along. She doesn't seem to care that I'm feigning an illness and have been in bed all week because of my breakup with Damon. I finally told them I broke up with him. I just haven't revealed what happened yet. However, Mom isn't buying my stomach bug story.

It's awful having to go to church where I'm supposed to feel safe, knowing the two of them will be there.

It makes my stomach lurch, and all I can think about during the whole sermon is how their skin slapped together and the disgusting noises they were making.

I know I have to talk to him and end it once and for all.

I'm pretty sure ignoring his text and calls all week long is a sure-fire example of the way I'm feeling. Surely he doesn't think he's just going to come crawling back?

I mean, does he still want to be with me? And if so… what is he doing with Jessica? If he wanted to try out the fruit before he got bogged down into married life with me, then he should have made it clear and broke things off with me.

I had no prior warning. I knew he was struggling with waiting for marriage, and we had ways to go yet before we made it official—but couldn't he have said something if he had doubts?

I ignore him the whole time at church, though I could feel him looking at me from the two rows in front and kept turning his head to look at me.

I try to slip out after the sermon as fast as I can while the adults linger, chattering like they usually do. That's when I feel a hand grab me by the arm, trying to exit out the back door.

"Cindy, wait!"

I gasp when I spin around to see a very contrite looking Damon standing in front of me. Darn it, he's still cute with his shaggy black hair over his eyes and blue as the ocean eyes. "Get your hands off me!" are the first words out of my mouth.

"Cindy, I need to talk to you. You won't return any of my calls or texts."

"Can you really blame me?" I fire back at him. "What the hell would I need to talk to you about? It's over, Damon."

"Over?" He splutters.

Is he for real right now?

"I caught you red-handed having sex with Jessica in the utility room, then you try to tell me it wasn't what it looked like!"

He shakes his head and runs his hand across his face. He doesn't seem to have so much to say now. "I'm sorry, Cindy. If you could only believe me."

"Sorry you got caught," I mutter.

"What the—" We both turn when we hear a noise behind us.

Oh God. It's my dad.

"Umm, dad…"

He's standing with his hands on his hips, glaring at Damon. "What did you just say?" He spits. I've never seen my dad look so mad, and he can be a little scary sometimes when he's had a bad day at work.

"Nothing, umm Mister Carter… I mean, Sir."

"Say that again, Cindy?" It's my turn to get dad's icy glare pointed towards me. I wished he would shift it back to Damon. I'm the innocent one here.

"Dad, how much did you hear?"

"Enough!" He does not look happy either.

"It's all a big misunderstanding!" Damon says, waving his hands in front of him, like he's trying to reassure himself more than my father.

"A big misunderstanding!" I blurt out. Now I have my hands on my hips.

"Cindy just said you had sex with Jessica? I assume you mean Jessica Plath?" Dad grits out, looking from Damon to me, then back to Damon again.

Damon hangs his head in shame. His face is as red as a beetroot. No words are needed, he's guilty as charged. I facepalm myself.

Oh Lord, no. Dad really did hear what we were fighting about.

This is all one colossal disaster after another.

"Where are your parents?" Dad grunts, looking over his shoulder. "I think we need to sort this mess out once and for all—is this why you've been ill all week?" He asks, his dark eyes darting towards me. He's practically shooting daggers out of his eyeballs and I feel a surge of pity for Damon for what's coming, but not really, not when I think about their disgusting grunting and groaning. Not to mention the lies and cheating.

I know right now that this is it for us. There's no going back, no matter what anyone says.

"Please don't involve my parents," Damon stutters. "We'll be kicked out of the church. My parents will never live down the shame!"

"You should have thought about that before you decided to sew your wild oats on church property!" Dad booms. As if things couldn't get any worse, Dad grabs him by the scruff of the neck and hauls him around to the front of the church, where half of the people are still mingling around.

Does nobody have any better place to be?

Now everyone is going to know, and that's not what I wanted.

Thankfully, though, Damon's mom and dad come racing over as soon as they see the commotion going on. My mom included. Caitlin is playing around with her friends out of earshot.

"Clive, what the heck are you doing?" Mom asks, wide-eyed. "Put Damon down!"

Dad finally lets him go as his mom and dad try to work out what the hell is going on.

"Tell them!" My dad prompts, giving Damon the floor.

I glance over my shoulder, and sure enough, the other parents are all looking over at us, trying to work out what's going on. I see Jessica and her family watching. She looks about as guilty as Damon does and can't look me in the eye.

"I really don't think we should do this here," I say to my dad, tugging on his sleeve.

He glances down at me and sees my pleading eyes and finally manages to rein his fury in. "Fine," he snorts. "Damon has been seeing someone else in the parish, and he has a confession which can be voiced over at our place immediately."

Damon's parents are standing there completely bewildered as they look from my dad to Damon, and then to me.

"Is this really necessary?" His mom Sheila's haughty voice is enough to tip me over the edge.

"Oh, trust me, you're going to want to hear this," I say. Even though I'm dreading it, he should be made accountable. It's not a small thing. He's broken my heart and betrayed a promise we made years and years ago.

Once again, I have done nothing wrong.

"Anything you have to say can be said now." Damon's dad, Mike, stands with his hands on his hips. There's no way Mike is any match for my dad, so I can only imagine how this is going to go. My dad isn't by any means a violent man, but his face is as dark as thunder right now.

Damon shakes his head. "I'd rather not, Dad. I'd rather talk in private."

Finally, something smart has finally come out of his mouth.

"Let's go," Dad says, ushering me protectively forward as my mom tries to get Caitlin's attention and pry out of my dad what the hell is going on at the same time. "We'll talk at home," he tells her.

Dad's words are final, and nothing more is said about it until we get home.