Chapter 16

16

MAYA

A fter the swift phone conversation with Ramirez, Maya felt as if her whole body was being constantly pinched by needles, no matter whether she sat, stood, walked around, or worked. And she had to work. The constant income of ambulances overflowing with patients put oceans of work on her and her colleagues' backs, tens of hours overtime, painkillers, black coffees, energy drinks, and Ubers home. She felt desperate to see Elle, yet she had to wait until the end of her never-ending shift. She had to think of her patients. She had to remain attentive during surgery. Often, she felt inhuman, above-human in some sense, existing only within the framework of her work. But that had to be broken for Elle.

Finally, at the fringes of dawn, she was free to go. Her limbs and back felt incredibly sore, but the air was fresh, the kind of freshness that only late summer at dawn can provide. She couldn't go to Elle at this hour, naturally, yet she couldn't force herself to go home to sleep, either, afraid she'd oversleep and miss the visiting hours window. She decided to drive to a cafe and wait there, perhaps pick up a book on her way, even though she knew very well she'd have no patience or focus for reading.

She drove her car for the first time in days, feeling strangely at peace, knowing what to do. She'd make sure Elle got the best care, the best advice, the best rehabilitation team. This was one advantage of being a doctor she'd never let go of—she always knew what was best for her family, or at least had the tools to learn it quickly.

Was Elle her family again? Maya didn't want to ponder the question before having the chance to talk to her.

She knew a bakery-coffee shop open from 6 a.m. and directed her car there. It was usually full of businesspeople readying themselves for a work-related flight or hopeless cases of partying all night and looking for a place to sit with a coffee in the morning. She liked observing them, the people who'd clearly pulled an all-nighter but definitely not for work-related reasons. Their lives seemed so strangely separated from hers, seemed so completely frivolous and alien. Even in med school, she could never afford to party like that. Some of the teenagers, or people in their early twenties, sat coupled, ostentatiously in love. Sipping from the same cup, sneaking each other little kisses. For the first time in years, however, Maya didn't feel jaded about seeing them. There was no tinge of jealousy, only a touch of warmth of recognition. She smiled to herself, ordering a lavender latte.

Sitting down with her drink, Maya checked the time. 6:36 a.m. She felt like risking it and calling Colin. Sometimes he had to be up at this hour, so perhaps she could catch him brushing his teeth or buttoning his shirt. The steady beeping on the line made her feel drowsy for a moment, the tiring night finally laying its claim on her mind, but Colin's voice quickly brought her back on track.

"What's up?" he said with a barely concealed yawn.

"I hoped you'd have a second to talk, maybe?" She let her voice take its natural route instead of pretending she wasn't tired, that she wasn't worried and overwhelmed.

"What happened? Are you all right?"

"The whole situation is weighing a bit heavy on me, you know. Elle being in a hospital and me still having to work instead of being by her side. It feels wrong." She let out a quiet sigh, passively watching two sleepless teenagers make out in a quiet corner. Noticing she was staring, she quickly turned her gaze away. "What do you think?"

"I think you should take a break from work and be with Elle, since you'd gotten so close to each other. She literally almost died."

"I can't just take a break from work. We're still dealing with the earthquake's aftermath, and the hospital is the fullest it has ever been. Do you think I can just--"

"Do you not have any days of paid leave left?" He interrupted her spiraling.

"I do, but--"

"Well then, what's the problem? Stop making excuses for yourself and commit to the idea of you two being seriously together. Help her. One surgeon less for two days won't change the world," Colin said a bit overconfidently, but Maya had to admit he had a point.

"You're right. You're right. I don't want to leave my team all alone, but two days won't hurt."

"There you go."

"How's Alexei doing? I'm sorry I haven't been to visit for so long." Maya felt a pang of guilt, thinking of her nephew. Recently her life had been so hectic that she'd made no time to check in on him.

"Ah don't worry. He's doing surprisingly great, just like you said he would. He's back in school, recovered in record time. Thanks to you, Maya."

"If it wouldn't have been me, it would have been someone else. You know that. But I'm really happy to hear that he's back to his life."

After exchanging thoughts on their parents' house, and Colin listing how the renovation had been going, he reminded Maya that he had to get to work. Hastily, they said their goodbyes, and now she was sitting with a cold latte in her hand, having forgotten to drink it while talking to Colin. Her watch read 7:40 a.m. They'd been talking for an hour. She gulped down the rest of her coffee, tasting the condensed lavender syrup at the bottom, then got up and headed to her car. It was time. She would finally get to see Elle, and if everything went well, she'd get to have an important conversation with her.

The traffic was light, and she felt as if her car soared through the newly laid out lanes. The city'd had to fix the roads cracked open by the earthquake, and the fresh, smooth asphalt felt heavenly beneath the wheels of the car. No bumps on the road, no harsh friction.

When she arrived at the hospital, a chilling sensation ran down her back. She remembered all too vividly carrying Elle inside the hall, waiting and waiting on the visitors' couch, making her spine sore and her legs itchy for movement. She'd have to wait now, too. The visiting window would open within a half an hour, and she once again had to let her body rest against one of the uncomfortable couches. The magazines laid out for the visitors talked about medicine, fashion, and childcare. There were some newspapers lying around, too, but she didn't feel like diving into the abyss of descriptions of suffering all around the city. She really wished the earthquake could leave her mind already, everyone's minds, that they could carry on with their lives as before. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be the case for long months to come.

"Dr Monroe?" A nurse called her into Elle's room, and Maya shakily followed.

The room had the characteristic atmosphere of hospital convalescence. The blinds were pulled down on the windows, and water bottles lay around the bed and on the nightstand. But Maya's eyes quickly landed on Elle. Her chest rose and fell with the peaceful rhythm of sleep, so vulnerable and innocent that Maya felt like kissing Elle's forehead. She sat down on a chair set against one of the walls, instructed by the nurse to wait until Elle would wake up. Elle's eyes moved frantically from left to right below her eyelids, meaning she was in a REM state.

Maya couldn't help but look at her and wonder, trying to divine what the dreams could be about. She rarely remembered her own dreams. Her sleep was either too short and weak, or she had to get up and get going too quickly to remember. The dreams would evaporate from her head as soon as she'd left the house. But lying in a hospital bed all day, she thought, one must spend a lot of time with one's dreams and memories.

After a long while of sitting around reading the leftover newspapers and thinking of what she'd like to say – Elle woke up. Her eyes scanned the room, and upon finding Maya, her lips spread in a smile so warm Maya couldn't help but blush.

"Hello," she said softly.

"Hello." Elle's voice sounded a little raspy, but Maya could see that she was happy to see her. "Come here," she spread her arms, inviting Maya in for a hug.

She didn't have to repeat herself. Not even a second passed before Maya was in her arms, barely containing tears of relief. "I was so, so worried about you," she whispered.

Elle laid a gentle kiss on her cheek. "I know. They told me you brought me here when I was unconscious."

Maya looked at her, surprised. "Who told you that?"

"It doesn't matter." Elle smiled, shaking her head. She brought Maya's face closer to her own, and they shared a slow, tender kiss.

Maya felt a great need to hold Elle, feel her body close and alive, breathing, warm, and moving. She never wanted to stop kissing her, or be in her arms, but she knew they'd have to wait for that, that she couldn't tire Elle too much. Gently, she pulled away, pressing one last kiss on Elle's face.

"How are you feeling?" She involuntarily scanned the monitors next to Elle's bed, looking at the way they changed with her being awake, studying the activity of her body in detail. But she wanted to be present, to hear Elle's voice and drown in it.

"Well, let's begin by saying what I am not feeling. I can't feel my legs."

Maya looked at her seriously. "So I've heard," she said. She knew there was a chance for recovery, however, and knew they'd work hard to make it happen. "But you have a chance at recovery."

Elle nodded. Maya could see she was scared of the reality in which she wouldn't be able to walk and would have to change her career. She didn't press. She knew Elle didn't like to talk about her feelings, and it wasn't necessary at this moment.

"I want you to know I'll be there for you every step of the way," Maya said carefully. "If you want me to be, of course."

Elle turned her head away, though she took Maya's hand. "Of course. I think we need to talk about some things first, though. I need to tell you some things, at least."

"I'm listening." Maya's heartbeat jumped into her throat. Was Elle breaking up with her? She didn't like the serious tone of Elle's voice, nor the way she wouldn't look into Maya's eyes, turning her head away. She kept her hand in Elle's, hoping she couldn't feel her rising heartbeat. Elle remained quiet, making her even more nervous. "What is it, Elle?"

"It's… It's difficult for me," Elle turned her head to finally look at Maya. She took a deep breath in, then began. "I owe you a true apology, first of all. You know that apologizing doesn't come easily to me. Actually, I think this will be the first time in my life when I have to do it from the bottom of my heart without being a coward. But I hope you'll be patient with me."

Maya nodded, unable to speak due to the growing tightness in her throat. Elle understood.

"Thank you. I've been reflecting on my past a lot the past few days, and as you know, working on my feelings for the past few months. But here in the hospital, a lot of memories came to my mind, some that I'd forgotten, some I'd hidden away on purpose. But lying here all on my own, it was impossible not to confront certain things." She paused, Maya could see that saying these things took a lot of effort. "I thought about the way things went down between us, and the way I behaved."

She took time to look deep into Maya's eyes before saying, "I behaved very selfishly a lot of the time, and never really faced the way I betrayed you back then. I need you to know, I regret it, truly regret it, to this day, and I'm sorry for what I've done. Being with you was the best time of my life. Being with you now is invigorating and dear to me. I've never felt about another woman the way I feel about you, not in all these years. Maybe it's different for you. Maybe you've known more intense love. But for me, it's always been you. That's the way I feel, and that's what I needed to say."

Having said everything, she carefully took her hand away, giving Maya time to think. Maya stood in complete awe. Everything she'd needed to hear from Elle, everything that was on her mind, had just been put into words and offered to her on a platter. She scrambled to put together a well-thought response, something that would match Elle's intensity, but her lungs seemed in a horrible hurry and her eyes welled with tears, blurring everything and making her overwhelmed with positive emotions.

"Elle, give me a moment, I'm sorry, I--" Maya struggled to put the words together. "I'm really glad to hear this. I'm so relieved."

Elle smiled. "Do you accept my apology?"

"Yes! Yes, Darling, I do." Maya took Elle's hands this time, but that wasn't enough, so she leaned in and gave her a kiss. What was supposed to be a short kiss quickly turned into a long, tongue-laced one, and they had to remember at the end of the day, they were in a hospital.

"I've been waiting to put this behind us for so long," she added, still dizzy from the kiss.

"And you understand that I'd never do this to you again?"

"I… I trust you, Elle." Maya nodded. Her chest was fluttering with excitement, and an overwhelming feeling of hope nested safely in her mind. "So would you… Would you like to officially get back together?"

"A million times yes . Though I don't want you to think I apologized only to get back together. If you'd prefer to stay friends, or whatever else, I'll be… I'll be in pain, but I'll understand."

"Don't be silly." Maya shook her head. "That was the most heartfelt apology I've ever received. I would love for us to get back together. I think that the past few weeks have shown me that more than anything." She looked aside for a moment, flustered. "Besides, I wanted to tell you that you're not alone in feeling that what we had—have—is special. I also haven't felt for anyone what I feel for you, Elle."

Having heard that, Elle seemed more relaxed. The familiar smile crept up her lips, and she leaned in to whisper something. "Let's celebrate."

"What do you mean by that? Aren't we celebrating?" Maya looked at her, not understanding. Elle looked mischievous, her eyes sparkling like a little kid's. "Elle?"

"Do you think you could smuggle in a drink?" She winked.

"Elle, this is a hospital, and you had a grave brain injury. Do you think that as a doctor, I'd actually bring in alcohol?" Maya laughed at the idea, messing with Elle's hair. "You can survive without it."

"Come on, I'm bored to death here. I want to celebrate with you. I hope you can stay for some time longer," she explained innocently.

"I can bring you non-alcoholic champagne and stay overnight. How about that?" Maya stood up from the edge of the bed where she'd been sitting.

"That's perfect." Elle nodded. "But what do you mean? Aren't you working?"

"I took some time off," Maya explained. "Two days to actually spend time with you and make it a little less boring here, hopefully." She looked around. "The white color everywhere is truly dreadful, huh?"

"I'm actually going insane because of it. I don't think I'll be able to look at anything white for the rest of my life." They laughed a little, enjoying this relaxed atmosphere after their tense confessions. "If we move in together, nothing can be white, Maya."

"All right, we'll see about that. I'm not giving up my flat. I just bought it."

"I have a house, though."

"How about we have this conversation some other time?" Maya leaned in to give Elle another kiss and was warmly received by her lips. "I'll go and get that wine."

Once she was back, they opened the bottle and pretended as if it were really making them tipsy, getting more and more creative in their ways to imitate a state of drunkenness. They also made use of the hospital's games, quickly abandoning sophisticated pursuits like chess or even checkers in favor of the games clearly meant for families with little children.

They got so loud at times that a nurse had to come in, reminding them to respect the other patients and be quiet.

"I feel like a little child," Maya said, choking down a laugh. She couldn't remember a time when she'd laughed this much. "I should know better. I'm a doctor."

"They'll get over it." Elle tucked Maya's hair behind her ear. "You won't get over this, however." And she ate Maya's last hippopotamus, making her lose the game.

"Fuck you." Maya jokingly got up to go.

"We can play again. I'll go easy on you." Elle opened it again, making space on the bed.

After some time, Elle started getting visibly sleepy. Maya couldn't help thinking it was quite cute, the way she would uncontrollably yawn and let her eyelids fall almost all the way down her drowsy eyes.

"Would you like to go to sleep?" Maya suggested, following another series of very infectious yawns.

"Come on, I'm not a toddler," Elle said in a mock-offended tone.

"Let me rephrase. I'd like to go to sleep," Maya corrected herself. "I was awake the whole previous night."

"Oh." Elle nodded. "Sure, then. Are you taking the couch ?" She pointed to the very uncomfortably looking chair.

"With pleasure." Maya sighed. "I'll get myself some pillows and a blanket. Will you wait for me?"

"Very funny."

But Elle did not wait, in fact. Once Maya was back after asking the irritated nurse for pillows, she saw her darling had already drifted off somewhere far away in the thick coat of deep sleep. She quietly settled herself in the chair, perplexed as to where to put her legs so as not to look too ridiculous, but also to be able to fall asleep, at least for a moment. The blanket was a bit scratchy and quite warm, but she couldn't be happier. She was back with Elle without compromising her boundaries, without making a fool out of herself. She was back with Elle on her own terms, having heard one of the most beautiful apologies of her life. Sincere and made with effort. From time to time glancing at sleeping Elle, she soon drifted off herself, unaware of how painful her back would be the next day.

"Elle, Darling." she delicately shook Elle's arm, sorry to have to wake her up, but also incredibly excited. She touched her arm again, "Elle?"

"Maybe we should wait, you know, she seems deep asleep," Colin suggested, shifting his weight from one foot onto another, visibly nervous.

"Perhaps," Maya looked at Elle regretfully. "But you'll have to go soon. I really wanted you two to talk to each other again." she smiled.

"Who is it?" Elle's voice interrupted their conversation. She stirred in her bed without opening her eyes, her voice still carrying in it little grains of sleep. She sighed, then prepared to fall asleep again, tucking herself into the sheets.

"Elle?" Maya said gently. "Colin came to visit."

Elle opened her eyes this time. She looked Colin up and down, and her face lit up. "Colin! Come here, you, I need a hug," she said, almost laughing.

"We haven't seen each other for so long," Colin came up to hug her, awkwardly careful, as if not knowing whether he would break anything. Maya always thought it endearing the way he behaved in hospitals, walking on eggshells. "I was always rooting for you two to get back together," he half-whispered.

"Hey! That's not a supportive thing to say," Maya reprimanded him, joining in for the hug.

She felt completely at peace, having both Elle and Colin with her again, felt ready to give Elle all of her support in the process of rehabilitation. She also felt ready to face work again, knowing she always had Elle to lean upon and get back to. They finally released each other, beyond happy from the reunion.

"Tell me everything," Elle said first. "How's it going? What happened after your wedding? That's when I stopped following along." Maya could see that she was hungry for details and felt glad that she could bring the two back together.

Back when Maya and Elle were dating, Elle had gotten along with Colin very well. Soon, Maya began catching them hanging out without her when she'd had to stay at med school until late, and their friendship had quickly blossomed. Then, Colin went away to study, and the breakup between Maya and Elle obviously kept Elle and Colin further apart. Seeing their friendship rekindle felt good, though a bit nostalgic for Maya, reminiscent of a long-gone period of their lives.

"Well, my son Alexei is all grown now. You should definitely meet him, You'll get along with each other very well, I'm sure."

"I'd love to." Elle nodded vigorously. "I remember him as a little toddler."

"Has Maya told you?" Colin looked toward Maya in a way of silent question. "Does Elle know?"

Maya shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Oh, some time ago, Alexei's school bus was involved in an accident, and he was saved by no one else than Maya herself." He nodded. "I can't imagine how terrifying it must have been, to operate on someone you know."

"Yes, she tends to do that a lot, doesn't she?" Elle winked at Maya but didn't say anything else about being saved. "She's a really good surgeon, and I can't stop being proud of her," she said to Colin as if Maya weren't in the room with them.

"All right, stop this. It's just my job," Maya protested. "You don't like people going up to you saying you're a hero and all that either, do you, now."

"Oh, I love it." Elle laughed. "I'm a narcissist. Didn't you know?"

She and Colin laughed. Maya could only look at them and feel her chest grow warm. "We're the stereotype, Elle," she said after a while. "We're the gay aunts."

"Wouldn't prefer to be anything else," Elle said to her warmly.

"Wouldn't you..?" Maya asked, but the question escaped Elle's attention.

Sometimes she caught herself imagining scenarios she wouldn't feel brave enough to ask Elle about, definitely not so early on in their newly renewed relationship. But the image of her, Elle, and a child sometimes did creep up in her mind. It was a distant and abstract idea, and yet. She was afraid Elle would never consider it seriously, so she preferred to think of it as something abstract and extravagant, a fancy she wouldn't ever consider bringing into reality. She shook her head, wanting to be present in the moment.

"Elle, I hope you'll come around sometime for a barbeque or something. Are you still good with a grill?" Colin asked.

"Well, as soon as I can walk," Elle replied jokingly, though Maya could see the thought cut through her joy and reminded her of her miserable state of affairs.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I forgot." Colin scratched his head awkwardly. "I'm sure you'll recover, though. Your care will be under the watchful eye of Maya, and she won't let anyone bullshit you."

"Then you don't bullshit me and say things that may not come true." Elle looked at him seriously. "I'm dying to meet Alexei, though. As soon as I'm out of here, we should plan something together. And yes, I am amazing when it comes to grilling." Her expression softened with a playful smile.

Once Colin and Elle said their goodbyes, Maya left to walk him out of the hospital.

"I'm glad you two are still getting along great," she said proudly.

"Yeah, she hadn't changed at all." He smiled. "Really glad you guys are back together. You seem to fit each other pretty well."

"You're right, as always."

Outside the door a chilly morning awaited them. Lazy clouds spread all over the bright blue sky, and Maya thought of the approaching autumn. She couldn't wait to see it. Autumn in Phoenix Ridge was the most beautiful season with its golden leaves carpet-like decorating the streets, the autumn sun shining through the bare branches of trees. She couldn't wait to experience it again with Elle by her side, doing all the nauseatingly couplish things together in their spare time.

Maya and Colin hugged each other goodbye and he was off, looking for his car, having forgotten where he parked it again. She watched him walk around the lot, lovingly amused. He never remembered where he'd left his car. Sometimes, she thought, people don't change and don't have to.

Going back inside the hospital, she knew she'd soon have to say goodbye to Elle and was trying to push the moment as far away in her thoughts as possible. She couldn't agree with Colin regarding Elle – Elle had changed, for the better. She was more open to talk about her feelings with Maya, more open to being vulnerable with her than when they'd been together before. That made her feel proud. Elle was ready to work on herself and change for Maya, putting in real effort to be with her.

"Hello again." She walked into the room where Elle was waiting. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

Elle didn't look good. Her eyes glanced around nervously and she appeared to be glistening with sweat. Maya stopped at the threshold, worried.

"I feel stressed about something, like—really stressed. Do you feel as if I've forgotten something important?" She looked at Maya. "My chest is tingling."

Maya came up closer, wanting to comfort Elle. Brain injuries could cause random waves of stress, and she knew how frustrating it would be for Elle to learn she was feeling this way for no real reason. She sat on the edge of the bed, taking Elle's hand.

"Everything is all right. You didn't forget anything." She traced Elle's knuckles with her fingers. "You may start feeling this way sometimes without any actual reason. I mean, there's a reason, but it's a physical one. It's from your injury, and it can fuck with you like that from time to time."

Elle tried breathing in, but her breath seemed to crumble somewhere on the way to her lungs. She closed her eyes. "And what can I do when this happens?"

"Anything you normally would when you're stressed. Anything that will help you relax." Maya kept talking in a gentle voice. "You can also ask the nurse for a sedative. They can give you that."

"Hmm…" Elle looked at her. "In a moment, maybe. Can I kiss you?"

Maya's lips spread into a little smile. "Is that what you do when you're stressed?"

"Always," Elle said, pulling her in for a kiss.

Their lips met tenderly, slowly exploring each other, taking their time to savor the kiss. Maya could feel Elle relax a little, and she put one hand on Elle's neck, wanting to draw her in closer. They remained this way for a while, simply breathing in each other's existence, forgetting again that they were in a hospital.

"Baby, we're forgetting ourselves again." Maya slowly pulled away, leaving a kiss on Elle's forehead.

"Only you can call me Baby without it sounding strange, do you know that?"

"Well," Maya smiled mischievously. "I'll make sure to make use of the privilege."

They spent the hospital breakfast together, then kept prolonging the moment of parting ways. Their time together felt pleasantly sticky, like honey during summer, glistening in the sun and making children's fingers stick to each other. Maya felt powerless to drag her limbs away from the hospital, felt as if she could make the minutes last longer if only she tried.

"Maya, you should get some actual rest before you go back to work, you know," Elle kept saying while messing with Maya's hair. "I'll be worried about you otherwise."

"I'll go." She sighed. "I just don't want to leave you again, I've missed you so much, and you're finally awake."

"You'll visit me again soon." Elle lifted Maya's face to meet her eyes. "You will, right? You'll visit me very soon?"

"Of course." Maya took Elle's hands in her own. "And make sure to keep me updated on your treatment. Run everything by me, okay?"

Elle grunted. Maya knew she felt babied by the request.

"Okay?" she repeated. "It's important, I want you to get an opinion from as many specialists as you can, and that includes me."

"Yeah I guess," Elle said, but then she made an effort to add, "Thank you. You're being helpful, I know. Thank you."

Maya kissed her forehead again, delighting in being able to do so. She now had the forehead kissing license back indeterminably. That made her want to giggle and do it all over again.

"I'm so happy to be with you," she confessed, prolonging the moment on Elle's bed.

"I'm happy to be with you, too. Hopefully I'll be with you out of this hospital soon. Now go! Pack your things, Maya," she laughed, "you need to take care of yourself, too."

Maya nodded, beginning to pack her stuff. Over the course of the last twenty hours she'd managed to get everything tangled with Elle's things, abandoned in various places around the bed. It made her happy to be so comfortable with Elle as to show her messiness, let her things fall and be lost. She knew they'd find them again, together.

Having packed everything, it was time for her to go. She stood next to the bed, unable to say goodbye.

"We'll see each other again soon," she said, reassuring herself more than Elle.

"We have to." Elle nodded. "But you also have to take care of our city. I can wait for a little while."

"All right. All right. Don't be trite." Maya laughed. "But you're right. There's still so much to do… Hopefully we'll put this whole earthquake avalanche of tragedy behind us soon."

"Hopefully," Elle agreed.

They shared an overly long goodbye hug, then Maya was finally on her way. She felt upset to have to leave Elle, her heart breaking on her way to the car, but the premise of falling asleep in her bed seemed irresistibly delicious to her. For too many nights she had skipped or foregone sleep or slept in the hospital chair, and now the idea of her tailored mattress and light, summer duvet that would envelop her with softness called.

On the way, she thought about calling her parents under the pretext of checking in on the progress of their building renovations, of course, but really for some other, unclear to her reason. She sometimes had the impulse to talk to them in moments of joy or achievement, as if to say: Look! The life you brought into the world is not so bad at all. Perhaps it was from some blend of gratefulness and desire to share her joy. How strange, she thought, to have grown estranged from those who brought her here in the first place, from those who'd given her the opportunity to experience all the richness of life. But then, maybe the ones who shared these joys and the richness of it mattered most.

She yawned, entering her apartment. Its large windows let in thick rays of sunlight, and she thought of the way she'd spend the day before going to sleep early. She couldn't allow herself to sleep through the day unless she wanted her circadian rhythm to be completely ruined. The sun was so tempting, she decided to go for a stroll in the nearby park. Its alleys were always overflowing with people, and she liked to watch them. Glance here then there, see grandmas pushing baby strollers with their grandchildren, young couples walking their dogs, or little kids learning to walk, chuckling and falling into their parents' arms.

Yes, she would go to the park, feel the sunlight soak her skin and remember that everything between her and Elle would be good from now on, her injury their only pressing obstacle. She set her bag down and went to change into fresh clothes. Even at the brink of autumn, she felt springful, reborn in the city of her past. She thought about places that could change skin like a serpent, wriggle out of the scales of memories and inhabit something new, some hopeful corners of the future where there was still space for things to come.

She made herself green tea before leaving, watching the steam evaporate toward her ceiling. Would she need to let go of her place to live with Elle? She didn't want to be the one making sacrifices again. She promised herself that she'd think the matter through and let Elle know her preference, without shaming or disregarding her own opinions. She knew Elle would take it, striving to figure out something to suit them both. She took long sips of the tea, feeling it warm her stomach. Then she set the empty cup down and went out to taste the sun.