Chapter Thirty-Seven

Knox

I pulled my fork back when I saw Rina reach across the table and pluck one of my sweet mini peppers stuffed with ricotta from my plate.

“You don’t mind, do you?” she asked, the pepper already halfway to her mouth.

I shook my head. I didn’t mind, but it was definitely this —this air of being uncomfortable with each other that I did mind.

We tried—er, I tried—again. I planned a dinner date for us at this new Italian restaurant, hoping that maybe if I took her out on a proper date, we’d find our rhythm again. But thirty minutes in and I knew that wasn’t the case.

Noah was right, I didn’t want to admit it. Not because I liked this kind of drama in my life, but because I didn’t want to hurt Rina. I never wanted to hurt anyone. It was the Minnesota boy in me, I supposed you could say. But Rina, she had been my youth, my high school girlfriend, college girlfriend, the one who’d opened doors for me by moving us out here. I had a lot of appreciation and compassion for her.

Looking up from her fettuccine alfredo, my eyes met hers and I knew it was time to end this once and for all.

“Rina,” I started, but was stopped when she said my name at the exact same time. I shook my head and gestured with my hand. “You go, sorry.”

She smiled and looked down for a beat before making eye contact with me again. “Thanks. I just wanted to thank you for tonight. It’s nice.”

I nodded. “It is. The food is great.” The food is great? Okay, well at least I hadn’t lied to her and said I was enjoying her company. Not that I wasn’t, it was just that something was so off between us—like it always was. Everything was stiff, and I didn’t care for it.

Twirling noodles on her fork, she murmured something, then cleared her throat. “You were going to say something?”

I swallowed hard, pushing past the last bite of stuffed pepper that was lodged in my throat. I knew I had to be honest, so why was it so hard? I leaned forward and dropped my voice. “Rina, I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is working between us. I don’t think we’re a good fit anymore.” I paused, waiting for her to absorb the truth in my words and react. I feared it’d take her a minute—this was the same woman who was hell-bent on getting me back, after all.

Instead, I got a sigh. A big, fat sight of relief as she sat back and folded her hands in her lap. “Oh, thank God. I’m so glad you said something. That’s what I was going to say, but couldn’t find the words.”

Funny because she had no problem finding them two years ago. “So you feel it, too?”

She nodded, her eyes practically bugging out of her head. “I hate to admit it, but yes, I think our time has passed. We’re not a good match. Maybe at one time, but no more. I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot and I think that maybe you should be with Bianca. I don’t want to stand in the way of you finding happiness, Knox.” She slipped a lock of red hair behind her ear and smiled at me meekly.

I wasn’t sure what to say. I had been prepared to shock her, but somehow I think she’d just shocked me. “This isn’t about Bianca,” I said, knowing I had to make sure she understood that. “It’s about us. Frankly, you mean too much to me for me to lead you on and that’s what I feel I’d be doing if we kept this up.” As I said that last part, I felt like an eighteen-wheeler was lifted from my chest.

Finally leaning forward to eat again, Rina nodded and took a forkful to her mouth.

“So we’re good?”

Chewing a mouthful of food, she nodded again. “We’re great. Sorry, but this dish tastes so much better now. I’ve been a little sick over this. Mostly because I felt so stupid, fighting for something that clearly was all wrong.”

Decidedly relaxed about the whole thing, I also sat forward and took a forkful. “So will you be sticking around?”

Shrugging, she looked up at me. “I have no idea. Probably not. I suppose there’s no real reason to. I have work to get back to in Spain. That’s where I’m still living, you know.”

I nodded. She’d told me. “I can only imagine how much you have to do after that debut.”

Swallowing, she wiped her lips with her napkin. “So much, but I did make plans for later this year with my mother here in New York. We bought tickets to a Broadway musical she wants to see, so I’ll probably be back.”

“In all these years, have you ever come back?” I asked, having to know if she ever did and just didn’t look me up.

But she shook her head and frowned. “No. I never came back to the States. My parents rented a place near me in Spain for a while and they always came out to me. This was my first trip back. For you.”

I trembled at the thought. She’d set so much confusion into motion when she did, but she also helped us both close a door permanently, so I couldn’t fault her too much for it. “I’m just glad we can put this behind us.”

“Yeah, it’s just sad because I have a feeling you were the only man that could put up with me and I don’t see myself meeting anyone else, so I’ll probably die alone,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

My heart ached for her. I knew this was one of her biggest fears, but we were so young, and there was really no telling. “I doubt it, but even if you’re single, you’ll never be alone. You have friends, I’m sure.” Not that I was applying for the job. I’d be friendly with Rina, but I wasn’t sure we were ready for being friends just yet. There was too much between us for that to happen anytime soon.

Again, she shook her head, and I wished I could take the words back, roll them right back up in my mouth one by one.

“I work a lot and pay everyone who I talk to daily. Except Stefan, but he’s a different story.”

“Then you need to find a balance. You need to go back to Spain and balance work and life. You’re a good person, you just need to let people in to see that side of you.” It was funny, but I’d always thought Rina left me behind, but now it seemed like I’d left her behind. I had so much in my life, there was no question that I’d moved on. I’d made new friends, new connections, dated, and the whole time Rina had cemented her feet to one place. She was clearly stuck, unmoving, and needed to get on with her life outside of work.

* * *

Bianca

Knox was out doing heaven knew what—I could’ve presumed, but didn’t want to—and I had the whole apartment to myself, but I wasn’t sure what to do with myself.

Having already cleaned up from the takeout I had for dinner, I considered calling one of my sisters, but I already knew they were all busy, so it felt useless. Layla was still in Mexico. All my other “friends” were from the magazine and I still wasn’t ready to face them after Angelo had fired me so callously.

Then I remembered one of the designers I knew was in the city, so I called her. Luckily for me, Mabel picked up on the first ring and had no plans for the night, so we agreed to meet at a bar.

Halfway through getting ready, my phone rang, and I wondered if it was Mabel calling to cancel (par for the course these days), so I walked to my phone to check the caller ID.

Angelo.

I wondered what he wanted but wasn’t curious enough to pick up. If it was important, I knew he’d call one of my sisters and they’d tell me. And if it wasn’t, then honestly, I still wasn’t ready to talk to him and didn’t want to say anything I’d regret, so I flipped the phone over and walked back into the bathroom to finish getting ready.

I dressed with care as I always did, especially when I was going out. I didn’t think I’d ever not do that. Mom had always taught us that looking good meant we would feel good and I had this need to feel good. Hello, that was part of the reason I needed affirmation from others, especially men. It certainly got better as I grew up, but let’s be honest here, I was who I was, and I figured that would be something I’d always need in my life.

Finally satisfied with my look, I walked to the door, my clutch in hand, and was more ready than ever to have a few drinks and a good time for a few hours.

Not a second after placing my hand on the doorknob to leave did I hear the lock turning.

I backed up and tried to act casual as Knox walked in. “Heyyy.” Okay, so tried was the operative word. Acting casual around a man whose bones I wanted to jump was harder than you might think. Actually, it was impossible. It was like those cube puzzles—I never could understand how people solved them.

Our eyes met. I gave him a tired smile. He smirked. Wait, why is he smirking?

He looked down and noticed my clutch. “Are you going out?” His eyebrows pulled together before his gaze collided with mine again.

“Actually, yes, I was just on my way out when—”

“Change of plans. You’re not going anywhere.”

My stomach sucked in with a sudden breath as I backed up again. “I don’t think I heard you right.”

“You heard me just fine.” He crossed his arms, his muscles bulging, making it hard for me to be angry with him for trying to boss me around.

I jutted a hip out and stuck my clutch under my arm. “Okay, normally I would be turned on by your—”

“Whoever you’re going out with, he’s probably a douchebag anyway. I’m helping you, trust me.”

Unbelievable. Leave it to Knox to jump to the conclusion that I was going out on a date. Because heaven forbid I went out at this hour and dressed nice to do anything but meet up with some man. Truth: in the past I would have done that, but now, I couldn’t if I wanted to. I was pretty sure Knox had ruined me for all other men. And the real kicker? We hadn’t even slept together! Man, I had it bad.

“I’m not yours to control.”

He walked toward me, eyes intent on mine, and I had to remind myself we were just friends. Sidestepping him, I spun around and backed up in the direction of the door. But he kept approaching me like he was a hungry lion and I was on the menu. His face was mere inches from mine as he tilted his head down. He slapped his hands on either side of me, pinning me against the door. I didn’t feel trapped, though; on the contrary, I felt safe, just like I always did with Knox.

“Wrong again,” he finally said.

I swallowed.

“I’m done tiptoeing around this. You, me.” His voice was deep, almost hoarse. “You’re mine, do you understand me? So there’s no way in hell I’m letting you walk out this door to spend a second with a man who isn’t me.”

A delicious sensation washed over me. I wasn’t sure how to describe it other than to say that it made me feel warm inside. It made the corners of my mouth turn up, and had me giddy, almost like a schoolgirl finding out her crush liked her. I felt desired and like I was the winner of the greatest prize in the world—Knox Rhodes, the biggest green flag and the one man I didn’t want to stay away from.

“What about Rina?” Suddenly I felt like storm clouds came over us again and I was terrified of being rained on. I was done with the raging thunder and horrible storms we’d had to endure, yet I had to ask about her just the same. I assumed he had been out with Rina tonight and the past few times he’d gone out. We never talked about it, and I liked to pretend it wasn’t the case, but I knew it in my gut.

He took one of his hands off the door and placed a hand on my cheek. Instinctively I leaned into his touch, loving the way it felt to have his hand on me. “It ended before it even started. Nothing happened between us.”

“You guys didn’t—” I couldn’t even finish the thought.

Thankfully, he didn’t make me—he already knew where my mind was at. “Nothing happened,” he repeated, this time in a no-nonsense tone that sent goosebumps up my arms.

I didn’t know how a woman could be so close to Knox and not kiss him, not want to wrap her legs around him. But to say I felt nothing but relief would’ve been an understatement, like the understatement of the frigging century. To think that he could’ve been intimate with her again made me sick to my stomach. Knowing how wrong I was, though, oof.

“There was nothing between her and I. I tried to stay away from you for your sake. I tried to give Rina another chance for her sake, but who was I kidding?” His eyes searched mine. “We’re kidding ourselves if we think we can stop this thing between us.”

I smiled and laced my arms around his neck, letting my clutch fall to the floor. I loved that even though he pushed me away, he still felt it, he still knew there was something between us. I wanted so badly to kiss him, but first wanted to make sure we were on the same page. “I wasn’t going out on a date tonight. I want you, Knox, and only you. And it’s sweet that you care about my relationship with my dad, but if he really loves me, then he needs to get on board.”

“Oh, yeah?” he asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, because I want to be with you, and I want the whole world to know that I’m the reason Knox Rhodes is off the market.”

In case you weren’t getting the memo here, Knox Rhodes was off the market.

And, of course, so was I, Bianca Morelli. I’d never been so happy over the notion.

Without another word, he dipped his head down and his lips crashed onto mine like waves against the shore during a hurricane—ferociously. He pulled my bottom lip between his teeth and bit down hard. I parted my lips and opened for him, his tongue wasting no time claiming mine. I was glad my arms were wrapped around his neck because I needed all the help I could get to steady myself. The more our tongues entwined, the dizzier with lust and desire I got. I grabbed hold of his tongue and sucked on it like it was the greatest piece of candy known to man.

One of his hands cradled the back of my head now as the other slid from my cheek to my neck, but he kept a firm grasp on me. A moan rose in my throat as he pulled back to trace the form of my lips with his tongue.

“Good thing I have life insurance,” he said, dropping his head on my shoulder as he nuzzled my neck, getting entangled in my hair.

I swept my hair to the other side to give him better access to the soft skin he so clearly sought. I closed my eyes and tried to catch my breath, to understand what he was saying. “Why’s that?”

“Because when we do finally have sex, sex with you might just be the death of me.”