Chapter Six

Nina

I keep my gaze plastered out the window as Brayden drives. To look forward is to see Jordy driving my car and getting her perfect ass germs all over my worn-out seat. To look to my left is to see Brayden, who somehow believes my asshole cousin is someone he could spend the rest of his life with.

So I look out the window, glowering as he sings in perfect pitch to the country music blaring over the radio. Of course he sings well. Of course he is everything perfect—except for the person he fell in love with.

And of course, I am still fighting my attraction to him, despite the fact that he's given me no choice on how I'll get home.

If I'm being fair, I know I'm in no condition to drive. I never should have had anything to drink, especially with a long drive ahead of me. If he hadn't stepped in, I probably would have driven around the corner and bunked in my car for the night, just to ensure my parents didn't see. So this is the superior alternative .

Even if I can't get over how good he smells, how his voice is vibrating through me like a just plucked guitar string, and how I have this irresistible urge to scoot under the arm he has draped over the bench seat, just to experience the rise and fall of his chest underneath my head.

Even if that goddamn list is still in my purse, taunting me—because the perfect man is sitting next to me, and he is absolutely hands off.

"So, I guess horseback riding is out of the question," he finally says, breaking the silence. I glare out the window, shaking my head. He laughs slightly, and this sends a bolt of fury through me.

"You think this is funny? Do you make a habit of cheating on your fiancé or something?"

"You and I never cheated," he corrects me. "I think this is ironic, is all. And no, I've never cheated on Jordy in my life. This was the first time I was ever tempted to. It figures you two are related, or maybe it makes sense. Maybe you're my type because I'm with your cousin."

"We are nothing alike," I spit out. But I'm also reeling a bit from his choice of words. His type. Am I still his type? Not that it matters. He's with her, and no matter how much I hate Jordy, I can't cross those family lines.

I hate her even more for this.

"Why her?" I finally do ask. "You could have anyone, and you chose someone who is so self-absorbed and the biggest asshole. I mean, you've met my Aunt Lil, right? You're about to end up with a junior version of her."

He takes a deep breath, and I swear, I hear a hint of regret in his exhale. Or maybe I'm just projecting.

"She's not a bad person, Nina."

"Bullshit. She's a two-faced bitch who will stab you in the back at the first sign of weakness. I should know, I trusted her, and look where it got me." I slouch in my seat, daring a glance at the car we're following. It's getting too dark to see her, but just knowing she's there has every muscle in my body clenched with rage.

"Where did it get you?" he asks.

"Come on, I'm the big, bad black sheep of this family and not to be trusted. I mean, look at me. I stole my family's inheritance, and then I almost stole my cousin's fiancé. Obviously, everything they say about me is correct."

"Is it though?"

I can feel his eyes on me, and I turn away when the sting of tears hits my eyes. No one who knows this story has ever asked me for my side of it. Not my parents, not my aunt and uncle, and definitely not Jordy. Now that Brayden is there, asking the one question I wished any of them had asked me, I don't know how to answer.

Because of course, it's not true. But what if something I did made it happen? What if I really am to blame for being the sole heir to my grandmother's fortune?

"It doesn't matter," I mutter. "It's what they believe."

"It matters to me," he says, placing a hand on my thigh. I look down at his hand, and he must realize what he's doing because he moves it immediately. "Sorry."

I don't want him to be sorry. I want him to put it back—and that makes me the worst kind of person.

"Here's the thing, I don't think you're responsible for your grandmother's choice. I think you've been made a scapegoat because they're mad, and I think it's placed a heavy burden on you, heavier than any person should have to bear."

I scoff at this, even as his words hit home. "Yeah, poor me with my millions in my giant mansion. My family hates me, I might as well go buy an island because I can afford it now."

"And yet, you work in a coffee shop," he points out .

I bite my lip, unfamiliar with what's happening here.

"It helps me feel less lonely," I admit softly.

"Yet, most people who gain this kind of money would suddenly have tons of new friends, go on a bunch of vacations, and buy everything they set their sights on. Tell me, Nina, how many vacations have you been on since your grandmother died?"

"None," I whisper.

"And how much of that inheritance has slipped through your fingers?"

I exhale a long breath, my heart pounding wildly at these pointed questions. "As little as possible," I say with a shaky breath. "The coffee job isn't enough to make ends meet, and I have to pay the bills. But I don't feel right about it."

"Why not? It's your money."

I turn to him. "I didn't earn that money. I did no work for it, and I don't feel like I deserve it. I don't even want it. What I want is for my Nanna Dot to walk down the stairs and make me breakfast, to sing Tony Bennett in her off key voice, and to tell me that everything is going to be okay. Because you know what, Brayden? No one tells me that anymore. No one has even made me feel like everything is going to be okay since she died. When I lost my Nanna, I lost the last person who actually saw me. So no, I don't spend her money, but I also won't give it to them because she didn't want them to have it, and I don't either."

I'm breathing hard when I finish, my whole body feeling like it's going to explode with the amount of emotion filling this cab. This time when he reaches for me, taking hold of my hand, I don't let go because I need an anchor to keep me grounded. I know it's wrong. But why is it wrong? I hate Jordy. I don't care if I hurt her. In fact, I want to hurt her after every way she's twisted the knife in my back.

But I also don't. There's the part of me that doesn't want to flirt with this idea of an affair—if that's even what's happening—because I'll be the one who gets hurt in the end. But there's the other part that feels protective over my cousin, who loves her in spite of our fractured relationship. I miss what we once had, and I think about her way too much for someone who doesn't give a rat's ass about me.

Seeing her today pretty much cinched where I stand in her eyes, and where she stands in mine. The connection we once shared is completely severed. After tonight, I hope I never see her again.

"Have you ever thought about getting a roommate?" Brayden asks, cutting into my thoughts.

I look at him curiously. "That's random."

"It is, isn't it," he laughs. "I was just thinking of the other night, when I walked you home. Your house is so huge, and I can't believe you live there by yourself."

I offer a tight smile, then shrug. "I had roommate a couple months ago, my friend Maren. In fact, we used to work together, but then she got all big and successful with her music and ended up quitting her job and getting her own place. I thought about getting another roommate, but first I wanted to try out how it feels to live on my own since I never really have."

"But you're lonely."

I close my eyes and rest my forehead against the window. "I don't know," I say. "Yes, I miss having someone there to talk to after work, and sometimes being alone makes me feel nervous. But I also like that I don't have to answer to anyone about anything. I can eat what I want for dinner, keep my house any way I want, and walk around naked if I feel like it."

When I look at him, I can see a slight flush to his cheeks. I can't help wondering if he's picturing me naked right now, even as we drive behind his fiancé in my car.

"What about you? What exactly does home life look like to you? "

"Crazy," he answers. "I know you're familiar with the Salt & Sea Ranch, so you know it has lodging there. We have guests staying in the cabins from Thursday to Sunday, so we constantly have a small crowd in the main house and on the grounds. I feel like my mom is always in the kitchen, but she also cares for my dad. He's pretty self-sufficient, but the wheelchair limits him in many ways. You can imagine the strain on my mother's shoulders. I've been trying to find someone to help her, but the right person hasn't shown up yet. It's my family, you know? So whoever I hire needs to be someone who gets along with everyone, as if they're an extended part of our family."

"That makes sense," I say. "Is it just you and your parents?" When I was taking horseback riding lessons, I never had any interaction with the family who owned the ranch. It was just my instructor, and she was only renting the ring we were working in.

"I have…" He pauses a moment, long enough that I realize he's stumbling over his words. I'm about to ask him, but he shakes his head. "I have a sister. Hazel. She's seventeen, a senior in high school."

"Does she work on the ranch too?"

"When she can. But she's also on the track team and has a part time job tutoring a few freshmen, so she's not always available. She's heading to UC Davis in the fall, so I want to rely on her as little as possible." He glances at me. "No use getting used to someone who can't stay, you know?"

It's almost like the words have a double meaning, like he doesn't want to get used to me. But that's silly because we're only on a car ride that will be over in another hour. What will happen then? It shouldn't matter, but I can't help thinking how this could be my last interaction with him.

"Do you like being around so many people, with all the guests who visit the ranch?" I ask.

"Sometimes," he says. "And sometimes, like you, I wonder what it would feel like to own my own space without worrying about anyone around me. But I think it would be short lived. Besides, I'd miss the guys I work with."

"Oh really? Guys? Like single men who look like you?"

Brayden erupts into laughter. "Let's just say our horse tours aren't only popular because of the horses. We get a lot of ladies on our beach rides."

"Damn, I might need to book a tour."

His eyes narrow, and I bite my lip, knowing he's bothered that I'm even pretending to think of other men. Whatever. Maybe I should book a tour, meet a cowboy, and ride off into the sunset with some other man. Because Brayden Winters doesn't have the right to be jealous, and I don't have the right to want him to be.

The sky is dark by now, and as the conversation lulls to a close, I stare out at the stars in the sky, mirroring the lights of the towns we're passing through. As relieved as I am to have escaped the family dinner from hell, I'm dreading the loneliness of my empty house. I only touched on it with Brayden, but no one knows how clawing the darkness is, how loud the silence is, how—as much as I love living in my grandmother's home—I also feel like a prisoner, like the walls are closing in. I know I need to find someone else to take Maren's place as my roommate, but I'm also aware of how badly I've let the place go. Even after cleaning all day yesterday, there's still so much to do to make the place presentable. I guess I could hire someone. I mean, what else am I using Nanna's money on? But I can't even bring myself to allow a stranger into my home.

"I suppose I could get a roommate," I whisper, then realize I said it aloud. I peek at Brayden to see if he's listening, but he's just singing softly to the low music.

"It might not be so bad," he says after a few beats. He glances at me, giving me a knowing look.

"What?"

"Nothing," he says, then looks away quickly. So quickly, I know he's hiding something.

"Come on, out with it."

He sighs deeply, his hands running over the steering wheel. "Have you thought about asking your cousin?"

What the hell?

"No way. Are you kidding? I wouldn't let that bitch move in with me if she was on the corner, begging for change. Besides, she doesn't need a place to move into. She lives with Aunt Lil and Uncle Dan."

"Exactly," he says, glancing at me. "But hear me out. You and Jordy have a bond, I know it. She told me about you a long time ago, before your grandmother died. Not by name, but she's actually said nice things about you. Remember the magic syrup on pancakes, or the movie marathons?"

Or the lists that described the perfect man, and now he's driving me home? But I don't say that. I also can't help but soften just hearing that she told him about us. Maybe it still means something to her now.

"She actually told you about that?"

He nods. "I didn't realize the connection until just a few minutes ago though. She told me how the two of you were like sisters, even though you both drifted apart. She loved you, and I think she still loves you. I'm willing to bet you love her too. Am I right?"

"If love means I want her to rot in hell, then yeah, I love her to fucking bits."

He chuckles, then gives me a sideways glance. "Come on. You don't miss her? Not even a little?"

"If she drove my grandmother's car over a cliff right now, I'd mourn the car, but consider it a worthy sacrifice."

"Really? "

I sigh, realizing I'm being over-the-top cold right now. But when I glance at him, the amusement on his face hits a nerve.

"Why is that so hard to believe? I hate Jordy. Whatever connection we had, it's gone."

"Because you are way too affected by your cousin to actually hate her. If you didn't care, she wouldn't have hurt you so bad. If you really hated her, you'd have moved on by now."

I roll my eyes, but my breath feels shallow at the way he's targeting all my fault lines.

"Jordy hurt you," he continues.

"Yeah."

"But what if she apologized? What if she started over, away from your family, and asked you properly if she could move in with you. Would you consider it?"

I slump in my seat, mulling it over. He stays silent, and I know he's waiting for my answer. But I already know the answer, and I hate that I'm this big of a pushover.

"It would have to be a really good apology," I mutter. When he laughs, I glare at him. "I don't get you. The other night, the texts. What gives, Brayden? Are you playing Jordy? Are you playing me? Is this just one giant game?"

The smile evaporates on his face, and he shakes his head. "It's complicated," he finally says.

"It's not, though. You told me you have a girlfriend, which I guess is noble of you because you didn't pretend you were available. But she wasn't just your girlfriend, she's your fiancé. So why would you ask for my phone number? Or to go horseback riding? Or try to do anything that keeps us connected? And why, after all that, are you insisting I move your fiancé into my house? Do you enjoy stringing people along?"

He takes the exit, and we slow to a stop at the red light. Jordy's car made it through already, and we sit alone in the crimson glow .

"I'm not enjoying any of this," he says seriously. "Not one bit."

"So you don't love my cousin."

He sighs. "I didn't say that."

"What are you saying?"

The light turns green, but he doesn't move. His eyes remain on me, and I force myself not to look away. At first, I am waiting for him to answer. But then, slowly, I feel it again. That spark of electricity that flows from him to me, and back to him again. That feeling that this is so much more than what's on that paper in my purse. He's the one. Every cell in my body knows it to be true.

"Nina, I—"

The car behind us honks, and we both jump in surprise. He swears under his breath, then turns to the road, driving through the intersection.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I just wish that—" He cuts himself off, and I see the way his jaw is flexing. "If things had been different…" He pauses again, and I groan in frustration.

"Just say it, Brayden. Give me something to understand what's happening here."

"What's happening is there's the right path, and there's the path that makes us happy, and sometimes, they're not the same thing, but they could be with a bit of time. I'm saying, that if our timing had been different, it could have been us. And I know that's so unfair of me to say because there's not an us, and there never will be. So even telling you that is cruel, but I'm engaged to your cousin, and that's not going to change."

"So why are you trying to get me to move her into my house? Is it because my attraction to you isn't enough? You need to torture me too?"

He's quiet for a moment, his eyes focused on the road ahead. Then he clenches that beautiful jaw of his, his eyes narrowing .

"Fuck," he spits out, his hand hitting the wheel. "I shouldn't be asking you at all. The truth is, you shouldn't let Jordy move in, only because it's completely unfair to you. They held this dinner as a way to get you to let her move in. And honestly, Nina, your family doesn't deserve someone like you at all."

This stings, but it makes all the sense in the world. I mean, God forbid this be a happy family dinner. Everything with my family comes with strings.

And now, here's Brayden, pulling one of them.

"So why ask me at all?"

He shoots me a strained look. "Because tonight when I saw the rift between you and your family, I thought maybe this could be a way for you to find peace. I saw the hurt on your face at dinner tonight, and I saw the way you kept stealing glances at Jordy. And you know what? When you weren't looking, she was doing the same thing. So I told myself that maybe the two of you could figure out a way to come back together." He takes a deep breath then glances at me.

"And she's transferring up here for school," I fill in. "So it would make sense."

"And she's preparing for our wedding."

I don't know why the words knock the wind out of me. The wedding. Of course that's what she's doing. She's rocking that huge ass ring, so why wouldn't she want to get going on their wedding plans?

Except that neither of them seemed so keen to talk about the wedding at the dinner table.

"Now?" I ask.

"Well, after she's done with school, which will be at the end of next semester. We've been long distance our whole relationship, and she thought it might be a good idea to move closer before we get married, kind of as a trial before we make things permanent. "

I fucking hate this idea. I have no right to feel this strongly about it either. I've known Brayden for all of two days, and I'm feeling crazy possessive over him.

He's not mine.

"And why can't she move in with you?"

"Because my parents won't go for it. I still live at home, since it just makes sense, running the ranch and all. But it is my parents' home, and I have to respect their rules."

I'm so confused by what he's suggesting. My heart is aching for so many reasons, mostly because even with all he's saying, I'm considering it. For one, Jordy and I have a chance to rekindle the bond we once shared—and man, I miss what we had so much. But there's another reason that feels equally as big, and that's knowing I will never be with Brayden, no matter what. What better way to pound that nail in the coffin than by moving his fiancé into my home? Maybe if I see the two of them together more often, it will help me to move beyond this ridiculous obsession that is Brayden Winters.

We take the turn on my street, and I can feel each second like a brick against my head, counting down the final moments of our time together.

"Just forget about it," Brayden says, shaking his head. "Seriously, forget I asked."

But I can't.

We pull up to the house. Jordy is parked across the street, looking at her phone as if she doesn't care that we're here. I reach for the door handle, but then the heat of his hand reaches my shoulder just as I bite back the sob I've been holding. This is so hard, and I never realized how much it hurt. All of this. I never wanted to lose my family. Yet here I am, lonelier than I've ever felt in my life, actually contemplating allowing Jordy to move in, partly because I miss my family.

But mostly because it pretty much guarantees I have to forget anything I've ever felt for her fiancé.

"I'll think about it," I finally say.