Chapter Twenty-Four

Brayden

We cross the New Mexico border, but my heart is still in Texas with Nina. The guys have just finished grilling me about my time with her. Apparently they were all on to us, and this is some kind of coup. I can see Levi sitting next to Nina, and no amount of daggers I'm shooting his way will make him get up and move. I can just imagine what he said to her, because the rest of the guys were on me as soon as my guard was down.

Am I fucking moron?

Did I even think about how this would affect the ranch?

Did I only hire Nina because of her great ass?

Am I aware of how many corporate laws I'm breaking if she decides to press charges?

They don't understand, of course. How could they? But I should have seen this whole intervention coming, starting from the moment Jake saw us kissing that night in the bar.

Did I really think we'd get away with it? Or that they guys wouldn't say anything about it?

Of course they would. We're family, it's what we do. But in this moment, I want to kick the living shit out of all of them, starting with Jake for alerting the masses. Especially since he knows that things with Jordy aren't exactly that great.

I keep my eyes on the back of Nina's head. She has her headphones on and she's looking out the window, and I can practically feel the chill from her icy demeanor all the way back here.

I hope Levi is getting frost bite.

I pull my phone out, giving a side glance to the guys just to see if they're watching. It's stupid, really. It's not like they own me. They even said they're not telling Jordy, and what I do in my time is my own business, as long as it doesn't affect the ranch. But I'm pretty sure fucking my employee is not on their approval list. Neither is texting her, but I'm going to do that anyways.

Brayden: Are you okay?

I wait a few beats, and finally see the read receipt show under my text. But that's all. I could tell she was looking at her phone, but now her head is turned back to the window.

So what do I do but try again.

Brayden: I'm sorry about Levi. They got to me back here too. Apparently we weren't as secretive as we thought.

This time, my message stays unread.

Correction. My text turns from blue to green, meaning she's turned her phone to airplane mode, no doubt to avoid me.

But she's got to read them sometime, right? So I text her one last time .

Brayden: The only regret I have about this weekend is that it had to end. The more I think about it, the more I don't want it to end. You and me, we just make sense. Things are easy with you. Waking up to you every morning was like coming home after a long day. I would just open my eyes, and there you were in all your radiant beauty. This morning, I woke up extra early just so I could watch you sleep, and it made me realize how utterly, devastatingly, wonderfully in love with you I am. I've been a fool to think otherwise, or that I could even go back to my old life after being with you all weekend. The truth of the matter is that I want all of you always and forever, and nothing less. I'm ready to make those sacrifices. Damn the consequences, because the only thing I'm scared of is what will happen if I let you go. Nina, I'm not letting you go. Let's make this work.

I take a moment to read through the text one more time before I send it, my heart pounding the whole time. Once I press the button, there's no turning back. I'm ready, I know I am. So why am I so scared to just pull the trigger?

Fuck it. Let's do this.

I lift my finger, but then the screen changes and there's Jordy's face, beaming back at me. And damn it all to hell, my finger hits the button and answers the fucking call.

I say nothing for a beat, paralyzed in this moment where I'm literally holding two paths in my hand.

"Brayden? Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Hey." My heart is pounding, the words I need to say stuck somewhere in my throat. It's over.

"Oh, good. I thought I caught you in a tunnel or something. How was the conference? I bet you're exhausted!"

"It was good. Yeah, I'm pretty tired."

More silence as I drum up the courage to say what I need to say. But is this a phone conversation? Or do I wait for an in-person conversation? What's the proper way to break the heart of the woman who gave birth to our dead daughter?

"Well, obviously you're already napping on this conversation," she laughs. "So I'll just talk, you listen, okay?"

"Sorry, baby, it's just that—"

"I got us a venue!" she squeals, and I pull the phone away from my ringing eardrum.

"A what?" I say.

"A venue. And a date. I'm sorry I didn't confirm with you. But I told you I wouldn't bother you during the conference, and there were decisions that had to be made, and I figured you would probably go with what I wanted anyways, so I just went for it."

"What are you talking about?" My head feels like a jumbled mess, made up of Nina, breaking up, long texts, our weekend. The wedding.

"The wedding, silly," she says.

Fuck .

"I just kept looking at the invitation to Ethan and Claire's wedding on the fridge, and how it's coming up so fast. The more I looked at it, the more I wanted to start planning our own wedding. I mean, we've been engaged for five years! And I know I told you we'd start planning when you got back, but I just thought I'd get the ball rolling by booking a place. Oh Brayden, it's just so perfect."

She keeps gushing, going on about the country club it will be at, the banquet room full of plants, and the variety on their menu. But I feel like I've been punched in the gut. Because of course she's planning our wedding, we're engaged to be married. And while she's planning our life together, I'm off fucking her cousin .

What the fuck am I doing?

"I booked us a tasting for the day after tomorrow," she continues. "I know you'll still be tired from the trip, but I just thought since the wedding is in three months, we have to—"

"Three months?"

"I said that, Brayden. Aren't you listening?"

No, I'm drowning.

"Jordy, I can't—"

"It will be fine, Bray. I promise. I'll take care of everything. Even the tasting. I'll just call you if I'm not sure about anything, but I know you'll like anything I choose. You always do."

I close my eyes. She would think that. I haven't given her any reason to believe otherwise, always being so fucking agreeable without an opinion of my own.

Maybe that's been my problem the whole time. It's been easy with Nina because the decisions we've made truly felt like ours. But with Jordy, I always bowed to her whims, and it's not even fair to refer to it this way because she's never required it. But it's been this way since she lost our child. I just felt so horrible for her, it became my life's mission to make her happy. But in the process, I lost myself.

Maybe I never gave us a fair chance.

"No, I'll go with you," I say. Something deflates inside me, but I brush the feeling aside.

"Oh that's so great!" she cries, and I smile in spite of myself.

"But when I get home, we need to talk, okay?"

She doesn't answer right away, then, "You're making me nervous. Is everything okay?"

I'm not going to tell her about Nina. I can't. It would absolutely kill her. But it's time I addressed the ranch situation. She thinks we're moving away after the wedding, but I'm not leaving.

"Everything's fine," I say, because it will be. "But we're planning a future together, and I want us to be on the same page from this point on."

"Absolutely," she agrees. Then she laughs. "I am so damn excited, I can't stand it. Can you please hurry up and get home?"

I note the trail of red brake lights on the freeway in front of us. "Sure thing," I say.

"I love you, Bray."

I close my eyes, then nod my head. "You too."

When she hangs up, I start to move my phone back to my pocket, but the text I was about to send Nina faces me once again.

The only regret I have about this weekend is that it had to end.

I look ahead where she's sitting. Her head is resting against the window, and I think she might be sleeping. My whole body aches because I'm not the one she's leaning against.

It has to end.

I delete the text completely, one letter at a time, then I stash my phone in my pocket before resting my own head against the window. The guys are all already napping, no doubt making up for lost time after a wild weekend. It's not like I got much sleep either. But right now, sleep is the last thing my body wants. It wants Nina, to hold her against me, to find a way for us to be together.

But if I do that, too many people will be hurt. Too many lives ruined.

So I'll stay with Jordy—she's a good woman, and she'll be a good wife—and the only lives ruined will be mine and Nina's.